Friend drama....LOOOOONG

user79

Well-known member
I don't think you need to feel apologetic about your sex life at all, if you're single and just want to have fun. And most importantly, using protection at all times, including for oral, especially for 1 night stands!

However, if you're having sex with people who are all closely connected somehow, or know each other, drama seems inevitable, and people will be judgemental because everyone will know your business. If you're just wanting to have some fun, couldn't you just sleep with people who are not so interknit with your social circle? Whatever happened to going out to a bar, picking up a random stranger, and then never having to see the guy again? LOL Just drama-free, no-strings sex. I don't think that's anything to be ashamed of if you're using protection...

I dunno, I'm not recommending you go out to a bar and sleep with random people if that's not your thing, but it seems like you're having sex with people who all know each other somehow.
 

User93

Well-known member
I gotta agree with Cinci again. See Rebecca, you are right for sure, cause when you are friends you are supposed to tell each other the truth no matter what. Supposed to, but some people just dont have guts for that.

I also agree that maybe she said all that just hoping to hear from you that "I will never do that". Its like boyfriend saying: "Darling I will meet my friends today in the evening, girl and blah blah blah, would you mind?". And you say "No I wont" though you obviously want him just to say he will stay this evening with you. She didnt say that, and she pretty much caused this drama, Im not defending her, but saying that her actions can be understood too.

Maybe she was afraid to sound pathetic. To sound needy. Or there is a big probability she was really just lying to herself. It happends, right, that you try to talk about other men and how cool they are, but still have someone else in your mind, trying to cover it up. I just know it from my friends experience.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this drama and it happened with you girls
th_hug.gif
. I know you have to deal with lots of drama in your life, and I think that maybe you were just too upset with other things, tired, and busy to see whats laying behind her words. I hope it will be ok.
 

florabundance

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinci
I don't think it's so much her not being honest with you, as it was her not being honest with herself...

Cinci summed up entirely what I was trying to say in my post. And it's true - a lot of the time promiscuity seems like it's all about being free-spirited and liberated and stuff, but i think sometimes it's the complete opposite. I mean, it sounds like she uses her sexual "confidence" to disguise her severe lack of self esteem in other areas of her life (like the one's you metioned).
Would you consider talking to her about that?
 

snowflakelashes

Well-known member
I don't know honey, I guess it depends how close you were to begin with whether you will ever heal from this, from the sounds of it for now you need to not have her in your life, too much drama.

I'll admit that I didn't tell my best friend how much it hurt me when she went after my 'ex' (in quotes cuz we only had a online/phone relatinoship and 'broke up' before we got to meet). It was my first and only relationship so it hurts that she messed with that, and I put on a brave face .

We're still friends though so you can work through things like that ... IF the firendship matters to both parties enough to try.

Sucks when friendships disolve because of boys, I really don't like that...
ssad.gif
 

Malena

Well-known member
Well, I agree with you: she should have told you the truth when you asked her, but sometimes it´s hard to talk about your feelings, even with a close friend. I do understand her in a way. What you wrote about her sounds to me - like others already mentioned - as if she has very low self esteem.

In the end she told you & you both argued & said nasty things to eachother...well, shit happens!

But I don´t get your point:
On the one hand you said you were VERY close to eachother for like 4 years, but then you let such a stupid argument end your friendship?!
An arguement over a guy you seem not to have a crush on, but who you only consider to screw?!

Please, don´t get me wrong, but if you really liked her & cared about her/your friendship with her, you wouldn´t say you´re too stubborn to make up!
I´m extremely stubborn, too & won´t take shit from others, but if a friend really means something to me, I´d consider making an exception. Friendship can last a lifetime whereas lovers come & go.

There may occur situations where someone says things that hurt you so much that you simply can´t go back to normal since your feelings are deeply hurt, even if you wanted to.

But what you wrote makes me think the two of you were never as close as you thought since if you were you wouldn´t let a guy come between you nor would you be jealous of her or vice versa - just saying
winks.gif
 

Delilah

Member
You're both in the wrong, but will no doubt both be too stubborn to apologise.


There are so many men in the world - why do you need to go after someone she obviously had feelings for? I mean, she was willing to be used by him for sex in the hope he would one day want more than her body. And he didn't. I"m reminded of the movie Mean Girls - 'irregardless, ex boyfriends are just off-limits to friends. Thats like, the rules of feminism!'

When you ask her if you can go after the same guy, she might have not wanted to sound needy and less like the sexually empowered woman you both seem to want to portray. K sounds like she has a messed up relationship with herself and I really feel for her.

Yes, she should have just said what she meant. And she did... eventually.
 

Lapis

Well-known member
the unspoken rule is "if your girl went there, or even crushes a bit on a guy leave the dick alone!!!" she will be hurt even if it was just a crush and he has no clue who she is

But you and your girl sound like me and an ex friend, down to the I'm prettier than you comment, and she was; she just thought that she would find love because she was pretty.
Now we never touched anyone that the other was even vaguely interested in, but I know it hurt her when I ended up engaged to a guy who was basically a booty call because I had stumbled on what she had tried so hard for- love.
It had to hurt your friend that this guy came after you instead of coming back to her esp when you admit there was underlining jealously issues.

seriously altho I personally feel this could never be a healthy friendship look at it like this, is a booty call worth this?
cut the guy out, let her know that, then be the empowered woman you want to be and pick who you want no man should feel he has a sure lay in you unless you tell him and clearly this dude felt he had a chance even after he slept with your girl, and that's just not a good look for a woman no matter how sexually empowered you are
 

babydoll_020

Active member
Quote:
Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC
Me and my boyfriend have been broken up since February. I have been dating/sleeping with a few guys since then, but that’s MY business. My best friend knew about this, because she knew everything. (we’ll call my “friend” K)

Back in April, she started talking to her baby’s dad’s best friend (we’ll call him B). They ended up taking things to a physical level and even though she knew that’s all he wanted from her (he told her that) she figured (and I quote…) “Maybe years down the line he will want a relationship”
thud.gif
Mind you, B had a girlfriend, whom my friend K was cool with at the time….so she basically fucked her friend’s man.

Okay so they fuck. And he stops calling her after, and then one day calls her, while drunk, and tells her that his girlfriend is pregnant with another man’s baby, but he is going to stick around and work things out with her. So my friend feels stupid, but she lets it go and moves on.

Well things didn’t work out with him and his girlfriend, okay so now he’s single. Like a month or so ago, B send me a message on myspace and we begin talking. Just as friends. I told my friend K about it, the first thing out of her mouth was “Oh, wow you should fuck him”
th_dunno.gif
Ooooooooookay? Anyways!

Things get more flirtatious with me and B, and he ends up basically inviting me to hang out with him. I wouldn’t call myself a whore, I don’t think Im that promiscuous, but Im a grown woman and if I decide to sleep with someone that’s MY business

I tell my friend everything. I told her that he wanted to hang out, but I kept telling her I wouldn’t do that to her because she would be upset, and we were best friends. Time after time, she told me “Well if he wanted me he wouldn’t be trying to fuck you…I don’t care what you do, I don’t want him…” I cant tell you how many times she repeated this to me. Okay so this being 4-5 months AFTER they fucked, I figured she really didn’t care. So me and B began talking about hanging out more.

My friend was still calling me and talking to me all the time during all of this. She was calling me, telling me about the new guy shes talking to, etc. She never mentioned B…..

Me and her hang out on Saturday night, with these 2 guys. She mentioned me hangin out with B, and I mentioned sarcastically “No that’s not until next week” and she said “ooooooh okay!” But like, that was it. The whole ride home she is telling me how much shes into this NEW guy that we hung out with on Saturday (so ladies and gentleman, that’s 2 men that she “really really likes” she is one of the types that always thinks every guy is the one)

She texts me today telling me Im a backstabber blah blah blah. Basically our argument was: She thinks I am wrong for talking to B and planning on sleeping with him. I told her, that if she felt so strongly about it, then she should have told me when I ASKED her, that she didn’t want me to do it. I would never jeopardize our friendship over a guy…me and her been friends for like 4 years or so. If she would have been a woman and said “Rebecca, I wouldn’t be comfortable with you going out with him” I would have respected that and moved on. A fuck is not that important to me. But at the same time, if you tell me that you really don’t care, and you’re talking to 2 different guys at the same time, Im gonna think you don’t care. So then she tells me “It’s the principle….” I said NO K, if you still have feelings for him, be a woman and say it, but don’t lie and act like you don’t. If I didn’t have feelings left for someone, I would be honest and say that….he is not her boyfriend, never was, and never will be. How can you get mad at ME, for doing something with a guy, that used you to fuck? And you KNEW he was using you to fuck?

We said some reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally bad things to eachother….she tried to call me nasty because of the guys Ive slept with since Ive been newly single. Yet shes slept with 30+ guys, slept with guys for money, slept with guys for material things, given blowjobs for a ride home, slept with girls, slept with her babys dads best friend, had numerous abortions, cheated, had sex with guys who had girlfriends…..and IM nasty????

There is no going back from this: I am stubborn and hard headed, I would never go back and apologize or kiss her ass or even try to fix things. That is not my personality. I cant believe I lost my best friend of 4 years, but at the same time I don’t think I did anything wrong, and everything happens for a reason…
th_dunno.gif
She basically told em she didnt want anything to do with me. AND BY THE WAY, her babys dad never found out about B and K sleeping together. He did however, begin a relationship with one of K's friends. Karma, anyone? She says karma will bite me in the ass: I dont see how, I dont think I did anything wrong at all?


okay... you ask if youve done anything wrong...but i think rather than trying to pinpoint the perpetrator... you should look at the acts alone. Lets try not to include the whole history of whats happend so far for the time being...From what it sounds like, there seems to have been a mismatch of expectations... Let me explain - for example.. If your cold, and your boyfriend has a jacket, you would expect him to offer it, and give it to you even though you would politely decline right? Or for a more relevant example, if you were with your best friend out drinking, but you had to leave, and you knew she had no way of making it back home alone, you wouldnt just leave her there would you?

If youve known each other for 4 years, would it be safe to say that you guys know each other extremely well ? And would it be safe to say that you have developed a trust, and a set of expectations for each other..?

You say that you told your friend 'k', that 'B' was messaging you and you guys were hanging out - And she responded with a care factor of zero. I think this was said and taken too literally. How would you honestly feel if your best friend, was spending time with a guy who practically fucked you off ? To be frankly honest, why would you want to spend time with a guy who did something like that to someone so close to you?

Dont get me wrong, Im not blaming you - I can see where your coming from. How are we meant to read peoples minds ? That is an obvious answer in itself. However as a best friend, would you not expect her to take your side when shit goes down on your side ? Why would you side with anyone other than your best friend ? Isnt the pure and simple reason that they are called your best friend is because they hold a more valued position in your life than other people and acquaintences? By you 'hanging' out with 'B', you pretty much made the choice to look blindly past his wrong to YOUR best friend.The fact that she called you a backstabber, sounds like she very much expected and trusted you to stay clear of him, no matter how much you 'figured' she didnt care, or for how much her focus was elsewhere - Yes she might have gotten over 'B', but from what you say he did to her, it sounds like she tried to maintain her self respect and continue to carry her head high - 'B' was an old wound, and the actions for the chase of 'B' pretty much chucked salt water into that old wound.

Its unfortunate that your 4 years of friendship has gone down the drain. But what I can suggest is to prevent this from ever happnening again for your new best friend is to establish a set of expectations to each other seeing as you didnt know then, you know now. Normally, expectations are learnt and grown throughout the friendship so they dont need to be communicated to each other like that - especially a friendship of 4 years. But if you didnt know this then Im going to have to assume that this friendship must not have been all that close as first thought and I sincerely say this without meaning any offence.

And just a friendly pointer, it is never a good idea to mix your best friends ex, fling, fuck or whatever you may call it - thats why you just dont. Even if they are just a fuck, do you still want to be fucking whoo your friend fucked? You might as well fuck your friend !! ew!! And asides the both of you girls, I would question the nature of 'B' - cheating on his gf, fucking your (ex) best friend, and then trying to hit on her best friend (you)... And for someone like that you, a 4 year friendship was lost. It is really a damn shame to hear that because at the end of the day you would have thought a 4 year friendship would be worth more dont you think?
 

babydoll_020

Active member
Quote:
Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC
Me and my boyfriend have been broken up since February. I have been dating/sleeping with a few guys since then, but that’s MY business. My best friend knew about this, because she knew everything. (we’ll call my “friend” K)

Back in April, she started talking to her baby’s dad’s best friend (we’ll call him B). They ended up taking things to a physical level and even though she knew that’s all he wanted from her (he told her that) she figured (and I quote…) “Maybe years down the line he will want a relationship”
thud.gif
Mind you, B had a girlfriend, whom my friend K was cool with at the time….so she basically fucked her friend’s man.

Okay so they fuck. And he stops calling her after, and then one day calls her, while drunk, and tells her that his girlfriend is pregnant with another man’s baby, but he is going to stick around and work things out with her. So my friend feels stupid, but she lets it go and moves on.

Well things didn’t work out with him and his girlfriend, okay so now he’s single. Like a month or so ago, B send me a message on myspace and we begin talking. Just as friends. I told my friend K about it, the first thing out of her mouth was “Oh, wow you should fuck him”
th_dunno.gif
Ooooooooookay? Anyways!

Things get more flirtatious with me and B, and he ends up basically inviting me to hang out with him. I wouldn’t call myself a whore, I don’t think Im that promiscuous, but Im a grown woman and if I decide to sleep with someone that’s MY business

I tell my friend everything. I told her that he wanted to hang out, but I kept telling her I wouldn’t do that to her because she would be upset, and we were best friends. Time after time, she told me “Well if he wanted me he wouldn’t be trying to fuck you…I don’t care what you do, I don’t want him…” I cant tell you how many times she repeated this to me. Okay so this being 4-5 months AFTER they fucked, I figured she really didn’t care. So me and B began talking about hanging out more.

My friend was still calling me and talking to me all the time during all of this. She was calling me, telling me about the new guy shes talking to, etc. She never mentioned B…..

Me and her hang out on Saturday night, with these 2 guys. She mentioned me hangin out with B, and I mentioned sarcastically “No that’s not until next week” and she said “ooooooh okay!” But like, that was it. The whole ride home she is telling me how much shes into this NEW guy that we hung out with on Saturday (so ladies and gentleman, that’s 2 men that she “really really likes” she is one of the types that always thinks every guy is the one)

She texts me today telling me Im a backstabber blah blah blah. Basically our argument was: She thinks I am wrong for talking to B and planning on sleeping with him. I told her, that if she felt so strongly about it, then she should have told me when I ASKED her, that she didn’t want me to do it. I would never jeopardize our friendship over a guy…me and her been friends for like 4 years or so. If she would have been a woman and said “Rebecca, I wouldn’t be comfortable with you going out with him” I would have respected that and moved on. A fuck is not that important to me. But at the same time, if you tell me that you really don’t care, and you’re talking to 2 different guys at the same time, Im gonna think you don’t care. So then she tells me “It’s the principle….” I said NO K, if you still have feelings for him, be a woman and say it, but don’t lie and act like you don’t. If I didn’t have feelings left for someone, I would be honest and say that….he is not her boyfriend, never was, and never will be. How can you get mad at ME, for doing something with a guy, that used you to fuck? And you KNEW he was using you to fuck?

We said some reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally bad things to eachother….she tried to call me nasty because of the guys Ive slept with since Ive been newly single. Yet shes slept with 30+ guys, slept with guys for money, slept with guys for material things, given blowjobs for a ride home, slept with girls, slept with her babys dads best friend, had numerous abortions, cheated, had sex with guys who had girlfriends…..and IM nasty????

There is no going back from this: I am stubborn and hard headed, I would never go back and apologize or kiss her ass or even try to fix things. That is not my personality. I cant believe I lost my best friend of 4 years, but at the same time I don’t think I did anything wrong, and everything happens for a reason…
th_dunno.gif
She basically told em she didnt want anything to do with me. AND BY THE WAY, her babys dad never found out about B and K sleeping together. He did however, begin a relationship with one of K's friends. Karma, anyone? She says karma will bite me in the ass: I dont see how, I dont think I did anything wrong at all?


okay... you ask if youve done anything wrong...but i think rather than trying to pinpoint the perpetrator... you should look at the acts alone. Lets try not to include the whole history of whats happend so far for the time being...From what it sounds like, there seems to have been a mismatch of expectations... Let me explain - for example.. If your cold, and your boyfriend has a jacket, you would expect him to offer it, and give it to you even though you would politely decline right? Or for a more relevant example, if you were with your best friend out drinking, but you had to leave, and you knew she had no way of making it back home alone, you wouldnt just leave her there would you?

If youve known each other for 4 years, would it be safe to say that you guys know each other extremely well ? And would it be safe to say that you have developed a trust, and a set of expectations for each other..?

You say that you told your friend 'k', that 'B' was messaging you and you guys were hanging out - And she responded with a care factor of zero. I think this was said and taken too literally. How would you honestly feel if your best friend, was spending time with a guy who practically fucked you off ? To be frankly honest, why would you want to spend time with a guy who did something like that to someone so close to you?

Dont get me wrong, Im not blaming you - I can see where your coming from. How are we meant to read peoples minds ? That is an obvious answer in itself. However as a best friend, would you not expect her to take your side when shit goes down on your side ? Why would you side with anyone other than your best friend ? Isnt the pure and simple reason that they are called your best friend is because they hold a more valued position in your life than other people and acquaintences? By you 'hanging' out with 'B', you pretty much made the choice to look blindly past his wrong to YOUR best friend.The fact that she called you a backstabber, sounds like she very much expected and trusted you to stay clear of him, no matter how much you 'figured' she didnt care, or for how much her focus was elsewhere - Yes she might have gotten over 'B', but from what you say he did to her, it sounds like she tried to maintain her self respect and continue to carry her head high - 'B' was an old wound, and the actions for the chase of 'B' pretty much chucked salt water into that old wound.

Its unfortunate that your 4 years of friendship has gone down the drain. But what I can suggest is to prevent this from ever happnening again for your new best friend is to establish a set of expectations to each other seeing as you didnt know then, you know now. Normally, expectations are learnt and grown throughout the friendship so they dont need to be communicated to each other like that - especially a friendship of 4 years. But if you didnt know this then Im going to have to assume that this friendship must not have been all that close as first thought and I sincerely say this without meaning any offence.

And just a friendly pointer, it is never a good idea to mix your best friends ex, fling, fuck or whatever you may call it - thats why you just dont. Even if they are just a fuck, do you still want to be fucking whoo your friend fucked? You might as well fuck your friend !! ew!! And asides the both of you girls, I would question the nature of 'B' - cheating on his gf, fucking your (ex) best friend, and then trying to hit on her best friend (you)... And for someone like that you, a 4 year friendship was lost. It is really a damn shame to hear that because at the end of the day you would have thought a 4 year friendship would be worth more dont you think?
 

emeraldjewels

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Krasevayadancer
She sounds like no friend of yours. Petty, self centered and selfish.

I am sorry to hear about this situation. She had no right to go off on you like that. Do what you feel is best for you and whatever makes you comfortable, don't worry about anyone else (K & B included)


iagree.gif


To me it sounds like she is more bothered about B than your friendship. Do what makes you feel happy, and I don't think you have anything to apologise for.
 

CantAffordMAC

Well-known member
So she has called me a few times since this happened..I kinda blew her off at first. She called me a week ago and wanted to talk, but at the same time she was kind of like, talking about me, and saying she knows I fucked B, etc. I told her, no you're wrong, we hung out but didnt fuck
th_rolleye0014.gif


Anywho, me and B have been hangin out more and more, hes pretty cool. She called me up today and we talked...she doesnt have any hard feelings supposedly....she said she was going through some things and she was just surprised at me...but we talked about me and B and she seems okay with it. Obviously I pretty much already made up my mind as to what I was going to do, but its better now that she doesnt seem to have a problem with it..

Although she is talking to someone new. So that might be why she feels okay with it, but either way. Things seem good now...
smiles.gif
Thanks everyone for your honesty and your help
 
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