How do you do it?

[liv]

Well, I agree with a lot of you that it's a bit of a double edge sword. You don't want your friend to be walking around looking wonky, but you don't want them to be self conscious or feel judged by you. For me, it really depends on the girl and how close I am with her. If we are really close and talk about pretty much everything, yeah, I'd probably say something. Makeup is such a personal thing though, I wear it for myself personally, and I don't want them to take my comments the wrong way. Like one of my friends got her eyebrows BUTCHERED over break, they are super sparse and so thin and don't look right at all on her face, and I want to say something, but she was so thrilled with them and told me how much better she thinks they look, I don't have the heart to tell her what I think.

 

[janwa09]

I would just leave her be....I don't think there would be any words that would be any less offensive to her especially when it comes her personal tastes and choices.

A good strategy maybe would be to invite her to a supposed shopping trip to your favorite store and you could point out subtly the clothes, make-up, etc that you think would look great on her and let her try them just 'for fun'. She may realize that there are better choices for her out there.

 

[susannef]

If she thinks she looks good I wouldnt say anything. Its just a matter of personal taste anyway.

 

[AmberLilith]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACATTAK I'd do it in a more subtle way. I would ask her to take a shopping trip with me & pick out some new items (telling her this would look amazing/hot on them.) I'd offer to do a makeover on her, telling her I would love to try some of my new makeup/looks on her. Same thing for the perfume..."Oh you've got to try this and that, it smells so good." I think you can say pretty much anything to someone, it just depends on how.

^^ i agree.

I think it'd be better to make positive comments such as 'This would really suit you' rather than 'That isn't working for you'.
Also, try suggestions, 'Maybe try another size n see what it looks like?' 'Try this colour, it'd suit your colouring' etc...

And admit you don't always see eye-to-eye on style choices but could influence each other? ie: 'i know this isn't something you'd normally wear, but i think it'd look great on you!'

Or, (And i've done this before) buy her something you really like that you think would really suit her for her next birthday...

 

[tricky]

I would never do it. Are you friends with her b/c of her personality, or b/c of her looks?? You should accept her the way she is. If she's fine with it, I don't see the big deal.

 

[choozen1ne]

I would just keep my opinion to myself, as along as she was happy than I am not going to say anything unless she asked

 

[Beauty Mark]

One of my friends used to have a very, IMO, trashy view of what sexy is. I'm talking skirts short enough to show off her goods, tops that didn't support or flatter her breasts, etc.

When it came to the short stuff, I asked her if she's fine with the world being able to see her vagina when she sits down. She realized things were way too short and at least threw on leggings underneath. I've had her do a "better/worse" thing with things.

I try to be objective about personal style, but this style was not at all flattering on her, and people weren't being nice about it behind her back. I'm typically a fan of wedging criticisms between compliments, such as "that's a great color on you, but this cut would be so much better" type comments

 

[kyoto]

Its really not what you say, its how you say it. Rather than tell her she looks horrible, I'd just let her know that she's not highlighting all of her assets. I might point out that she has great legs and those long skirts are hiding them. She might have beautiful skin and eyes and the makeup that she's using isn't playing them up, so lets find some makeup that does. Let's find some shoes that make her legs look longer. She might have a great figure but her current wardrobe is hiding it. There are a million ways to do it by focusing on the positives instead of the negatives.

 

[gatsby]

Depends how much s/he cares. I have a friend who just doesn't care much about fashion. She wears clothes that are comfortable but that don't particularly flatter her, she doesn't do anything with her hair or makeup, and she's fine with that -- and far be it for me to say a word. But to a woman who cares how she looks, who wants to look good and be seen to look good, in your position I would tell her, and then leave her to do what she wanted with my advice. And I would expect the same honesty from any one of my friends towards me.

 

[Simply Elegant]

Well if she was a really good friend and she looked really awful then I would tell her in a really nice way by suggesting something different for the both of us, just so she wouldn't feel picked on. If it was someone I don't know well enough, then I would never bother saying anything unless my opinion was asked for.

 

[kaneda]

It really depends on the relationship you have with your friend. With my close friends, I have no problem with saying "I love you, but I'm not walking down the street with you if you're wearing that" , but with my other friends I'm less vocal about what they're wearing.

However, when it comes to perfume though, and it is actually horrible - that needs to be said. With that I would say just say, I don't like that perfume and be done.

 

[mommymac]

As far as clothes go, I've used the line: "Man, I'm not dressed right", and she'll ask what I mean and I'll say well look at how you're dressed. This hasn't proven to make her changed that day, but at least I think she takes a look at herself next time we go somewhere together. And another one could be: "I admire your confidence, I could never wear ......" Now for scents I have been known to say "Wow you're loving that scent huh?"

 

[CaraAmericana]

I think it is fucked up how many people think that their style is rockin so much that they can comment on something their friend has on.

And what would you say if you friends started to rip apart what you be wearing after you comment on hers? You would feel salty.

 

[d n d]

I have a friend that tends to mix loud eyeshadow colors and clothes/ accessories that I never would have thought to wear in a million years. Yet, when we go to the mall she is the one who gets the compliments! Its all about personal taste, and as long as someone has there own money I suppose no one can dictate what they buy or wear.

If the friend asks for some advice on how to dress, I say by all means give some constructive criticism. If your friend is truly happy with her style, I say live and let live!

 

[MACATTAK]

Quote:

horribly unflattering clothes/makeup/perfume

Here's how I understand the question "horribly." Not just something you may not like or see yourself wearing. When you are friends, you should be able to have a level of honesty with your friends..not just always tell them what they want to hear. Some people have relationships with their friends that allow them to be brutally honest, while others may want to take a more subtle approach...others not at all. However, I look at it like this..if you have something in your teeth, or your zipper is down...wouldn't you want to know? I would! Don't tell me in front of the whole world, but please, let me know!

 

[Shanti]

I've had those friends... but I didn't really care, I just accepted it. I wouldn't say anything unless they seemed like they wanted criticism because it could just be offending. And if they accept the way they are themselves even though they look "bad", I say let them do that to themself if that's what they want.
Unless it's something like, they smell weird and people think badly of you too, it isn't something to get worked up about.
Personally I always want to know if something "isn't right" with me, but the way I see it now is that it's almost always a matter of personal opinion so...