prettysecrets
Well-known member
...................................
friend issues
- Thread starter prettysecrets
- Start date
prettysecrets
Well-known member
no advice? :-(
iSHi
Well-known member
Im sorry you're going through this. But ultimately people are going to do what they want to do. I think you should maybe just let her know of your concerns and emphasize the fact that you're telling her these things because you care about her and don't want her to get hurt. I usually have strong opinions as well when it comes to people I love and care about. I tend to soften the blow 
P) by trying to add something positive in.
If she listens to your opinions/advice and still decides to do the opposite, you just have to let her do it. Let her know that you support her, not necessarily her decision in the matter, but her, no matter what. Good luck and I hope things get better for you soon!
P) by trying to add something positive in. If she listens to your opinions/advice and still decides to do the opposite, you just have to let her do it. Let her know that you support her, not necessarily her decision in the matter, but her, no matter what. Good luck and I hope things get better for you soon!
CantAffordMAC
Well-known member
I think maybe you should just not say anything at all. If your friend just wants to tell you about whats going on, then just listen to what she says and don't give input if you don't feel like you have anything nice to say about it. If she asks for your opinion, give it to her. She shouldn't really get too offended if she asks for your honest opinion and you give it to her.
she is her own person and she'll do as she pleases. I guess dating a guy with herpes isn't the worst thing ever. Do you ever see the Valtrex commercials when the person says "I have genital herpes..." and the other one says "But I dont.."
LoL
she is her own person and she'll do as she pleases. I guess dating a guy with herpes isn't the worst thing ever. Do you ever see the Valtrex commercials when the person says "I have genital herpes..." and the other one says "But I dont.."
LoL
tiramisu
Well-known member
The sleeping with a married man is just so completely not right. I say what goes around comes around.. karma and all... someday when she's in a serious relationship, that will be one of the last things she'd (or anyone) would want to happen to her.
The other issue? that's her perogative.. at least apparently the guy is open with her about his condition.
But hey, if we have to keep silent to a BFF when they share such important things? That's ridiculous. Truly, that is what a close friend is for-- you don't have to wait to share your opinions about stuff, or fear you'll ruin the relationship if you have a differing opinion...ou're too close for that, if truly you are BF's.
And someday, either she'll thank you for telling her the truth about how you feel (and be wishing she'd have heeded your advice) OR you will have grown apart by then....
Best of luck to you.. she does appreciate your input, or else she'd be hiding this info from you. I'd just lay low and wait for her to take the lead... and make sure she knows that you care no matter what she decides to do and you support her no matter what.
The other issue? that's her perogative.. at least apparently the guy is open with her about his condition.
But hey, if we have to keep silent to a BFF when they share such important things? That's ridiculous. Truly, that is what a close friend is for-- you don't have to wait to share your opinions about stuff, or fear you'll ruin the relationship if you have a differing opinion...ou're too close for that, if truly you are BF's.
And someday, either she'll thank you for telling her the truth about how you feel (and be wishing she'd have heeded your advice) OR you will have grown apart by then....
Best of luck to you.. she does appreciate your input, or else she'd be hiding this info from you. I'd just lay low and wait for her to take the lead... and make sure she knows that you care no matter what she decides to do and you support her no matter what.
redambition
Well-known member
you may not agree with your friend's choices, and you are entitled to your opinions about what she is doing... but she is her own person and you are not the controller of her life.
by all means offer advice if asked, but remember that she can and will make her own decisions.
if you are making judgments or offering your advice or opinion when she is not asking for it then she is probably reacting to that - it might feel to her that you are pushing your opinion when she just wants you to hear her good news.
by all means offer advice if asked, but remember that she can and will make her own decisions.
if you are making judgments or offering your advice or opinion when she is not asking for it then she is probably reacting to that - it might feel to her that you are pushing your opinion when she just wants you to hear her good news.
faithhopelove24
Well-known member
you have to present the truth, hard as it may seem(but in a loving manner if possible). That's what friends do. The choices she's making right now are not the best ones, I don't care how you tell the story. Wrong is wrong. If she asks for your opinion continue to be truthful with her. Truth be told, people always do what they want to anyway so if she doesn't like what you have to say she will disreguard your opinion.Bottom line... I know this soungs kinda harsh but I think the "Golden rule" applies here. If I was doing something that was not in my best intrest I would want my friend to tell me in order to keep from having an even bigger mess on my hands later.
*KT*
Well-known member
I had a friend who was just head-over-heels for a married guy with two kids and a baby on the way! I thought the whole thing was awful on so many levels, but rather than preach at her about it, I tried to concentrate on how great she was rather than put down the man that she loved. Putting him down was of no use because she'd jump to his defense. So every time she mentioned his wife or that she wanted him to leave her, I'd say something like "You're a beautiful woman who is worth more than all this bullshit" or "This whole thing isn't fair to anyone," or "You deserve a man who's 100% yours, not splitting his time and affection."
She was at a low point in her life and he made her feel beautiful and appreciated. While I couldn't support what she was doing, I could support her as a person and reinforce that she really is a beautiful special person. Eventually, she left him and now we can joke about how he was such a big spineless loser.
She was at a low point in her life and he made her feel beautiful and appreciated. While I couldn't support what she was doing, I could support her as a person and reinforce that she really is a beautiful special person. Eventually, she left him and now we can joke about how he was such a big spineless loser.
Honey B. Fly
Well-known member
i say just tell her what u think even if it pisses her off, shell realize u were right someday. id rather have a friend hate me for a month then have her go sleep with married men and men who have herpes.
redambition
Well-known member
Quote:
question: what is so horrible about herpes? i don't understand so much as it's such a common virus, medically.
it's a strain of the virus that causes cold sores. instead of getting them on your face, you get them down there.
i'd be more worried if a potential partner didn't know if they had it, or were purposefully being evasive about telling me. if someone is open and honest about it, then you can work around it and ensure the relationship (and any physical contact) is done safely.
Originally Posted by Honey B. Fly
i say just tell her what u think even if it pisses her off, shell realize u were right someday. id rather have a friend hate me for a month then have her go sleep with married men and men who have herpes. |
question: what is so horrible about herpes? i don't understand so much as it's such a common virus, medically.
it's a strain of the virus that causes cold sores. instead of getting them on your face, you get them down there.
i'd be more worried if a potential partner didn't know if they had it, or were purposefully being evasive about telling me. if someone is open and honest about it, then you can work around it and ensure the relationship (and any physical contact) is done safely.
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Ask things as questions or start things as "I think" vs. "You're being dumb."
With friends, when they show questionable judgment, I always ask them if they think it's a good idea or I say that I'm not sure if that's what they should do. I make my opinion on that situation very clear and make it clear that it is my opinion but I cannot tell them what to do or what's right for them.
Some people take advice as an attack, if it isn't what they want to hear. My best advice? Approach things as objectively as possible and don't hassle her about things. As her friend, I do believe that you owe it to her to be honest, since i imagine you are looking out for her best interest. However, she is her own person.
With friends, when they show questionable judgment, I always ask them if they think it's a good idea or I say that I'm not sure if that's what they should do. I make my opinion on that situation very clear and make it clear that it is my opinion but I cannot tell them what to do or what's right for them.
Some people take advice as an attack, if it isn't what they want to hear. My best advice? Approach things as objectively as possible and don't hassle her about things. As her friend, I do believe that you owe it to her to be honest, since i imagine you are looking out for her best interest. However, she is her own person.
