ashley8119
Well-known member
Okay, so I've been on here seeking advice a few times about being involved with a guy who was 10 months clean of a cocaine/crack/heroin addiction (5 months when the relationship started-not the wisest thing to do, I know). He relapsed shortly after 10 months, and I have spent the past 5 months watching him completely change from the nice, caring gentle person I knew to this monster who goes to these parties where people cut themselves and get their blood all over everybody else and some of them take blood with a syringe and then squirt it into a crowd of people. The guy I knew would never do that. He gets crazy high at these parties and beats random people up. That is so unlike him, it's scary. Even his best friend (who is my friend) said that she doesn't know why he's doing these things, they're so unlike him.
I heard from him recently and he asked how I was doing. He told me that he still had feelings for me, and he knows that he lost something good...but he has to do the drugs "for now" because he's depressed and doesn't see any better way to cope with the problems. I asked him why he wouldn't let me take him to a rehab, and he said that he wasn't going to put his "fucked up burdens on the back of someone who truly does deserve somebody so much better than a high school dropout crackhead". <- his words, not mine.
When he was clean, he always told me how lucky he was and how he would never find better and that he knew I could get better than him. The last time I talked to him, he said that *I* make him feel bad because he knows how badly he hurt me and he knows he shouldn't do what he's doing. When I told him that it wasn't *me* that is making him feel bad, but rather he feels bad because he knows it's the truth, he got all pissy with me and abruptly ended the conversation. He's been into the blame game a lot lately too. Basically taking on the typical addict persona.
Well lately, he has been writing these cryptic poems about his friend who passed last March (when he was clean). He talks about missing her and loving her and wanting her to come back and "rid him of all the ugliness". He never confessed a feeling of being in love with her in the poem, but he is suddenly obsessed with his deceased friend.
Back when he was still clean, he occasionally would mention her whenever we talked about our deceased friends (we both have lost some friends tragically) and he said that she was a good person, and that she made him happy and they dated for awhile when they were 12, but they were "too young to know anything real" and he couldn't trust her. He never once said anything about having feelings for her since, and he hasn't really said anything about having feelings for her now since he's using again...except this sudden obsession with her and talking about great she was and how he misses her and wants to be where she is. All he talks about now is suicide because life is "too much" to handle.
So do you think that maybe he had feelings for her when we were together but never talked about them, or do you think he is obsessed with her now because she is dead and he's using her as a 'safe' option because he can't hurt her or disappoint her or make him feel bad for what he is doing (because she was an addict too)?
I've asked some people about this, and most of them say that they think he's viewing her as a symbol of peace and serenity because she is dead and he can't let her down or disappoint her in the way he disappointed me.
What do you think?
I heard from him recently and he asked how I was doing. He told me that he still had feelings for me, and he knows that he lost something good...but he has to do the drugs "for now" because he's depressed and doesn't see any better way to cope with the problems. I asked him why he wouldn't let me take him to a rehab, and he said that he wasn't going to put his "fucked up burdens on the back of someone who truly does deserve somebody so much better than a high school dropout crackhead". <- his words, not mine.
When he was clean, he always told me how lucky he was and how he would never find better and that he knew I could get better than him. The last time I talked to him, he said that *I* make him feel bad because he knows how badly he hurt me and he knows he shouldn't do what he's doing. When I told him that it wasn't *me* that is making him feel bad, but rather he feels bad because he knows it's the truth, he got all pissy with me and abruptly ended the conversation. He's been into the blame game a lot lately too. Basically taking on the typical addict persona.
Well lately, he has been writing these cryptic poems about his friend who passed last March (when he was clean). He talks about missing her and loving her and wanting her to come back and "rid him of all the ugliness". He never confessed a feeling of being in love with her in the poem, but he is suddenly obsessed with his deceased friend.
Back when he was still clean, he occasionally would mention her whenever we talked about our deceased friends (we both have lost some friends tragically) and he said that she was a good person, and that she made him happy and they dated for awhile when they were 12, but they were "too young to know anything real" and he couldn't trust her. He never once said anything about having feelings for her since, and he hasn't really said anything about having feelings for her now since he's using again...except this sudden obsession with her and talking about great she was and how he misses her and wants to be where she is. All he talks about now is suicide because life is "too much" to handle.
So do you think that maybe he had feelings for her when we were together but never talked about them, or do you think he is obsessed with her now because she is dead and he's using her as a 'safe' option because he can't hurt her or disappoint her or make him feel bad for what he is doing (because she was an addict too)?
I've asked some people about this, and most of them say that they think he's viewing her as a symbol of peace and serenity because she is dead and he can't let her down or disappoint her in the way he disappointed me.
What do you think?
