Do Looks Matter?

[kabuki_KILLER]

Great responses, ladies. Feel free to discuss stuff. I also totally agree that in a relationship, personality really matters a lot more than some stubble or subtle weight gain. When you get to the point that you should be supporting each other, complaining rather than helping, isn't the way to go.

I also am glad that I'm not the only girl that will admit it's hard for me to get in a relationship, no matter how casual, with a guy that she's not physically attracted to at all, or has no chemistry. In any adult relationship, he's going to except some action later on and that's just not going to happen if I'm not interested at all. I'm very picky and only very few guys would fit my attraction profile, but then again, we only need a few every lifetime.

 

[Boasorte]

Looks matter to me. Not so much, though. I'm going to be a total cliche and say personality is key.
But if I'm not physically attracted to the guy, then I would have to wait a while to see how I feel, if that makes sense.

When a guy who'd I'd never even think about dating approaches me, I tell them to buzz off, mostly because it's usually the hoodlum type of guys who hang on the street corners.

Also, what I find attractive most people don't find attractive, anyway, so whatevs.

 

[xsnowwhite]

Looks definitely matter, but good looks can be a good/bad thing in my opinion. For example, would much rather date an average looking guy than an incredibly good looking guy because I find that intimidating (sounds stupid but its true for me ha) But you notice looks first, which I think is what originally makes you interested in someone anyways. Personality can definitely change exactly what you think of them after wards but the initial interest is from appearance.

 

[dietcokeg]

looks do matter, if oyur not attracted to your partner it will cause alot of problems espically regarding intimacy. looks arent no1 on my list but its pretty damn important!

 

[RedRibbon]

I have known Mr RR for 10 years and when I first met him, I couldn't see why the girls at school were going crazy over him, he certainly wasn't good looking in my eyes.

Now he's the most handsomest (a real word, I'll have you know) man I have ever seen. When I look back on pics of us from the early days, I see that he was goodlooking, I don't know why it never clocked back then.

I'll say that looks are important, I couldn't imagine myself going to bed with someone I didn't find physically attractive.

They're important but they're not the be all and end all, if he was handsome but had the personality of a dickhead, it would be a big fat

 

[Meisje]

When do looks matter and not matter to you? How so?

Looks are never my primary reason for being attracted to someone. I'm not a person whose desire is greatly linked to physical characteristics; I know I'm a little conservative when it comes to a direct links between looks and my loins and that it's normal for people to get lusty over someone's appearance, but I don't usually work that way. Don't know why and don't really care, since I don't feel a need to try to change what works for me.

Also, if someone is considered very good looking but is a horrible person, I cannot really see their beauty. If someone is considered less than perfect looking but is an incredible person, they are beautiful to me. My perception of beauty is very colored by my esteem for the person.



How do you deal with people that you'd never date coming on to you...and refusing to back down?

I am not sure how this question fits into the other two, but if you tell someone you're not interested and they won't back down, they're treading a legal line. If firmly telling the person you're not interested isn't working, you need to cut off contact. If that doesn't work, the person is harassing you.


Why do you (or do you not) feel looks matter?

I know they matter in our society, and it's great to groom and primp so that you feel confident and happy with your appearance --- but in a long-term loving relationship, they should not be a giant priority. Otherwise, your attachment is rather superficial, and if something should happen to you (losing a limb, being in an accident that leaves you with significant scars, loss of a breast due to disease) your relationship wouldn't survive. You should be in love with the essence of the person (their intelligence, kindness, wit, values, personality, etc), not their ass.

If you find yourself in a relationship where the person's hair and clothes and likes and dislikes aren't good enough for you, you should leave them instead of trying to force them into fitting your particular narrow aesthetic mold.

 

[bubbleheart]

I was actually just thinking about this myself. I feel that looks matter to me a bit more than they seem to matter to a lot of other people. The way I see it, a romantic relationship involves a physical aspect to it and as such there needs to be physical attraction between the couple for it to work. Im not saying personality isnt important because looks without personality/commonality doesnt work either - there needs to be both. I think a good number people who underrate the importance of looks and attraction probably end up feeling unfulfilled in their relationships because something is going to be missing - unless you are both okay with a non-physical long term relationship.

Personally, I could date the nicest, most charming guy but if his looks arent hot to me - I wouldnt be able to force myself to proceed when it comes to the inevitable physical components. I know some girls might be able to compromise on the looks department but I cant do it - I dont think its fair to me or the guy to fake it and pretend I like him touching me when Im kinda just counting till its over inside.

If guys who Im not attracted to hit on me? Im used to it - more rare would be guys I AM attracted to approaching me. Im nice - offer friendliness/friendship (depending on how well I know the guy) but make it clear that Im not interested in more. Unless he's also creepy, in which case I just remove myself from the situation asap.

 

[hotti82]

being totally honest, looks matter to men and women at a certain age. if they didn't, none of us would bother putting makeup on everyday, smelling good and getting dressed up to go out. some of us work out and follow very strict eating to look good (not myself personally, love cooking too much and don't like the gym, lol) but at the end of the day, all that can be for not if you're not comfortable in your own skin. as we get older our looks fade and if you're lucky enough to be with someone who loves you when you're seventy and wrinkled all up, good on you. as someone passing out of my twenties and into my thirties i can say without a doubt that what i found attractive at 21 does little to nothing for me now. physical things are fleeting and if you want a lasting relationship that means something, it really does have to be based on more than looks. finding a hot boy is all fun and dandy until you realize that there's just not that much going on in that pretty little head of his (not to say all hot boys are lacking in brains, i just haven't met that many personally lol) and as for us ladies, take a look at your parents and their friends. the ones who are retired and have been together for years. i can guarantee that they're not still together because of her great ass or his abs at that age. they're together because they're a good fit for each other, looks aside.

so, bottom line according to me...: don't worry so much about looks, his or yours, all we can hope for is to find someone who works with us for the long term...when i'm 75 i want to be with someone who makes me laugh and makes me feel good. for now, do what works for you: get dressed up, put makeup on, spray some perfume and just enjoy your looks as they are now...in 30 years you'll wish you looked EXACTLY like you do now

xoxo

 

[naturallyfab]

When do looks matter and not matter to you?
How so?
How do you deal with people that you'd never date coming on to you...and refusing to back down?
Why do you (or do you not) feel looks matter?


I wouldn't say that looks completely matter, but they are definitely a nice bonus!!! For example, if a guy weren't as tall as someone I usually date, I wouldn't completely disregard him. Or if he didn't have blue eyes (which I usually like), I would still give him a shot. I don't date guys I don't know pretty well before hand. period. I've had too many mishaps that had I just known them a little better, I would have been able to make a better decision dating-wise. If a random guy won't back down, I'm not afraid to tell a guy to back off (or if I'm on the dance floor, use a strategically placed elbow). I don't think looks should be the deciding factor on a relationship, but I do think they are a contributing factor.

 

[wittynickname]

You could say it's important, at first.

If someone is hideous and repulsive, you'd just walk away. If said person were even worse, you'd RUN away.

But, after you know a person for a period of time, the importance of his/her looks fades. If you are in a long-term relationship and emphasize the importance of the significant other's looks, you could be tempted to look elsewhere as his/her looks inevitably fade. Thus I think the continued emphasis on looks may motivate infidelity later on in the relationship.

 

[wittynickname]

Oh wait, now I remember.

Dorian Gray. Now that guy was hot, and he never aged. Unfortunately he was also a real slimeball. Because he was so pretty, he could essentially get away with murder. If I could only get a picture like his picture.

So I'm delving into the realm of Victorian novels. But there's some nugget of truth in it.

In real life, there are lots of pretty people with questionable intellects/personalities who become success stories. It's readily apparent in politicians, actors, and various salespeople. They ride their looks for as long as possible. Sadly, there are also many shallow folks who see a pretty person, and overlook said person's lack of everything else.