Feeling low!!

[Girl about town]

Hi everyone just need to vent, im normally quite an upbeat person i have a good life , i have a job i don't hate, a 4 year old son and a great fiance. But i in a horrible cycle of self loathing at the moment. Its a horrible way to be but i feel like im self obsessing at the moment, which makes me feel like a horrible shallow person. Im yo-yo dieting all the time , hating what i see in the mirror losing weight and feeling great and then putting it on again and hating myself. I feel like i can't cope with life either, my house is a mess today and i feel like i can't do anything with it , that im useless at keeping things nice , i feel like im a bad parent to my son , and also feel that i need to run away and be on my own. pretty pathetic i know but , i know tomorrow or the next day i will probably feel good again. Does anyone else have this constant cycle of moods ? xxx

 

[Kalico]

I did until I was put on anti-depressants. I lucked out with my first one - it works well and I have no side effects. My moods are much more stable, the only real ups and downs I have are right before my periods, whereas they used to be all over the place. I hated myself all the time. Now I am happy 95% of the time.

Of course, that may not be the solution for you...

 

[Girl about town]

Thanks had a good think about it and i think it my hormones that are all over the place, i never know what mood im going to be in xx

 

[*Stargazer*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Girl about town Thanks had a good think about it and i think it my hormones that are all over the place, i never know what mood im going to be in xx

I have the same problem with my hormones. It totally sucks. I feel your pain.

 

[glam8babe]

i get these moods alot, one day i love my body and think FUCK dieting.. but days like today i feel really fat and i hate my skin.. really pale and loads of acne scars, i darent even hit the gym no more because im scared what people will think about my skin and think i look fat.. stupid i know but thats life

ive been really self concious lately, havent been bothered to go out with friends and i just cry all the time to my bf about how i wanna be really skinny and stop being lazy... i bet sometime this week i will feel the opposite, but it will come back again. it doesnt help how im going on holiday soon with my bf, his friend and his gf and i dont wanna be the 'fat ugly girl with bad skin' it also doesnt help when ive been told by my ex best friends, new best friend.. that im fat, ugly, have really bad cellulite, acne all over, roots, dead hair, tree trunk legs and im a nasty person (all in one fuckin message on myspace) ever since i read it.. ive felt down EVERY single day... i know she isnt perfect , infact shes a big slut who sleeps with new guys every week, has no fashion sence, has big bushy eyebrows, wears scruffy clothes and has no life (yeh i sound like a big bitch but it makes me feel better after what she called me lol) but when you get someone saying stuff like that to you, you cant help but beleive it and it really knocked down my confidence, its funny because everybody hates her now (apart from my ex best friend whos a fucking cow!!!)
can you tell im angry? haha
so yeh i guess alot of us get like this.. your not the only one, i wish we could all just feel happy and all them skinny celebs would put weight on and start a new trend but even if they did that i would still wanna be really skinny

 

[Luceuk]

I'm exactly the same. My moods change so much. One day I feel happy the next I feel really down and hate everything. I think I'm fat, need to diet. Then the next day I'll think my body is ok. Then the cycle will start again

At the moment I just hate revision, it's getting me down. I hate my university course but am in my second year so don't really want to give up now.

 

[k.a.t]

I know exactly what you're going through, i'm going through the self-loathing cycle right now. I think it's getting worse and worse each day. It's a horrible feeling and it's not pathetic. Everytime i look in the mirror i wish i could look like someone else, although sometimes when i'm happy i feel ok about what i see hehe (doen't happen often though)
I've begun to write down my feelings in a journal, and it helps temporarily - i feel like i got something off my chest, although it's much better actually talking to someone about it but meh.

Only difference with me is that i;m sure this isn't a 'cycle' or at least not a short one anyway...i don't see how i can get better

I hope you feel better though and return to your normal upbeat self

 

[k.a.t]

Quote:

Originally Posted by glam8babe i get these moods alot, one day i love my body and think FUCK dieting.. but days like today i feel really fat and i hate my skin.. really pale and loads of acne scars, i darent even hit the gym no more because im scared what people will think about my skin and think i look fat.. stupid i know but thats life ive been really self concious lately, havent been bothered to go out with friends and i just cry all the time to my bf about how i wanna be really skinny and stop being lazy... i bet sometime this week i will feel the opposite, but it will come back again. it doesnt help how im going on holiday soon with my bf, his friend and his gf and i dont wanna be the 'fat ugly girl with bad skin' it also doesnt help when ive been told by my ex best friends, new best friend.. that im fat, ugly, have really bad cellulite, acne all over, roots, dead hair, tree trunk legs and im a nasty person (all in one fuckin message on myspace) ever since i read it.. ive felt down EVERY single day... i know she isnt perfect , infact shes a big slut who sleeps with new guys every week, has no fashion sence, has big bushy eyebrows, wears scruffy clothes and has no life (yeh i sound like a big bitch but it makes me feel better after what she called me lol) but when you get someone saying stuff like that to you, you cant help but beleive it and it really knocked down my confidence, its funny because everybody hates her now (apart from my ex best friend whos a fucking cow!!!) can you tell im angry? haha so yeh i guess alot of us get like this.. your not the only one, i wish we could all just feel happy and all them skinny celebs would put weight on and start a new trend but even if they did that i would still wanna be really skinny

Omg that was so rude and mean of that bitch to say all those horrible things to you, but then again you shouldn't have let it bother you since it's coming from a slut such as herself. I know this sounds cliche, but she's probably just jealous of you because you're so pretty and obviously not as shallow as she is. Don't let it get to you.

I know what you mean about wanting to be skinny. I have this friend (well 2)- they're my best friends and i love them to bits but iam soo jealous of them. Both of them are so skinny and gorgeous i always feel like the 'fat' and 'ugly' one. Neither of them wear make-up either and i feel guilty for wearing it because people probably think that i'm not naturally pretty and i'm trying to 'hide' behind it, which is true to some extent (though i know i'm not 'ugly') but it's like, they have perfect skin and stuff so they don't have to wear any make-up or whatever, and then there's me - i have horrible acne scars on my face, and very bad dark circles - i hate my skin

i could never, ever in a million years come out of the house without foundation on - you'd have to chop off my arm first lol

But yeah, i know thtat if i were in your position, i'd be feeling down everyday too, i let little things like that get to me though i know i shouldn't - im such a hypocrite

I actually wish everyone in the world looked exactly the same, it'd be boring but at least i wouldn't feel 'fat' or 'ugly' when i compared myself to others

 

[AmberLilith]

I do know what you mean.
I'm currently on anti-depressants and also a mood stabiliser because my low (read: depressed and suicidal) mood was so persistent.

I'm not saying that that's a solution for you, and I'm not saying you are ill or need medication --just that I know what you're going through because I've been there (not exactly the same stuff obviously) with the mood changes, self-loathing, feeling like you can't cope....

All the best Girl About Town, I hope you're feeling brighter soon (And you're not pathetic!!) *hugs*

 

[Girl about town]

Thanks everyone made me feel a lot better, as predicted i feel ok again today but know its just a matter of time before i feel all anxious about things again!!! I think the body image thing is linked to my confidence ,when im happy feeling good i think 'who cares what i weigh' when im feeling low and depressed i'll start to obsess about my body again, i used to suffer from bullimia about 7 years ago and can feel myself sliding into the self loathing that came with that.

Anyway had a big chat with my mum and she told me to take it easy, im off work for 4 days so just going to potter about house and do things with my son, get some exercise.I think the problem is i feel so much pressure to try and be perfect. To be pretty, to have a great relationship, to have a great career, a spotless house, be a great mum, stay in touch with friends, keep fit!!!!! phew!!!

Thanks glambabe your big slutty friend made me laugh, xxxxx

 

[ratmist]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Girl about town Hi everyone just need to vent, im normally quite an upbeat person i have a good life , i have a job i don't hate, a 4 year old son and a great fiance. But i in a horrible cycle of self loathing at the moment. Its a horrible way to be but i feel like im self obsessing at the moment, which makes me feel like a horrible shallow person. Im yo-yo dieting all the time , hating what i see in the mirror losing weight and feeling great and then putting it on again and hating myself. I feel like i can't cope with life either, my house is a mess today and i feel like i can't do anything with it , that im useless at keeping things nice , i feel like im a bad parent to my son , and also feel that i need to run away and be on my own. pretty pathetic i know but , i know tomorrow or the next day i will probably feel good again. Does anyone else have this constant cycle of moods ? xxx

Yup. With our baby on the way, I relate to this more than I wish I did. I try to avoid mirrors at the moment because I don't like affirming how fat I feel in my head.

What I'd recommend to you is a book - "The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Wolf. Nothing helps me more than to read some 3rd Wave feminist literature. It really helps me put my mind back on a more positive track, and makes me more aggressive about tackling and rejecting the things in my life that trigger my bad mood swings about my body.

 

[Girl about town]

Thanks ratmist , it is so sad as woman that we let our appearance make or break how we feel , i'll try the book xxxxx

 

[AmberLilith]

I think I'll try n get hold of a copy too, it's been recommended to me before.

I think we all have body image problems...
I get very low about my appearance, which affects my confidence and my social life. I do want to work on my BDD and hopefully improve things!

 

[ratmist]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmberLilith I think I'll try n get hold of a copy too, it's been recommended to me before. I think we all have body image problems... I get very low about my appearance, which affects my confidence and my social life. I do want to work on my BDD and hopefully improve things!

I really enjoyed reading The Beauty Myth. It made me feel better. There's a few other books too that I'd recommend, though they're not completely focused on beauty and body image: "The Femininine Mystique" and "Backlash, the undeclared war on American women".

For the BDD issue, I'd recommend "Fat Is a Feminist Issue" and "Eating in the Light of the Moon: How Women Can Transform Their Relationship with Food Through Myths, Metaphors, and Storytelling". Reading what feminist literature has to say about our bodies in relationship to fat is a healthy alternative to reading magazines or trying out the newest fad diet.

I avoid Germaine Greer, I'm sad to say, though I think she's done a lot for feminist literature obviously. But she makes me feel enraged at the world and I don't always agree with her stance, because I feel that it focuses too much on blame and near-hate against men and masculinity.

 

[ratmist]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Girl about town Thanks ratmist , it is so sad as woman that we let our appearance make or break how we feel , i'll try the book xxxxx

I'm one of the most over-educated chicks I know, and I have many female friends that have finished their PhDs or are currently working on them... one of us has literally about three thousand textbooks in her personal library and has read every single one of them... and every single one of us (women) angsts about her own body on a regular basis. Even the one that works on gender in prehistory... she still gets upset about her body. I can't bloody stand looking in a mirror right now, for f*cks sake, and I focused on feminist issues during my undergrad degree for over three years (though I dropped it in my postgrad studies).

It's hard to tell where it's a healthy "obsession" (wanting to exercise, eat right, etc) and where it's a reflection of feeling unwanted pressure to look and feel and act in a way that is put forth by someone (society? the media? assholes at the pub??!) as "correct".

I swear, if the overeducated, feminist-immersed chicks can't make it, none of the rest of us stand a chance.

 

[Girl about town]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratmist I swear, if the overeducated, feminist-immersed chicks can't make it, none of the rest of us stand a chance.

I suppose there has to be a balance between being motivated in caring for our bodies and being healthy enough to take on life and obsessing about our looks because society says we have to be a certain way. These magazines etc don't help most women's state of mind at all. I will try these books and see if i can look at beauty in a less negative, self destructive way.

 

[Girl about town]

haha i am on a femisnest literature mission now, was just on amazon and bought, The beauty myth, a book called 'wifework' (about how married women are taking on so much, looked interesting!!!) and the vagina monologues lol im feeling empowered already.

 

[ratmist]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Girl about town haha i am on a femisnest literature mission now, was just on amazon and bought, The beauty myth, a book called 'wifework' (about how married women are taking on so much, looked interesting!!!) and the vagina monologues lol im feeling empowered already.

Hehee.... I love books! I hope you enjoy your haul!

 

[AmberLilith]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratmist I swear, if the overeducated, feminist-immersed chicks can't make it, none of the rest of us stand a chance.

Too right.
The mere fact that we know that when we meet someone, we will likely come across as pleasant, intelligent, interesting people (though in my case, also weird, fucked up and eccentric..), yet still worry about our looks says it all.
We worry what other people will think and what they will notice. And we worry that we aren't up to our own standards which makes us even more anxious.
It's nice to know I'm not the only one. But it's annoying when I'm being not-the-only-one in the company of some gorgeous skinny friends!!

 

[AmberLilith]

Also, thanks ratmist for the book recommendations.

I'd recommend 'Hystories' - Elaine Showalter
(though ratmist has probably already read it, lol)