Quote:
Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC
Me and my boyfriend have been broken up since February. I have been dating/sleeping with a few guys since then, but that’s MY business. My best friend knew about this, because she knew everything. (we’ll call my “friend” K)
Back in April, she started talking to her baby’s dad’s best friend (we’ll call him B). They ended up taking things to a physical level and even though she knew that’s all he wanted from her (he told her that) she figured (and I quote…) “Maybe years down the line he will want a relationship”
Mind you, B had a girlfriend, whom my friend K was cool with at the time….so she basically fucked her friend’s man.
Okay so they fuck. And he stops calling her after, and then one day calls her, while drunk, and tells her that his girlfriend is pregnant with another man’s baby, but he is going to stick around and work things out with her. So my friend feels stupid, but she lets it go and moves on.
Well things didn’t work out with him and his girlfriend, okay so now he’s single. Like a month or so ago, B send me a message on myspace and we begin talking. Just as friends. I told my friend K about it, the first thing out of her mouth was “Oh, wow you should fuck him”
Ooooooooookay? Anyways!
Things get more flirtatious with me and B, and he ends up basically inviting me to hang out with him. I wouldn’t call myself a whore, I don’t think Im that promiscuous, but Im a grown woman and if I decide to sleep with someone that’s MY business
I tell my friend everything. I told her that he wanted to hang out, but I kept telling her I wouldn’t do that to her because she would be upset, and we were best friends. Time after time, she told me “Well if he wanted me he wouldn’t be trying to fuck you…I don’t care what you do, I don’t want him…” I cant tell you how many times she repeated this to me. Okay so this being 4-5 months AFTER they fucked, I figured she really didn’t care. So me and B began talking about hanging out more.
My friend was still calling me and talking to me all the time during all of this. She was calling me, telling me about the new guy shes talking to, etc. She never mentioned B…..
Me and her hang out on Saturday night, with these 2 guys. She mentioned me hangin out with B, and I mentioned sarcastically “No that’s not until next week” and she said “ooooooh okay!” But like, that was it. The whole ride home she is telling me how much shes into this NEW guy that we hung out with on Saturday (so ladies and gentleman, that’s 2 men that she “really really likes” she is one of the types that always thinks every guy is the one)
She texts me today telling me Im a backstabber blah blah blah. Basically our argument was: She thinks I am wrong for talking to B and planning on sleeping with him. I told her, that if she felt so strongly about it, then she should have told me when I ASKED her, that she didn’t want me to do it. I would never jeopardize our friendship over a guy…me and her been friends for like 4 years or so. If she would have been a woman and said “Rebecca, I wouldn’t be comfortable with you going out with him” I would have respected that and moved on. A fuck is not that important to me. But at the same time, if you tell me that you really don’t care, and you’re talking to 2 different guys at the same time, Im gonna think you don’t care. So then she tells me “It’s the principle….” I said NO K, if you still have feelings for him, be a woman and say it, but don’t lie and act like you don’t. If I didn’t have feelings left for someone, I would be honest and say that….he is not her boyfriend, never was, and never will be. How can you get mad at ME, for doing something with a guy, that used you to fuck? And you KNEW he was using you to fuck?
We said some reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally bad things to eachother….she tried to call me nasty because of the guys Ive slept with since Ive been newly single. Yet shes slept with 30+ guys, slept with guys for money, slept with guys for material things, given blowjobs for a ride home, slept with girls, slept with her babys dads best friend, had numerous abortions, cheated, had sex with guys who had girlfriends…..and IM nasty????
There is no going back from this: I am stubborn and hard headed, I would never go back and apologize or kiss her ass or even try to fix things. That is not my personality. I cant believe I lost my best friend of 4 years, but at the same time I don’t think I did anything wrong, and everything happens for a reason…
She basically told em she didnt want anything to do with me. AND BY THE WAY, her babys dad never found out about B and K sleeping together. He did however, begin a relationship with one of K's friends. Karma, anyone? She says karma will bite me in the ass: I dont see how, I dont think I did anything wrong at all?
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okay... you ask if youve done anything wrong...but i think rather than trying to pinpoint the perpetrator... you should look at the acts alone. Lets try not to include the whole history of whats happend so far for the time being...From what it sounds like, there seems to have been a mismatch of expectations... Let me explain - for example.. If your cold, and your boyfriend has a jacket, you would expect him to offer it, and give it to you even though you would politely decline right? Or for a more relevant example, if you were with your best friend out drinking, but you had to leave, and you knew she had no way of making it back home alone, you wouldnt just leave her there would you?
If youve known each other for 4 years, would it be safe to say that you guys know each other extremely well ? And would it be safe to say that you have developed a trust, and a set of expectations for each other..?
You say that you told your friend 'k', that 'B' was messaging you and you guys were hanging out - And she responded with a care factor of zero. I think this was said and taken too literally. How would you honestly feel if your best friend, was spending time with a guy who practically fucked you off ? To be frankly honest, why would you want to spend time with a guy who did something like that to someone so close to you?
Dont get me wrong, Im not blaming you - I can see where your coming from. How are we meant to read peoples minds ? That is an obvious answer in itself. However as a best friend, would you not expect her to take your side when shit goes down on your side ? Why would you side with anyone other than your best friend ? Isnt the pure and simple reason that they are called your best friend is because they hold a more valued position in your life than other people and acquaintences? By you 'hanging' out with 'B', you pretty much made the choice to look blindly past his wrong to YOUR best friend.The fact that she called you a backstabber, sounds like she very much expected and trusted you to stay clear of him, no matter how much you 'figured' she didnt care, or for how much her focus was elsewhere - Yes she might have gotten over 'B', but from what you say he did to her, it sounds like she tried to maintain her self respect and continue to carry her head high - 'B' was an old wound, and the actions for the chase of 'B' pretty much chucked salt water into that old wound.
Its unfortunate that your 4 years of friendship has gone down the drain. But what I can suggest is to prevent this from ever happnening again for your new best friend is to establish a set of expectations to each other seeing as you didnt know then, you know now. Normally, expectations are learnt and grown throughout the friendship so they dont need to be communicated to each other like that - especially a friendship of 4 years. But if you didnt know this then Im going to have to assume that this friendship must not have been all that close as first thought and I sincerely say this without meaning any offence.
And just a friendly pointer, it is never a good idea to mix your best friends ex, fling, fuck or whatever you may call it - thats why you just dont. Even if they are just a fuck, do you still want to be fucking whoo your friend fucked? You might as well fuck your friend !! ew!! And asides the both of you girls, I would question the nature of 'B' - cheating on his gf, fucking your (ex) best friend, and then trying to hit on her best friend (you)... And for someone like that you, a 4 year friendship was lost. It is really a damn shame to hear that because at the end of the day you would have thought a 4 year friendship would be worth more dont you think?