Heat of the Moment Regrets...

[ImMACnificent]

I'm one of those people when I get worked up, in the heat of the moment, whatever you wanna call it, I say some really mean shit.

I am not violent in the least, but I feel my words can be. I just get so pissed off at people sometimes it is really hard for me to bite my tongue. And when it happens with a friend, of course, I feel like a huge asshole having to apologize for something that I said. Especially if they aren't very forgiving.


I dunno what it is that like BURNS inside me, but when my defense comes up, it's like I just go off the deep end. Then, after I cool down, I always have that depressed/regretful feeling and I feel like a jerk.

Does anyone else have this problem?

I think I just need to start taking time-outs before I speak when I'm upset. Heh.

 

[vocaltest]

i'm exactly the same. i've got my daddy's temper for real. the worst time i get aggressive is when i'm driving... just like my dad funnily enough hah. i'm never physically aggressive, just verbally. i've calmed down a lot recently though.

 

[ImMACnificent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vocaltest i'm exactly the same. i've got my daddy's temper for real. the worst time i get aggressive is when i'm driving... just like my dad funnily enough hah. i'm never physically aggressive, just verbally. i've calmed down a lot recently though.

It's time's like that that counting to 10 doesnt sound too bad. Heh



How did you "calm down", if I may ask?

 

[TISH1124]

I used to be that way...but as I got older....yep way older...I realized how bad words can sting so really I try to be careful how I say things...I know once it slips the lips you can't take it back....I have been working on my dh with that too..he has a tendacy to just go off on his employees, friends etc...but now he calls and goes baby, you would have been so proud...I stepped back, thought about it and approached it differently and I feel so good about how I handled it. But yes, I used to have a sharp sharp tongue...But it really didn't work to my advantage so as I knew better I acted better. Most times the things we say out of frustration we really don't mean anyway or realize the impact they have on the person we say them to at the time.

 

[Babylard]

you sound like my bf and he makes me cry a lot.

now he does this funny thing by rubbing his ear and chants "goose fragwa" or something.... and takes deep breaths... it seems to help him think more clearly

 

[Mabelle]

i've had moments of "oh shit, why did i say that outloud?!" but mostly i internalize everything. Thats no better either.

 

[TISH1124]

I calm down by honestly not allowing people to upset me....If you allow people to totally get under your skin they win...and I refuse to let people win or give them that must power over my reactions.

I just keep thinking in my head...Kill them with kindness...don't allow them to have that much power over my actions and reaction.... Breathe, breathe, laugh and find humor in the madness.

 

[vocaltest]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImMACnificent It's time's like that that counting to 10 doesnt sound too bad. Heh How did you "calm down", if I may ask?

Pretty much what Tish said. I've 'grown up' as it were.. not in age but in my head (thats not saying you're immature btw lol). I think now I just kinda take a step back from things, and if I need to say something I don't come straight up aggressive like I used to.
Another thing that has helped me is that usually the people who I got not neccessarily actually aggressive towards but the people who would wind me up beyond belief or just infuriate me... former 'best' friends etc. I realised who the shit people in my life were kinda thing haha. I never really actually said anything... it was just a few times, but I think it was built up frustration y'know? I was/am never horrible to someone for no reason.

Who/what usually aggravates you? Is it friends? Family? Co-workers?!

 

[ImMACnificent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 I used to be that way...but as I got older....yep way older...I realized how bad words can sting so really I try to be careful how I say things...I know once it slips the lips you can't take it back....I have been working on my dh with that too..he has a tendacy to just go off on his employees, friends etc...but now he calls and goes baby, you would have been so proud...I stepped back, thought about it and approached it differently and I feel so good about how I handled it. But yes, I used to have a sharp sharp tongue...But it really didn't work to my advantage so as I knew better I acted better. Most times the things we say out of frustration we really don't mean anyway or realize the impact they have on the person we say them to at the time.

Thats cool that he does that.

Tish, Im sorry for being guilty of this with you the other day. I should have bit my tongue---perfect example. I really apologize.

 

[panda0410]

Definitely. We all do at some point I think.

Controlling our tempers comes with an internal self control and self acountability as well - we are each responsible for our own actions. At the end of the day when something is said it cant be taken back..... and then you have to live with knowing that being indecent doesnt always pay off. If you cant keep calm then walk away

Take a few deep breathes, focus on something else, then come back to it later - quite often we see things in a different perspective when the rage hormones arent tearing up massive road strips through our brains

Learning to control yourself comes with maturity... and more often this has to be learnt - it doesnt come with a magic wand - not for anyone, we all learn it somewhere

It helps if you have someone willing to forgive as well.

 

[TISH1124]

Mine are In-laws.....

I avoid most of them at all cost...because I know if they are nasty to me my husband will be nasty to them and I don't like to be the cause of the family fueds....So In-laws 100% for me!!!

 

[ImMACnificent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vocaltest Pretty much what Tish said. I've 'grown up' as it were.. not in age but in my head (thats not saying you're immature btw lol). I think now I just kinda take a step back from things, and if I need to say something I don't come straight up aggressive like I used to. Another thing that has helped me is that usually the people who I got not neccessarily actually aggressive towards but the people who would wind me up beyond belief or just infuriate me... former 'best' friends etc. I realised who the shit people in my life were kinda thing haha. I never really actually said anything... it was just a few times, but I think it was built up frustration y'know? I was/am never horrible to someone for no reason. Who/what usually aggravates you? Is it friends? Family? Co-workers?!

Family, I really have none except my mom. Ive learned to bite my tongue with her because she is SUPER sensitive.

Friends, I am definitely the worst with. Especially when they do something like blow me off when we have plans or if they make me feel like something else is more important than me. It really hurts me and instead of telling them it hurts me, I just get really mad. I guess it's me not really being "in touch" in the moment with my feelings.

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImMACnificent Thats cool that he does that. Tish, Im sorry for being guilty of this with you the other day. I should have bit my tongue---perfect example. I really apologize.

Girl you know I do not take these threads personal..I know you are a good person..you were just upset about a cause dear to your heart!! I don't hold grudges ..i still love you....Don't allow people to fuel your flames...Misery loves company!! We're good! I apologize if you felt I didn't understand or wasn't listening to you ...I did!!

 

[ImMACnificent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by panda0410 Definitely. We all do at some point I think. Controlling our tempers comes with an internal self control and self acountability as well - we are each responsible for our own actions. At the end of the day when something is said it cant be taken back..... and then you have to live with knowing that being indecent doesnt always pay off. If you cant keep calm then walk away Take a few deep breathes, focus on something else, then come back to it later - quite often we see things in a different perspective when the rage hormones arent tearing up massive road strips through our brains Learning to control yourself comes with maturity... and more often this has to be learnt - it doesnt come with a magic wand - not for anyone, we all learn it somewhere It helps if you have someone willing to forgive as well.

Another perfect example was me the other day with you panda. I was extremely out of control and ridiculous. Im truly sorry for taking my frustration out. I was upset with a friend that night on top of the thread thing, I was out of line. I should have never talked to you or Tish like that. I felt really bad afterwards. Im sorry to both of you.

 

[ImMACnificent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 Girl you know I do not take these threads personal..I know you are a good person..you were just upset about a cause dear to your heart!! I don't hold grudges ..i still love you....Don't allow people to fuel your flames...Misery loves company!! We're good! I apologize if you felt I didn't understand or wasn't listening to you ...I did!!

Im glad you understand. We have always had great chats on here and when I got that upset, I felt horrible. I'm glad we are cool.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

I'm the EXACT same way when it comes to this. I have a major attitude so I've been told and got a mouth on me. I say a ton of hurtful and mean things to people that for the most part (unless I truly hate them which doesn't happen much but I have met some shitty people in my life that have done me so much wrong) and just completely snap. I won't lie it's gotten physical a few times but not that bad though.

Most of the time I regret whatever I said especially when it involves my parents. I get frustrated and stressed out easily and I just freak out. I have yet to really figure out anything to help besides remember that if I'm about to go off on my parents to remember that they are MY parents and that deep down inside I love them and they love me. And that whatever we maybe arguing or disagreeing over will never be stronger than our love for each other.

But as for the people who have done me wrong I don't care what I say to them. I don't care how nasty or hurtful I am towards them. I don't take betrayal well and the thing is that they know that every well. There is an ex-guyfriend of mines that has fucked up a good friendship of mines with a girl I've known since 2nd grade. He knows better than to try to approach me ever in person ever so he attempts to talk to me online cause he knows he can't get a busted lip that way. Sorry, I'm not trying to condone violence here lol!

 

[ImMACnificent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by X4biddenxLustX I'm the EXACT same way when it comes to this. I have a major attitude so I've been told and got a mouth on me. I say a ton of hurtful and mean things to people that for the most part (unless I truly hate them which doesn't happen much but I have met some shitty people in my life that have done me so much wrong) and just completely snap. I won't lie it's gotten physical a few times but not that bad though. Most of the time I regret whatever I said especially when it involves my parents. I get frustrated and stressed out easily and I just freak out. I have yet to really figure out anything to help besides remember that if I'm about to go off on my parents to remember that they are MY parents and that deep down inside I love them and they love me. And that whatever we maybe arguing or disagreeing over will never be stronger than our love for each other. But as for the people who have done me wrong I don't care what I say to them. I don't care how nasty or hurtful I am towards them. I don't take betrayal well and the thing is that they know that every well. There is an ex-guyfriend of mines that has fucked up a good friendship of mines with a girl I've known since 2nd grade. He knows better than to try to approach me ever in person ever so he attempts to talk to me online cause he knows he can't get a busted lip that way. Sorry, I'm not trying to condone violence here lol!

I have been hurt by people that I really felt like it was a personal thing and I let it get to me. And my stubborness told me, "well they deserve it because they hurt me". I have a really guilty conscious, it is so hard for me to forgive MYSELF after one of my little episodes. Even when others forgive me, I still feel horrible. It's something I need to work on, on top of not allowing myself to get so worked up and overdramatic.

 

[panda0410]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImMACnificent Another perfect example was me the other day with you panda. I was extremely out of control and ridiculous. Im truly sorry for taking my frustration out. I was upset with a friend that night on top of the thread thing, I was out of line. I should have never talked to you or Tish like that. I felt really bad afterwards. Im sorry to both of you.

Its Ok hun, I'm not a grudge holder either

And I think we can both learn from each other - if we can both take something away from it then we are both better people for it

No hard feelings here

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImMACnificent I have been hurt by people that I really felt like it was a personal thing and I let it get to me. And my stubborness told me, "well they deserve it because they hurt me". I have a really guilty conscious, it is so hard for me to forgive MYSELF after one of my little episodes. Even when others forgive me, I still feel horrible. It's something I need to work on, on top of not allowing myself to get so worked up and overdramatic.

I too feel a ton of guilt especially when it involves my parents cause I over react and I'll realize that afterward. Like did I need to be that harsh? Should I of even gotten that upset over whatever happened?! I do apology and feel horrible afterward and they accept my apology and everything and tell me they want me to change my ways. I still feel bad about it though and I find ways of self-punishment like if I wanted to go out somewhere and have fun, I won't let myself go cause in my mind I don't deserve to have that pleasure cause of what I had said or done. It's happened quite a bit with friends too. I have a tendency to push buttons, not sure why though and to push things to the limit I guess and see how far I can go? I hate that part about me and I'm trying to change it.

I have also been hurt many times by people who I had considered good friends and trusted. It hurts like a bitch inside and in return I try to make them hurt too. I guess that's why I cuss them out and tell them I hope this or that happens to them. Sometimes I regret it if we find a way to mend things while other times the bad blood remains and will always remain. And if that is the case, I won't take back a single word I said to them, I mean it with every fiber of my being. Horrible I know, but I hope it doesn't make me a bad person?

 

[ImMACnificent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by panda0410 Its Ok hun, I'm not a grudge holder either And I think we can both learn from each other - if we can both take something away from it then we are both better people for it No hard feelings here

=) I agree.

I definitely need to work on my temper, even over the internet.

I'm glad, this makes me feel so much better. Because I love these boards and I dont want any hard feelings at ALL. <3