I Feel Less Than My Boyfriend!

[KAIA]

we've been together for 3 years, like every other relationship, in the beggining was great .... now after 3 years i'm not so sure... first of all, i feel like he doesn't like me, i know he loves me but i don't think he likes me anymore... (physically) now is like i walk in front of him barely naked and he doesn't even bother to turn and look at me, plus, he's all the freakin' time looking at other girls.. and that's basically why we argue all the time,before he was buying me sexy stuff from victoria's secret now he doesn't..and it's not money related... he doesn't wanna go nowhere with me and that's why i feel less than him, i swear i see girls looking at him (in flirtatious ways...) i mean he is good looking... and then they look at me like... wtf is HE doing with her... i changed a lot in this 3 years when he met me i was 115 pounds (i'm 5'6") now... god i'm 150 pounds i gained weight like crazy because i feel so depressed and i eat a lot when i'm like that... i ask him many times, if he likes somebody else he says he doesn't... (obviously he won't say ... yes i do..) and you know what's even worst... one day i was reading some stupid stuff on internet about from where the most beautiful girls come from.. and i ask him (he was sitting next to me) and he said... the most beautiful and hottest girls are from eastern europe... (where he is from, and where all his ex girlfriends are from ) and by the way... i'm from south america totally other side of the planet.. i was just ... great! now i feel even worst... i spend time trying to look pretty because i wanna feel pretty and he doesn't even bother to say something like.. you look nice... i always have to ask him what do you think? and i noticed that all the girls that he looks at all the time, they're pretty similar..... super ultra skinny kinda anorexic looking, pale skin, dark hair (most of them) very european looking, and all dressed up (heels and sexy looking) and that against my 150 pounds , my nc35 skin, my latin look... i don't feel embarrased of my ethnicity or my culture ... i said this because i don't understand if you like girls like that what the fuck are you doing with me ??? what should i do???? should i leave him, should i try to lose weight so he can like me more???

 

[Cyn]

I'd probably start with the way you feel first, it sounds like you need to deal with your depression before you worry about your weight. Your problems with your boyfriend might be more about how you feel as opposed to your weight.

Have you thought about seeing a counselor? Trust me on this one, I got depressed and didn't realize how much it was having an effect on my life until my loved ones stepped in and marched me to a counselor and to a doctor.

I'm feeling a lot better now, even though I thought it was a little weird to go to a counselor and see a doctor about my problems at first.

 

[giz2000]

If he's with you, he should be with you for who you are now...if you are going to lose weight, you do it for YOURSELF...for your health, for your self-esteem, whatever. But don't ever think that you need to lose weight/color your hair/dress differently, etc. to keep a man.

Love yourself first...the rest will fall into place. BTW, latina women are hot!!!

 

[jenii]

If he's no longer interested, I doubt it's the weight gain. And if it is? He's too shallow to bother with, honestly.

Just take him aside, and ask him what his trip is. Why he's acting so indifferent towards you. He might not notice that he's doing it. He might just be so comfortable in the relationship, that he's just not noticing things anymore. Until you bring it up to him, you can't be sure. So, tell him honestly, and that way he has no excuse anymore. He can't say later "I didn't know you felt this way," because you will have told him.

And if he's really not interested anymore, you should break up with him. You shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who isn't interested, just for the sake of being with someone. You'd be better off single.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Some of his behavioral changes are probably because he's 'settled' and doesn't think he has to woo you anymore. Some of them (the girls) aspect I think you should talk to him about and let him know how you feel about it and what you're going through right now.

Don't change your weight for anyone but yourself.

 

[Shimmer]

self confidence is REALLY important in a relationship, and the ability to say "I love you but I don't NEED you" is HUGE.
Insecurity will destroy a relationship faster than infidelity...

If you make a decision to do anything about the situation, make it for you NOT for him.

 

[prinzessin784]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark Some of his behavioral changes are probably because he's 'settled' and doesn't think he has to woo you anymore. Some of them (the girls) aspect I think you should talk to him about and let him know how you feel about it and what you're going through right now. Don't change your weight for anyone but yourself.

I agree with this! Great advice!

 

[pumpkincat210]

I agree, the first step you should take is getting some control over your depression and eating. Those two things are causing you to dig yourself into a hole. If you aren't thinking clearly then everything in your life is affected.
Secondly, if your boyfriend is making you feel bad, you definately need to talk with him about it. Beauty comes from within, not just eastern europe. Their are beautiful people from all continents.
If you lose weight for him he's going to see through that.. do it for yourself, you'll be surprised at how good you feel at the accomplisment and some of your self esteem will come back.. But do it for yourself first.
After all of this if he still makes you feel insecure, then i'd dump him. Even after awhile with someone and the newness wears off, your relationship with him should make you feel good, not bad.

 

[sharyn]

I agree with Shimmer
IMO you can put on the fanciest clothes, loose a lot of weight and spend a fortune on make up, you're still not going to have a relationship that really does work out fine as long as you still feel insecure. Sometimes in a relationship the *I* will eventually go away and be replaced be a *we* which can be nice a first, of course, but you still have to take some time for your self and do whats good for you. Treat yourself. I dont know what your obsession is, but... If it's shoes, get a pair that makes you feel sexy. If you're unhappy with your hair, get a new haircut/color. BUT do it for yourself. Dont dye your hair black because HE likes it. Make your self feel sexy, comfortable and look like a million $ for yourself. You prolly wont change your weight within 2 days but you can change your appearance. and once you looked in the mirror and were like "uuuh sexy momma

!" you might have a little more energy to start working on other problems.
dont get me wrong, I am not saying "Look nice and all you problems are gonna go away" but I think that it is easier to stand up for yourself when you feel comfortable with your looks. You dont need to be loved by some guy to feel good. Prove that to yourself. And prove that to him.
I dont know if you spend a lot of time with your (girl-)friends, but you definitely should. Good friends boost your self esteem more than anything else in the world.

Oh and please, dont start starving or do some kinda crash diet. THAT is going to get you nowhere. You can have a nice, fit and firm body without eating only one apple a day. HTH a little and good luck girl!!

 

[DaizyDeath]

If you dont love yourself then you cant love anyone else. Dont let what he says define who you are as a person. If he is bothering you so much about what hes not doing then why not just talk to him about it im shure that would clear evrything up and if he doesnt want to talk. Stop trying to change yourself for something thats done and has been done for a while. Move on it sounds like you need to start living your life for you and not your boyfriend.

Trust me if he doesnt treat you like the amazing person you are then theirs 200+ guys out there who would die to be with you and treat you like a godess 150 pds or a 115 pds its doesnt matter when you happy with yourself people are more attracted to you beacuse they can tell that your comfterable in their own skin and confident.

 

[KAIA]

Thank you guys for all the advices... i've been doing a LOT of thinking these days .... and yeah the main problem is my insecurity and low self esteem because of that... it's why everything else is happening... i asked my boyfriend why he doesn't like to go out with me.. and he said it's bacause everytime we go out i get mad and i get mad because my clothes "make me feel fat" or because he is looking at other girls and other "crazy stuff" like he says.. i also remember how it was on my last relationship... and i remember that i used to dye my hair black and cut my hair really short and i didn't wear any make up basically bacause my ex boyfriend like girls with short black hair and no make up .. so this is a clear example of absolutely no self esteem.... i really have to work on it, i decided to lose weight but this time for real... i can't destroy my life because of the way i feel .... i really appreciate all the comments and advices girls~ <3

 

[SpareMyHeart]

First of all a big hug for you.

150 pounds, sweety I know you feel like thats alot, but im sure your beautiful.And dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

The only advice I can give you is dont change because thats what you think will help salvage the relationship, change because YOU want to and because YOU'LL feel more happy by doing so.

NO guy is worth any of this pain and worry, and I know its so hard not to let it get to you, because trust me, I cry myself to sleep enough times wondering why I love someone who I feel is taking me for granted.

Have you spoken to him about this?Maybe having a heart to heart can do you some good.

 

[lucia_la_latina]

Honey, i know this is an old post but i would like to say anyone reading this post
everybody has unique beauty and one feature that makes me special, if he cant see that in you, well he obviously has issues of his own

never let men make you feel less than what you are, a princess x

 

[wittynickname]

Don't assume your appearance has led to his nonchalant behavior. Many people become comfortable after a period of time in a relationship. Instead of ogling you when you're half naked, he could be sincerely more interested in dinner or watching sports. I know it sounds like blasphemy, but even the most attractive people have less impact once you are used to them.

As for feeling inferior to women of ______ ethnicity, DON'T. All ethnicities and all cultures have their own appeal. I know these feelings may be related to socio-economic or historical factors, but you objectively should not worry over this.

If your boyfriend has indeed lost interest in you because of your extra weight, there is little you can do about it. But would you still want a guy who is shallow enough to ditch you over something so frivolous?

As an aside, if you have been gaining weight so quickly, you could run into health problems. Exercise, get proper nutrition, and sleep well. You will get back into shape.

Please give us an update. Good luck.