Guyfriends who want more than just "friendship"?

[X4biddenxLustX]

It just seems as if I can't have a NORMAL friendship (just a friendship, nothing more!) with any guy unless he's gay seriously.

I can't even count how many guys I have been friends with in the past and how many times they've "hit" on me and not really in a joking way either. I don't get it, why me?! I make it known in all my friendships with guys that I JUST want to be friends. I'm not interested in being involved with any of them sexually or romantically not even down the line. It's weird cause I sort of see them as brother figures more than anything and the thought of me getting it on with a brother of mines, well freaks me out lol!

It just makes me feel kind of used in a way. That a guy that I trust and am close with just are hanging out with me or talking to me cause he wants something in return. I'm more than a piece of ass. Even if there intentions are good and they actually want a relationship with me, I don't want a relationship with any guy really period. I let them know that but it falls on deaf ears seriously, they just will keep trying.


Currently I have been friends with this guy I had known in high school for about a year. We were pretty close and hung out in school and everything. He had a gf he was on and off with and I kind of had a guy that I was involved with. We both knew that and so did everyone else that we hung out with at school. A lot of people told me that he liked me and was practically obsessed with me even before we started really talking and hanging out (I first met him during my 10th grade year. He transferred to another school 11th grade. During the beginning of those 2 years we didn't really talk. He somehow had my screename and would occasionally im me. I didn't talk to him much cause I didn't know him too well. But we became pretty good friends senior year when he transfered back). He's a sweet guy, he really is a great friend and all.

But after I graduated he would text me but all the texts would begin with "Hey how are you my love. I miss you so much..." stuff like that EVERYTIME. It just weirds me out, I can't explain it. Last time he texted me, he did the usual. I just gave him short simple answers when we talked about how we were doing and stuff. Just simple conversation. But out of nowhere the next text message he sends me says, " Hey when are you and me going to get together and have a kid?....just joking. How's your finger?" (I had hurt my finger and posted a bulletin about it on myspace.). I just did not know what to think. Yeah it's a joke obviously but still it came out of nowhere and just really wasn't that funny. Again all I can say is weird. I didn't text him back and haven't in days. He hasn't texted me after that either.

I just feel like I'm a magnet for men who either want to have sex with me or pursue a romantic relationship with. I don't get why though?! I don't think I'm giving off the wrong message to them at all. I tell them straight up when they ask me if I have a boyfriend or anything like that that I DON'T date and have no interest in doing so. All I can offer is friendship seriously.

 

[TISH1124]

Men will be men...It's up to women to set the boundaries and enforce them. Just IMO

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 Men will be men...It's up to women to set the boundaries and enforce them. Just IMO

Yeah, I guess it's just them being men. I kind of get jealous when I hear about this girl being friends just friends with a guy without him being creepy like that.

I just don't want to feel bad about ending a friendship with someone who I know is a good person but just can't accept that I don't want to get involved with them.

 

[TISH1124]

I have several guy friends that are just friends...they however know that they can't and should not try to cross my boundaries nor disrespect them...and I respect them in the same manner.. ...We have been friends for many years..I find them attractive and vice versa but that is the end of it....No trying to make a love connection or hook up

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 I have several guy friends that are just friends...they however know that they can't and should not try to cross my boundaries nor disrespect them...and I respect them in the same manner.. ...We have been friends for many years..I find them attractive and vice versa but that is the end of it....No trying to make a love connection or hook up

I want that kind of understanding about boundaries! No matter how much I tell them, they don't listen. Guess I'll just cut them loose instead of bearing anymore awkward moments.

 

[User93]

I'm ready for you ladies throwing roaten tomatoes at me, and it's just IMO -

but I never believed in friendship between man and a woman. There is a saying that is man and woman are friends they are either past or future lovers. I do believe obviously in having coleagues/co-workers/etc from opposite sex... But friends. No, I just don't

 

[LMD84]

my friend laura says that men and women can't be friends. personally i think they can but it takes work! i've had a fair few guy friends who ended up trying it on with me even though i had a boyfriend at the time - one even had a girlfriend!! generally when that happens that's the end of the friendship!

the guys who i am actually friends with though and nothing has happened are the guys that i don't find attractive. now i know that sounds terrible but i think that the ones i was attracted to i'd unknowingly send out flirtatous vibes or something! therefore giving them the oppotunity to try it on. however the ones that i don't find attractive i don't send out any unwanted vibes! and so far so good!

i understand your frustration about it because it's sad to lose a friend because of something like this.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alibi I'm ready for you ladies throwing roaten tomatoes at me, and it's just IMO - but I never believed in friendship between man and a woman. There is a saying that is man and woman are friends they are either past or future lovers. I do believe obviously in having coleagues/co-workers/etc from opposite sex... But friends. No, I just don't

Quote:

Originally Posted by LMD84 my friend laura says that men and women can't be friends. personally i think they can but it takes work! i've had a fair few guy friends who ended up trying it on with me even though i had a boyfriend at the time - one even had a girlfriend!! generally when that happens that's the end of the friendship! the guys who i am actually friends with though and nothing has happened are the guys that i don't find attractive. now i know that sounds terrible but i think that the ones i was attracted to i'd unknowingly send out flirtatous vibes or something! therefore giving them the oppotunity to try it on. however the ones that i don't find attractive i don't send out any unwanted vibes! and so far so good! i understand your frustration about it because it's sad to lose a friend because of something like this.

When things use to be pretty drama free (long time ago!) I thought that it was very easy to maintain a completely platonic relationship between a guy and a girl. But things have changed and I believe that it IS possible but can be quite difficult. Cause usually most of the time eventually someone is going to decide that they want more and try to pursue things further regardless of what the other person truly wants or doesn't want. I guess you have to nip things in the butt if someone starts showing interest and the other person isn't.

I've noticed too that I do befriend guys who I don't find attractive romantically or sexually too also. This way I know I won't fall for them which only leads to trouble really. But if I were to befriend a guy that I thought was attractive then I'd probably end up being the one who wants pursue something further. Shallow, I know but I just can't help it. Usually for me either the attraction is there to begin with or not. Again I've also see my guyfriends as "big brothers" you know how where you can just hang out with them, have fun, and they'll look after you just like a real big brother would? I guess I like that quality in the guys that I befriend.

I'm always careful now when I meet guys and I try as hard as I can to never give them the wrong message. I'll straight up tell them if they start flirting or insinuating something I feel goes further than just being friends that they NEED to know I'm not interested. And with the amount of wackos in this world (believe me, I've met quite a few in my dating days) I don't even want to bother being friends with guys anymore. You never know when they will go obsessive and crazy on you!

 

[kaliraksha]

My boyfriend claims that guys (based on his guy friends and him) don't talk to a girl initially unless they are attracted to her and would date her. They might be able to respect the friendship boundary if they try and depending on the person... but more than likely when you're single their mind will wander. Eventually he's going to try his luck again.

 

[milamonster]

Like Tish said men will be men. But you have to have your boundaries. There’s a big difference between a little playfulness and a full blown asking u out or trying to kiss you. IN the cases of the last two, if you tell them no and they can’t respect that then maybe you need new friends. This is not OK in any kind of way and it’s pretty alarming…Since this keeps happening to you then…I’m not going to say it’s your fault. But if you’re coming to specktra for help then the only thing we can do is give YOU advice and help. These men are not here asking us for advice. You only have control of yourself so everything I write will be directed to you because you control yourself only and can change the situations and how you carry yourself. But initially perhaps these guys are attracted to you from the get go. Make it very clear that you are taken and don’t engage in any flirty behavior. Yeh, I know what you’re going to say…youre going to say you don’t. You’re right im sure you don’t do it on purpose but im talking about anything that you might be doing unconsciously. For example some people are just natural flirts. Sometimes my guy friends would end up liking me and flirting more than they should and it would get uncomfortable. But then one of my friends pointed out some of my behavior that I was doing that I could TOTALLY see what somewhat flirty…And it was more apparent with certain guys that I myself found attractive. This things we don’t do on purpose but they do happen. You’re obviously an attractive girl so just be aware of that. Some guys may not even have being a friend in mind when they meet you…they may think …”oh ok we can be friends for now but maybe we can date or have a friends with benefits type deal going on” . You need to recognize that from get go. Maybe be a bit more selective about your friends…And HOW you meet them. For example do you meet these dudes at clubs? Bars? Etc etc. They may have an idea that youre interested in them or something like that. Or maybe…did you approach them first? Or did they? I mean…they could think that you might be interested and playing hard to get or something else ridiculous. Men have crazy nonsensical things running through their heads at times. But the point is to be aware of how you come off upon meeting as in MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION…and that good impression is hi …I want a new FRIEND. Make it clear that you are not interested in him in any way. Or in men in general…lol Other than your boyfriend if you have one. I’m going for the extreme here because it sounds like that s what you need since it keeps happening. If the dudes make a sexual innuendo, cut it off. If a convo’s turning the wrong way…switch topics. Treat him the same as your one of your girl friends. Mention that this girl in the store is hot and that he should go talk to HER (not you!). Or For example, think of all the things that might drive a guy away if you were dating…like How to lose a guy in 10 days haha. maybe do that. Lol. That takes that idea out of his head that you are a potential and more like a little sister/big sister. If you start to think they may be hinting then throw them off with something like talking about another guy or something. And if you can see (before they make a move) that they are head over heels for you…then you may need to let them go because this is something that clearly bothers you. I know this sounds ridiculous and daunting but if you want to have male friends and are THAT worried about them flirting with you then you may have to start changing a lot of things… But up front I wills ay…if these dudes continue on EVEN after you doing all this stuff and really paying attention to yourself…then they need to be kicked to the curb…

 

[3jane]

Boyf says: if a guy is talking to a girl when he doesn't have to (eg cousin-of-gf, girl-at-register), he's interested. Period.
(Only exception is if he's no longer interested. But you bet he thought about it at first.)

As a rule, think of guys as acquaintances-- ok to run into at parties, fun to chat with sometimes, useful for job leads, whatev. But it's not like he's a dear dear friend, and it's not like you're losing a bosom-buddy if he acts inappropriately.

 

[BloopBloop]

dang we are totally on the same boat! i have that issue with work and school. It gets annoying, especially at work because i notice the guys hovering around me, when they're supposed to be across the room taking care of whatever i deployed them to do. its hard for me because i dont really get along with girls as easily. (its hard to find a girlfriend who isnt quick to judge, you know how we can get.)

are you single or actually have a bf? im single and i just lie, and tell them im taken as well.

 

[MissResha]

the only guy friend i have who is truly a FRIEND, is gay.

and i have lots of men in my life. they're MY friends. I'm THEIR friend. but they definitely want to be the first i call if me and my current bf break up lol.

i dont think theres anything you can do about it. like tish said, just set the boundaries and let'em know its not gonna go down. they tend to back off. but the idea will never leave their perverted minds.










*def. keep one as a backburner backup just in case your boyfriend fucks up LMFAO im so kidding......









sort of

 

[BloopBloop]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissResha the only guy friend i have who is truly a FRIEND, is gay. and i have lots of men in my life. they're MY friends. I'm THEIR friend. but they definitely want to be the first i call if me and my current bf break up lol. i dont think theres anything you can do about it. like tish said, just set the boundaries and let'em know its not gonna go down. they tend to back off. but the idea will never leave their perverted minds. *def. keep one as a backburner backup just in case your boyfriend fucks up LMFAO im so kidding...... sort of

oh you!

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

The same guy who I had mentioned before sent me a text earlier today saying...." I miss you my love xoxo". Now I'm use to the whole "my love" part whatever that means but the xoxo part just seriously freaked me out. I didn't reply back. I don't know wtf to say that.


Quote:

Originally Posted by kaliraksha My boyfriend claims that guys (based on his guy friends and him) don't talk to a girl initially unless they are attracted to her and would date her. They might be able to respect the friendship boundary if they try and depending on the person... but more than likely when you're single their mind will wander. Eventually he's going to try his luck again.

I swear that sometimes I think that the majority of guys out there are on the "prowl" like all the time for girls. It makes me think too of what we notice first in people we become friends with who are the opposite sex, like what initially draws us to each other IF there is no sexual or romantic attraction.

Quote:

Originally Posted by milamonster Like Tish said men will be men. But you have to have your boundaries. There’s a big difference between a little playfulness and a full blown asking u out or trying to kiss you. IN the cases of the last two, if you tell them no and they can’t respect that then maybe you need new friends. This is not OK in any kind of way and it’s pretty alarming…Since this keeps happening to you then…I’m not going to say it’s your fault. But if you’re coming to specktra for help then the only thing we can do is give YOU advice and help. These men are not here asking us for advice. You only have control of yourself so everything I write will be directed to you because you control yourself only and can change the situations and how you carry yourself. But initially perhaps these guys are attracted to you from the get go. Make it very clear that you are taken and don’t engage in any flirty behavior. Yeh, I know what you’re going to say…youre going to say you don’t. You’re right im sure you don’t do it on purpose but im talking about anything that you might be doing unconsciously. For example some people are just natural flirts. Sometimes my guy friends would end up liking me and flirting more than they should and it would get uncomfortable. But then one of my friends pointed out some of my behavior that I was doing that I could TOTALLY see what somewhat flirty…And it was more apparent with certain guys that I myself found attractive. This things we don’t do on purpose but they do happen. You’re obviously an attractive girl so just be aware of that. Some guys may not even have being a friend in mind when they meet you…they may think …”oh ok we can be friends for now but maybe we can date or have a friends with benefits type deal going on” . You need to recognize that from get go. Maybe be a bit more selective about your friends…And HOW you meet them. For example do you meet these dudes at clubs? Bars? Etc etc. They may have an idea that youre interested in them or something like that. Or maybe…did you approach them first? Or did they? I mean…they could think that you might be interested and playing hard to get or something else ridiculous. Men have crazy nonsensical things running through their heads at times. But the point is to be aware of how you come off upon meeting as in MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION…and that good impression is hi …I want a new FRIEND. Make it clear that you are not interested in him in any way. Or in men in general…lol Other than your boyfriend if you have one. I’m going for the extreme here because it sounds like that s what you need since it keeps happening. If the dudes make a sexual innuendo, cut it off. If a convo’s turning the wrong way…switch topics. Treat him the same as your one of your girl friends. Mention that this girl in the store is hot and that he should go talk to HER (not you!). Or For example, think of all the things that might drive a guy away if you were dating…like How to lose a guy in 10 days haha. maybe do that. Lol. That takes that idea out of his head that you are a potential and more like a little sister/big sister. If you start to think they may be hinting then throw them off with something like talking about another guy or something. And if you can see (before they make a move) that they are head over heels for you…then you may need to let them go because this is something that clearly bothers you. I know this sounds ridiculous and daunting but if you want to have male friends and are THAT worried about them flirting with you then you may have to start changing a lot of things… But up front I wills ay…if these dudes continue on EVEN after you doing all this stuff and really paying attention to yourself…then they need to be kicked to the curb…

Thanks for mentioning all of that. It made me think a lot about things. Like how I could possibly be sending off the wrong message without intentionally doing it or even noticing that I'm doing it. I use to be a HUGE flirt back in my younger days but have stopped these recently few years. But just maybe I've it's like naturally in me to flirt...? If that makes any sense? I have tried my hardest to intentionally nip any behavior that may give them the wrong signal but I'll need to do even a better job on that now.

I think I'm going to tell every guy that I meet now and that seems friendly that I have a boyfriend even though I don't. Hopefully that'll be another form of guyfriends falling in love with me-itis repellent! I use to think that me telling them about my anti-relationship beliefs (this only applies to myself) and how I'm very adamant about not dating or doing anything romantic with guys would be enough. Boy was I wrong. And if they obviously don't get that I'm not interested and never will be and keep trying I'll just have to cut them off. I use to not want to feel like I was being an ass though for doing that. But if I'm not feeling comfortable I don't think it's worth enduring any longer. I have tried the whole changing the subject and ignoring their flirty or sexual innuedos and stuff. Doesn't work. They'll keep at it. I swear they're like zombies that just won't die and quit. I've got no choose but to nip it in the butt completely.

I meet most of my guyfriends from school. Usually we have a big group of friends that all get along and hang out. We were all pretty open people which might be another reason this is happening to me. I met my last bf at a club and yeah didn't end very well, learned my lesson!

I've actually tried the whole "oh look at that girl over their she's hot you should talk to her..." approach before. It has worked. Or I'd purposely try to find a girl for them. So I could I guess "transfer" any possibly feelings or whatever they have for me or possbily have for me in the future onto another girl. I had given an ex-guyfriend tips on how to find a girl in different settings. He had told me that "If we had more similiar morals I'd so date you." Whoah buddy, no thanks.

I just seriously feel like I CAN'T have guyfriends anymore unless their gay. I'll just stick to just girls I guess, I can't be worrying about putting myself in uncomfortable and possibly unsafe situations (I had another ex-guyfriend who woud always try to tickle me so he could touch me in other places. Yeah his ass was gone).

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissResha the only guy friend i have who is truly a FRIEND, is gay. and i have lots of men in my life. they're MY friends. I'm THEIR friend. but they definitely want to be the first i call if me and my current bf break up lol. i dont think theres anything you can do about it. like tish said, just set the boundaries and let'em know its not gonna go down. they tend to back off. but the idea will never leave their perverted minds. *def. keep one as a backburner backup just in case your boyfriend fucks up LMFAO im so kidding...... sort of

Don't you hate it when they're constantly asking you about the status of your relationship?! It's like their vultures ready to prey on us poor little ladies when we break up with someone...


Rofl at the last part. I use to actually do that....back in the day thought lol.

 

[milamonster]

Quote:

Originally Posted by X4biddenxLustX The same guy who I had mentioned before sent me a text earlier today saying...." I miss you my love xoxo". Now I'm use to the whole "my love" part whatever that means but the xoxo part just seriously freaked me out. I didn't reply back. I don't know wtf to say that. I swear that sometimes I think that the majority of guys out there are on the "prowl" like all the time for girls. It makes me think too of what we notice first in people we become friends with who are the opposite sex, like what initially draws us to each other IF there is no sexual or romantic attraction. Thanks for mentioning all of that. It made me think a lot about things. Like how I could possibly be sending off the wrong message without intentionally doing it or even noticing that I'm doing it. I use to be a HUGE flirt back in my younger days but have stopped these recently few years. But just maybe I've it's like naturally in me to flirt...? If that makes any sense? I have tried my hardest to intentionally nip any behavior that may give them the wrong signal but I'll need to do even a better job on that now. I think I'm going to tell every guy that I meet now and that seems friendly that I have a boyfriend even though I don't. Hopefully that'll be another form of guyfriends falling in love with me-itis repellent! I use to think that me telling them about my anti-relationship beliefs (this only applies to myself) and how I'm very adamant about not dating or doing anything romantic with guys would be enough. Boy was I wrong. And if they obviously don't get that I'm not interested and never will be and keep trying I'll just have to cut them off. I use to not want to feel like I was being an ass though for doing that. But if I'm not feeling comfortable I don't think it's worth enduring any longer. I have tried the whole changing the subject and ignoring their flirty or sexual innuedos and stuff. Doesn't work. They'll keep at it. I swear they're like zombies that just won't die and quit. I've got no choose but to nip it in the butt completely. I meet most of my guyfriends from school. Usually we have a big group of friends that all get along and hang out. We were all pretty open people which might be another reason this is happening to me. I met my last bf at a club and yeah didn't end very well, learned my lesson! I've actually tried the whole "oh look at that girl over their she's hot you should talk to her..." approach before. It has worked. Or I'd purposely try to find a girl for them. So I could I guess "transfer" any possibly feelings or whatever they have for me or possbily have for me in the future onto another girl. I had given an ex-guyfriend tips on how to find a girl in different settings. He had told me that "If we had more similiar morals I'd so date you." Whoah buddy, no thanks. I just seriously feel like I CAN'T have guyfriends anymore unless their gay. I'll just stick to just girls I guess, I can't be worrying about putting myself in uncomfortable and possibly unsafe situations (I had another ex-guyfriend who woud always try to tickle me so he could touch me in other places. Yeah his ass was gone).

hey girl don't give up.!!!just stand your ground and keep those boundaries even if you have to tell them do not even ask me about my boyfriend, if i m single blah blah blah or we can't be friends anymore! For some...they don't take "nice" things...they don't "hear" it. LIke i say, some people don't learn their lesson til they get thier ass beat. ROFL. Im not saying beat someone up but i you may have to be a bit more rowdy. (you know what i mean...) im just saying if some tellin off is needed, go head...because some guys don't get no means no and don't take it seriously...I had a few guyfrineds like that too, and until i screamed at him and looked pissed off (Rahter than my smiley face and softer voice) did he really get the message. Maybe he got a bit scared? haha. But Keep in note, being nice to a guy (as you should with any ol person) can often just make them think you like them romantically so really dont be hard on yourself.

i understand you too girl because i have guy friends who do that. i once had a guy friend randomly come over when me and my girlf riends were watching a movie. but when it was over he decided he wanted to stay.i told him i was goign to bed soon but he didnt seem to be in a hurty i made it clear that i wanted to go to bed...i dont know if he wanted to go with me or what

. Love and BAsketball was on and in comes the love scene and this fool has the audacity to make comments like ...I wouldn't do that like that...id do it that way and was trying to strike up a convo with all these sexual innuendos...basically flat out. . I basically go t up and acting like i was looking for something in the fridge. Despite this... Sexual innuendos kept on and it got way weird and obvious that he was tryign to create something. Like he was creating this tension...it was just making me feel akward but he kept going...and i just told him to leave (in a nice way...said i had to sleep). I didn't have to cuss him out but I made it very clear. I was nice...but I honestly didn't have to be. But im like i know this fool aint "tryin to set the mood right?" There was lots of other things he had done before but this is basicallywhere i made it stop lol. You might have to lose some guy frineds if they keep crossing the lines and its too much to handle, but liek we said if they cant stay right there...then theyre not that great of a friend to show you respect...
question: does this also happen with your guy friends that are marired or have girlfriends?

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by milamonster hey girl don't give up.!!!just stand your ground and keep those boundaries even if you have to tell them do not even ask me about my boyfriend, if i m single blah blah blah or we can't be friends anymore! For some...they don't take "nice" things...they don't "hear" it. LIke i say, some people don't learn their lesson til they get thier ass beat. ROFL. Im not saying beat someone up but i you may have to be a bit more rowdy. (you know what i mean...) im just saying if some tellin off is needed, go head...because some guys don't get no means no and don't take it seriously...I had a few guyfrineds like that too, and until i screamed at him and looked pissed off (Rahter than my smiley face and softer voice) did he really get the message. Maybe he got a bit scared? haha. But Keep in note, being nice to a guy (as you should with any ol person) can often just make them think you like them romantically so really dont be hard on yourself. i understand you too girl because i have guy friends who do that. i once had a guy friend randomly come over when me and my girlf riends were watching a movie. but when it was over he decided he wanted to stay.i told him i was goign to bed soon but he didnt seem to be in a hurty i made it clear that i wanted to go to bed...i dont know if he wanted to go with me or what . Love and BAsketball was on and in comes the love scene and this fool has the audacity to make comments like ...I wouldn't do that like that...id do it that way and was trying to strike up a convo with all these sexual innuendos...basically flat out. . I basically go t up and acting like i was looking for something in the fridge. Despite this... Sexual innuendos kept on and it got way weird and obvious that he was tryign to create something. Like he was creating this tension...it was just making me feel akward but he kept going...and i just told him to leave (in a nice way...said i had to sleep). I didn't have to cuss him out but I made it very clear. I was nice...but I honestly didn't have to be. But im like i know this fool aint "tryin to set the mood right?" There was lots of other things he had done before but this is basicallywhere i made it stop lol. You might have to lose some guy frineds if they keep crossing the lines and its too much to handle, but liek we said if they cant stay right there...then theyre not that great of a friend to show you respect... question: does this also happen with your guy friends that are marired or have girlfriends?

Ahh the thought process that men have just boggles my mind! I'm glad to know that it's OKAY for me to get a bit more strict and perhaps a tad bit bitchy if they don't get it. And that's after a hundred turn downs/rejections and times that I've told them I don't do boyfriend girlfriend type stuff anymore. I just hate feeling like I'm being an ass though cause I really do try to be nice to everyone. But sometimes it leads to me getting walked all over and feeling uncomfortable like in situations like this. My therapist always tells me that if I'm not feeling okay with something for any reason, it needs to be addressed asap.

I never thought of it that way that men take us talking nicely to them like we would with anyother person or friend as a romantic jesture. Again their minds baffle me.

I'm just thinking about how I'm going to approach this guy who I was talking about. He lives too far from me so we don't even see each other it's all just texting. Perhaps something like..."Hey we are FRIENDS and I'd like to keep you as one. But I DO NOT feel comfortable at all when you say things like "my love" "xoxo" or make odd jokes that hint towards something inappropriate. I'd really like for you to stop and to treat me and to speak to me like a normal person. You already know my stance on relationships and I'm anti-them. Now I'm not saying you want a relationship or whatever with me but I don't want you to do anything that makes me feel as if you do. Again it doesn't make me feel comfortable." I tried to be as non-bitchy as I can but still have a backbone.

I now think that watching a movie whether it's in a theatre or even worse at someone's house when it's only you and someone of the opposite sex is just a badddddd idea. I had an ex-guyfriend come over and just hang out. He was already giving me some weird vibes which I should of listened to cause he ended up being a back stabbing asshole. But anyways we were sitting on the couch watching Casino Royale. Nothing happened though cause my parents were home and I kept on moving further to the end of the couch and avoiding any eye contact with him. Still I got weird vibes cause I have caught him staring at my chest one time when I was laughing and they were ahem...shaking cause of that. Plus he kept on fixing his crotch area?!!

. Weird as fuck gotta tell you, unless he has crabs or something don't really know what his need to grab his crotch every 2 minutes was. In that situation and plus the fact that he did a ton of other shady stuff, I didn't feel like it was worth it at all to even try to salvage the friendship. Bottom line was he made me feel uncomfortable. Friends don't do that.

I don't have any guyfriends who are married. But I think it happens to me with guys have girlfriends and guys who don't. I'll say it's a close tie but it's mostly single guys who do this with me.

 

[milamonster]

your therapist is definitely right. Listen to him/her hehe! i think thats the exact reason people , especially women, get walked over. Because we dont want to be mean. Guys usually have no problem doing this you knwo? hahaha. and what i meant about being nice to dudes, i just meant sometimes some men take it the wrong way and think it means more or flirting...some men are just weird. lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by X4biddenxLustX Ahh the thought process that men have just boggles my mind! I'm glad to know that it's OKAY for me to get a bit more strict and perhaps a tad bit bitchy if they don't get it. And that's after a hundred turn downs/rejections and times that I've told them I don't do boyfriend girlfriend type stuff anymore. I just hate feeling like I'm being an ass though cause I really do try to be nice to everyone. But sometimes it leads to me getting walked all over and feeling uncomfortable like in situations like this. My therapist always tells me that if I'm not feeling okay with something for any reason, it needs to be addressed asap. I never thought of it that way that men take us talking nicely to them like we would with anyother person or friend as a romantic jesture. Again their minds baffle me. I'm just thinking about how I'm going to approach this guy who I was talking about. He lives too far from me so we don't even see each other it's all just texting. Perhaps something like..."Hey we are FRIENDS and I'd like to keep you as one. But I DO NOT feel comfortable at all when you say things like "my love" "xoxo" or make odd jokes that hint towards something inappropriate. I'd really like for you to stop and to treat me and to speak to me like a normal person. You already know my stance on relationships and I'm anti-them. Now I'm not saying you want a relationship or whatever with me but I don't want you to do anything that makes me feel as if you do. Again it doesn't make me feel comfortable." I tried to be as non-bitchy as I can but still have a backbone. I now think that watching a movie whether it's in a theatre or even worse at someone's house when it's only you and someone of the opposite sex is just a badddddd idea. I had an ex-guyfriend come over and just hang out. He was already giving me some weird vibes which I should of listened to cause he ended up being a back stabbing asshole. But anyways we were sitting on the couch watching Casino Royale. Nothing happened though cause my parents were home and I kept on moving further to the end of the couch and avoiding any eye contact with him. Still I got weird vibes cause I have caught him staring at my chest one time when I was laughing and they were ahem...shaking cause of that. Plus he kept on fixing his crotch area?!! . Weird as fuck gotta tell you, unless he has crabs or something don't really know what his need to grab his crotch every 2 minutes was. In that situation and plus the fact that he did a ton of other shady stuff, I didn't feel like it was worth it at all to even try to salvage the friendship. Bottom line was he made me feel uncomfortable. Friends don't do that. I don't have any guyfriends who are married. But I think it happens to me with guys have girlfriends and guys who don't. I'll say it's a close tie but it's mostly single guys who do this with me.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Yep, I guess if I have to be a bitch I will be a bitch. I gotta be assertive and get my point completely across! I really can't stand being in this situation over and over again anymore or to feel like I'm being taken advantage of cause I'm just being nice.

And yes some man can just be insane in the membrane..haha cheesy I know but their just weird.