Friends treating Friends badly..

[MACForME]

Hi Ladies..

I'm writing this here, because frankly, you guys have always been honest, yet kind at the same time. I'm upset over something that happened, it might sound juvenile at first.. but once you read it..Maybe you'll be able to either A) tell me what i did wrong or B) reassure me that I'm ok in feeling this way or C) something else.

2 weeks ago, I extended an invitation to my friend Sandy to go to the beach with me and a few friends on 9-2. She gladly accepted and said that she needed the day away. Frankly, so do I.. there is ALOT going on in my life and nothing would be more rejuvenating.. A few days go by, we chattered daily about the plans and all. I had invited 3 other girls but was waiting on them to confirm or not.. By friday, it was only Sandy and I that were confirmed. 2 girls couldn't get the day after Labor Day off.. 1 was having major crisis at home. Friday afternoon (literally, this past friday 8-29) Sandy sends me a text message informing me this "i've asked George to go with us, unless its a girly day".. So, she's invited him, extending my invitation without a simple phone call BEFORE inviting him? yep, she did! I texted her back with a reply it was girls only.. she answered with an "ok, plan for just me then, it wasn't definate with him anyway".. uh? I get home friday afternoon and get another text which said "sorry.. tuesday off.. i'm going with G instead, he's in a funk and maybe this will be good for him".. yep, just like that. I texted back "fine, whatever". i think i have a RIGHT to pissed so far! she texts me again "are you ok, you seem mad".. YA THINK? So, i'm trying to calm down, eat my dinner and she calls.. We talk for a few minutes and all she yaps about is this sorta boyfriend, who, I might add, will NOT commit and refuses to call her his girlfriend. I tell her fine, do whatever you want. Whatever..
To make a long story short, she then posts in her LiveJournal that "tuesday's plans fell thru, so i asked my BF to go to the beach" that was a flat out lie and i called her out on it in an LJ comment and told her to either be honest or don't say anything..she ignores me. I try to talk to her on AIM and explain why I'm angry.. it was more the icy text and lack of total consideration on her part. She knew it was us girls only, which is why she even mentioned in in the first text. Then she says that if she knew it was girls only, and it was only she and i so far, that she woudn't have invited him. I told her that she had no right to extend my invite to him anyway! I make a post in my LJ, expressing my disappointment. This is my first real summer in 2 years. Last year, I was relagated to the house recovering from major surgery. I went nowhere for 14 weeks. She knew how important this day was..
so after some time goes by.. she makes another LJ post on how "she wasn't going to say anything,but' and goes on about the beach cancellation, again totally leaving out her responsibility and blaming me. I told her in a comment, to stop lyiing as this is pissing me off, and if she keeps doing it, she can lose my number.. of course we then get another post on how she's INSULTED and bawled all night..
Then i find out she and G (the BF) broke up on Sunday.. so all this was for nothing. I try to be a decent person, and even though I've done nothin really wrong.. I offer an olive branch.. which went ignored.. Monday night, i make a normal LJ post and a small bit on how said peace offering went ignored. She comments and says "i'm not ignoring, i'm considering".. WHAT?? CONSIDERING?? She's the one that f'd this all up.. lied about it x 2 and treated me like a juvenile because I was annoyed. the comments went back and forth, i again explained my frustration with the lack of consideration and respect for my day and my plans. her answer? i should have provided her with a "guest list"!! Refusing to acknowledge what she did was wrong on 3 counts. she then said fine, she accepts my truce.. and that she apologized and what did i expect, that this is over either by dropping it or unfriending.... My answer was simple, I didn't see any apology and that i expected the same respect that she would want for herself from any of her friends.. and not to accept a truce if she didn't want one, but unfriending was not a choice in my head.. I figured we could have worked this out..
This morning, she unfriended me.

Now, I'm upset for al the above reasons as well as i opened my home to her when she was broke and hungry. i wrote referral letters and helped her find a job, which she subsequently REFUSED.. I even handed out her resume to anyone that was in a position to hire her.. I've been a good friend.. and she's treated me like CRAP...I don't get it.. and I think its for the best.. but seriously.. am I wrong for being upset?

 

[rbella]

I don't think it's wrong to be upset, but with her past history of selfishness, you shouldn't be surprised. I'd either keep her as a friend knowing what to expect (unreliability) or sever your ties with her & you'll be rid of the stress & drama.

 

[MACForME]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rbella I don't think it's wrong to be upset, but with her past history of selfishness, you shouldn't be surprised. I'd either keep her as a friend knowing what to expect (unreliability) or sever your ties with her & you'll be rid of the stress & drama.

thank you-- I kind of "gave the benefit of the doubt".. because I too have made dumb mistakes and have been forgiven, so i extended that same treatment to someone else.. you know?

I didn't get a choice on keeping her as a friend, she unfriended me completely.. Off her LJ, Facebook, and Myspace. I'm angry also because a mutual friend said "i see both sides".. BOTH sides?? How is there 2 sides?? She created this mess, and I'm NOT supposed to react to the escalation of the issue when she lied to cover her butt and make me look like the bad guy..

But you know, you're right, I am free of the stress and drama.. good point.

 

[rbella]

I'm confused. Do you only know her via web? How do you just "un-friend" soneone forever by the click of a button? I'm not familiar w/ myspace, LJ,etc. Just wondering.

 

[Simply Elegant]

I sort of think this is a blessing in disguise because it seems that you were being reasonable and she is just taking advantage of you being nice and so helpful. She doesn't seem like a friend worth having around, even one to just to go out and have fun and not confide in. She twisted the story around to make herself come out and top and that made you feel bad, so why would you want to be around someone who is always doing that to you. Friends are supposed to make friends feel good about themselves and if she can't reciprocate similar treatment that you offer her then maybe this is just you giving too much and it's best that she's cut ties now. I think once some time has passed it'll be easier to see how beneficial this is to you. You'll have more time to spend with people that actually care about you instead of being with someone that is using you when it's convenient for her. Better to dump toxic friends early than wait for them to change. If she wants to befriend you again, she'll initiate it.

 

[MACATTAK]

This "friend" sounds like a doosey...definitely no one to lose sleep over. It may be for the best that she "unfriended" you. It sounds like too much drama, and very high school. I'd find some new, honest, reliable friends.

 

[SkylarV217]

I agree, she doesn't sound like a friend worth keeping. At one point in time i had to make the tough decision of only working my butt off for the friends that wanted and deserved to be in my life. - I'm not rude to anyone, but by focusing on the people that are worth it. My life is much better and DRAMA FREE

 

[emeraldjewels]

i don't think she is worth being upset about, she doesn't sound like the kind of friend you should hold on to. Its sounds like she likes all this kind of drama to me. I think your better off without her.

 

[florabundance]

I think so many people have people in their lives that are like the girl you describe. All take, no give type of thing. It's one thing that i personally have never been able to accept though. The key to a good friendship for me has always been to be there for EACHOTHER. I've always tried to steer clear of 'convenience friends', like the one you described - turns to you conveniently when shit isnt going good but when things are fine, treats you badly. From the sound of things, she's someone you don't need in your life.

 

[rockin26]

I'm sorry to hear that it got as far as it did. She sounds like she's being really dramatic and going out of her way to upset you to probably make herself feel better because she's behaved so badly. I'd give her a couple of weeks to lick her wounds and think about what's happened when she's calmed down, I think she'll come crawling back wanting to make up.

I don't think you did anything wrong but it sounds like there was allot of emotion involved and you both probably just need your space from each other for now. Keep us posted!

 

[GlossyAbby]

I would be upset too....cancelling your palns with a friend for a dude unless its an emergency situation is just uncalled for!

 

[Krasevayadancer]

You are completely in the right, no question about that.

Your friend sounds needy, rude, and inconsiderate. Truth be told she doesn't seem to be all that emotionally stable herself. To flake on you when something was important to you and then to turn around and blame you for it is not cool at all.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I posted in the thread that was deleted (I think you double posted), but you are really better off without her. Friends who prioritize like that are not really good friends to have around, and a friend that selfish is really toxic. You feel angry and sad a lot, because s/he is too stuck in his/her own world to care about anything that doesn't affect him/her.

 

[MACForME]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rbella I'm confused. Do you only know her via web? How do you just "un-friend" soneone forever by the click of a button? I'm not familiar w/ myspace, LJ,etc. Just wondering.

I'm sorry I confused you. No, we are friends in real life..She "unfriended" me off her friends lists, i suppose to prove a point? i don't know..

 

[rbella]

Don't apologize, I'm just so far behind in all these things. I have no clue about all these websites. Too much for my brain!!!

Anyway, that is a pretty petty way to go about things. I say forget her.

 

[MACForME]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACATTAK This "friend" sounds like a doosey...definitely no one to lose sleep over. It may be for the best that she "unfriended" you. It sounds like too much drama, and very high school. I'd find some new, honest, reliable friends.

I agree. But someone who is a mutual friend said to me "L, I can see BOTH sides of this issue".. I wasn't sure what I had done wrong.. Like I said, ok, I was a bit harsh with the "lose my number" bit.. and even though her actions did fuel my anger.. I should have known better than to post replies when I'm that mad..

I still dont see "both sides" of this issue!

And I appreciate your input, thank you.

 

[MACForME]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockin26 I'm sorry to hear that it got as far as it did. She sounds like she's being really dramatic and going out of her way to upset you to probably make herself feel better because she's behaved so badly. I'd give her a couple of weeks to lick her wounds and think about what's happened when she's calmed down, I think she'll come crawling back wanting to make up. I don't think you did anything wrong but it sounds like there was allot of emotion involved and you both probably just need your space from each other for now. Keep us posted!

Greetings my Aussie Friend..

And thank you for your input. I appreciate it alot.. And, believe it or not, I have an update.. We have a mutual friend that has done the smart thing by staying out of this mess.. I did make a post on my LiveJournal about someone else who's goin thru something and how Karma will get the guy that broke her heart.. Well, this mutual friend informed me that Sandy (the bad friend) took my post PERSONALLY and felt that i aimed it at her... maybe because it was posted after she informed us all that she and boyfriend broke up.. can you IMAGINE that ego!!! I told said mutual friend that the Karma post had ZERO to do with Sandy.. and to prove it.. I copied/pasted a IM conversation I had with my OTHER friend (who the Karma post was about) to the mutual friend.. who was like-- OMG!! So she told Sandy, but only after trying to get ME to tell Sandy.. I was like, no way.. its my damn post, and no way do i have to explain it.. F that!

GUESS who text messaged me today that she "wants to call me".

I had a very hard time *not* telling her to go take a long walk off a short pier.

 

[MACForME]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krasevayadancer You are completely in the right, no question about that. Your friend sounds needy, rude, and inconsiderate. Truth be told she doesn't seem to be all that emotionally stable herself. To flake on you when something was important to you and then to turn around and blame you for it is not cool at all.

that-- is EXACTLY the whole reason I was mad! you are my type of friend..

 

[rockin26]

Yup, it sounds like she's had time to think about what's happened and probably realises she's the one in the wrong. I'm guessing even if you 2 do have a go and putting this behind you then the friendship will never be the same again. And what happens when she gets another BF, is she just going to dump on you again? I really hate girls that do that to their friends when they have a fella.

You know what the friendship was like better than all of us so I'm sure you'll make the right decisions, but don't feel bad about culling a friend here and there. I got rid of a couple of friends who I felt held me back more than being supportive and loyal and I feel heaps better for it.

 

[Simply Elegant]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACForME I agree. But someone who is a mutual friend said to me "L, I can see BOTH sides of this issue".. I wasn't sure what I had done wrong.. Like I said, ok, I was a bit harsh with the "lose my number" bit.. and even though her actions did fuel my anger.. I should have known better than to post replies when I'm that mad.. I still dont see "both sides" of this issue! And I appreciate your input, thank you.

No matter who has the most truthful side to the story, there are still 2 sides, one from each person involved. Some of it may have been what she perceived you to be saying and some of it may have been twisted around to suit what she wants others to know (most likely). If you don't know exactly what she said to your mutual friend, there could be things your friend left out or exaggerated to make your mutual friend see this person's point of view.

For example, she may have exaggerated how much her boyfriend needed her and maybe downplayed how much you wanted this to work out.