How do you discipline your kids?

[user79]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aziajs I grew up being spanked. I will spank my kids if I have some. My family also believes when kids are babies and such and they do things like bite you or hit you or whatever that you bite or hit them back. The idea is that if a child realizes that it doesn't feel good to be bit or hit or whatever the case, they are less likely to do it in the future. This is what we do with my 10 month old cousin. You can't reason with a 10 month old and she doesn't always listen so you show her.

I don't agree with this, kids will only retaliate. I would NEVER bite a child!!!

 

[Shimmer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissChievous I don't agree with this, kids will only retaliate. I would NEVER bite a child!!!

Actually, biting back is the quickest way to stop the child from biting.

 

[user79]

But it's not teaching your kid anything...it's teaching her that aggression should be countered with more aggression. Where is the positive learning there? The kid will learn and only reinforce the behaviour.

As an adult, I think one has to stand above that and teach the child right and wrong by leading by example. There are better way to discipline than biting. That seems really thoughtless and immature to me. I can't even imagine how anyone would think it's a good idea. Sure, it may stop it, but it's teaching the exact opposite of what one should hope to teach a child.

 

[Shimmer]

It teaches (taught) them quite plainly and clearly:

Don't do that. It hurts. Doing that to someone else hurts them. You don't want to be hurt, don't do that to someone else. Not a harsh lesson at all, and no one is saying take a chunk out of the kid's arm.

 

[aziajs]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer It teaches (taught) them quite plainly and clearly: Don't do that. It hurts. Doing that to someone else hurts them. You don't want to be hurt, don't do that to someone else. Not a harsh lesson at all, and no one is saying take a chunk out of the kid's arm.

Exactly!

I especially agree with your last sentence. I'm not going to bite a child or hit a child so hard that they're scarred for life. You do it hard enough so that they get the point...and they do get the point.

 

[aziajs]

Ok. Here is what I want to know. How many people here got spanked as a child? And how many of those people now feel that violence is the way to resolve problems? How of those people are violent, raging lunatics? How many? I feel pretty safe in guessing that there aren't that many. This whole spanking is horrible and violence breeds violence is bullshit. Like I said, spanking is meant as a last resort in disciplining a child. You don't spank a child to the point that they have permanent scars and have nerve damage for life. You don't spank a child because they looked at you the wrong way. Come on. There are people who do that and those people are child abusers. Those are people who are beating their children. That's not what we're talking about here. There is a big difference.

 

[righteothen]

I remember one of the few times my brother was ever spanked by my dad. My brother was being horrible, throwing toys, hitting, screaming for no reason, and he was about 8-9, so he knew better. My dad tried time out, nothing, he just kept doing it during time out, and after. He tried taking a valued toy away, nothing. He tried reasoning with him, nothing. Nothing was working, and my brother was only getting worse. My dad finally was at wit's end, and laid him on his knee, raised his hand /really/ far back, and acted like he was going to spank him. My brother kept acting up. My dad then pulled the "really fast, until right before the butt, then stop, and spank really soft" approach (it's about the fear in this one, it sounds fast, but barely hurts at all). It worked. This was the last resort, and my dad was hurt that he even had to do it. There are some times that nothing works.

I'm not saying go out and beat a child, those people disgust me. I'm not saying do it for every case. If a child is just talking back, being sent to their room works really well. I'm saying in the case were a child is not only harming others (toys hit me and my other brother), the child is not listening to their punishment (not doing time out correctly, and leaving their room when sent to it), and when the child is screaming around the house for no reason, sometimes it's the only thing that /can/ work.

 

[Shimmer]

Everyone has different parenting styles. That's cool.
But, I don't think I'm doing my kids too great a disservice, their behaviour is complimented regularly.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I think spanking is appropriate as a last resort, but if you have to go last resort a lot of the time, you need to look at what you're doing wrong to not communicate well to your child that what s/he is doing is wrong.

My niece got spanked rather frequently as a child. She never learned her lesson, because she'd almost always go back to picking on her baby sister. The problem was that the parents treated her like a sparkly, special fairy princess so while the spanking wasn't a fun time for her, she never really learned that she needed to follow the rules that everyone else does.