I'm intimidating?

[BlueMoonDoll]

I feel you gals--I was told time again, "You're....a strong woman," and "You're very....mature." A good friend finally broke and told me, "Look, you're intimidating. I was scared of you when I first met you...Not like you were going to beat me up but like...you were just intimidating. And then I got to know you and I LOVE you" (she was also drunk, but very serious).

What I'm getting at is this: You're not alone. We're not alone in this. It is fine to be a strong, smart, dedicated woman. I personally don't put up with bullshit and that is what a lot of guys in a certain age range bring to the table. When I do decide to tolerate it, I walk away without anything promising because I know that I was being amused by the sheer idiocy of the moment. Don't change. I want to take up kick boxing (finding the time is not easy) and I'd love to be as active in it as you are in your sports.

Yes, men are scared of a woman who knows what she wants, especially when she knows how to get it (and I mean this in a GOOD way, not a manipulative way). But the right guy won't be honey. It takes time with someone--so be honest about all your interest. I'd hate to see you not tell a guy you're into *this* and he is into the same thing...but he decides you're makeup and clothes, and he wants a woman with other interests. Just be you, you won't be happy trying to be anyone else. Believe me, I made that mistake. And I don't want to see you loose yourself by trying to be a watery version.

 

[darkishstar]

^^ Hahah, I'm not strong in that aspect, I don't know what I want, and I most certainly don't know how to get it. By acting like a guy, that's what I mean, I'm not manipulative. But thanks for the words of advice and reassurance nevertheless.

 

[BlueMoonDoll]

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkishstar ^^ Hahah, I'm not strong in that aspect, I don't know what I want, and I most certainly don't know how to get it. By acting like a guy, that's what I mean, I'm not manipulative. But thanks for the words of advice and reassurance nevertheless.

But right now you know what you want--does that make sense? You have hobbies and things you're interested in, and you know who you are at this time.... You can be the tomboy in makeup. There isn't a thing wrong with that.

 

[Orchid_28]

Girl...there is nothing wrong or intimidating about having hobbies and being independent. Obviously the men that you meet are not man enough for you. You need a real man. Honestly I think that the qualities you have are a bonus! You would think that most men would love a sexy girl who can get dirty and take care of herself at the same time and not be so needy. You will find someone some day. Dont ever change who you are and what you love to do.

 

[malaviKat]

Ah... as everyone has said there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! You certainly do not need to change who you are for any man. A guy that is intimidated by your confidence, your independence or the fact that you have your head on straight will ultimately make you unhappy in the long run so why bother changing for that?

Be happy with who you are. The right person will eventually come around to compliment you and your personality - not make you hate the person you long to let out!

Like you, I love my makeup and I love dressing up (perhaps more than most of the women I know, aside from fellow Specktra members). To that end I can be a very typical "girly girl". However, in my bf's group of friends I'm the only girlfriend who plays video games with the guys and I'm on a soccer team with my bf. I've also worked very hard to succeed academically/professionally - a trait that might be viewed as intimidating by those who don't know me. But my bf isn't intimidated; he's happy as long as I'm happy. His guy friends aren't intimidated by me; they compliment my bf because he's the only one with a gf who shares his interests (or is distracted enough by her own life to let him do his own thing).

I guarantee that one day you will find a guy to appreciate the whole you.

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

it might be your body language. people often misjudge others just from observing their body language. people mistaken confidence for intimidation. it could be that.

 

[ashley8119]

Obviously these guys are "boys" and not "men".
A real man will love you for being the smart and independent woman you are, not run away.

I get the same thing from people about being intimidating,
and if that happens, it's usually because the guy can't handle a strong woman who is fine being who she is. Like I said, they're all boys.

So that's a huge chunk of why I decide to remain single: I'm waiting for a man. Sadly, I know too many boys and not nearly enough men.