How to phrase this...

[Chikky]

Heh, I so suck as a girl... That's why I need to come here my girls' advice!

I really stink at making my displeasure unknown, first of all. I always mostly feel like I'm overreacting.

That being mentioned, for really no reason... Years ago, C would call or text me to make sure I got home alright after leaving his house. He'd also walk me to the car and such. Then he stopped (though mostly he called because I SUCK at directions and he wanted to make sure I was not lost.) And I'm ok with not being walked to the car and all that... Now we lie in bed together until I must go. Unless it's really, really late, then I sleep over, but mostly I leave. And he's said I could stay on those nights, but I still feel bad; it's HIS house.
Weather here has been really bad lately, and he's never said 'don't go home!' to me. He's made comments when we're not together, like when I say to sleep well, he'll say 'as well as I'll sleep ALONE'. Though I do that, too. So... I kinda wanna say that I'm willing to stay there more often. It sucks to leave late at night, drive a half hour, then be home really late and get up early. I want to say that I want him to want me to stay. Maybe it's implied... It never used to bother me, but it's starting to.


I don't even know if this makes sense. Any ideas?

 

[s0_fam0us]

I think the best way to tackle the issue is to be direct about it. It sounds like the passive-agressive comments aren't really making any progress (lol and I have the same problem sometimes!)... the next time he makes a comment like that I'd just come right out and ask him (not accuse!) if it bothers him that he's sleeping alone. He'll probably be caught off guard, but I think it could at least start the conversation. If that doesn't work, I'd probably try being honest with him first - sometimes when you come clean about how you feel, it makes it easier for the other person to do the same. Just say something like "hey, I've been thinking, and I don't think it really makes sense for me to drive home every night like I have been... what do you think?"

Try to make it as conversational (as opposed to argumentative or accusatory) as possible, and I PROMISE it'll be fine.

 

[Chikky]

We talk alot online... How (both online or in person) would be the best way to sound more conversational? Sometimes I think I come across as argumentative, but don't mean to be.

Thanks, though, that's helpful!!

 

[Chikky]

So, we're talking tonight and I make mention of how it sucked going home last night. He says I could have turned back. I said, you know, I didnt know if he'd mind or if it was ok. He joked that he had cheerleaders come in after I left, ha ha.

So I just said it sucked to drive home so late sometimes. Not because of the cold, but because I'm tired. He said maybe I should not 'tuck him in' and leave earlier.

I said I like doing that, and I thought he did too. He agreed, and said he just didnt want me sleeping while driving.

That's not really what I was getting at. He doesn't get it!! *facepalms*

 

[NutMeg]

Stop hinting. Say what you mean. If you want something, then ask for it. It's that simple.

 

[FiestyFemme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg Stop hinting. Say what you mean. If you want something, then ask for it. It's that simple.

ITA. Not that I'm the best at it by any means, but sometimes you literally just have to ask for what you want. Nobody is a mind-reader, and dropping hints often just doesn't work. I hate having to be direct, but sometimes it's that or just being unhappy. HTHS!

 

[Chikky]

Directness! My Kryptonite!


Aaaaaaaaagh...




I stink at being direct. Everything goes better as a joke or something for me...

Thanks though, guys.

 

[s0_fam0us]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chikky Directness! My Kryptonite! Aaaaaaaaagh... I stink at being direct. Everything goes better as a joke or something for me... Thanks though, guys.

Aww... good luck with everything! What's the worst he could possibly say though? I doubt he'll try to attack you. lol

 

[minni4bebe]

I know noone wants to hear this, but maybe he is acting like "he doesnt get it". I know most of us think guys are braindead, lol, but alot of the time they aren't. The only way to really find out is to casually say, look, I like hanging out and staying with you but it sucks having to drive home so late, so maybe I should leave earlier unless you want me to stay". Or whatever words you feel more comfortable saying. When I was younger, I used to be really uncomfortable being so direct but after wasting time with guys who "played dumb", I started speaking my mind when I wanted to. I'm sorry if my words are coming off as rude, totally don't mean them to be lol, HTH!

 

[NutMeg]

^Even that isn't as direct as I would be.

"SO, I really hate having to drive home late. I would like to stay the night at your place more often. Let me know if you would be ok with that, and how often is too much for you. Otherwise I'm going to leave early, because like I said, driving home late sucks."

 

[kaliraksha]

I like NutMeg's wording.. it's direct, but it has a direct purpose as well and doesn't leave any questions open... you could preface it by letting him know you understand if he needs his alone time at night.

Otherwise if you want to be really indirect, maybe he's worried about acting needy and he wants to know that you really enjoy staying over and wish you could do it more often... no need to say why or when just leave it at that. Or tell him you appreciate that he asks you to spend the night because you don't like making assumptions.