Did I make a mistake?

[shootout]

First, let me begin with a brief background of my relationship. My boyfriend and I go to different schools, hours apart. We see each other about twice a month. He has broken up with me three times, and attempted to find someone new almost immediately. The first two times only lasted a couple of days. Right before New Years he broke up with me again. We stayed apart for 3 weeks before getting back together. This was 2 weeks ago.

On Saturday, while waiting for the elevator in the lobby of my building, an extremely attractive man asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I wanted to go out sometime. Like the faithful girlfriend that I am, I said I did have a boyfriend, and he and I both went our separate ways. Since that very moment, my relationship has turned upside down. For example, my boyfriend was supposed to come over to my apartment that same night at 11. At 10:30, he sends me a text to tell me he is visiting relatives…12 hours away. Sunday night, he calls me to apologize, and basically sweet talks me into forgiving him, just like always. Of course I can’t stay mad at him when he says stuff like that. Last night, I attempt to call him, text him, Hell I even sent him a message on MySpace. Nothing. I get a message back this morning saying he had too much homework and he didn’t really have time to talk. I completely forgive him, that’s totally understandable. He tells me he doesn’t have much to do tonight, we’ll definitely talk. Same thing happens tonight. Even if he is being completely honest about having too much work (which I’m not denying), there’s a definite possibility he just doesn’t have time for me. I’m sure the distance is probably putting a huge strain on us as well. I’m beginning to think that maybe we shouldn’t be together.

The extremely attractive man, that I would love to go out with sometime? I don’t have his name, all I know is he lives in my building (couldn’t be a visitor, as the elevators are protected by security). I’ve never seen him before Saturday, and haven’t seen him since.

Did I make a mistake? Should I have accepted his offer? I would definitely feel like I was cheating, but at the same time, I’m certain my current relationship is about to end at anytime. Is it wrong to go out with someone before fully ending your current relationship?

And if anyone feels that I should go out with this guy, how the hell do I find him again?

Wow, this is extremely long. Thanks in advance to anyone who actually read it all. I’m sure I rambled and did not make complete sense, but I’m completely confused right now. I don’t even know where to start.

 

[purrtykitty]

Hmm, seems like your bf like to be in a relationship only when it's convenient for him. If he's always busy and you never see each other, then it seems to me that it's not much of a relationship. I think you should just follow your heart and end it with your bf. Perhaps he's even been trying to give you an out by making himself unavailable to you, hoping that you'll get tired of it and end it.

Don't worry about finding attractive-elevator-man, he will surface, and when he does, you can ask him out!

 

[lara]

Your boyfriend sounds like a douchebag. Ditch him.

As for Hot Elevator Man, that's easy. Don't look for him. The less you actively seek him, the better the chance of fate rolling his appearance.

 

[pdtb050606]

^^ Yep, that's what I say, but it is fun to think about running into hot elevator man again, let us know how everything turns out

 

[shootout]

Quote:

Originally Posted by purrtykitty Hmm, seems like your bf like to be in a relationship only when it's convenient for him. If he's always busy and you never see each other, then it seems to me that it's not much of a relationship. I think you should just follow your heart and end it with your bf. Perhaps he's even been trying to give you an out by making himself unavailable to you, hoping that you'll get tired of it and end it. Don't worry about finding attractive-elevator-man, he will surface, and when he does, you can ask him out!

Thank you so much.
I'm definitely feeling more certain about what I want to do.
Thanks for your help, and I hope you're right about attractive-elevator-man. =]

 

[shootout]

Thanks lara and pdtb050606! That sounds like a good plan.

 

[Kiyishima]

Well, it could be the distance, I mean, I'm in a long distance relationship, and being apart, and arguing and not finding as much time for each other, its such a strain, and sometimes we fight and i wonder whats the point, because sometimes i feel like hes only there when he thinks its convinient. But if I were you I would take a step back and think. Are you just overreacting? Cause one night of not talking isn't the end of the world, theres always the next night, and much more to talk about. Sometimes i get in your frame of mind, but when I see the boy, i remember why i'm going through all of it.

 

[shootout]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiyishima Well, it could be the distance, I mean, I'm in a long distance relationship, and being apart, and arguing and not finding as much time for each other, its such a strain, and sometimes we fight and i wonder whats the point, because sometimes i feel like hes only there when he thinks its convinient. But if I were you I would take a step back and think. Are you just overreacting? Cause one night of not talking isn't the end of the world, theres always the next night, and much more to talk about. Sometimes i get in your frame of mind, but when I see the boy, i remember why i'm going through all of it.

And that's exactly why I feel bad about it. I mean based on our history, I'm really not overreacting, but at the same time, I understand that he's busy. And when we are together, everything seems right. It's just the time that we're apart, the majority of the time, it always seems like we're on the edge of breaking up or something.

Edited to add: And it's not just the one night of not talking, that happens a lot. It's the excuses that I'm tired of, and maybe not fully believing.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Wow, your situation is very similar to the "relationshit" with me and this one guy.

I mean things do come up in everyday life and may take up a lot of our time and that's normal. But it sounds like this whole excuse thing is becoming a habit with your bf. Now in my honest opinion, I'd say leave this EXCUSE of a relationship with him. But before you do something like that make sure you do talk to him first and if no change then def leave him. Your not obviously not getting what you want or need in this relationship.

If you don't bump into that attractive guy again, don't worry! Someone else will come into your life. Can't rush things or go out searching though lol.

 

[M.A.C. head.]

IMO you should end things with your current b/f. He's a waste of your time, to be completely honest.

I agree with not looking for elevator dude. When we go looking for things is when we can't find them ANYWHERE! Just live, be happy, and I'm sure he'll pop up out of nowhere and sweep you off your feet

 

[Kiyishima]

Quote:

Originally Posted by shootout And that's exactly why I feel bad about it. I mean based on our history, I'm really not overreacting, but at the same time, I understand that he's busy. And when we are together, everything seems right. It's just the time that we're apart, the majority of the time, it always seems like we're on the edge of breaking up or something. Edited to add: And it's not just the one night of not talking, that happens a lot. It's the excuses that I'm tired of, and maybe not fully believing.

I see what your saying. I guess you really should just sit and thing about letting it go. Sometimes its hard to just break off something you want, but a relationship takes two, not one. I would just warn him, and let him know on your plans to leave. If he begs and offers to change, i say stick with it a bit longer, but if no change happens, or if it he just lets it go, GO PARTY, lmfao. Just remember these are all our opinions, and don't let what we say ruin a relationship that might be saved. Good luck <3

 

[shootout]

Thanks so much everyone!
I definitely plan on talking to him about it first, but at the same time, he has completely, without warning, told me he doesn't think it's working, and within hours I've had friends tell me he's looking for someone else. But I do love him, as a bf and as a friend, so I will talk to him about it.

 

[mintcollective1]

he is treating you as a convience. sounds like youre making excuses for him. and by making these excuses, you enable him to mistreat you. which is what he is doing.

 

[shootout]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mintcollective1 he is treating you as a convience. sounds like youre making excuses for him. and by making these excuses, you enable him to mistreat you. which is what he is doing.

I never really thought of it this way. I guess maybe I am, but I can understand how he could be busy. He's in school and he works, so I have no problem believing he doesn't have time for me. But maybe I am just making excuses for him.

 

[ginger9]

No you didn't make a mistake. Clearly you have issues to work out with your bf. You just said you loved him as a bf and as a friend. Even if you had said Yes to that stranger, I don't see it working out since you haven't resolved anything with your current bf.

Sort things out first before you think about moving on, otherwise it's just going to get messy. Good luck!

 

[MissResha]

he's a huge waste of time! life is too damn short to be unhappy with some jerk.

 

[Lauren1981]

first i will say just keep your eyes open for the hottie. if he lives in your building then you have nothing to worry about. just relax to the fact that you know he lives somewhere close to you and you'll eventually see him again. it could turn out to just be a fun date and he might only end up being a friend or it could definitely lead to something but hey, flirting and having that flutter is always fun whether it leads to something or not

second, your boyfriend isn't really acting like a boyfriend so maybe since YOU feel you guys shouldn't be together then you should make that move to separate. he could be lying or he could be telling the truth but the fact of the matter is that he is not acting like a boyfriend towards you right now. personally?? he sounds full of shit. the excuses are lame whether they're true or all lies. he needs to step up to the plate and say something but if you feel you don't want to be with him then how about you just say something and get it over with because right now this boy is wasting your freaking time. nobody has time for that shit. it's childish and he seriously needs to grow some balls. and i don't want to flat out say he's lying but if you are his girlfriend then you will be treated like one regardless of the fact that you guys are at different schools, ya know? AND he's broken up with you three times and recently tried to get with another broad?? he's a bullshitter and a huge waste of your time.
basically, whether he's telling the truth or not i think it's time to kick his ass to the curb.
just my opinion and i hope it helped

 

[shootout]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lauren1981 first i will say just keep your eyes open for the hottie. if he lives in your building then you have nothing to worry about. just relax to the fact that you know he lives somewhere close to you and you'll eventually see him again. it could turn out to just be a fun date and he might only end up being a friend or it could definitely lead to something but hey, flirting and having that flutter is always fun whether it leads to something or not second, your boyfriend isn't really acting like a boyfriend so maybe since YOU feel you guys shouldn't be together then you should make that move to separate. he could be lying or he could be telling the truth but the fact of the matter is that he is not acting like a boyfriend towards you right now. personally?? he sounds full of shit. the excuses are lame whether they're true or all lies. he needs to step up to the plate and say something but if you feel you don't want to be with him then how about you just say something and get it over with because right now this boy is wasting your freaking time. nobody has time for that shit. it's childish and he seriously needs to grow some balls. and i don't want to flat out say he's lying but if you are his girlfriend then you will be treated like one regardless of the fact that you guys are at different schools, ya know? AND he's broken up with you three times and recently tried to get with another broad?? he's a bullshitter and a huge waste of your time. basically, whether he's telling the truth or not i think it's time to kick his ass to the curb. just my opinion and i hope it helped

Thank you so much. I'm definitely more confident about the whole situation now. And you're right, even if he is telling the truth, he isn't treating me like I'm his girlfriend at all. Thank you, that helped a lot.

 

[melozburngr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lara Your boyfriend sounds like a douchebag. Ditch him. As for Hot Elevator Man, that's easy. Don't look for him. The less you actively seek him, the better the chance of fate rolling his appearance.

Oh!! and when you do ride the elevator, make sure you are wearing your most unflattering outfit, and make sure that you look like a hot mess- murphy's law says he'll step on that elevator. lol

 

[shootout]

Quote:

Originally Posted by melozburngr Oh!! and when you do ride the elevator, make sure you are wearing your most unflattering outfit, and make sure that you look like a hot mess- murphy's law says he'll step on that elevator. lol

Haha you're absolutely right! =]