Heat of the Moment Regrets...

[TISH1124]

I think you are very mature...some people NEVER admit when they are wrong, NEVER apologize and spend the rest of their life thinking everyone else has done them wrong...At least you can look at yourself and know you are human , you make mistakes and strive to learn from your mistakes and be a better person...that is #1 when it comes to being responsible and a mature adult....
I always tell my 17 y/o stepson ...be in control of your own Buttons...don't allow anyone to push them.....Own them...Control them....They are Yours.

 

[ImMACnificent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by X4biddenxLustX I too feel a ton of guilt especially when it involves my parents cause I over react and I'll realize that afterward. Like did I need to be that harsh? Should I of even gotten that upset over whatever happened?! I do apology and feel horrible afterward and they accept my apology and everything and tell me they want me to change my ways. I still feel bad about it though and I find ways of self-punishment like if I wanted to go out somewhere and have fun, I won't let myself go cause in my mind I don't deserve to have that pleasure cause of what I had said or done. It's happened quite a bit with friends too. I have a tendency to push buttons, not sure why though and to push things to the limit I guess and see how far I can go? I hate that part about me and I'm trying to change it. I have also been hurt many times by people who I had considered good friends and trusted. It hurts like a bitch inside and in return I try to make them hurt too. I guess that's why I cuss them out and tell them I hope this or that happens to them. Sometimes I regret it if we find a way to mend things while other times the bad blood remains and will always remain. And if that is the case, I won't take back a single word I said to them, I mean it with every fiber of my being. Horrible I know, but I hope it doesn't make me a bad person?

I think there are times when it depends on how the other person treats you. In most of my incidents, I am the one that takes it way out of control as opposed to the other person. But you have told me some of your stories, Zen, and I know that you have had some shitty people around before.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImMACnificent I think there are times when it depends on how the other person treats you. In most of my incidents, I am the one that takes it way out of control as opposed to the other person. But you have told me some of your stories, Zen, and I know that you have had some shitty people around before.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I've been on both sides of the spectrum as you know.

Have you noticed anything specifically happening that triggers that kind of response? I've noticed that certain things bug the hell out of me to the point where I explode.

 

[ImMACnificent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 I think you are very mature...some people NEVER admit when they are wrong, NEVER apologize and spend the rest of their life thinking everyone else has done them wrong...At least you can look at yourself and know you are human , you make mistakes and strive to learn from your mistakes and be a better person...that is #1 when it comes to being responsible and a mature adult.... I always tell my 17 y/o stepson ...be in control of your own Buttons...don't allow anyone to push them.....Own them...Control them....They are Yours.

I am stubborn, like a lot of people. It is hard to admit we are wrong, but when I feel SO much better about apologizing.............GOD it feels so great to have that weight off the shoulders.

Thanks Tish

 

[ImMACnificent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by X4biddenxLustX Yeah, I know what you mean. I've been on both sides of the spectrum as you know. Have you noticed anything specifically happening that triggers that kind of response? I've noticed that certain things bug the hell out of me to the point where I explode.

I got into a huge fight with a friend Sunday night when she blew me off and never called me after we had plans on Saturday night. Shit like that REALLY bothers me. I think it's because it triggers my insecurities and issues with not feeling important. Issues that stem from my father leaving me when I was a teenager to start his "new family".

When people blow me off (even when they dont really do it to necessarily HURT me), it triggers those insecurities and I just go off the deep end.

That is one of my biggest issues.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImMACnificent I got into a huge fight with a friend Sunday night when she blew me off and never called me after we had plans on Saturday night. Shit like that REALLY bothers me. I think it's because it triggers my insecurities and issues with not feeling important. Issues that stem from my father leaving me when I was a teenager to start his "new family". When people blow me off (even when they dont really do it to necessarily HURT me), it triggers those insecurities and I just go off the deep end. That is one of my biggest issues.

That's definitely a trigger for you then. I HATE HATE HATE when people blow me off too, in my head I'm told that I'm not important enough for them. Sort of like as if I'm just a "joke" or booty call friend to them as I'd like to call it, someone who you call up to make plans with last minute cause there's no one else to hang out with.

It helps to remember if you can try that a million and ten things could of happened to your friend that prevented her from hanging out. Jumping to conclusions doesn't help anyone in these situations, it just makes things 10x more complicated and causes fights. There's this guy who has an issue with answering his phone calls and messages on a timely manner. I was about to scream at him today when I tried calling him and got the voicemail cause I thought he was ignoring me. He texted me 10 min. later to ask me what I wanted to talk to him about since I called. Again I got mad cause it seemed like he didn't care about what I had to say to him, but then I realized what time it was. It was almost 4 which is when his shift at work starts, he sent me a message a few minutes later saying that he couldn't pick up the phone cause he couldn't talk and for me to relax. In this situation I feel like shit! I jumped to the conclusion automatically that he was ignoring me and didn't want to speak to me cause he didn't pick up the phone when really he was getting to work.

But if this girl is a bootycall friend or did it intentionally I say fuck her. You don't need someone like that in your life. Keeping them in your life is almost like asking for trouble and drama. It may hurt to let her go but in the end their not worth your friendship and time.

 

[NutMeg]

I used to really blow up when my bf blew me off, or when I couldn't get a hold of him (which rarely happens anymore thank goodness), and I would get so furious and end up writting him a really cutting email because that was the only way I could communicate with him. The last time I did it, I brought up some stuff that I really shouldn't have, a pretty low blow. He called me the next day almost in tears, and it just hit me that I never want to intentionally hurt someone like that ever again, especially not someone I love. It doesn't matter what the other person has done or said, I am responsible for the way I react. I know what kind of person I want to be, and I am responsible for actually being that person.

By the way ImMACnificent, I lost some respect for you for the way you handled yourself in that other thread. You just earned it back and more, because it takes some serious balls to admit when you've done something wrong.

 

[ImMACnificent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg I used to really blow up when my bf blew me off, or when I couldn't get a hold of him (which rarely happens anymore thank goodness), and I would get so furious and end up writting him a really cutting email because that was the only way I could communicate with him. The last time I did it, I brought up some stuff that I really shouldn't have, a pretty low blow. He called me the next day almost in tears, and it just hit me that I never want to intentionally hurt someone like that ever again, especially not someone I love. It doesn't matter what the other person has done or said, I am responsible for the way I react. I know what kind of person I want to be, and I am responsible for actually being that person. By the way ImMACnificent, I lost some respect for you for the way you handled yourself in that other thread. You just earned it back and more, because it takes some serious balls to admit when you've done something wrong.

In your words, I took some low blows. When I feel like shit, I want the person that made me feel that way to feel it too, if not worse. But you are definitely right, we are responsible for our own reactions. I just need to stop letting people get to me, sometimes that is easier said than done.

 

[florabundance]

I can relate. I'm always throwing things that really shouldn't be thrown, saying things that shouldn't be said when I get pissed. It's awful and straight afterwards, I just look at myself like:
Just extremely emotional - I cry a lot, get mad a lot, but laugh and joke and love a lot too lol. So I guess that's the bright side for me. Although I do envy people (my mum for instance) whose emotions aren't so transparent..

 

[LMD84]

i can relate to you because if i'm honets i used to get into full on verbal rages with people - including the ones i love the most. generally it would happen when i felt ignored, blown off or just generally like the least important person in their lives. however i've grown up alot and now manage to take a step back. if i feel a rage coming on i go to a different room, go to the toilet if i'm at work! just generally try and remove myself from where the situation is happening.

i used to say such nasty hurtful things and it was all because i was hurting inside. so try and take a deep breath and remove yourself from the person... or step away from the computer for 20 mins or so.

 

[MACLovin]

Oh god.. I can be a total sarcastic bitch sometimes! I need to know when and where to draw the line between just thinking something to myself, and actually saying it. Because my mouth can get me in trouble. I mean wow, I can be pretty nasty sometimes..lol. but in the moment it's like.. i feel the person deserves to hear what I think. Then looking back in hindsight I'm like.. "oh. errr, maybe I should have just kept that to myself." haha

 

[enigmaticpheo]

I definitely relate to all this. I don't get mad easily, but when I do, I strike to kill. I've been told that I'm definitely a scorpio--not entirely a compliment! It's as though I can forgive anything minor, even major, but a breach in trust is not only unforgivable, but very punishable. I didn't care if I had to nurse a super drunk friend through sickness all night, but if they turned around and did something to break my trust, I'd make them wish they were dead.

On the plus side, I have been learning that it never helps to verbally kill someone. It feels OK in the heat of the moment, but it solves nothing and makes me feel crappy later. I've been learning (this is where it helps to have a mom for a therapist I guess...) to slow down and, when I'm about to say something awful, stop and replace it with, "I feel..." Talking about how something makes you feel isn't wrong and doesn't hurt the other person gratuitously; it helps to solve the problems. Live and learn I guess!


...Though the one thing I hot head-edly said that I do NOT regret was calling my ex a douche and a coward in front of everyone he knew. That's what happens when you cheat on a Russian Italian girl. While she's stuck in an elevator.

 

[ImMACnificent]

It's so good to know I'm not alone.

Sometimes when I have my little episodes I feel like the shittest person alive.........I'm glad other people are with me on that. Heh. Makes me feel like less of a turd.