Desperately need advice from married ladies!(explicit)

[Blushbaby]

So he has straight porn in the bathroom ..but he's sending pics of his dick to men?? Sure he is! He prob just told you men cos he believes it's less hurtful than him ogling another womens breasts or neither regions instead!

More fool him!

I don't think treating him like a child and taking away his IPhone will help either. Next you'll be banning him from all internet access - it's just not feasible.

You both need to sit down and he needs to be 100% truthful with you. Get marriage counselling. Can you pinpoint exactly when your sex drive went downhill? You need to get the "love" vack.

I think your best best is seeking outside help for your marriage starting with a relationship/marriage counsellor.
I'm sorry you're going through this and I wish you all the best.

 

[TISH1124]

Well I asked my husband...Always good to go to the source....he said there is no way in hell he would be swapping picture of his johnson with another dude...nor would he be interested in seeing pics of another man's johnson unless it was something he was attracted to. He said if he was that lonely he would be all over the mags, all over the internet watching porn not trading dick shots He went on to say it bothers him when he catches a dude looking at his johnson when he is in the bathroom at work.

I personally do not see how lonliness makes you trade personal pictures with someone unless you are attracted to that person. If I was lonely I would be looking at men because that is what I am attracted too..I am not calling my friends saying lets trade cooter shots or boob pics

I also would question if he is really trading it with a Guy if he is straight? Maybe he thought this story would be acceptable for you.

I just find there to be a lot missing here.

 

[TISH1124]

Also...so sorry you had a shitty Anniversary...I hope you are better and have had a serious talk with him to let him know what your concerns are...and how you can can work on your sex drive and he can get out of the photgraphy business

 

[frankenkitty71]

Thanks to all of you who helped me think about what happened

I'm so lucky to be part of a community with such carring people! We talked a little last night and my husband started crying and said he needs to go to therapy because he doesn't even feel human any more. Then he said that it was only the second time he has done it and was sorry to do such a horrible thing to me. He said it's not that it was men, that's just who was on the sight at the time, and he was just looking for some kind of human connection. (I only went to get my nails done...WTF?) He swore he wasn't pursuing anyone on Facebook or at work and he hasn't been to prostitutes. I truely don't understand any of this but I support him getting therapy because he is obviously severly depressed. I told him I know that I need to participate more and I followed through with that and we went on a nice day trip today. I don't know how long it will take for me to be physical though because I'm so mad and hurt and I'm kinda grossed out by seeing him do that. And when he told me what he was up to with the phone he showed me a pic of this huge dong as if it would make me feel better that it wasn't women. Totally gross. He has always been super honest so I can only believe him when he says he is sorry. And I will support his therapy. I just hope our marriage remains once his self discovery is over. Whatever. Why not get a hobby? Why pics of dicks? Asshole....Seriously thank you to all who kept me from totally freaking out!!

Best Wishes

 

[moopoint]

I'm so happy to hear that things seem to be looking brighter. I haven't posted till now cos I was at a loss for words. I was unable to give sound advice. See where this takes you, hopefully the 2 of you come out stronger after tackling this hurdle. This giant hurdle.
Take things slow, make sure your heart is safe from unnecessary bruising. I'll be thinking of you. Best of luck.

 

[abbyquack]

Glad to hear you talked openly about it w/ him. That's a good start. Now it's time for BOTH of you to go to therapy, if you haven't done so already. Not to justify what he's done by any means, but it sounds like it's both of you that needs counseling. My husband and I have been going to counseling for a month now and it is AMAZING. Our relationship is 10x better thanks to it. And like leeny beeny said, just get out there and have sex. You don't have to be a freak in the sheets, just show him some love, whether you feel like it or not, and that will do wonders for your relationship too. Best wishes dear!!

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by frankenkitty71 Thanks to all of you who helped me think about what happened I'm so lucky to be part of a community with such carring people! We talked a little last night and my husband started crying and said he needs to go to therapy because he doesn't even feel human any more. Then he said that it was only the second time he has done it and was sorry to do such a horrible thing to me. He said it's not that it was men, that's just who was on the sight at the time, and he was just looking for some kind of human connection. (I only went to get my nails done...WTF?) He swore he wasn't pursuing anyone on Facebook or at work and he hasn't been to prostitutes. I truely don't understand any of this but I support him getting therapy because he is obviously severly depressed. I told him I know that I need to participate more and I followed through with that and we went on a nice day trip today. I don't know how long it will take for me to be physical though because I'm so mad and hurt and I'm kinda grossed out by seeing him do that. And when he told me what he was up to with the phone he showed me a pic of this huge dong as if it would make me feel better that it wasn't women. Totally gross. He has always been super honest so I can only believe him when he says he is sorry. And I will support his therapy. I just hope our marriage remains once his self discovery is over. Whatever. Why not get a hobby? Why pics of dicks? Asshole....Seriously thank you to all who kept me from totally freaking out!! Best Wishes

What a great start.....Just follow thru with the therapy....and i know you said you will support his therapy...But I think maybe you both need a little therapy in order to give each other what you both need from the marriage....In a marriage therapy is a joint venture...so take part in it so that you both can fix whats broken with your relationship, physically and emotionally.
Good Luck sweetie and keep us posted!!

Abbyquack....My husband always uses that line...he wants a freak in between the sheets and a lady when in the streets!! I give him both occasionally..when I don't have a headache LOL

 

[Mabelle]

I agree. Even if your not feeling up to a romp, do it for your man. Pretend to be into it. Men tend to express love in that physical sense. Thats how they give it, and for them, i think thats how they best recieve it. Women however, well, we need to be hugged and held and told (you can see we're far more complex). If you but on your best sexy face and hop in bed with him a bit more, a. i bet he'll perk up a bit. b. he will be a lot more attentive towards you c. you might even start to feel better.
Remeber, when you intimate it tends to release all kinds of happy hormones. It can't hurt.

I agree that the day trips are a great idea. Even better idea is to seek counsouling as someone suggested.

 

[frankenkitty71]

Quote:

Originally Posted by moopoint I'm so happy to hear that things seem to be looking brighter. I haven't posted till now cos I was at a loss for words. I was unable to give sound advice. See where this takes you, hopefully the 2 of you come out stronger after tackling this hurdle. This giant hurdle. Take things slow, make sure your heart is safe from unnecessary bruising. I'll be thinking of you. Best of luck.

Thank you so much for thinking of me

And thank you for saying it is a giant hurdle. That totally validates my feelings and I really needed that. I was second guessing my reactions and starting to think I was wrong for being mad. Well, it IS A BIG DEAL! We are getting along superficially but I'm really interested in how he deals with tomorrow when the therapist's office re-opens. If he doesn't make an apt. I'm gonna freak. Here's hoping! Thank you again for caring

Best Wishes!!!

 

[frankenkitty71]

Thank you ladies for such great advice

I wasn't going to go to therapy but it is pretty unanimous that I need it so...here I go

I'm sooo not looking forward to facing my personal defects

Or fixing them

Please say a prayer for strength for me! Thank you all for helping me! I'm very lucky to be in your company

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

I hope things are getting better. Update us when u get a chance. Good luck hun! *hugs*

 

[n_c]

We are all cheering for you, keep us posted

 

[frankenkitty71]

Thank you for checking back with me

Things have settled down a bit. My husband is going to therapy once a week and was diagnosed with clinical depression. No surprises there. I finally told my mom what happened because she could tell I was upset and she reminded me what I said about him a while back... His mom passed about a year and a half ago and he never showed any emotion over it and I told my mom that he didn't grieve properly. I told her he was going to implode someday when it hit him. I guess I was right. Anyway, we are getting along better and he seems more present-not always on Facebook or trading pics on the phone. I asked him to remove the program and he did and he said he was sorry he did such a horrible thing to me. I guess we are both working through our feelings and intend to stay together. In the end I think we will have a better relationship after all is said and done. Here's hoping!!!! Thank you very much for checking in on me

 

[leenybeeny]

I'm glad things are getting better and that he is seeing someone .. maybe you can go together once a month? Going to therapy is a huge step. Good for you guys!

 

[notuptoyou]

I'm glad things are going well for you! I think the best way to power on through is just be open with one another!

I know this may sound a bit weird but maybe the pictures stem from a need for an ego boost? You know what some guys are like. He sounds very insecure sexually (that it would probably come from you not wanting to do anything - please don't take offense!)

Either way I hope you continue to work hard at your relationship as long as it makes you happy <3 xx