Doing it and doing it and doing it well... (opinions? experiences?)

[Chikky]

Ok, I have NO idea why that song came into my head, but it did.

Here's my issue:

I love my guy. Really, I do (though he drives me crazy sometimes, but don't they all?).

We started having intercourse in October, and while I want to do it with him... I just don't know how I feel about it. Like, I can't orgasm from intercourse, I have to... help myself along. And then I feel like either he feels bad because I can't, or I take too long.

So, how long is the average time do you think? Sometimes I feel like he is... I don't know, it's hard to explain. Like I'm not good, or something. I don't have any experience; he's my first. And I'm definitely not his first (there's a bit of an age gap) so I wonder how I rank. I wish I were better at this... More mindblowing or something, hehe.

Just dont know if it's because we've been 'us' for so long that alot of the 'hands all over each other' waits for a WEEK or more before happening sometimes, or I'm ruining it because I'm bad at the sex.

Any comments?

And PS - Cosmo just makes you feel worse about yourself, and yet I continue to read it...

 

[leenybeeny]

A lot of women just don't orgasm through penetration.. plus it takes women an average of 20 minutes, which is a heck of a lot longer than it takes men. So just do whatever works for you!

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Most women take way more time than men to *get there* and plus, like the other poster said, a lot of women cant orgasm from just regular intercourse. Me being one of them. We've just started trying new things, and as long as u relax and dont worry too much, itll be easier for u to orgasm. if you're so worried about what he thinks and if ur good enough and if ur worried about orgasming, itll never happen. Just go with the flow...Im sure he enjoys sex with you. And if it'd make u feel more comfortable, sit down with him and have him reassure u that there are no problems on his end.

Sometimes my bf goes for like 5-10 minutes. There noooo way Im getting there in that amount of time. Ill probably never orgasm from plain sex. But I blame that on me lol

Cosmo can make someone feel bad...like I find some of their stuff helpful, because they realize that not everyone can orgasm from sex...but a lot of the times Ill try what they suggest and it doesnt work

 

[Blushbaby]

Stop taking what you read in a mag as gospel!

 

[kimmy]

if he's had women before you, he should know how we work; it always takes a little more time and work for a woman to orgasm.

i don't know the intimate details of what the two of you are doing, but you might discuss introducing new positions or even toys to the bedroom.

sometimes different positions can help you get where you want to be, not to mention it makes it a hell of alot more fun.

sex is all about confidence and communication, in my opinion. the more you two communicate your likes and dislikes about what's happening in bed, and the more confident you feel in your abilities, the better the sex will be. when you're really on the same page with the person and you both feel that you're pleasing each other, it can be mindblowing.

 

[Chikky]

Heh, I take nothing in magazines as gospel, thank goodness. My comment only meant that it would be nice to be as satisfied as they make it look!

We've done the 'toy' thing; actually before we started the sex and were just fooling around, mostly.

I just don't know if it's me? Maybe I need to let go more. I was totally able to let go almost completely before the big 'S' and now I worry. I mean, I love him and I want to be good for him.

I also am unsure if my medical problems and medicines are messing with that particular function. Now that I think of it, I'm about certain that they are.

I just want to blow his mind and not make it seem like... just a 'meh' thing that I want to do while he wants to sleep, heh.

 

[Insalubrity]

The majority of women cannot have an orgasm from intercourse alone. As mentioned before, communication is key to having a satisfying sex life. If he doesn't tell you what he likes, you might want to start by trying to talk to him about that. Also, never compare yourself to his past lovers or to what a magazine says you should be (especially cosmo. Sorry girls, but that magazine is absolute trash.) - you'll set unrealistic expectations for yourself and become even more self-conscious, which can kill the mood.

 

[kaliraksha]

I find that what most guys think is mindblowing sex is a girl with confidence, lets her guy know vocally when she's thoroughly enjoying it, is playful and willing to try new things in bed. I don't think it has as much to do with a "skill" level as it does with an attitude.

 

[LMD84]

i've only once climaxed through intercourse and it took quite a while! generally most of my freinds and me climax through clit stimulation but even then it can only take 2 minutes up to 30 minutes depending on mood and stuff!

so yes try and relax and let go more and stop thinking about climaxing and start enjoying the feelings throughout! and i've found that cosmo does indeed have some good tips but then also some bloody stupid ones so try not to worry over that!! i must say though that i think the uk cosmo is far dirtier than the usa version!!!

 

[FullWroth]

Like some others have said, you're actually the normal one. Only about 20% of women can orgasm through penetration alone. The vast majority of us need some kind of clitoral stimulation to orgasm.

First things first, don't worry so much about orgasming or his opinion of your orgasms. Think sexy thoughts, whatever turns you on, and just enjoy yourself. Don't make orgasm the goal, because if you have a GOAL during sex, you're turning it into a chore. Enjoy the sex for what it is, and if you get an orgasm, cool; if not, at least you had fun trying.

Secondly, try missionary position at slightly different angles until you find the one that works. If he does it right, you can get to the point where every time he thrusts down, his pelvic bone is hitting your clit area, so you're getting both the penetration and clitoral stimulation. But no position will work for you if you're too busy analyzing the sex as it's happening and worrying about your performance, so most of all, RELAX.

Cosmo and all those other women's magazines are generally sexist piles of crap (in both directions! sometimes I'm baffled by how stupid and skeezy Cosmo assumes men to be, and instructs women to treat them accordingly), so enjoy the pretty pictures and laugh at the articles, but definitely don't take them seriously! I'm not sure the people who write those have ever actually even HAD sex!

Lastly, I feel like I should reiterate again: clitoral stimulation is ABSOLUTELY NORMAL and even *necessary* during sex for the vast majority of women - it ain't like the movies. If your guy's been with women before you, he should know that, so don't worry so much about what he thinks - he's GOT to know by now. And if he DOESN'T know by now, then rest assured you are by far the better of the two of you at sex, because you already know more than him about doin' it, and he's probably oblivious to what's going on with his female sex partner anyway.

 

[MissResha]

girl, hop on his wood and ride him into the sunset! a lotta women get off when they're on top. for me it doesn't matter because i've learned how to breathe, feel, and use my muscles to get the most of the poundage. you've gotta stop worrying about having an orgasm. just ENJOY the moment. try to feel every inch, every touch, everything. clear your mind babygirl, and you'll be singing hallelujah in no time. if you're just not feeling sexy, that can interfere too. you've gotta find ways to make yourself feel sexy. this can be hard. when i was on birth control, my sex drive was damn near non-existant. when i got off the pill, i turned into an animal. yay. so in all honesty, i'm more hungry for sex than my bf, and he's pretty hungry lol. so thats saying something. and if all else fails, get a pocket rocket or a butterfly (sex toy) and hold it on your clit while he pounds you away.

sorry for being so blunt but thats just me lol.

 

[Chikky]

I'm so glad that it's normal. I mean, I'd heard that, but... It's nice to hear. I don't mind the manual stimulation, I just wish I could not need it, heh. I guess it's just my inexperience making me feel, well, inexperienced!

Quote:

girl, hop on his wood and ride him into the sunset!

Haha, I love it. I don't mind bluntness; I do it often myself.

And yes, I've tried the on top thing. I think he likes it better than anything; he always requests it! I need to get used to it. Until I had my last surgery, it hurt most of the time. Now it doesn't.

I think that's another thing. I still have some stitches (I'm okayed for this) and I have scars, so I'm a tad insecure about them and my body in general. And I AM on bc, but I have to be, so... Well, we'll see!

Thanks for the replies, guys!

 

[Shimmer]

Let me throw out there that I've never met a man who didn't think a woman touching herself during sex was hot.

 

[TISH1124]

^^^ Hel *F'N" lo !!!!

 

[entyce08]

^^^^ Ain't that that the truth!!^^^^

Also i would say riding my man as well as getting it from the back give me the best g-spot stimulation and the most comfortable/best access for clitoral stimulation by him or myself.....best/strongest orgasms i've ever had have been in doggy-style!

But most of all you have to RELAX!!! Just enjoy ALL the sensations w/o worrying about climaxing ;-)

 

[Chikky]

Well, reaching orgasm isn't the problem, heh. As long as I do it manually. It was more an 'am I doing ok at this' thing. Man, I was just there last night and I am missing him right now!