I need some guidance because I'm not sure what to do....

[Hawkeye]

Hi everybody. I need some guidance. Especially from the Lakota beliefs and spiritual stuff because I'm just not sure what to do.

See one day I got off of work and got a call to come on home. So I went home and saw my mom and dad and someone else. My parents best friends sister. I'll call her Jackie.

I get home and see Jackie. She is one of the sweetest most loving people I Know. She's a strong Christian, in the local church has 2 kids and a husband. Wonderful woman. Well she's crying and I'm wondering uh oh what did I walk into? So I said hi to everybody and then went with my dad.

So then Mom comes and tells us whats going on.

Jackies Husband I'll call him Tom and I think the absolute WORLD of him. He is a wonderful nice loving guy just yeah. Well see the family is very active in our local church and one of the youth leader/supporter is a lady who I'll call Debbie. She's always prancing around about how holy and everything she is. She's all high and mighty and trying to save people. I never really liked her but yeah. Well apparently she started throwing herself at Tom and Tom had an affair with Debbie.

Well what's horrible is that everyone is mad at Tom and My parents best friends well he's a Preacher and his wife is a very strong christian also. So everyone in the families knows the situation and the other preachers do too (The preacher of the church the lady was apart of and a good friend of all of ours).

So I'm very very dissappointed in Tom. I expected a lot better from him but I forgive him and understand he needs to suffer the consequences.

What I'm not prepared for is if Jackie calls me up and says if I can watch the kids-well I'm not sure what to do except let them be kids. (We're talking high school/middle school).

See this happened to someone else I know (a totally different family!!) and I'm best friends with her and the girl I love her to peices but she drives me nuts. She's bipolar her brother is so arrogant and that family always calls me to talk some sense into one of the two and my best friend I love her but that dad really screwed up their lives.

I'm scared to death that the two girls in the first family will turn out like the family I just mentioned and I'm not sure what to do because it really hurts me.

Does any of this make sense? What should I do?

 

[Shawna]

I think you being there for the kids as a family friend that they can confide in would be a great start. In these situations, it's the kids that are often neglected and hurt the most because now they are seeing the hatred their parents have for one another. Parents can often forget that little ears are listening in on conversations. Just try to be a sounding board for the kids and be as honest with them as you can. I'm sorry you are in such a tough position, but I know from your previous posts what a kind, compassionate person you are, and I know that's why you've been chosen to help

 

[jenjunsan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawna I think you being there for the kids as a family friend that they can confide in would be a great start. In these situations, it's the kids that are often neglected and hurt the most because now they are seeing the hatred their parents have for one another. Parents can often forget that little ears are listening in on conversations. Just try to be a sounding board for the kids and be as honest with them as you can. I'm sorry you are in such a tough position, but I know from your previous posts what a kind, compassionate person you are, and I know that's why you've been chosen to help

Shawna....you are spot on today! Little ears hear so much more than what we think. My daughter will be in the tub and come out and ask me about a conversation that someone else was having in the house while she was bathing. They take alot of it on themselves since they don't fully understand. Although the kids are teenagers, that is such a confusing age and I think it would be wonderful for them to know that there is someone loving they can trust and such a difficult time.

 

[Life In Return]

I don't know what you believe, but pray for them. I will pray for them too. Even though the family's in Christ, and they believe in Christ as their true savior, we as humans are not perfect, and we do sometimes make some very bad mistakes.

As far as the kids, just be there for them. Encourage them. Let them be kids. Read to them. Be an ear.

 

[Hawkeye]

Shawna--thank you for your kind words.

Life in Return-thank you.

Well we found out the SOB has been cheating on her for 2 years. The girls are old enough to know whats going on and constantly been badgering everyone why their parents aren't talking so she made her husband tell them why their dad was not living with them anymore. I respect that decision, it holds him accountable.

But I just... I dont know what to do or think.

Life in Return-I'm a Christian but I have a different spin on it. I can only pray that God will do whats best since he knows best but I'm still so blind with rage right now.

 

[Life In Return]

YouBe - A different spin on it ? How so ? PM me if you want.

 

[Hawkeye]

yup. a different spin- I'm of the opinion that churches (at least every church I've been to) tend to worship the god of docterine and to focus more on financial and other stuff. Not that is not important but it has very much influenced a lot of my opinions (that and also I went to a private Christian school where we sang the same song 5 million times every week on wed!) but I have also found that people not only worship the god of Docterine but also are more concerned with the law and not with the person and their particular circumstances (very similar to the pharasees!)

I am of the opinion that when Jesus taught he wasn't as concerned with docterine (as he WAS the docterine) as much as he was concerned with each individual person. He didn't try to change peoples minds because he knew he couldn't (or actually he wouldn't due to free will). He also when he was teaching tried to convey the message without talking down to people.

I also have a problem that the church is forgetting that God is a just God, he's a judge (Revelations) and he's very jeolous (Exodus). They want to say he's forgiving and will forgive everything, loves everybody warm fuzzies and you have to suffer the consequences but its OK because God loves you.... but they are leaving out the fact that God is firm with his rules and is essentially a judge. He actually holds you accountable for your actions.

So now you see some of my ideology-I am in a constant search for who God is. I am always looking at different cultures different beliefs. After looking at some of these I can appreciate the fact that Jesus wasnt joking when he said everyone will know who I am even if they haven't heard of him-by looking into a lot of their structures.

I read a lot of books, the Tao de Ching (spelling?), books on Confuscious, books on the Native American Tribes, and in the Bible.

I believe wisdom can be found anywhere if we look for it and it's not just in books but also in nature and through other people.

I don't go to church, I do have fellowships or whatever with other people but it's usually on a one on one basis. I try to treat people the way Jesus would treat people and I screw up a lot of the time. I'll be the first to admit. But I also don't pay that much attention to the law-i respect it i try to uphold it, i know what i'm capable of without falling but i will not push it on other people.

like with the first post in this thread, i know they commited adultry, i'm very upset at Tom right now and his mistress but I'm not going to call them up tell them they are going to hell and when i see them to treat them like crap. I'm more dissappointed in him then anything and that I think is more effective than being cruel attacking.

So my different spin is I use the wisdom I have learned from others, from God by prayer and by books to get me through life, and if i mess up i ask for forgiveness and know I'll get held accountable but thats ok. it just helps me be more wise.

 

[MissMarley]

youbeabitch, i just graduated from bible college, and i have to say, i think you're spot-on with a lot of your observations about the church. i think the church as a whole forgets about the judgement of God, as well as the love- I've never seen a church with a balanced perspective- it's all either "love love love, do what you want, it doesn't matter, God will just forgive you anyway" or "you did something remotely wrong? you're going to burn in hell forever".
So I like your perspective. I tell people a lot that I love Jesus, I trust Him as my Savior, that God is my Father, but His church scares me to death.

 

[midnightlouise]

I really think you can serve your friends best by praying for their situation and by just being there if they want to talk about it. Even the best of Christians can sometimes make idiot mistakes because we're still human and we still battle against our instincts on a daily basis. (I may be a Christian, but I'll be the first to tell you I fight stuff constantly and I am very often an extremely poor example of one.) Anyway, just pray for Him to work this situation and be a friend. I am sure you're a good one!

btw MissMarley, where did you go to school? I went to a Bible College in Nashville years ago.

 

[Hawkeye]

The church itself is terrifying! I mean you can always tell when you come across a Christian vs a fake one (or what I affectionatly call the FBI Christians) the real ones I've noticed are very humble and they dont talk that much about what good they do etc and the fake ones they ALWAYS pray the loudest, longest, sing the longest.....

Not realizing the way to God isnt through yelling its very quiet-often times the gentle control is more powerful then the loud screaming. KWIM?

And seriously i know the way it is about being the first to say I can screw up!

I do it on a daily basis there is not a day that goes by that I know I screw up. But what can ya do? Just try to do better the next time

Hey midnight louise-random question-did you go to the bible school called Lee University?

Yeah I actually considered going into bible school or seminary

 

[MissMarley]

I went to Ozark Christian College in Missouri...graduated with a degree in biblical literature with dual emphasis on psych and communication (they allowed me to take a big chunk of classes through TX A&M- I'm originally from TX, so I did some summer stuff, correspondence, online, etc)

 

[midnightlouise]

I went to Free Will Baptist Bible College and studied religious music. Back when I went I wouldn't have recommended it all that highly, it was ok, but there were a few too many hypocrites in charge back then and at the time I was going there because I was given an ultimatum. (It was 12 years ago and I went to Indiana University before all that.) I have heard it's pretty good these days, though, and the people in charge really want to do right. I did meet my husband there so I know I went there for His reasons.