[deleted]

[aimerbijoux]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

Quote:

I guess I've had this misconception that if men find a woman attractive, they'll automatically want to date her or get to know her. So I always do anything in my power to always look really, really attractive. I am really not trying to sound cocky since I don't think I am THAT attractive myself (I'm ok at most, I think, and there are tons of girls who are so much prettier than me in the org) but I have been told by several sources that Guy A thinks I'm cute and Guy B thinks I'm hot, blah blah. But Guy A and Guy B never come up and talk to me. People tell me they say this, so why don't they go for me?

It sounds like you're really gorgeous, so my bet is that they are intimidated by you! but like other people above me said, don't go looking for love, it will come to you when you least expect it (as cheesy as that sounds, its true)

 

[Shimmer]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

The best person you can be is yourself.
Bravado is just false confidence, and it's easily seen through.
Good luck.

 

[luvsic]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

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[luvsic]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

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[BloodyWellRight]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

Poop. I have the same exact problem as you. I know I have a great personality but I just cannot feel good about my looks, no matter what I do and it's the only thing that is bringing me down. It's so hard for me to talk to people because I never know what to say. One thing I've been told is to fake confidence...I can do that kind of, I just can't flirt because I never know what to say and I feel ridiculous every time I do.

I am getting better at it though, slowly but surely. It's just so damn hard v.v I think my problem is that I create this belief of attraction towards a certain guy, then build so much on it that it's hard to let it go...

But just know that the right guy will come along when you least expect it. I'm living by that

 

[MissMochaXOXO]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

If dressing up like a sex-bomb is truely YOU, then keep doing it, but if your only doing it to attract a man, you going to attract men who aren't going to ''click'' with the real you. I say, tone the sex-bomb look a bit down and see what happens. If your wearing big, sexy hair, then go lighter on the makeup, show less cleavage and so on... Save the whole sexy package to blow ur man away on special nights! I was just like you, I had a thing about having to look like I belonged in a Playboy everyday(just clothed! lol). I'm not saying become a plain jane at all, just don't try sooo hard to be sexy!

 

[hello_my_apple]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

i used to feel like that aswell, and then i realized that i was going after guys who would never want or wasnt looking for a relationship period! so most of the time it's not you, dont rush it- things ALWAYS work themselves out. ummmm - consider this a blessing not being in a relationsip that wont last, saves you the heart ache and the time wasted. another thing, if rumors are being spread about you, maybe you should get out of the organization thats known for "drunken hookups". if a guy knows you run with that type of crowd, how could any guy see you beyond what you are worth? i think when you seperate yourself from that group - you will have better luck.

 

[FlashBang]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

Wow Luvsic Im in EXACTLY the same predicament, the advise here is good but I mean, Im almost 22 and never been in a relationship, I know theres nothing wrong with my personality (some of my male friends who have gotten to know me have hit on me) but I know I also hold back because of my insecurities.

Im not sure if your the same in that way, but I have some major insecurities that I mask but they prevent me from getting into a relationship because I know where it will eventually lead. Thats my personal experience.

Oh and yes, any girl with lots of confidence must just look like sex on legs to guys because Ive seen girls oozing with it and (not to sound mean) they look like ming trolls yet they have guys flocking around them like they were the only girl in the place!

 

[luvsic]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

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[FlashBang]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

Yeah sure feel free to pm me, when I read this thread I felt the same way I dont know anyone irl who hasnt been in a relationship at my age, or at least I dont know anyone who has openly admitted it.

Lol Ive even had to lie and pretend I have! I remember having a conversation with a friend at work about her sex life and she mentioned how her bf woke her up in the middle of the night asking for sex and then she turned and said to me 'dont you just hate it when they do that?' I was like...err yeah its annoying....

I try to steer away from those conversations though, I remember when I was 18 a few of my close friends actually took the piss out of me for not having sex, kicking up a fuss and making remarks like 'god, even Ive done it from behind, oh my god' blah blah.

 

[luvsic]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

haha I just sent you a message!!

yeah same with me! everyone I know has been in a relationship, be it for a few months or a few years. Even one of my friends who was just like me got a boyfriend and was all excited about it and I was the only one out of my friends who had never had one. Then again, I'm not going to settle just for the sake of having a boyfriend. I refuse to do that.

lol my friends tell me about their sex lives all the time..and I'm just the doofus who's asking all of the questions to them. They're like oh when you try it it's great, it's not so bad, blah blahh and I'm like yeah I wouldn't know..

I'd get annoyed if my friends said that kind of crap too...I mean thinking about it, it's not hard to have sex with somebody...as bad as it sounds, I think few guys would turn the offer down if you gave it to them, especially if they're drunk. But again I'm not going to do that, I want my first everything to be special, not perfect, but at least special.

It's just weird, I feel conflicted inside...one part of me wants to be this flirty little sex kitten but the other side of me wants to be just the girl next door. I don't really know how to be both, I always feel compulsed to dress up, put on makeup and look my best. I can't just throw on a t-shirt and jeans and feel great about myself, sadly. But it seems like guys ultimately want a girl like that, and the "playboy bunny" image is just a fantasy that gets old quick.

I guess it's about feeling comfortable in my own skin...something i've been struggling with since I was in high school...it's hard but I think I need to be able to feel good about myself when I look less than perfect, cause in the end it's the inside what matters about a girl that makes the guy stick around, not the outside!

 

[caffn8me]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

However lonely you may feel, remember that it's better to be by yourself than in a relationship with the wrong guy. You deserve better and I'm sure you'll find the right guy one day.

Good luck!

 

[vocaltest]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

don't think like that.
i was exactly like you up until a couple of years ago. i kept thinking i was wearing man repellant too. to make matters worse, all of my close friends were in very happy stable relationships. saturday nights would be like 'wanna do something tonight?' 'no WERE staying in/going out for dinner/etc'.

i know this is the most generic thing to say, but just wait. the right person will come along. i know a couple of years ago people would say that to me and i'd think 'no they won't, i'm gross blah blah', but its true. two years ago i wouldn't think i'd be an 18 month long stable and very happy relationship.

keep your chin up

the right person will come along.

 

[FlashBang]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

Hey

I know what you mean with the inner confliction type of thing and I think I know what its about cos I have the same problem.

Sometimes on a night out I just want to be fun and sexy and flirt around guys etc (usually requires a fair amount booze) but then I get all self conscious and remember that is not really me. I want to feel sexy and attractive etc but really, i want a nice guy and i want my first time to be special. I dont expect to look back on it and thing 'how magical' blah blah but i at least want to look back and think 'that was alright, i was ready'.

Im the same, I CANT make myself wear just a tshirt and jeans. If i did, id have to add a funky belt, some killer heels, a cool necklace etc. And AGAIN im the same with struggling to be comfortable in my own skin.

I always remember feeling like the ugly kid at school, i got bullied really badly, its true, kids are cruel and for 8 years i had to deal with it. I was bullied for the sake of it i guess, i was quiet and it was mostly girls and then the guys would join in and thats where the ugly feeling came from. When i got to college (USA high school) i got to wear my own clothes and do my own thing and i also matured, so i filled out etc. Thats when guys who used to call me names starting paying attention to me.

Its a slight lift when i notice guys who turned me down and called me all the names under the sun, suddenly come up to me and start hitting on me or whatever, but i quickly remind myself of everything they said and i come crashing down to earth. I cant get rid of those thoughts, i try to blot them out but i had to deal with them for so long that no matter what i tell myself or what other people say, i still believe that im the ugly kid.

 

[caffn8me]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvsic I was this close to starting a relationship with one guy who I liked a lot (and he liked me too) and then out of the blue one day he totally changed his mind cause he had "heard a rumor about me."

Do you know what the rumour was? Any idea who was spreading it? If he liked you and it put him off then it could be putting others off too.

I find I get hit on (and I'm not even looking for a partner) when I least expect it. I never make any effort to attract guys (or girls) and have been hit on hard by guys when I'm really feeling at my worst.

One night I found myself partying unexpectedly hard in Orange County. I hadn't even intended staying the night so was wearing the clothes from the day before. I'd lost count of the amount I'd drunk and by the time I climbed on board Amtrak to get me back to San Diego, I was feeling very fuzzy around the edges with quite a headache. I still got hit on by an utterly charming guy who was a healthcare professional. He was young, good looking and very pleasant and wanted to see me again.

Don't look too hard and you might find that someone finds you when you really don't expect it.

Good luck!

 

[PuterChick]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

Quote:

Originally Posted by caffn8me However lonely you may feel, remember that it's better to be by yourself than in a relationship with the wrong guy. You deserve better and I'm sure you'll find the right guy one day. Good luck!

I agree! You have lots of time and don't be in such a hurry.

 

[blessed11]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

Quote:

Originally Posted by 06290714 HUGS Honestly, don`t look. Go about your daily activities, dress how you would normally dress on a day to day basis. Don`t try to impress anybody. The more you look, you won`t find. Let Mr. Right find you..feel comfortable in your own skin. & don`t forget that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I was in a relationship with my ex for 3 years, we split & I really didn`t want another relationship for a while so I went about my normal routine & didn`t even go out! And I met a guy, we talked for a few months & got together. I kicked him to the curb a month later though, his baby`s mama was PSYCHO to the max. So after this relationship I was totally like okay no more guys no more damn relationships, it`s me time.. I promised myself I wasn`t going to get involved with anybody else for a while. Long behold, 5 months later I run into this guy I met a year or so back thru a homeboy, but we just met as friends. Anyways, we talked for a long time & than got together & we`ve been together since & are planning to get married within the next couple years. Sorry for the novel, but I`m just saying, don`t go search! Do your thing & mingle!

Great advice! Don't go looking for it; let it find you. I found love in a guy that I vaguely knew in high school when we were reintroduced randomly and we really hit it off. Been together ever since (over a year).

 

[luvsic]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

Flashbang, I'm sorry all of that happened to you. It must have been tough growing up being bullied. As bad as it sounds, if you matured in high school and all of these guys started paying attention to you, you know you can't be the "ugly kid" anymore. You probably never were, it just took some time to grow into your looks. I know I am still growing into my looks, I still have a long way to go too. I bet you are beautiful, girl, we just both need to believe it and get past these insecurities. I never got lots and lots of attention from guys to be honest, I was never bullied but I was never popular in high school, all of the guys went for the pretty white girls (I'm Asian) and I often felt totally invisible and ugly. It wasn't cause people called me ugly, they just failed to ever pay attention to me and always ignored me. When I came to college, I did get much more attention, but by then I kind of had an insatiable need for it, I think. So enough was never enough. If other girls got more attention than me, I'd get jealous. I made myself miserable, and I to this day still make myself miserable. Sad.

caffn8me I don't know who spread the rumor, he wouldn't tell me and got mad when I asked, but it was that I liked his roommates and that he was just my "toy" or I was just using him to get to them. Both were completely untrue, I was really devastated when I found out someone had been saying that about me. In the end I just think he wasn't worth it, but I am still bitter about him making me look like a fool pretty much. I wish often that he'd regret ever being so stupid, but it's torture to keep worrying about it at this point even though I still do worry and feel sad about it sometimes. I can't really find the strength to just move on since I really thought he was going to be my first boyfriend.

Thanks for your optimism. That was a really cute story you shared. I hope I can feel just as optimistic one day too

everyone else, thank you for your advice.

 

[kaliraksha]

Re: Why can't I attract a guy?

I love when people update, so thanks to you.

I also agree with some of these ladies that you should be true to your self, so that when you do attract a guy you don't have to keep up a charade when he gets closer to you. I remember my bf and I met in high school and I use to always dress up for school... I really enjoy dressing up... but as college kicked in well I got lazier and only dressed up when we went out to see friends or went on dates. He use to come over to my apartment and I would whirl around for like 10 min to look good. Now, we live together... and I never thought I would be secure enough to let him see me right when I wake up and I'm constantly in pjs and t-shirts that really don't match and possibly have paint stains on them. I'm lucky that he wasn't in it just for looks... otherwise I'd have problems living with him.

Yeah, I can see why you feel like you should have had a relationship by now... I feel that way about drinking... everyone I knew had been drunk by high school and I got drunk when I was 20. Also, sex. Eventhough I had relationships, I was a "late" bloomer there. But, remember you are this way by choice. If you wanted a boyfriend you would have had one... but it wouldn't have made you happy. I think you should switch your thoughts to "I choose to be single and I want to have fun while I'm single." You will be so happy you waited for the "right guy" for all those special memorable firsts. My relationship with my first boyfriend was just bleh... I could care less if he had ever been my boyfriend. Although, I don't regret it I do wish I had been pickier.