ashley8119
Well-known member
from people older and wiser than me...
I'm celebrating the fact that I have somebody amazing. I've known this guy since 1st grade, he moved in 7th grade, and recently moved back to MI last year. We got back in touch in a very strange almost accidental way, but that was the luckiest 'accident' of my life. I wasn't living in MI at the time [I'm back for a visit though] and we spent five months getting to know each other again. He's not perfect, I know that, but neither am I. He has a rocky past, he was a cocaine addict during his teenage years, and he's going on a year of being clean. I am so proud of him for his accomplishment, and he is very happy with the choices he is making to get his life back. I have to admit when he was telling about his past and what was going on during those missed years, I was a little bit put off by it. I once didn't date a guy because he smoked too much pot, and between cocaine and pot, there really is no comparison of their potency...but this one I felt was special. He was very honest from the beginning, and never hid anything. He has told me some truths that I would have rather not heard [regarding his drug pasts and mistakes he's made under the influence].
So we finally got to see each other...for the first time in 8 years about a week ago. We've been 'dating', just to see how things go. We've discussed a lot of things, he has even included me in some choices he has made for his future. Before I came to MI, he was going to move out to PA to be with me. Due to 'unfortunate' circumstances, I had to come back to MI. Maybe those circumstances weren't too unfortunate though, because it really cut some time for our 'reunion' we had been planning. I really like him, and he really likes me.
He is so respectful [running ahead to open doors, opens/closes the car door, all that cute stuff]. If we're walking outside somewhere, he'll randomly pick a flower and give it to me. The only thing I wish I could change is to have more faith in him. I am very suspicious about guys [have been lied to and deceived a lot in the past], constantly questioning their motives. He has never given me a reason to doubt him, but I worry that if I put all my trust in him, he will 'surprise' me and break my heart. I have faith in him, but not nearly enough. I worry that my lack of faith will ruin things between us while things are still new, or before they even begin. It's not that I don't want to trust him, I do. I don't feel that it isn't safe to trust him [in my gut], I just am so afraid to let somebody close to me. I've pushed everybody away for 3 years. So this is a big thing for me, it's definitely different.
The thing that makes him different, is that he is the only one to take time to break down my protective walls. He never brings up the subject of sex or even jokes about it. He met my mother and he was so respectful [he said that he didn't wear his eyebrow ring that day because he didn't want to make a bad impression.] He constantly tells me that I'm like nobody else he has ever known, and I feel the same way about him. He was in a 2 year relationship with a girl, and they were engaged. Unfortunately, their relationship was mostly based on drugs and getting high together. He used from the time he was 13 to 18, so I think that this 'clean' lifestyle he's been living has opened his eyes to different aspects of what a relationship can be: without the influence of drugs. He told me the last time we talked that knowing me is a new experience, he's never had a girl be so nice and genuine to him. He said that all of his relationships were based on drugs, and getting high together. He said that his relationships never went much deeper than that, but ours is so different. He is also the first time I've ever felt something deeper with another person. He has an unbelievable amount of trust and faith in me, and I really like that he feels that way. He said that I make him very happy, and even his family and friends have noticed a change in him. We've been separated for 8 years, but we've been talking for the past 5 months and we finally reunited about 2 weeks ago, and we've been regularly spending time together. I feel really happy and safe with him. He knows that I don't judge him because of his drug past or any of his mistakes, I know that they all happened before I came back into his life. He tried getting clean a few times during his years of drug usage, but he said that this is the longest he's ever been without drugs. I think that he will stay away from it, because we both really value the presence of each other in our lives.
So here is what I could use some advice on: I want to let him in and fully trust him, but I don't know how to. This is a new experience for me. I've never had anybody like me for reasons besides "You're pretty cute. Wanna go out?" He sees so much more in me, more than I've ever seen in myself... I feel it in my heart and in my gut that this could be real, and that this one is a keeper...but I'm so afraid of being disappointed by him [or by myself] that I'm scared that I'm going to completely emotionally shut down and ultimately push him away [which is the very last thing i want to do]. Could somebody help me see this in a different perspective? I've told him this concern before, and he listened to me. All he could really tell me was that I need to have faith in him. He said that he's been cheated on before [by his fiance], and if he chose to hold every girl accountable for his ex's actions, he might never give a chance to anybody else. He said that it's not fair to hold somebody accountable for another person's mistake. Is he right?
I'm celebrating the fact that I have somebody amazing. I've known this guy since 1st grade, he moved in 7th grade, and recently moved back to MI last year. We got back in touch in a very strange almost accidental way, but that was the luckiest 'accident' of my life. I wasn't living in MI at the time [I'm back for a visit though] and we spent five months getting to know each other again. He's not perfect, I know that, but neither am I. He has a rocky past, he was a cocaine addict during his teenage years, and he's going on a year of being clean. I am so proud of him for his accomplishment, and he is very happy with the choices he is making to get his life back. I have to admit when he was telling about his past and what was going on during those missed years, I was a little bit put off by it. I once didn't date a guy because he smoked too much pot, and between cocaine and pot, there really is no comparison of their potency...but this one I felt was special. He was very honest from the beginning, and never hid anything. He has told me some truths that I would have rather not heard [regarding his drug pasts and mistakes he's made under the influence].
So we finally got to see each other...for the first time in 8 years about a week ago. We've been 'dating', just to see how things go. We've discussed a lot of things, he has even included me in some choices he has made for his future. Before I came to MI, he was going to move out to PA to be with me. Due to 'unfortunate' circumstances, I had to come back to MI. Maybe those circumstances weren't too unfortunate though, because it really cut some time for our 'reunion' we had been planning. I really like him, and he really likes me.
He is so respectful [running ahead to open doors, opens/closes the car door, all that cute stuff]. If we're walking outside somewhere, he'll randomly pick a flower and give it to me. The only thing I wish I could change is to have more faith in him. I am very suspicious about guys [have been lied to and deceived a lot in the past], constantly questioning their motives. He has never given me a reason to doubt him, but I worry that if I put all my trust in him, he will 'surprise' me and break my heart. I have faith in him, but not nearly enough. I worry that my lack of faith will ruin things between us while things are still new, or before they even begin. It's not that I don't want to trust him, I do. I don't feel that it isn't safe to trust him [in my gut], I just am so afraid to let somebody close to me. I've pushed everybody away for 3 years. So this is a big thing for me, it's definitely different.
The thing that makes him different, is that he is the only one to take time to break down my protective walls. He never brings up the subject of sex or even jokes about it. He met my mother and he was so respectful [he said that he didn't wear his eyebrow ring that day because he didn't want to make a bad impression.] He constantly tells me that I'm like nobody else he has ever known, and I feel the same way about him. He was in a 2 year relationship with a girl, and they were engaged. Unfortunately, their relationship was mostly based on drugs and getting high together. He used from the time he was 13 to 18, so I think that this 'clean' lifestyle he's been living has opened his eyes to different aspects of what a relationship can be: without the influence of drugs. He told me the last time we talked that knowing me is a new experience, he's never had a girl be so nice and genuine to him. He said that all of his relationships were based on drugs, and getting high together. He said that his relationships never went much deeper than that, but ours is so different. He is also the first time I've ever felt something deeper with another person. He has an unbelievable amount of trust and faith in me, and I really like that he feels that way. He said that I make him very happy, and even his family and friends have noticed a change in him. We've been separated for 8 years, but we've been talking for the past 5 months and we finally reunited about 2 weeks ago, and we've been regularly spending time together. I feel really happy and safe with him. He knows that I don't judge him because of his drug past or any of his mistakes, I know that they all happened before I came back into his life. He tried getting clean a few times during his years of drug usage, but he said that this is the longest he's ever been without drugs. I think that he will stay away from it, because we both really value the presence of each other in our lives.
So here is what I could use some advice on: I want to let him in and fully trust him, but I don't know how to. This is a new experience for me. I've never had anybody like me for reasons besides "You're pretty cute. Wanna go out?" He sees so much more in me, more than I've ever seen in myself... I feel it in my heart and in my gut that this could be real, and that this one is a keeper...but I'm so afraid of being disappointed by him [or by myself] that I'm scared that I'm going to completely emotionally shut down and ultimately push him away [which is the very last thing i want to do]. Could somebody help me see this in a different perspective? I've told him this concern before, and he listened to me. All he could really tell me was that I need to have faith in him. He said that he's been cheated on before [by his fiance], and if he chose to hold every girl accountable for his ex's actions, he might never give a chance to anybody else. He said that it's not fair to hold somebody accountable for another person's mistake. Is he right?
