I just want to die

[bebs]

hey girl, I know I really dont know you or anything but I've been there just as everybody has no not in the same ways but have reached bottom and it does go back up again. I'm glad to see that your doing better from your last post too. if you do need friends or just somebody to talk to or hang out with (from what I see your in la, correct me if I'm wrong though) I'm just down in orange county and can go up there and give you a friend, somebody to talk if you would like that.

so if you ever do feel like that again or are happy and just want a friend to talk to, go shopping with or anything. as well give me a pm anytime or a call if you would like either.

just remember no matter what, how ever dark it may become there is always light within your self you just need to find it and bring it back to life.

 

[Parishoon]

hey pascal,
this is so sad. i had a friend commit suicide in highschool & a friend's dad do it this past fall.

it's quite a permanent solution to a temporary (albiet it feels like permanent) problem.

everyone here has already given way better advice than i could.
I can relate on the lack of a support system- we moved a lot when younger so my brothers were my only friends really & my family isn't from here & we didn't have extended family near where we lived, so it was hard, especially being young & shifting from an environment when family was always around.

Eventually you get out of highschool, and when you go to college if at all possible, I'd advise you to live in the dorms. Being away from the source of some of your angst can help tremendously.

our response in difficult situations tells a lot of our character, and by sticking around, you're proving to be a strong resilient girl.

 

[as_cute_as_pie]

aw this is so sad but i can relate
i had a tough time when i was 15/16 and was betrayed in the most horrible way by my BF and my best friend (complicated story and both betrayed me in diff ways) i was having a awful time and have the best parents but never told them anything. i actually went to the DRs and asked them about coucelling i told them what was wrong even though i was awfully embarrased in a 'their thinking im just 16' way and i got numbers and that but never went
my best friend helped me out of that mess on the night the disaster happened i actually ran to her house in my pjs as i was so distressed even though it was winter and freezing and she helped me so much as i almost would of certainly done something awful that night

i dunno if you have friends to help you but they really do. as cliche as it sounds, i think you need something to aim for that may help you

 

[kimmy]

Pascal, i hope you're still feeling better. you're a gorgeous, talented girl and don't let anyone ever tell you or make you think different!

a few years ago, i was having my own little fight with depression and i'll admit, i did some stupid stuff. i've got about 30 scars from that period of time...i thought it would be easier to just not be here. nothing was working out for me, i felt out of place EVERYWHERE. my dad's now ex-wife was beating me everyday, me and my dad got in verbal fights constantly, my mom pissed me off all the time, i wasn't comfortable talking to my sister about any of this and i had no friends at my school and i didn't want to bother my old frineds at different schools because they all did okay socially and i didn't want to disrupt them. there were nights when i'd just sit there and hope i could get the balls to just do it, you know?

i can surely say right now though, i'm glad i never got the "courage" to do it. i would have missed out on so many amazing things. i would have never met the love of my life, i would have never met the most amazing friends i've ever had, i would have missed everything that i live for today.

of course, we all get into situations that we think are hopeless, but trust me, NOTHING is hopeless. you can fix and get through ANYTHING except suicide, there's no way out of that.

we're always here to listen/help, remember that sweetheart. Specktrettes love you!

 

[kaliraksha]

hey pascal

just letting you know that like many of the specktrettes have mentioned here... you are definitely not alone... i myself have felt some of the things that you are describing which is what hurts so much now to read that coming from someone else. its a horrible kind of pain and i would not wish it on my worst enemy. i use to cry myself to sleep and i would cry so hard i would have to wake up to vomit... it was a really ugly time in my life.

i think you should consider trying another medication, trying one on one counceling... if i can be honest with you... i tried to find a few ideas to hang on to during the bad times just to get me through... like my little brother... or never being able to feel love again... or how great everything would be later in life... i did a lot of really stupid stuff in the mean time and eventually started getting some of it right. what really helped my stressful life situation was to move out and make it on my own... my parents gave me the ultimatum of "if you move out we wont help you financially at all"... but i did it. I work an 8.50/hr job and go to school part time ... but at least my life is my own.. if you have parents that are willing to listen at all... try talking to them about the unhappiness of being at home and see if they will help you move out... if it's something that you want or would be ready for..

when i talked to my parents about that... it was a pretty bad conversation and they didnt take it well... but now we're ok... we're on better terms than probably ever before. i also spoke to psychiatrist before i did and asked for his advice on how to do it and asked him if i was ready...

just hang in there... and keep posting your beautiful FOTD =)