Depressing gender bias

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chief_red But Bianca, no one would have known this post was about you if you hadn't said anything. So the fact that everyone now knows it is about you is not Mickey's fault, or anyone's for that matter but your own.

We didn't?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eoraptor Hi Bianca. Text Removed etc etc etc... If you want to give me a chance, I'd be happy to be your friend. I've been told I'm a great listener, and I love to chat. Just contact me on an IM. Hope this helped a bit. *hugs*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bianca Hi Eoraptor, thanks for your sweet message. If you don't mind me asking, what is an IM? Internet message?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eoraptor I recently met someone online who was feeling very bad about themselves and desperately wanted friends. Text removed.... Now I'm depressed.

I think it was fairly obvious hehe...

I also don't think anyone is at fault, as nothing was really done "wrong" eigther way. Like peeps said b4, sometimes you want to talk about girl stuff with another girl. And even though you might be a feminine guy, your still a guy. It really has nothing to do with whats between your legs lol... Your just not going to understand and relate to how she's feeling on the same level.

The other thing is, which may or may not apply to this situation, is not everyone (obviously there are those who dont mind) may be comfortable with you, because your a girlie guy.

 

[giz2000]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bianca Well, the person he is talking about is me. And it's not very nice to put it up here. I explained the reason why, I wanted a girl as a friend and not a guy. I never knew he was a guy and Mickey is also a girls name. It really hurts me that it's being put up here on the board. Now everybody on here will hate me...Thanks a lot......

It's your choice whether or not you feel comfortable being friends with him...no one here should or has the right to judge you for your decision....

 

[giz2000]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eoraptor I recently met someone online who was feeling very bad about themselves and desperately wanted friends. So I offered to be their friend, and they were very happy and excited about it. I was excited too, because I don't make friends easily either, and my current friends are largely unavailable due to hospitalization, post-breakup self-imposed solitude, bipolar disorder, and other such things. Well, after a few exchanged messages, she suddenly realized I was a boy, not a girl. And just as suddenly her mood changed and she no longer wanted to be friends at all. This saddened me a lot. It's not like I was hiding my sex before - it's on all my internet profiles along with photos, and I have a guy's name. I'm still the same person who she thought was so nice before. I'm not going to start being crude, or hit on her, or whatever other manly traits she could be uncomfortable with. I try not to be manly at all. Why should it matter what's between my legs if she liked my personality to begin with? It's not like we'll ever meet in real life. *sigh* Now I'm depressed.

Sending you a giant hug....

 

[user5]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae We didn't? I think it was fairly obvious hehe...

HAHA! Well, you see for people like me who didn't read that post, it would've remained a mystery forever!!!! you know? but you know I don't want anyone to feel bad, like i said, i think we should move on.

 

[ilovexnerdsx]

some people have pre-set inflections (did i word that right?) about certain genders or age groups and etc., maybe because of something that has happened to them in their past. i know that i am hesitant about being friends with guys who are 18-20 or so, because of some stuff that has happened to me in the past. i promise you, it's nothing personal towards you. and hey, i would LOVE to be your friend

from the posts i've seen by you, you seem awesome. dont get down and dont get depressed because you're worth more than that.

 

[Bianca]

Well it wasn't obvious to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !
End of story.

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

I must agree however, That since this Involved 2 people From this message board, it should have been discussed in private. I also think maybe this post should be removed or something . Seeing as how it can be upsetting to one or more of the partys involved.Its just a cause for drama . and who needs more drama in life, right?

 

[Shimmer]

*agrees*

 

[Wattage]

I agree ^ .

While I understand you are upset, a little diplomacy would have gone a long way. Posting something about someone who is also an active member of this board is probably not the most appropriate way to address the issue. In fact, it's rather disrespectful, imo.

Gender bias exists everywhere. While I understand that you are often experimenting with your identity in both genders, it is only fair to those around you to be honest and upfront. To say gender does not and shouldn't matter is to place your personal expectations onto others, which is unfair.

I can understand her feelings in wanting a female friend. I myself am a female who often makes only male friends because I can't stand 95% of the females I meet. In turn, I have lost a lot of these male "friends" because after it became clear that I wasn't interested in them sexually, they moved on. Nice friends. While it it isn't fair to assume all men are like this, it is something women have to consider. Friendships are investments of our time - our lives. Not wanting to engage another dead-end friendship is something I think anyone can understand.

On the note of gender bias, I would encourage you to become more comfortable with the issues that surround it. I am female and while I don't want to sound cocky, I know I am attractive. I have been sexually harrassed in 90% of the jobs I have had in my life. I am oggled at, whistled at, stared at, given phone numbers, etc. all the time. Guys get pissy with me when I don't want to dance with them at the bar. Does it bother me? No. It's not my issue, it's theirs. Futhermore, I have learned to take advantage of their ignorant behaviour. It's amazing how your view can change on something when you turn it around it make it work for you.

Good luck!

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by wattage I can understand her feelings in wanting a female friend. I myself am a female who often makes only male friends because I can't stand 95% of the females I meet. In turn, I have lost a lot of these male "friends" because after it became clear that I wasn't interested in them sexually, they moved on. Nice friends. While it it isn't fair to assume all men are like this, it is something women have to consider.

Isn't this so true... Bugs me to no end when you meet someone cool who happens to be a guy. And at first everything is neutral, maybe you can hang out, whatever. They even invite you out to parties whatever. But once you turn them down when they finally try to make a move, everything changes. So annoying. Kinda makes me wonder if the guys who have girlfriends and have a few female friends are just keeping in touch with us on the chance that if their current relationship ends, they can start one up with one of their, "friends."

Quote:

On the note of gender bias, I would encourage you to become more comfortable with the issues that surround it. I am female and while I don't want to sound cocky, I know I am attractive. I have been sexually harrassed in 90% of the jobs I have had in my life. I am oggled at, whistled at, stared at, given phone numbers, etc. all the time. Guys get pissy with me when I don't want to dance with them at the bar. Does it bother me? No. It's not my issue, it's theirs. Futhermore, I have learned to take advantage of their ignorant behaviour. It's amazing how your view can change on something when you turn it around it make it work for you.

It's great for free drinks at bars though. Nothing annoys me more than a guy who try's to start up a conversation while i'm waiting in line at the bathroom in a club though. All i'm thinking about is how bad I want to pee, I really dont care about your drunk advances on me LOL[/quote]

 

[Shimmer]

Last bar I went to, I was beer bitch for my brother and his buddy (aside: I'm an outSTANDING beer bitch. Their drinks = never empty), I wore a freaking tank top, jeans, heels and didn't DO anything outstanding to my hair/face.
Holy.
Crap.
Once I put the "Don't hit on me" expression on, it pretty well ended but seriously, guys who read this, wtf at talking to chicks while they need to piss? Is it because you want a captive audience? Can't say you don't know we need to because WE'RE IN LINE FOR THE EFFING BATHROOM!!! *shakes fist*

 

[user79]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bianca Well, the person he is talking about is me. And it's not very nice to put it up here. I explained the reason why, I wanted a girl as a friend and not a guy. I never knew he was a guy and Mickey is also a girls name. It really hurts me that it's being put up here on the board. Now everybody on here will hate me...Thanks a lot......

To be honest, who would have knows who the person he is referring to is unless you had posted this? He was saying it annonymously.

 

[Shimmer]

May have been said anonymously but the intent was to shame the member of the site.

 

[Raerae]

:woot2: this thread needs more :woot2:

:woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2:
:woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2:
:woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2:
:woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2: :woot2:

 

[Bianca]

Smilies make me dizzy!

 

[Eoraptor]

Quote:

May have been said anonymously but the intent was to shame the member of the site.

My intent was emphatically NOT to shame Bianca. My intent was to share my feelings of (from my perspective) unfair treatment with this community. Some of you agreed more with me, some more with her, and some thought both of our positions have merit. And that's fine. But now that all is said and done (and my emotions aren't in as much control), I can see that it may not have been the proper thing to do (better than stating it all directly in her post though, which I was upset enough to consider at first!). And I certainly won't write a post like this again if I have emotional issues with a Specktra member in the future.

I can see what people mean about preferring friends of a certain gender. Myself, I prefer female friends. I feel more comfortable being emotional with them, and I think they understand my girliness better than guys do. But one thing no one's brought up yet is that you can't have too many friends!

It's not like there's a limited number of friend slots in anyone's life, and they don't want to waste them by putting a guy in the slot instead of a girl.

But I think this ended rather well. I know I've got several offers of friendship which I intend to follow up on, and no doubt Bianca's made some friends she can be more comfortable with. Thanks to those who supported both sides.

Hugs all around!

 

[Raerae]

I choose my number of friends based on the number of phone numbers I can store in my phone! So like if my phone is full, and yuor a cool person, i'll have to not be friends with someone else.

 

[aziajs]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eoraptor My intent was emphatically NOT to shame Bianca. My intent was to share my feelings of (from my perspective) unfair treatment with this community. Some of you agreed more with me, some more with her, and some thought both of our positions have merit. And that's fine. But now that all is said and done (and my emotions aren't in as much control), I can see that it may not have been the proper thing to do (better than stating it all directly in her post though, which I was upset enough to consider at first!). And I certainly won't write a post like this again if I have emotional issues with a Specktra member in the future. I can see what people mean about preferring friends of a certain gender. Myself, I prefer female friends. I feel more comfortable being emotional with them, and I think they understand my girliness better than guys do. But one thing no one's brought up yet is that you can't have too many friends! It's not like there's a limited number of friend slots in anyone's life, and they don't want to waste them by putting a guy in the slot instead of a girl. But I think this ended rather well. I know I've got several offers of friendship which I intend to follow up on, and no doubt Bianca's made some friends she can be more comfortable with. Thanks to those who supported both sides. Hugs all around!

Just wanted to add my two cents.

I don't think you should take it personally. As many people have said, the people someone chooses to be friends with is up to them. I understand why you are upset because I am sure it hurt your feelings but try not to let it bother you. This may be the first time you encountered a problem like this but I can guarantee that it won't be the last.

Also, I don't think you were trying to call the girl out. You were sharing your feelings and trying to get feedback. It makes it a little awkward that she is a memeber of this forum but was it truly in bad taste? Not really. If she had not announced that it was her you were talking about, most of us wouldn't have known. Although, when you replied and started giving out details about her situation that was a cheap shot.

But as you said, it's over. You were able to speak your peace and it's pretty much a rap.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aziajs it's pretty much a rap.