Friends rant
- Thread starter nunu
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MACATTAK
Well-known member
I would try one last time with your friend. Ask her to meet up for coffee or dinner or something..then confront her about the situation. Hopefully she will be truthful and let you know what is going on. If she doesn't meet with you/return your calls, emails, then you most likely just have to let this friendship go. Hopefully, you will get the explanation you need and be able to move on from there.
MACATTAK
Well-known member
Yeah that's true. You can't keep chasing her. I've learned that sometimes people just move on..and even though it's not fair and you don't understand it, they have a right to do that. Just leave it up to her to contact you..if she does then it's up to you to decide what you want to do. I wouldn't talk to your roomie about her either...things can get confusing and taken out of context.
purrtykitty
Well-known member
well it sounds like you're doing your best to salvage this friendship. it take two people to make a relationship work - whether it's a romantic or friendly one. you're putting forth more than your share of the effort and she's doing nothing for you in return. it's too bad she's not responding...you sound like a great friend who's willing to go the length to continue your friendship with her. it'll be her loss if she can't figure that out.
SparklingWaves
Well-known member
Yes, you are right. - no response is sending a message loud and clear.
Personally, I don't respect communcation like that. There are a lot of words in the English vocabulary to express whatever is going on with them.
The cold shoulder or shunning behavior is very hurtful and they know it.
I would send one last message letting them know that that I do not respect this behavior of putting you on the ignore button so to speak and that I would appreciate them to use words to express what is going with them. If they can't think enough of respecting themselves and you by doing that, I would interpret their shunning behavior as meaning a termination of the relationship.
Personally, I don't respect communcation like that. There are a lot of words in the English vocabulary to express whatever is going on with them.
The cold shoulder or shunning behavior is very hurtful and they know it.
I would send one last message letting them know that that I do not respect this behavior of putting you on the ignore button so to speak and that I would appreciate them to use words to express what is going with them. If they can't think enough of respecting themselves and you by doing that, I would interpret their shunning behavior as meaning a termination of the relationship.
nunu
Well-known member
thanks girls. I would give it a few days and see how things are. I'm sure her and my roomie are talking about this but my roomie won't tell me why our friend is ignoring me. I already confronted my friend twice about why she's being distanced but she just says she's been busy.
CantAffordMAC
Well-known member
Quote:
Thats how I feel about the situation. I used to have friends that would just stop talking to me out of the blue, and I was left looking stupid trying to guess what I did wrong. If your friend can't be mature enough to come to you and say "hey, you did something I didn't like and it made me upset" than forget her. Nobody is a mind-reader. I don't know how she expected you to just know what you did wrong. She seems very wishy washy (talking to you, sending you messages, then not inviting you to dinner and ignoring you) She sounds very childish. And I think you're way too good for those kinds of people. I would ignore her, since the friendship seems to be fading anyways. If she wants to be friends with you, or let youknow what you "did" than maybe she should figure out how to approach you instead of being a little girl.
About your roommate: I wouldn't be too upset with her. Hey at least she told you what was going on instead of whispering behind your back and being mean. If she wants to stay friends with the girl than thats her perogative. But I don't see why you'd stop being friends with your roommate you know? Maybe she doesn't want to get caught in the middle more than she already is, and thats why she isn't gossiping about why your friend has a problem with you??
Originally Posted by nunu
but i think that if thats how she is treating me then i don't need someone like that in my life. |
Thats how I feel about the situation. I used to have friends that would just stop talking to me out of the blue, and I was left looking stupid trying to guess what I did wrong. If your friend can't be mature enough to come to you and say "hey, you did something I didn't like and it made me upset" than forget her. Nobody is a mind-reader. I don't know how she expected you to just know what you did wrong. She seems very wishy washy (talking to you, sending you messages, then not inviting you to dinner and ignoring you) She sounds very childish. And I think you're way too good for those kinds of people. I would ignore her, since the friendship seems to be fading anyways. If she wants to be friends with you, or let youknow what you "did" than maybe she should figure out how to approach you instead of being a little girl.
About your roommate: I wouldn't be too upset with her. Hey at least she told you what was going on instead of whispering behind your back and being mean. If she wants to stay friends with the girl than thats her perogative. But I don't see why you'd stop being friends with your roommate you know? Maybe she doesn't want to get caught in the middle more than she already is, and thats why she isn't gossiping about why your friend has a problem with you??
gigglegirl
Well-known member
awww *hugs* I know how it feels to feel like you try and talk to someone and they "ignore" you or avoid or whatever. Ugh....its very frustrating esp. if you're not a mind reader that can tell what if anything you did wrong!! I'm too learning that maybe I should just let things go instead of letting myself get treated like that. It sucks and I find it hard but I can't let it dwell b/c then it affects my studying and whatnot. Good luck!
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Your roommate was thrown into a difficult situation. Being stuck between two friends sucks royally. Perhaps sit down to chat with her about it? You can't expect her to divulge everything your "friend" tells her, but perhaps keeping an open line of communication is what you should request. Something ike she doesn't have to go sneaking about when she wants to see your "friend."
nunu
Well-known member
well my roomie and some another friend came back to the flat to use the toilet after the meal, she stayed outside and didn't come in..Plus my roomie didn't talk to me at all when she came back home an hour later ,she stayed in her room which is weird because we normally hang around together.
It's a horrible feeling when you know that people are mentioning you when you don't even know what you've done.
She first complained how i'm never around and now that i have been trying to be involved in her life she is pushing me away.
I really want my roomie to be straight with me but i guess that won't happen, not yet anyways.
It's a horrible feeling when you know that people are mentioning you when you don't even know what you've done.
She first complained how i'm never around and now that i have been trying to be involved in her life she is pushing me away.
I really want my roomie to be straight with me but i guess that won't happen, not yet anyways.
SparklingWaves
Well-known member
I am sorry that this is going on. It's extremely hurtful. But, you always have me.
Willa
Well-known member
I've learn from the past about this situation...
Sometimes people don't know how to comunicate their insatisfactions, keep it inside in front of you but talk about it to the others, and during this you don't understand why everybody is acting weird...
It grows, and it grows and then when you don't expect it, BANG! everybody is mad at you.
Last time it happened to me, I was like : What did I do!!??
They kept doing stuff without me, and suddenly I became the unwanted. My roomate (and friend for 5 years) told me : you know, sometimes we just want to do stuff between us (they were 4!!!), you're my friend, not theirs.
What?
After 4 years hanging out, going to clubs, 2 new years eve, partys and such, I'm not their friend yet?
Yeah right.
I don't need people like you.
I left the appartment, went back to my parent's place, and 6 months after left the city.
They still talk to each other, behind their back too
Don't waste energy on this. You already made your part. If this girl has something against you, the honnest and mature thing to do would be to tell you, try to fix it!
Sometimes people don't know how to comunicate their insatisfactions, keep it inside in front of you but talk about it to the others, and during this you don't understand why everybody is acting weird...
It grows, and it grows and then when you don't expect it, BANG! everybody is mad at you.
Last time it happened to me, I was like : What did I do!!??
They kept doing stuff without me, and suddenly I became the unwanted. My roomate (and friend for 5 years) told me : you know, sometimes we just want to do stuff between us (they were 4!!!), you're my friend, not theirs.
What?
After 4 years hanging out, going to clubs, 2 new years eve, partys and such, I'm not their friend yet?
Yeah right.
I don't need people like you.
I left the appartment, went back to my parent's place, and 6 months after left the city.
They still talk to each other, behind their back too
Don't waste energy on this. You already made your part. If this girl has something against you, the honnest and mature thing to do would be to tell you, try to fix it!
ndn-ista
Well-known member
the same thing happened to me, except it was 4 best friends i grew up with. well i gave them many opps to talk to it out with me, even went to each one of their houses. i thought everything was cool after that, well it has been over 9 months and i have not heard from any of them. u shouldnt waste your time on people who dont want to waste their time on you, even if they are childhood friends. i learned this the hard way. i rather have a casual friend who wants to be there for me and talk things out then a "best friend" who pretend things are okay but then still stabs u in the back again. those 4 jealous b*tches can kiss my laffy taffy =)
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Quote:
Having been caught between two friends before, it's very difficult to stay impartial. If your ex-friend is saying nasty stuff about you, that could very well be affecting how she perceives you. Since you are uncomfortable, living with this girl, and are in school, I really do suggest you talk to her. Brooch it as you noticed her behavior towards you being strange, not that you're suspicious of anything.
| Originally Posted by nunu
well my roomie and some another friend came back to the flat to use the toilet after the meal, she stayed outside and didn't come in..Plus my roomie didn't talk to me at all when she came back home an hour later ,she stayed in her room which is weird because we normally hang around together. It's a horrible feeling when you know that people are mentioning you when you don't even know what you've done. She first complained how i'm never around and now that i have been trying to be involved in her life she is pushing me away. I really want my roomie to be straight with me but i guess that won't happen, not yet anyways. |
Having been caught between two friends before, it's very difficult to stay impartial. If your ex-friend is saying nasty stuff about you, that could very well be affecting how she perceives you. Since you are uncomfortable, living with this girl, and are in school, I really do suggest you talk to her. Brooch it as you noticed her behavior towards you being strange, not that you're suspicious of anything.
