Feeling Alone?
- Thread starter luvsic
- Start date
NutMeg
Well-known member
It's not that you should never have expectations. It's that you don't have expectations of people until you know them well enough to know what to expect. If someone is flaky... then don't expect them to be reliable. But that doesn't mean that you can never spend time together, or that they can't be a positive part of your life, you just never structure your plans so that your time will be a loss if they bail on you. If someone is flaky, it's not "Let's have lunch tomorrow" it's "Other friend and I are having lunch, you're welcome to join." If you do the first, you may be sitting around at the restaurant feeling like a loser because you've been let down again, if you do the second you still get a decent time out of it. If you don't have anyone who will be the back up, then you have to choose activities that you are equally comfortable doing alone.
A dinner party can be intimidating for people, or require a lot of energy to socialize. If they had a rough day on top of being flaky, maybe it was too much to handle for them. If you start out with smaller things that are low key, you risk less disappointment and make it easier for them to hang out. Then you can get to know how you can depend on. But you don't let it get you down when they bail on you, because they will sometimes or even most of the time.
As someone proves themself to be reliable, or trustworthy, or a good listener, or whatever you value in a close friend, you can build expectations about them, but you don't start relying on them before they have shown that they are reliable.
A dinner party can be intimidating for people, or require a lot of energy to socialize. If they had a rough day on top of being flaky, maybe it was too much to handle for them. If you start out with smaller things that are low key, you risk less disappointment and make it easier for them to hang out. Then you can get to know how you can depend on. But you don't let it get you down when they bail on you, because they will sometimes or even most of the time.
As someone proves themself to be reliable, or trustworthy, or a good listener, or whatever you value in a close friend, you can build expectations about them, but you don't start relying on them before they have shown that they are reliable.
Shanti
Well-known member
Thanks luvsic!
At least, people showed up. I think 6 is a decent number- not too much, but still a group setting. I also agree with NutMeg's advice.
I've stopped trying to organize group hangouts because I've dealt with my fair share of flakes in high school.
This isn't so encouraging to hear about college students though, lol...
My situation is kinda ok right now. I mean considering it's only been one week since school started or so. I met someone at orientation who offers me rides home, which is nice. I've just been frustrated because my first day of school last year (at an Adult High School), I coincidentally bumped into an old friend, and then some more people I became closer to soon after. But of course that won't happen while I'm in this totally different city 8)
But I'm not expecting anything anymore, anyway. The less I care, the less it matters, and the less shitty I'll feel lol.
At least, people showed up. I think 6 is a decent number- not too much, but still a group setting. I also agree with NutMeg's advice.
I've stopped trying to organize group hangouts because I've dealt with my fair share of flakes in high school.
This isn't so encouraging to hear about college students though, lol...
My situation is kinda ok right now. I mean considering it's only been one week since school started or so. I met someone at orientation who offers me rides home, which is nice. I've just been frustrated because my first day of school last year (at an Adult High School), I coincidentally bumped into an old friend, and then some more people I became closer to soon after. But of course that won't happen while I'm in this totally different city 8)
But I'm not expecting anything anymore, anyway. The less I care, the less it matters, and the less shitty I'll feel lol.
