Family Matters

[MsCuppyCakes]

My mother is deceased and my father and I have a strained relationship. I have one sister who I have a relationship with but we are not close.

My mother died 3 months before I turned 16. I absolutely adored her. "Tearing up" as I think about her.

 

[kimmy]

i'm guessing your mother is probably at that age where she could be going through menopause. in which case, it doesn't matter what you do, her hormones are messing with her so bad, none of it will matter. try not to take it too personally, sandra...it happens to everyone.

my mom and i are very close. i tell her pretty much everything, and she does the same. my dad and i are kind of still in the beginnings of our relationship. we didn't really have a functional relationship the entire time he was on his second marriage because his wife cause us alot of problems so for those years it was like we didn't even know each other. they seperated about three years ago and my dad and i grow closer with each passing day, so we're in a good place now.

then there's my sister who i know will always be there, even though sometimes she doesn't show it. we disagree with each other alot and sometimes we'll go weeks without talking (she's away at college and very busy so it's hard sometimes) but we're still really close.

i'm fairly close with my mom's parents. i was always close with my dad's daddy, but never his mom. i'm not close at all with any aunts, uncles or cousins. one of my cousins and i used to be inseperable, but some things happened and she ended up far away and lost touch...just recently have we seen each other again. it ain't the same anymore though.

 

[little teaser]

the only immediate family i have is my mom, we are pretty close but still have our issues, my dad pass away last year and me and him were very tight more so than me and mom, im the only child.
my husband dont speak to his family(dad) and he dont have a mom she left when he was a baby.

 

[chillipea]

I understand exactly how you feel Miss Pumpkin.
The only family members I was close to were my grandfathers but they're both dead now. I've never been close to my parents, my brother or my grandmothers/extended family. It seems that the only thing I have in common with them is DNA. It's not something that's happened recently but the whole 34 years I've been alive.

My parents have always given me the impression that I'm just not good enough for them. And no matter what I've done with my life (good qualifications, always employed, high salary, married, travelled a lot), they've always considered me a disappointment. They've actually said that I'm a disappointment and worthless. Compared to my brother who is 32, lives at home, didn't finish school and never had a full-time job, I guess I though that they would think more of me. But they don't.

When I was about 20 or so, I decided that I would stop wondering how and why this situation arose as it was clear that nothing was going to change it.
Now, I barely see or speak to my family. I make the obligatory phone calls on birthdays, xmas, etc, but I don't go out of my way to see them. I find that this works best for my state of mind as I don't hear the comments and put-downs.

I realise that this isn't much help to you but I've found that knowing other people have a similar family situation helps me.

 

[ShirleyK]

Basically, I have no close relatives, I only have my younger brother who depends on me so much and to what I know I must not fail him.

I can't say that I understand how you feel, cos I'm not in your shoes and each of us encounter this "Family Matters" in completely different ways, each person has their own specific feelings on this "Family Matters", but I have more or less almost the same family you've got there or mine is worst.

My relatives (since my parents divorced, 2 of my relative moved in to take care of us) never ever gave us a compliment, no appreciation, Psychology Abuse, military disciplinary, money issue involved, etc.

I was so mentally tortured, everything I've done they never seem to like it, even to the persons who I'm dating with they don't like him either.
And always scold us with no apparent reasons, and always with mocking that we're good for nothing.
We've tried to please them, but seems that they are no pleased.

So I think and think, this is not a FAMILY DEFINITION, where a real family would stick together and go through things together and understands each other, say thank you to each other, not compelling each other in order to have their "wants" satisfied.

And I make a real big turn on myself, I've decided to move on with my own self, I "deserted that kind of family", and I'm happy with myself.
Now I have my own "family" (and they still don't like my life partner) and I will make sure, whatever my "that kind of family" did to me, I won't and NEVER EVER repeat their mistakes. Because I know that "family" this word gives a HUGE impact on children of mine later.
But as a Daughter, I won't forget what they had given to me, I will still act according to my responsibility.

So whenever you, any of you saying "my family is like this and that", just "desert" them and go on with your life, nobody lives forever, you can't please everybody, just please whoever appreciate you.
Be responsible on yourself, love yourself more but not too much.

 

[User49]

I dont think there are that many familys out there that are all close and 'normal'. My relationship with my mother is hard work. I think a lot of my issues and 'baggage' come from the past and how i was brought up with my parents. I don't look for approval from my parents anymore. You've got to get on with your life and enjoy it. It is important to feel that your parents are proud of you, but don't let it get you down. Maybe sit down and have a chat with your mom about how your feeling. But ultimatly just don't let the past get you down. It can do that I find. I know exactly what you mean.

 

[triccc]

I get along with my parents more now than when I was younger. My mom and I usually always got along, but my father and I didn't.
He didn't know a damn thing about me! And he used to think I was a bad kid. He thought I did drugs and had promiscuous sex because I would dye my hair and want piercings or tattoos.

He realizes now, that's not the case.

 

[blueyedlady87]

My mommy is my hero. (And she'll still be mommy when I'm 40!) My "sperm-donor" is kinda a jerk. He cheated, got a girl pregnant, divorced my mom, married the girl, divorced her, etc. To say our relationship is strained is an understatement. He owes my mom about $50g in child support but won't pay it. So my mom raised us basically alone and she did a damn good job if I do say so myself. Now I have a great step-dad whom I love like a dad and me and my teen-age sister are getting along more and more as we get older.

Sorry for everyone here who's having issues w/ family. It does get better I promise! My motto is never go to bed mad at someone, cheesy but it works.

And yep I live at home cuzzzz um it's free!

 

[*Luna*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blueyedlady87 My mommy is my hero. (And she'll still be mommy when I'm 40!) My "sperm-donor" is kinda a jerk. He cheated, got a girl pregnant, divorced my mom, married the girl, divorced her, etc. To say our relationship is strained is an understatement. He owes my mom about $50g in child support but won't pay it. So my mom raised us basically alone and she did a damn good job if I do say so myself. Now I have a great step-dad whom I love like a dad and me and my teen-age sister are getting along more and more as we get older. Sorry for everyone here who's having issues w/ family. It does get better I promise! My motto is never go to bed mad at someone, cheesy but it works. And yep I live at home cuzzzz um it's free!

OMG!!! Do we share the same "sperm donor"??? Sounds exactly like my "dad".

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

I get along with both my mom and dad, they have been divorced since I was 16, I chose to live with my dad even though our relationship was not so great. After the divorce my dad and I became very close. I now live with my mom, my dad moved and i decided to stay close to my boyfriend.

I love both sides of grandparents.

However.. I would much rather hang out with my dads side of the family, the side that NEVER fights. its like this miracle family.. its insane how kind, generous and funny everyone is.

My moms side is a whole different story. its nothing but drama drama drama all over the place. snide comments.. rude remarks ,they fly across the room like its normal conversation. ..

 

[Miss Pumpkin]

I kinda forgot about this thread but thanks sooooo much for your responses girls! It does help seeing that not all families are perfect!

 

[KAIA]

my family works like this...

if you have money you are pretty much treated like a queen or king, if you don't... the ones who have money will look down on you.


but probably this happens everywhere... it's funny cause yesterday i saw my "whole family" after mmm more than 3 years.... and the reactions where just crazy.... this "aunt" that actually is my uncle's wife and I hate her ... bacause when i was little one day my uncle invited me to his house to play with my cousins ( one is a year older then me the other one is 1 year less than me) i was i would say.. 9 years when this happened.. so we went to some summer club together and she was like ... ok Kaia stay here and take care of this bags (and towels ans their stuff) she was walking around and my cousins were in the swimming pool!!!! so she pretty much treated my like... her maid?
I think is really low to do that to some kid, since then i do not like her .
So yesterday i saw her... OMG!!! she looked to me from head to toe... and she said..
OH! i didn't recognize you.. NOW you look like a woman.. i just turned around... i know she dislikes me, i don't now exactly why... but yeah she probably hates me too which is ok 'cause is a mutual thing... lol

 

[Lissa]

I don't think there's any such thing as a 'normal' family.

my dad left several times after having affairs, he finally left for good when I was about 6 or 7 but was still telling people he lived with us. They would phone the house asking for him and mum would have to explain he left about 6 months before...anyway, I have several half brothers and sisters, none of which are actually full brothers and sisters to each other. They're all over the country and I know of 3, but no one knows how many more there are. I'm only in contact with one half sister, and the mum of my half brother won't let him have anything to do with us. My dad died when I was 13, leaving many unanswered questions obviously. Recently the strained relationship with his side of the family has been mended slightly, only now I'm much older and am not so afraid of asking questions.

I'm close to my mum though.

I have friends who were brought up by grandparents though and who treat their actual mum as just an 'auntie'. Friends who've never met their real dad. Both my boyfriend's parents died by the time he was 30, and he's been left with the great responsibility of 'looking after' his useless brother, who's ten years older than him, owes him thousands of pounds in bills and rent and won't get out of his house.

At this moment I can't think of any close friends who haven't aired a grievance about their family to me at some point, OK maybe one person.

 

[Hilly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsCuppyCakes My mother is deceased and my father and I have a strained relationship. I have one sister who I have a relationship with but we are not close. My mother died 3 months before I turned 16. I absolutely adored her. "Tearing up" as I think about her.

 

[Janice]

Good, but distanced and occasionally frustrating, relationship with Mom & Stepdad.

Terminated relationship with bio dad @ 16, his choice back then, my choice now. (and I'm sticking to it)

Two independant and dynamic sisters (I'm the middle child!) who are also members here that I have a pretty good relations with.

I adore my nephews (each sister has one son, they are both 6 YO) and love spending time with my sisters and their families as much as I can [handle]. ^_^

I have for the most part, aside from wedding and death notices, no contact with extended family on either side.

I don't have the best family dynamic, but friends are the family you choose and I've made excellent choices.

 

[giz2000]

I am very close to my parents...my brothers and I are close as well, but that happened after we became adults. We used to fight like cats and dogs when we were growing up (I'm talking flying fists and the whole nine yards). My husband says that my family is his "normal" family and that his is "crazy!"

 

[coachkitten]

I have really great parents and a younger sister. My parents have always been happily married. But I have always felt misunderstood by my family at different points in my life. For a few years after college I hardly ever talked to my parents or sister as I felt like they just didn't get me.
The thing that really helped me was therapy (which I am still in). It helps me to tolerate and understand my family. I will always feel like a black sheep but I do know that they do their best.

 

[Krasevayadancer]

I come from a sort of dysfunctional family. Its me my mom and dad in my apt with my sis, her husband, and my 2 nephews living a ten min walk away.
Basically my father has always been aloof and sort of emotionally distant while my mother is overbearing but very loving and immensely critical. Honestly its both a bane and a blessing because she will support me one min (when i am doing what she wants me to do) and kick me when i am down when i don't.

My sister and i are 15 yrs apart, but i think as i become older we become closer

 

[Chic 2k6]

i love my family dearly, i very rarely see my dad's side apart from my sister (half) anf my dad's parents (every now and agaiN)

Im close to my mom's side, however that side is dysfunctional, my aunt is mentally ill, my uncle's in debt and careless with money, my nan is a compulsive liar and will do anything to save her hide (especially when she makes nasty remarks about me). I love them because they're abnormal and good fun to hang out with.

im ever so close to my mom, a lot closer than when my parents was together. She even sorts people out for me, e.g. any rude comments about me, she'll sort the person out. She's not too motherly, more like a best friend although she does have motherly moments hehe.

 

[SingFrAbsoltion]

My relationship with my family is horrible. I'm 19 and I never go out because my mother and my stepfather keep me locked up and call me a whore for having a boyfriend.

my grades suffered because of depression since i sit in my room and stare at the computer all day. i called the social services on them after some stuff that happened but they can't do anything cause i'm over 18.

so in summary i despise my family and when i have children i'm telling them that they have no grandparents.