i don't wanna be a bridesmaid anymore..
- Thread starter BEA2LS
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malaviKat
Well-known member
Quote:
I have almost no direct experience in the matter, but yes, from what I understand, bridesmaids always pay for their gowns (and in some cases, their accessories as well). Some girls that I'm acquainted with have complained about being asked to be a bridesmaid for multiple weddings in a year. It really hurts the wallet if you're in 4 or 5 weddings over a 12 month period!
Ah well... Never a bridesmaid, never a bride!
Originally Posted by Willa
Maybe it's because I havent had many weddings in my entourage, but do the bridesmaid always have to pay for her dress when it's the bride deciding what it's going to look like??? |
I have almost no direct experience in the matter, but yes, from what I understand, bridesmaids always pay for their gowns (and in some cases, their accessories as well). Some girls that I'm acquainted with have complained about being asked to be a bridesmaid for multiple weddings in a year. It really hurts the wallet if you're in 4 or 5 weddings over a 12 month period!
Ah well... Never a bridesmaid, never a bride!
cazgh
Well-known member
Hey there!!
Don't feel bad at all. I was a bride in March and I would never have expected my maids to have forked out more than they could afford for their dresses. I felt so bad asking them to pay for them I found a way of buying them within my budget (£20 each) and they looked fab - and I could even afford to get the shoes in matching hot pink (also £20) each.
Unfortunately I due to lack of funds I had to get a friend to do their makeup and they had to pay £10 for their own hair and my mum made their little hair fascinator things. We paid half of the guys suits too - we just couldn't expect our wedding to cost everybody a fortune - and everybody looked fab.
So really your friend is being a bit unreasonable - you have told her you cant afford it and for it to cost even more than her dress is a bloomin cheek!!
Really, really don't feel bad
Anyway this post made me think about my wedding again - so thank you for that. Sorry for hijacking it (evil laugh) but here is a pic of us all on the day and how fab did these £20 dresses and shoes look??
Don't feel bad at all. I was a bride in March and I would never have expected my maids to have forked out more than they could afford for their dresses. I felt so bad asking them to pay for them I found a way of buying them within my budget (£20 each) and they looked fab - and I could even afford to get the shoes in matching hot pink (also £20) each.
Unfortunately I due to lack of funds I had to get a friend to do their makeup and they had to pay £10 for their own hair and my mum made their little hair fascinator things. We paid half of the guys suits too - we just couldn't expect our wedding to cost everybody a fortune - and everybody looked fab.
So really your friend is being a bit unreasonable - you have told her you cant afford it and for it to cost even more than her dress is a bloomin cheek!!
Really, really don't feel bad
Anyway this post made me think about my wedding again - so thank you for that. Sorry for hijacking it (evil laugh) but here is a pic of us all on the day and how fab did these £20 dresses and shoes look??
banana1234
Well-known member
i've asked my parents, my friends and everyone else i know, it is not the norm for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses! unless i'm wrongly informed, its just selfishness of the bride and grooms part if they ask people to be a part of their wedding and then expect them to pay to be a part of it? come on, those of you saying its normal, you're having a laugh aren't you? My mate got married last week, she paid for everything. My sister has been a bridesmaid 4 times last year, and has never had to pay a penny. People should think twice about asking people to be bridesmaids if they're going to make em pay to do so, i mean they're doing you a favour?!
i dont want to be rude but if i asked any of my mates to be bridesmaids i would not for one second expect them to pay for their dresses!
i really dont want to offend, but i'm just shocked that some people think its okay to make people pay extra for theses expensive dresses, i mean 20 quid a dress is okay, i mean the people probably would have had to buy something to wear anyway, but if its 'only' 20 quid a dress, why didn't you pay it?! how stingy is that!
i dont want to be rude but if i asked any of my mates to be bridesmaids i would not for one second expect them to pay for their dresses!
i really dont want to offend, but i'm just shocked that some people think its okay to make people pay extra for theses expensive dresses, i mean 20 quid a dress is okay, i mean the people probably would have had to buy something to wear anyway, but if its 'only' 20 quid a dress, why didn't you pay it?! how stingy is that!
user79
Well-known member
Honestly, I think you are partly to blame for your current predicament since you said yes to the job on multiple occasions, not just one.
You should have just said no right from the start, or told her you needed some time to think about it before making a decision, and then said no, you didn't want to be in the party once you knew more details.
I think it's good that you finally told her the truth because she sounds a bit dodgy anyway, but I hope you learned a lesson to learn how to say no to things that you don't want to do. Fairweather friend or not, I would be mad too if someone who had said "yes" to something repeatedly just backed out last minute.
You should have just said no right from the start, or told her you needed some time to think about it before making a decision, and then said no, you didn't want to be in the party once you knew more details.
I think it's good that you finally told her the truth because she sounds a bit dodgy anyway, but I hope you learned a lesson to learn how to say no to things that you don't want to do. Fairweather friend or not, I would be mad too if someone who had said "yes" to something repeatedly just backed out last minute.
purrtykitty
Well-known member
Quote:
That could be the difference between US and UK customs. Every wedding my husband and I have been involved in, we have paid for our own dresses/suits/tuxes, etc. Occasionally, the tab was picked up as the "gift" (which is what we did for our groomsmen and ushers - my bridesmaids paid for their own dresses), but that has not been the norm.
Back on topic - I'm glad you stood up for yourself. Take this as a lesson learned that you should stick to your gut and say "No" when you really don't want to do something.
| Originally Posted by banana1234
i've asked my parents, my friends and everyone else i know, it is not the norm for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses! unless i'm wrongly informed, its just selfishness of the bride and grooms part if they ask people to be a part of their wedding and then expect them to pay to be a part of it? come on, those of you saying its normal, you're having a laugh aren't you? My mate got married last week, she paid for everything. My sister has been a bridesmaid 4 times last year, and has never had to pay a penny. People should think twice about asking people to be bridesmaids if they're going to make em pay to do so, i mean they're doing you a favour?! i dont want to be rude but if i asked any of my mates to be bridesmaids i would not for one second expect them to pay for their dresses! i really dont want to offend, but i'm just shocked that some people think its okay to make people pay extra for theses expensive dresses, i mean 20 quid a dress is okay, i mean the people probably would have had to buy something to wear anyway, but if its 'only' 20 quid a dress, why didn't you pay it?! how stingy is that! |
That could be the difference between US and UK customs. Every wedding my husband and I have been involved in, we have paid for our own dresses/suits/tuxes, etc. Occasionally, the tab was picked up as the "gift" (which is what we did for our groomsmen and ushers - my bridesmaids paid for their own dresses), but that has not been the norm.
Back on topic - I'm glad you stood up for yourself. Take this as a lesson learned that you should stick to your gut and say "No" when you really don't want to do something.
banana1234
Well-known member
Quote:
i dont know, that's so strange, I live in the UK, but you're right to switch it back to topic, i was just so stunned people were agreeing that they should have to pay for their dresses!
| Originally Posted by purrtykitty
That could be the difference between US and UK customs. Every wedding my husband and I have been involved in, we have paid for our own dresses/suits/tuxes, etc. Occasionally, the tab was picked up as the "gift" (which is what we did for our groomsmen and ushers - my bridesmaids paid for their own dresses), but that has not been the norm. Back on topic - I'm glad you stood up for yourself. Take this as a lesson learned that you should stick to your gut and say "No" when you really don't want to do something. |
i dont know, that's so strange, I live in the UK, but you're right to switch it back to topic, i was just so stunned people were agreeing that they should have to pay for their dresses!
GoldenFairy
Well-known member
Don't feel ashamed hun! Just tell your friend that you can't do it and why and if she doesn't understand then she is not really your friend. I would tell her sooner rather than later though!
BEA2LS
Well-known member
thanks, whats weird is she is no longer mad. i know other girls did the same thing, i know her sister cannot be in the wedding but i actually am pretty sure other girls backed out, too. she said it did not affect anything in her wedding, as there were always more bridesmaids than groom, no limo and buffet dining (if i do not want to go, which i actually don't)
i know i should have said no and i am glad this lesson was not as painful as it could have been..
about paying for the dresses, i also cause it is a difference in US/UK traditions.. over here it is pretty common to pay, the unusual thing here is that it is basically a costume from a webpage, it is mostly done in shops and you are measured, etc.
i know i should have said no and i am glad this lesson was not as painful as it could have been..
about paying for the dresses, i also cause it is a difference in US/UK traditions.. over here it is pretty common to pay, the unusual thing here is that it is basically a costume from a webpage, it is mostly done in shops and you are measured, etc.
Willa
Well-known member
Quote:
The poor girl... 4-5 weddings in a year, cost a lot! I hope she was able to re-wear one of the dress
I don't know much about weddings, I'm not a wedding girl I guess... but still, I had in mind that the bridesmaids should never pay for their dress. Especially the wedding you were asked to go to... since she seems to have ask other people before you?
Anyway, glad you got out this one, but like Julia said, I hope you will learn something from this situation : when you don't want something, say no darling, just say no.
| Originally Posted by malaviKat
I have almost no direct experience in the matter, but yes, from what I understand, bridesmaids always pay for their gowns (and in some cases, their accessories as well). Some girls that I'm acquainted with have complained about being asked to be a bridesmaid for multiple weddings in a year. It really hurts the wallet if you're in 4 or 5 weddings over a 12 month period! Ah well... Never a bridesmaid, never a bride! |
The poor girl... 4-5 weddings in a year, cost a lot! I hope she was able to re-wear one of the dress
I don't know much about weddings, I'm not a wedding girl I guess... but still, I had in mind that the bridesmaids should never pay for their dress. Especially the wedding you were asked to go to... since she seems to have ask other people before you?
Anyway, glad you got out this one, but like Julia said, I hope you will learn something from this situation : when you don't want something, say no darling, just say no.
malaviKat
Well-known member
Quote:
I don't know how people do it, to be honest. Even attending 4-5 weddings in one year can be madness.
My bf and I are the only ones in his entire (extended) family and group of friends (which includes his hockey team) who aren't married. Suffice it to say, we've had to attend a spate of weddings in the last little while. I've worn the same dress to the majority of them... buying a new dress for each event would be cost prohibitive!
Most of my friends are not married, some are only now becoming engaged, and I doubt I will be asked to be a bridesmaid for most of them as a lot of them aren't wedding people... I may go through life never having been a bridesmaid.
| Originally Posted by Willa
The poor girl... 4-5 weddings in a year, cost a lot! I hope she was able to re-wear one of the dress
I don't know much about weddings, I'm not a wedding girl I guess... but still, I had in mind that the bridesmaids should never pay for their dress. Especially the wedding you were asked to go to... since she seems to have ask other people before you? Anyway, glad you got out this one, but like Julia said, I hope you will learn something from this situation : when you don't want something, say no darling, just say no.
|
I don't know how people do it, to be honest. Even attending 4-5 weddings in one year can be madness.
My bf and I are the only ones in his entire (extended) family and group of friends (which includes his hockey team) who aren't married. Suffice it to say, we've had to attend a spate of weddings in the last little while. I've worn the same dress to the majority of them... buying a new dress for each event would be cost prohibitive!
Most of my friends are not married, some are only now becoming engaged, and I doubt I will be asked to be a bridesmaid for most of them as a lot of them aren't wedding people... I may go through life never having been a bridesmaid.
banana1234
Well-known member
i think my sister will with out a doubt be my maid of honour
Girl about town
Well-known member
in the uk its normally the bride who pays for the dresses for the bridesmaids, i think its cheeky asking someone to be in the wedding party and then expecting them to pay for it.
