I don't feel like I'm good enough.

[X4biddenxLustX]

I came from an all asian family, that is still somewhat traditional sometimes. But they've definitely learned how different the American culture can be and have flowed with it a bit and aren't so tense as I guess the truly traditional asian families.

They use to be SUPER strict and crazy on grades. If my ass got a C on anything, I'd be so scared of showing it to my parents. They did the whole "oh if you did so badly on this test you don't even deserve to get an education at all cause you'll just fail" blah blah blah. Typically stuff I guess asian parents would say or do to try to "encourage" their kids to do better. For a while it did scare me and I guess it did work. I did quite well during my last two years in elementary school and was praised by all the teachers and staff there.

But then middle school came and I guess it was whole different enviroment than my tiny little elementary school. There were a lot more kids there and a lot more pressure, not academically but socially. I was still geeky odd and I didn't dress the best. It was a really awkward time for me. I wanted to fit in so badly with everyone else but I didn't know how to. I ended up still keeping in touch with my elementary friends and making some new friends too, some good, some bad. During my 6th grade year I just didn't even care about anything but fitting in and having fun so my grades suffered. I would hide report cards from my parents and I was really close to having to repeat 6th grade again. Evenutally they found my final report card and I got yelled at. I was still a bit frightened at that time. I vowed to do much better the next school year in 7th grade, I had a lot of personal problems but in the end I pulled off some really good grades. Eventually I got less "awkward". By then my parents had really let loose a lot with me. No more getting bitched at about grades. 8th grade was when I learned how to balance having a good social life and still do well in school. I got mostly straight A's throughout the year but that didn't mean I still did stupid shit.

I ended up moving to a better school district right after finishing middle school. My freshman year went HORRIBLY wrong. I was truant, had a lot of emotional problems. My rebelous side came out again 10x worse than it was before. I got really wrapped up in guys and eventually found myself in a verbally/mentally abusive relationship. Because of my truancy my school basically kicked me out and sent me to alternative schools. I went to my first one for the rest of my freshman year. It didn't help at all with my horrible behavior. They didn't have room to keep me for the next year so I got transfered to another one. At first things were rough but I adjusted and I ended up straightening out and got good grades again. It was only that easy because I really wasn't taking high school classes like advanced math, bio, etc. I missed out on all that. I was able to graudate though by making up the 6 credits I was missing from my freshman year. I was proud of myself.

To be honest, sometimes I feel like such an uneducated idiot because of everything. Now, I loved all the people I met at the second alternative school they were amazing. But education wise I feel like I seriously fucked up horribly for myself. I recently graduated and I keep getting asked by ALL of my parent's friends what college I'm in, when am I going to attend college and questions like that. I feel really embarassed not only for myself but for my parents for having to tell the person that I'm not in college and that I'm not going to be attending it. Now I will be attending a trade school, most likely a beauty school at this point.

I feel even worse about this after having a Chinese New Year dinner with my dad's side of the family (aunt, uncle, two cousins). My two cousins are just a few years younger than me and still in school. But they are like a million times smarter than me. During this dinner they were talking about chemical compounds and just all this smart stuff that I didn't know much about. I got even more embarassed whenever they started to ask questions about my local high school and I couldnt answer because I got kicked out. I just told them I transfered to another school and tried to change the subject. I know they'll be attending college and probably getting great jobs and stuff. I just feel like I totally failed my parents and myself even. I feel like I'm not good enough for them. My little brother rubs it in my face on DAILY basis. I know he's young and doesn't understand things (he's 13) but over time it really gets to you. I just feel really bad mainly for my parents though cause I knew when they came to this country they had such high hopes for me.

 

[caffn8me]

You're not a failure because you're dumb. At a time when education was important you rebelled against it because you wanted to do other things. It's not too late to fix it.

If you want to catch up, there's nothing to stop you but you really have to want it and accept that it will mean some hard work.

You can go to a good college if you can get your act together.

Good luck!

 

[luvsic]

Hello,

I am Asian too, so I really can empathize with how you feel about the cultural basis when somebody speaks about "Asian Standards." Although my parents were a little more westernized than the typical "must be the best at everything" Asian mentality when it came to schoolwork, I was still pressured a lot to get good grades. For a lot of my life, I was not really rebellious, but still very much lost. I didn't know who I was, all I knew was if I came home with an A, Mom and Dad would love me. If I didn't, I felt like a failure. I griped for A's, sometimes cheated for them, just so I wouldn't disappoint my parents. Along the way I forgot the meaning of learning.

(This story has a point, I promise, I'll get to it soon

) Anyway, when I came to college, I was, you could say, deeply lost in terms of who I was and what I wanted. I really wanted to have a lot of friends and go to awesome parties, because I was extremely unpopular in high school. So yes, I did go out a lot, but nothing ever happened the way I wanted it to - in terms of making friends, meeting boys, etc. After my freshman year, when I started sophomore year I think everything hit me then. I sank into a DEEP depression and my grades began to suffer a lot. What's worse was I felt like I was letting down everyone in my life who loved me, especially myself.

Telling my parents I wanted to withdraw from college was the hardest thing to do. But they were surprisingly kind and understanding about it, and stood behind me. Yes, I am embarrassed that I let myself become this way, and at times I also feel like a failure for not being able to cope with such petty issues that could have been stopped and corrected before they snowballed into one giant problem. When I was out to dinner with my parents one night, an Asian woman my parents knew from Church came up to us and asked me why I wasn't in school. My mom made an excuse that school hadn't started yet. Later, she told me she was embarrassed that she had to make up excuses for me not being in college, like a normal kid. Imagine how that made me feel on the inside. I felt like a complete failure, especially because my sisters finished college with ease.

My parents have loosened up a lot more since I've taken my break from school. They push me to pursue my dreams, and choose whatever major or path of life I want to. As long as I dedicate myself to it and find passion for it, they will back me up.

Ah, I am talking about myself too much. But I do hope you understand my point. Your parents will and should love you no matter what happens in your life. If you feel like college isn't for you, it's ok. I hope you can remember that. College really isn't for everyone, and although that might take the Asian community a light-year to accept that notion, starting with your parents' understanding will already make you feel better. You do not sound like a unintelligent person, I can tell just by reading your post that you're bright. You already accomplished so much and you did say you were proud of yourself (you should be!), so if your parents can't see that too then I am deeply sorry.

Have you spoken with your parents about this, or is this unsaid? It must be such a burden to keep this to yourself. I thought my parents would NEVER support me leaving college for a while, but I was surprised on how quickly they did when they saw that I was in a fragile state of mental health. Though you might not be as broken as I was at the time, it doesn't hurt to being completley honest with them and they really might come around if they know you are genuine. I would encourage you to talk to them, and if they still don't understand and have the "Asian way or the highway" mentality, just know you did the right thing and that you ARE worthy and good enough. Also, it'll take guts but I still hope you pursue your dreams of what you want to do, not necessarily what your parents want you to do. When there's a will, there's a way, and you will make it in the end, I know it!

Good luck dear. Hope that helped a little bit.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by caffn8me You're not a failure because you're dumb. At a time when education was important you rebelled against it because you wanted to do other things. It's not too late to fix it. If you want to catch up, there's nothing to stop you but you really have to want it and accept that it will mean some hard work. You can go to a good college if you can get your act together. Good luck!

Lately I've been really looking into attending the esthetician course at a beauty school. I can't say if I've made a final decision yet about it or not but it's most likely going to happen as long as I am still able to receiving funding for school. But I'm extremely interested in it and its something that I'm willing to work hard to acheive. I did enough messing up as a younger person that I can't afford to anymore of it now or in the future.

I just can't help that maybe they deep down inside don't want me to do this but rather me suck it up and do the whole college thing? I mean on the outside they seem to support me when I told them about what I had wanted to do. They've offered to lend me money and everything. I'm unemployed right now not by choice though and they've been pretty good about things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvsic Hello, I am Asian too, so I really can empathize with how you feel about the cultural basis when somebody speaks about "Asian Standards." Although my parents were a little more westernized than the typical "must be the best at everything" Asian mentality when it came to schoolwork, I was still pressured a lot to get good grades. For a lot of my life, I was not really rebellious, but still very much lost. I didn't know who I was, all I knew was if I came home with an A, Mom and Dad would love me. If I didn't, I felt like a failure. I griped for A's, sometimes cheated for them, just so I wouldn't disappoint my parents. Along the way I forgot the meaning of learning. (This story has a point, I promise, I'll get to it soon ) Anyway, when I came to college, I was, you could say, deeply lost in terms of who I was and what I wanted. I really wanted to have a lot of friends and go to awesome parties, because I was extremely unpopular in high school. So yes, I did go out a lot, but nothing ever happened the way I wanted it to - in terms of making friends, meeting boys, etc. After my freshman year, when I started sophomore year I think everything hit me then. I sank into a DEEP depression and my grades began to suffer a lot. What's worse was I felt like I was letting down everyone in my life who loved me, especially myself. Telling my parents I wanted to withdraw from college was the hardest thing to do. But they were surprisingly kind and understanding about it, and stood behind me. Yes, I am embarrassed that I let myself become this way, and at times I also feel like a failure for not being able to cope with such petty issues that could have been stopped and corrected before they snowballed into one giant problem. When I was out to dinner with my parents one night, an Asian woman my parents knew from Church came up to us and asked me why I wasn't in school. My mom made an excuse that school hadn't started yet. Later, she told me she was embarrassed that she had to make up excuses for me not being in college, like a normal kid. Imagine how that made me feel on the inside. I felt like a complete failure, especially because my sisters finished college with ease. My parents have loosened up a lot more since I've taken my break from school. They push me to pursue my dreams, and choose whatever major or path of life I want to. As long as I dedicate myself to it and find passion for it, they will back me up. Ah, I am talking about myself too much. But I do hope you understand my point. Your parents will and should love you no matter what happens in your life. If you feel like college isn't for you, it's ok. I hope you can remember that. College really isn't for everyone, and although that might take the Asian community a light-year to accept that notion, starting with your parents' understanding will already make you feel better. You do not sound like a unintelligent person, I can tell just by reading your post that you're bright. You already accomplished so much and you did say you were proud of yourself (you should be!), so if your parents can't see that too then I am deeply sorry. Have you spoken with your parents about this, or is this unsaid? It must be such a burden to keep this to yourself. I thought my parents would NEVER support me leaving college for a while, but I was surprised on how quickly they did when they saw that I was in a fragile state of mental health. Though you might not be as broken as I was at the time, it doesn't hurt to being completley honest with them and they really might come around if they know you are genuine. I would encourage you to talk to them, and if they still don't understand and have the "Asian way or the highway" mentality, just know you did the right thing and that you ARE worthy and good enough. Also, it'll take guts but I still hope you pursue your dreams of what you want to do, not necessarily what your parents want you to do. When there's a will, there's a way, and you will make it in the end, I know it! Good luck dear. Hope that helped a little bit.

Wow, your post seriously made me cry girl! No matter however many therapists/councelors or friends I have talked to about this. No one has seem to been fully able to understand where I'm coming from until now. I'm so thankful and glad that you shared your situation with me. I feel a bit better knowing that I'm not the only one.

I just feel soo much guilt inside that it's starting to drive me nuts about not being the "perfect asian child". You know the one who gets excellent grades, goes to school, and lands a big high paying job. I had always promised them that when they got older I'd take care of them so they wouldn't have to work anymore or stress over things. I'll forever keep that promise. Sometimes we'll fight and they'll make make a remark about how can they depend on me to take care of them if I'm acting a certain way. I tend to get upset over things easily, I'm just a very emotional person. I have a lot of secrets I've kept from them things that are still haunting me to this day that I just can't let go of. I've only told just a few friends and people including my therapist about it because it just bugs me that much. They just don't know anything about it so they can't understand and even if they did, I don't know if they'll understand anymore either way.

I hate the way my dad just tells his friends when they ask about school when it comes to me, that I'm not going. He says it with a tone of discust I guess you can say. It's a slap to the face seriously. I've spent so much time and effort to get to know him better and to be closer to him this past year or so. I just want to be a daddy's girl. We weren't all that close when I was younger and growing up. And I just feel like I missed out on that too.

I think that my parents may of have lowered their standards for me not in a good way. Like they dont expect too much from me nowadays cause they feel like I can't accomplish much. Like at this point they know I won't be attending any colleges but I've made it clear to them that I will go to a school though (beauty school) and do my best to graduate and get a job. They've seem supportive most of the time about this decision. They've offered to lend me pay, help pay for things out of their own pocket, and to just support me all the way. I mean they say it and I know there sincere but what if deep down inside they just hate my decision? I know they'll love me no matter what at the end of the day but I just want them to completely accept me and just be able to be proud of me.

 

[kaliraksha]

If you actually want to be educated, it is NEVER too late. If you don't care about that then you just need to be real with yourself and be proud of whatever it is you have a passion for.

I've had lots of Asian & Indian friends, although that exact kind of pressure was never put on me directly I know how debilitating it must be. My boyfriend's parents compare him to every child they know. Nothing is acceptable to them unless someone they know has already done it. It's a weird backwards way to measure things.

You know, some people do it for themselves and that's fantastic. But, so many people do it out of fear and that makes me sad. Sad to think that we often don't live in a society that lets us explore our dreams and values "I'm a lawyer" over "I'm a musician". The world needs all of us...

 

[luvsic]

Awww sweetie you need a hug right now.

Your post made me really sad, because I know how you feel.

First, know that you are never alone. I hope that you have a good and positive support group, (like friends), to encourage you and be there for you. I also hope you have a good therapist. I have seen about 6-7 therapists now, and they have all been bad. It's hard to find one who will listen to you AND offer helpful insite, so I hope he/she is doing at LEAST that and not just spurting out generic and useless answers I could figure out myself! My therapist happens to be an older white man so I know he can't always relate to what I'm saying but he is helping so that's all that counts!!

Yes, I know what you mean when you say you are guilty about not being a poster child for perfect Asian kids around the world. But hell, we have enough of those anyway! Although your parents may be upset about this, you were after all born and raised in America, where we are encouraged to follow our dreams, be it education-oriented or not. It seems like you are kind of like me - all of my life my parents have told me what to do or "what's best for me" in terms of succeeding, so I always mindlessly took their advice. However, that has gotten me nowhere. I am confused and frustrated and still very much torn between what my parents want for me and what I want for myself.

You love your parents a lot, I can tell, and you feel like you're disappointing them. This is a tough thought to chew on, in all honesty, and I don't want to push you to think one way or another. In Asian culture, we place a lot of emphasis on respect for our elders, especially our parents. However, sometimes this means keeping quiet, and not voicing our opinions or expressing ourselves, which contrasts much with American culture where kids talk back galore (hah, I have a baaad habit of talking back a lot. My dad calls me an "american kid" instead of a "chinese kid" for this reason, too.) As children, we should aspire to please our parents and bring honor to our families. Sounds primitive, doesn't it, but it's the way Asian culture is. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but could it be possible that you don't know what you want in your life yet? Is it your dream to go to beauty school?

It sounds like they love you very much, as they are offering their support you to go to beauty school. But it is also important to know what you want to do too ... like someone mentioned earlier, if you in fact do think college is the path for you, it's never too late to start. If you do in fact feel like you want to go down a different path, you always have options as well. I really am sad for you, girl, how you feel like you will never be a daddy's girl or if you worry about supporting your parents in the future. I really can empathize with you there. But it really does boil down to what you want vs. what your parents want, there must be a little compromise. It'll be easier to be a daddy's girl/support your family if you do what he wants, but you will lose a little (or a lot) of yourself along the way. If you chose a non-school oriented path, you may never feel like you can be a daddy's girl or supporting your parents may be a little harder, since the business you'd want to break into is a little tougher than going a generic doctor/lawyer route, if you know what I mean. But you will be doing what you know is true to you.

You probably don't want to hear this, it is a decision you have to make. There are no absolutes, it's not just black and white. Just know that whatever you chose, your parents will ALWAYS love you...and even though they might not accept what you are doing because it doesn't fit what THEY want, their love for you is and always will be unconditional.

Maybe, if it would make you feel better (as sappy as this sounds) really just tell them that you love them a lot and you want them to love you and be proud of you. Tell them that you want to support them in the future, you want to be a daddy's girl...but you have to do what's right for you. I think they would love to hear you be passionate about wanting to do something. If you try to help them see things from your perspective, they might warm up to new concepts. Your parents, as you said, are a little looser than most Asian parents, so I think they will understand.

Whatever you decide, I just want to reiterate that you are worthy and you are good enough! Never tell yourself otherwise!!

I hope this wasn't too much rambling or lecturing!! GL!! Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk or have more questions!

 

[Beauty Mark]

You aren't that old, you still have plenty of time to explore.

Perhaps the best way to answer things is that you want to take time to figure out what's right for yourself before you pursue college. That isn't a total lie, right?

Going to college doesn't make you smart. There are very smart people in college, there are really amazing stupid people.

I hope your parents are the kind of people whose high hopes for you involve you being happy. It may be cloudy and they link your educational success to your happiness, but I think they probably want you to have a good life.

You messed up at what 12, 13 15? Your life isn't even close to being over. When I was in college, there were quite a few older women who were not traditional age. They were still pursuing careers in their 40s and just then getting their educations. Don't feel like college or that is out of picture if you want to go on with your education.

 

[couturesista]

I don't understand why you feel as though your dumb just because you can't carry on a conversation about chemical compounds, can your cousins carry a conversation with you about your interest, i.e. makeup, fashion? Probably not but that does not make them dumb. Your just not interested in the same things.

In regards to u going to college or beauty school, do it! What's stopping you? It's never to late to learn something new, at any age! We here all the time about people in their 80s and 90s graduating from college because they had to raise their families when they were young, and people learning to read well into their 70s. Basically stop feeling sorry for yourself and start valuing yourself enough to realize that you deserve the best out of life.

Ok, i'm off my soapbox!

 

[carandru]

Quote:

Originally Posted by couturesista I don't understand why you feel as though your dumb just because you can't carry on a conversation about chemical compounds, can your cousins carry a conversation with you about your interest, i.e. makeup, fashion? Probably not but that does not make them dumb. Your just not interested in the same things. In regards to u going to college or beauty school, do it! What's stopping you? It's never to late to learn something new, at any age! We here all the time about people in their 80s and 90s graduating from college because they had to raise their families when they were young, and people learning to read well into their 70s. Basically stop feeling sorry for yourself and start valuing yourself enough to realize that you deserve the best out of life. Ok, i'm off my soapbox!

Totally agree!!

Please stop telling yourself that you are dumb! You have made some mistakes in life, but you're still young so there PLENTY of time to change that. Hell, you could pick a career do that till you're tired of it and THEN go back to school if you feel like it. If you want to go to a 4 yr college but can't get in, then go to community college and transfer when you can! If you don't want to go to a 4 yr, then don't! Moreover, trade school is just as legitimate as any 4 yr college...well provided they are accredited and all that jazz..same as a 4 yr college. Those schools wouldn't exist if they didn't create contributing members to the workforce, right? So, if that is what you want to do, DO IT!!

At some point, you just gotten say I love ya Mom and Dad, but this is ME. And YOU have to be fine w/ that b/c it's likely they won't be for awhile if ever.

 

[caffn8me]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaliraksha If you actually want to be educated, it is NEVER too late.

That is so totally true.

My story (briefly)

I screwed up university the first time round (too young and too many other things going on in life) but after a break of a few years managed to go back because it was the right time for me to learn. I wanted to and I needed to. I was the oldest in my year on my course and I loved it.

I got a good degree and then even started medical school. The only thing which stopped me at medical school was that I ran out of money as the funding I had been promised suddenly vanished

I went back to university against all the odds because I wanted to badly and I worked hard to do it. You can do whatever study you want too. It's never too late.

 

[couturesista]

^^ Good for you! That's most def. something to be proud of!

 

[caffn8me]

I think my mother's achievement is even greater. She left school with no qualifications beyond those she took at 16. She had a good excuse though - it was to marry my father

In her late fifties she started a part time degree with the UK's Open University which is very well respected and she ended up with a bachelors in music.

When I was at university (actually getting a degree) there was a gentleman who was 86 years old studying for his masters' degree. Never too late.

 

[user79]

I also want to point out that university/college is not the only place to get an education. It's not right for everyone, and there's a lot of people who attend university and then get some useless degree and have a hard time finding a job, like a bachelor's in philosophy or something that is hard to translate into an actual job for most employers. There are a lot of technical or trade schools who have great programs and graduates have no problem finding jobs that pay well after.

I hate the idea that everyone has to go to university to be deemed "educated" because it's def not the right thing for everyone.

 

[couturesista]

ITA, with MISS. study and improve what you love and you can never go wrong. Don't let anyone tell you what you cannot do.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Thank you so much ladies, this whole thing has been bothering me for years and has just reached a really bad point after high school graduation.

I'm glad to know that it's never too late to go after whatever you want. I just had felt like I screwed things up to the point of no return and that things will always be this way. I have changed and matured a bit but I still fear that I'll keep screwing up badly.

It seems like I have a weird guilt/love/loyal/defiance/obedience relationship with my parents. Like in my culture respecting your parents and doing what they tell you to do is really important. And I feel like they've instilled that into me but yet at the same time I'm just what you probably can call a "free-spirited person" that wants to do her own thing. I've felt guilty a lot of the time whenever I went for something I wanted but knew my parents would find to be unconventional and probably disapprove of. As much as I wanted it, sometimes I wouldn't go after it because of that. A part of me wishes that I could be that school focused genius with a great paying job for my parents. But I just can't sacrifice so much into something that I don't want. I want to be in the beauty industry that's where my heart lies at. Everyone thought it was just a phase but it's been 3 years and my love for it hasn't gone away at all. In fact I love it even more today.

I just hate being compared to other people or their kids (including my cousins). My mother does the whole , "Oh so and so daughter/son graduated and now is working in a big company and making tons of money." At one point before I started screwing up, I had wanted that sooo badly. Not for myself but for my parents. It's like I was expected to do all of that. My cousins are super smart and knowing about a million things about everything it seems. Their bookworms and I'm just a more social person.

I also hold a ton of guilt for misbehaving to the max when I was 14. I gave my parents especially my mom hell on a daily basis. I recently sat her down and apologized cause I realized how stupid some of the things I had done were. She accepted my apology and told me that she forgives me and doesn't hold any resentment. She said that I was at that age where things get confusing and you just want to feel accepted by peers no matter what the cost was. Still doesn't excuse my behavior though.

To be honest, I do want to be educated but again in the non conventional way. I don't want English and Math classes. When I was really little I thought that college is just something you have to do no matter what after graduating high school. Whether or whether no you liked it. I just really find trade schools attractive because they are so much more direct and I'm learning ALL about something that interests me. I actually do love to learn but learn about the things that really do fascinate me.

I want to have a talk with my parents soon about all of this. I just want them to understand that I do want to make something out of my life but at the same time be happy with it. I'll work hard and do what I'll have to in order to make it and support them. I don't want them to be ashamed when they tell their friends that I'm not a doctor, lawyer, etc. As much as I want to make them happy, I really have to learn to pull away a bit more and realize what I truly want and need. I just kind of don't know how...if that makes any sense? It's sort of like my parents define me in a way, and its like losing a part of your identity.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by caffn8me That is so totally true. My story (briefly) I screwed up university the first time round (too young and too many other things going on in life) but after a break of a few years managed to go back because it was the right time for me to learn. I wanted to and I needed to. I was the oldest in my year on my course and I loved it. I got a good degree and then even started medical school. The only thing which stopped me at medical school was that I ran out of money as the funding I had been promised suddenly vanished I went back to university against all the odds because I wanted to badly and I worked hard to do it. You can do whatever study you want too. It's never too late.

Quote:

Originally Posted by caffn8me I think my mother's achievement is even greater. She left school with no qualifications beyond those she took at 16. She had a good excuse though - it was to marry my father In her late fifties she started a part time degree with the UK's Open University which is very well respected and she ended up with a bachelors in music. When I was at university (actually getting a degree) there was a gentleman who was 86 years old studying for his masters' degree. Never too late.

Both of you sound like such incredible people.

Med school is sooo hard. I talked to a woman who was a friend of my teacher's, she was a doctor. She told all about her experience with college, trying to get into med school, and how things were like for her there. But she got through it and is now doing her own private practice and absolutely loves her job.

My mother didn't have much of an education back in China (she was very poor and born in the mid 1950's). She regrets it a lot and just doesn't want us to waste our opportunities that we are given that she wasn't able to have growing up. I'm glad your mom was able to fulfill her desire to advance her education!

 

[Beauty Mark]

Trade school education doesn't mean not making much more money, nor does going to college. A college educated social worker makes less than my trade school educated friend who does something with computers.

Different education suits different people. If we all wanted to go to college and become doctors, who would do our hair? Sort our papers? Etc.? People have different passions and interests.

Another story of many career shifts. One of my dance teachers went from being a licensed cosmetologist to piercing and tattooing professionally to teaching and dancing professionally. I think she's only 32.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark Trade school education doesn't mean not making much more money, nor does going to college. A college educated social worker makes less than my trade school educated friend who does something with computers. Different education suits different people. If we all wanted to go to college and become doctors, who would do our hair? Sort our papers? Etc.? People have different passions and interests. Another story of many career shifts. One of my dance teachers went from being a licensed cosmetologist to piercing and tattooing professionally to teaching and dancing professionally. I think she's only 32.

I think that trade schools are just as good as any college or school. Your still learning and working on getting certified/a degree. Again with the parents, I just hate for them to look down upon me I guess because I didn't do what was I guess expected of me? They've told me that it's just as good as going to college but I have a hard time believing them when they talk about supporting me and everything. It's just like they completely contradict the support they give me when they talk about how successful other people's kids are.


I've decided that I really do want to do this esthetician course at a beauty school that isn't too far away from me. I did some searching and I'm pretty positive it's the only school around here that offers a esthetician course. The other schools offer a full cosmetology course but do a lot of focusing on hair which isn't my thing. If things go okay, I may be able to start this summer hopefully when my life is less hectic.

I use to be friends with this guy whose mother was still continuing her education. She told me that she wasn't able to go to college because she got married and had kids. Her husband was working for the U.S. government and the whole family did a ton of traveling to different countries. After they divorced she came back to the U.S. and decided to go to college but still wasn't sure what she wanted to do and was taking many classes but she said that she was content because she always wanted to just continue her education.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Some people are really enamoured by the idea of a college degree. Back awhile ago, I think it was very difficult to get one, so having one was special.

It is really your life, and you must live it how you see fit when it comes to this matter. It sounds like you have a plan. Good luck! I'm sure once your parents see you succeed in your dreams, they'll really show how proud of you they are

 

[enigmaticpheo]

First off, you are NOT a failure. Just by reading your post I can see you are a well read, articulate woman who is intuitive and in touch with the feelings of both herself and those around her. That's more than a good 90% of people I meet these days--most of whom have a college degree, and are apparently none the better for it!

Secondly, everyone is right about it not being too late to get a good education. It really never is too late. There's no age limit on schools, no one who will tell you, "Oh, your application was good but...you're too old, sorry. Should've come to us ten years ago." It's a fear that seems real, but actually...isn't! Allow me to share with you my story, because it's similar in some ways. And I'm only a tiny bit older than you!

From the time I was an itty bitty kid, I was "a smart kid". I loved learning, was always advanced, blah blah blah. I got perfect grades through middle school. Then I got to high school, piled on all honors courses, and began to fall behind. It wasn't until my junior year that I smacked myself in the head and said, "What the heck!? I'm not good at science, why am I taking honros courses?" But of course, by that time I had already drowned in coursework that I couldn't cope with.

Senior year I cleaned up, made straight A's, etc. I applied to colleges and was (mercifully) accepted. But thing is, I knew I wanted to be a professional ballerina. I love literature and was majoring in English Lit./Dance, but if you want to go pro with ballet, you cannot wait to finish college. Having graduated when I was 16, I had a bit of extra time on my hands. So I came clean with my parents about what I wanted to do.

It was in no way easy telling them I wanted to be a ballerina. I may as well have been saying, "Oh, I want to be a stripper!" (Except strippers earn more money.) But since then I have taken college courses on and off when I can, earning credits toward my degree while still pursuing my real passion. At first I was terrified of being judged for going out and dancing instead of going straight into college like my friends. But I discovered that once I explained that I was following my passion (ballet, and yours is makeup!) everyone admired my courageousness.

Bottom line? It takes guts to be who you really are and do what you want to do. People actually admire it when you're open about it. And those who do not are jerks. To err is human, to judge is dispicable. You're anything but a failure. You're growing, learning, and LIVING. Rather than being a textbook knowledge girl with no real idea of who she is.

Good luck, and keep us posted on how you fare! Do remember that there is never a time limit on education. I learned that first hand. There's no right or wrong way, because in the end you get the degree and that's the end of it.