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Originally Posted by Raerae
Challenge even in small ways? I HIGLY doubt they were anywhere near doing everything but penetration. They never even held hands.
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I was speaking mostly in rhetoric, but my point still stands. From the way the article is written, she probably did/does masturbate, so it's not clear as to whether that's considered cheating on the pre-marital purity scale or not.
One thing that you seem to overlook is that she asked her father to do this for her. It seems it was her decision, and from the way the article is written, it looks like it was her idea. If that's too much of a stretch to believe, then I'd be happy with the idea that her entire family came up with this purity ball nonsense together, and stuck to it once they became rich off of it.
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| “I was just like, Why hang out with a guy, break your heart, hang out with the next guy, break your heart again?” Lauren says, when I ask her what she was thinking the day she told her dad she wanted to be a virgin until marriage |
While that seems distasteful to you, it may be that she simply likes being protected by her father, and she enjoyed all the fuss he gave over her spiritual and mental wellbeing. She seems like she considered things logically and arrived at conclusions that are naive but valid. While I think her steps towards growing up and protecting herself are misguided, I think it'd be harsh to say she's been neglected or abused somehow. Sheltered certainly, but her parents sheltered her that way out of a sense of duty, love and honour. While you may not agree with the way they've raised their children, you cannot effectively argue that this is abuse or neglect.
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Originally Posted by Raerae
I'd like my parents approval of my future husband. But when I introduce my boyfriend to my Mom and Dad, i'm not going to stop dateing him if they don't like him. And I'm sure not asking my Mom if I can date someone. I didn't do that when I was 14, why would I do it now.
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Just because you didn't ask your parents if you could date someone doesn't mean it's wrong for anyone else to ask, particularly at a young age like 14. My parents did not want me to date at all until I finished a college education. I asked, was told not to ask again until I finished my college education, and then I just did it anyway and risked the hell I got at home. According to my mother, I was supposed to ask for permission because it was a way of showing honour to her as my mother and the female head of the house. Not asking her was a direct insult. For this child, it may be somewhat similar. While this doesn't work for you or your world view, it's unfair to project your own personal views onto someone else's choices.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raerae
She doesn't even have the choice of even not haveing her father's approval. If he father didn't approve of the guy, he would not of even got a first date
Not to mention when Brett asked her dad if he could court one of his daughters, he can't even remember if he asked to court Lauren. So basically their relationship breaks down too:
Brett ~ Mr. Randy, i think your daughters are hot, can I court one?
Randy ~ Your from our Church right?
Brett ~ Yes sir.
Randy ~ How about dinner tomorrow?
Brett to himself ~ I wonder which daughter he'll bring to dinner.
Yah... Thats real romantic =p
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See, this is where I think I'm going to have to bow out now. It's really obvious you want to see the father as a monster rather than someone who's taken a rather extreme approach to raising their children. It's pointless to continue talking about this if you cannot approach this from an objective point of view.
It doesn't matter if you're right or wrong, or if I'm right or wrong. The point of the article was that Virginity Pledging and Father Daughter Purity Balls may not be as completely fucked up and wacky as they seem, once you get to know the people and their motivations. It may actually work for some people. However, I agree as far as I think there is a serious chance of abuse in this situation, but I can see where the idea started out as a good one. Sexuality, spirituality and growing up isn't as simple as these people would like to make it, but I cannot really fault a father for trying to protect his daughter and trying to do whatever he can to ensure her happiness. He's just more explicit about his intentions and uber creepy with the way he expresses them. But it all boils down to the same thing: he does not want his daughter to date unless it's a courtship with the view of marriage as a possible end result, and he does not want her to have sex until she's married. How is that different from practically any other father? What remains is the notion of what would have happened if she had rebelled - but since she didn't, we can only cast about for reasons why she didn't. You choose to presume that her father is an evil, lecherous, manipulative abuser; I choose to presume she was happy enough with her lot and with her choices, however sad I may find that to be.
