I'm pissed, am I justified?

[NicksWifey]

Quote:

Originally Posted by duckduck Ug - that is definitely a rough night for the both of you. It is good that you have so much support and understanding from your family & I hope you can forgive yourself for having a relapse on the cutting. I can completely understand how you felt - you had no control over the situation with the other girl, and then your boyfriend wouldn't even let you control whether or not you stayed in bed. That "overwhelmed" feeling coupled with a little booze could definitely cause you to return to old habits. Just keep reminding yourself that it didn't get you what you really wanted, and that it didn't fix anything. That way next time things get out of hand, it will seem like a much less appealing reaction Anyways, that all said, I'm sorry things went poorly last night, and I am glad to hear you are feeling a bit better today. I have actually been in a similar position before with my own boyfriend, so I figured I'd share & maybe it would help (or at least can't hurt!). About 2 years into us dating, we were living at college in the same dorm, but in different suites. People (boys & girls) came by his suite all of the time to hang out or whatever and it was never any big deal. Well, at one point, this girl who was a "lesbian" (fake college variety) started coming around a bunch. I never have cared, except she was really nice to my boyfriend, and standoffish and rude with me. Also, she seemed to want to hang around my boyfriend more than any of his suite mates, and she would usually leave if I showed up. I was really not getting good vibes off of this girl, and I told my boyfriend that she made me uncomfortable. He kind of blew it off because she was a really cool person with a really interesting perspective on the world, and, of course, claimed to be a lesbian. Well, this didn't help my feelings any, I could swear that she was interested in him & purposely alienated me in spite of my best efforts to befriend her. Things continued on like this with me telling him I didn't like her or she made me uncomfortable, and him reassuring me that he would never hurt me and so fourth until finally I just couldn't take it anymore. I was felt sure that this girl was horning in on my relationship and I told him I didn't want him spending much time with her anymore. He got defensive and told me that I was driving him away from being able to have female friends and that I was restricting him and blah blah blah. He did promise to try and honor my wishes though, and stopped responding to her on AIM or hanging out with her much when she came by. You should know that by this point I HATED this girl. I knew she wasn't the one to be angry with, but dammit, she was around and fucking with shit. She made me feel insecure and unwelcome and had my boyfriend not agreed to restrict their friendship more, I'm pretty sure I would have gone ape-shit on her ass one night after a drink or two. Luckily, we never actually got to that point. A few months later, I was driving a friend of mine (and hers) to the airport & she came up in the conversation. The friend mentioned how this girl talked about she liked to try and piss me off by getting just a little *too* close to my boyfriend in front of me. What. The. Fuck. I didn't even know this bitch, and there she was playing around trying to hurt me & our relationship. I told my boyfriend about this and he was pretty shocked. He apologized for doubting me, and was deeply disappointed to learn that someone he had though of as a friend would purposely try and hurt me or our relationship. It was at this point that we decided that it was fine for him to have female friends, but they had to be friendly with me too. Also, he promised to listen to me a lot sooner in the future when I told him that I didn't trust someone. I, in turn, agreed to try and get my own insecurities in check around other females. We have been dating for 6 years now, and while I won't pretend our relationship is flawless, what problems we do have don't come from our friends of the opposite sex. I still feel insecure around the occasional cute, petite thing that's super into something that he likes and I don't, but then I make friends with her and everything is pretty much cool. It is understood, however, that if another girl comes along who has no interest in being friendly to me and doesn't want to hang around when I'm there, she's out. Hasn't happened in the 4 years since the first incident, but its good to know that if it does, I come first.

I'm really sorry that you were treated like shit by this opportunist bitch. I'm also glad that the truth came out what her real intentions were and I'm glad your boyfriend doesn't hang out with her anymore. What a dumb bitch, 'nuff said.

Thanks a lot for your post, I really appreciate hearing your story

 

[User93]

I just wanted to say that i understand your feelings so damn good, im exactly the same

"Nick told me that he loves me and would never do anything to hurt me but he's not going to spend the rest of his life with someone who's going to fly off the handle over everything." - thats whats happening to me. If i was at your place that time in the pizza place, i would scream all the same and curse her so she hears that. I have anger issues i believe, and i've very jealousous, i know thats bad and sick :/ But whenever something like that happends, or i just hear a girl mentioned, i feel so damn bad, it physically hurts me inside, i'm almost crying etc. "Nick was sooooo pissed at me, he basically shoved me in my car and told me to go home. I really wanted to punch him in his face" - yeah t
hats how i am sometimes aswell. And i'm really fcked up these moments, all in anger, and Im being treated like a childish emo bitch sometimes aswell. I'm just saying.. i understand you

Me and my love are in a long-distance relationship, so once there was an awful story of a bitch from his college leaving to live in the other city, so, she asked him to come over the bus terminal and say bye as she was kinda "friend". And he went there, though he already had me, but ok, our story is really really complicated, i wasnt "legit" or smth.. So there at the bus station she kissed him. He told me about it a few days later, i was so fucked up, but ok, thats not the case. I know he has 2 msn adresses, 1 for college and another one leasure/internet. I'm in both. so me basicly hang all the time in the leisure/family/internet one. He joins college only for important stuff. And that fucking bitch is there. I asked him to tell her to fuck off, he said he wont be rude out of nowhere, that she didnt know about my existance (true) so he simply won't communicate with her. But damn, that bitch was sending him regards for Christmas in msn, then textimg him saying she gonna be in the city in case he wanna meet her. WTF? He told me he didnt answer anything to her text. And says she never wrote again which i really doubt. I know he loves me, but damn, whenever i see him joining college msn i feel so bad, i really feel he gonna talk to her there... Which i accept to be not true, i trust him, still, i have that jealous/anger issues. Yesterday i went away from msn, then came back 30 mins later as i had a chance, and i find him in that college msn.. i got so pissed off

But ok, another thing which i'm thinking about. You said, Nick made you cut off contacts with some guys from work. So, he is jealous aswell. In my mind, if you love someone, you can easy cut off any contact for him/her. I would do it. I dont understand why its not acceptable.

*now throw roaten tomatoes at me*

Sorry for a lond post. Keep us updated, girl, and please dont cut yourself, cmon! I'm all the same reaction, but cutting yourself is really stupid, You shouldnt hurt yourself in any way!

 

[SkylarV217]

You have a right to be upset,
1- You have a legit reason to be cautious of this girl ( the sketchy way she acts when you are around)

2- Your man should respect you when you tell him something like that bothers you.( it's not like you ask him to not see any other girls, just this one)

The problem is the way the situation has been handled. While you are mad , you should handle things calmly , you would get a lot more accomplished that way. If you run in screaming, yelling , and cussing... You look like a loon. Where as if you had approached the pizza place and asked your man , Nick , I just called you and I was wondering if her being here was a reason you didn't answer? Not letting him say anything Continue to say ... "We'll talk about this at home." ... that then gives you the "upperhand" in the situation... which you should have. But you lose it when you fly of your rocker.... Be cool about the situation you will get a lot more accomplished and honestly have a better ground to stand on. Your points are much more valid when they are coherent .... Have you ever watched Jerry Springer or Cheaters.... You don't want to look like those people ! . I hope things work out love . Handle the situation with class so that in the end it will be clear who was right and who was wrong.

 

[kimmy]

maybe she was just one of guys when she worked there and she doesn't want to abandon her friends? i think you're kind of jumping the gun calling her a "bitch," a "slut," and a "ho." the lab partners you mentioned...would you appreciate it if their girlfriends called you things like that?

i can see you being a little upset, but real talk, i think you overreacted. i understand where you're coming from, because i've been there and i've gotten really pissed. it turned out the "bitch" was nothing more than a friend, and i looked like a jackass for jumping to conclusions.

i'm one of those that doesn't need solid proof of cheating to leave, when i think i've seen enough signs pointing to it, my ass is out the door. but i don't read those signs from the girl, i read them from the man. because in the end, if he is cheating, it's his fault and it's his choice.

 

[duckduck]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NicksWifey I'm really sorry that you were treated like shit by this opportunist bitch. I'm also glad that the truth came out what her real intentions were and I'm glad your boyfriend doesn't hang out with her anymore. What a dumb bitch, 'nuff said. Thanks a lot for your post, I really appreciate hearing your story

Lol, thanks for saying that - it's been 4 years now, so I have mostly forgotten how I felt, but writing that post I got so heated! I was truly lucky to learn the truth & have affirmation that I wasn't "just being crazy" or whatever. After writing this, I spent a while thinking about what I would say/do if I ever saw her again. At first I wanted to give her a piece of my mind and tell her what a horrible manipulative evil bitch she had been to both me and my boyfriend. Then I realized that if she had derived satisfaction out of seeing my hurt & mad, then I would make sure to never give her that satisfaction again. If I ever do see her again (pretty unlikely due to her living on the opposite coast, but you never know) then I would probably pay her no mind whatsoever. I would act like she was a complete stranger, and if she forced the issue by talking to me, I would be overwhelmingly sweet and happy and make sure to throw in some details about how great my life is.

In your situation, you had mentioned this girl had ignored you. I don't know what exactly happened, but I do know a lot of girls who consider themselves "one of the boys" (myself included) are actually really intimidated by other women - especially attractive ones. I know sometimes I will clam up really badly around new women, even more so if I am worried that they will not or do not like me for some reason. I don't know if that is at all relevant to your situation, but I figure it is worth mentioning.

So what resolution have you and your fiancee come to with regards to the current situation? I mean I know you said you have a lot to work on as far as your own jealousy and anger go, but what is his plan with regards to the friend for the time being?

 

[marreyes38]

i think you are perfectly justified in being pissed...my bf kinda did the same thing to me and it pissed the shit out of me too..there was this girl at his work whom asked him what classes he was taking so she could add the same ones...he didnt want to take a class with me but he was perfectly fine with her adding his classes...to make matters worse this bitch didnt have a car so she asked him for a ride. this is what pissed me off the most..his best friend lives about a block away from her so she could have riden the bus with him (because he doesnt have a car) but my bf gave her a ride instead because they got out of class late...i told him "you're not her bf, shes not your responsability, she's got legs let the bitch walk, and she should have thought about that (needing a ride) before she took a class so late in the afternoon. i knew she was after him because she would always compliment and tell him he was hot and stuff like that but he said she was just being "nice"...i was so pissed...i think your situation is about the same as mine...like you, i trust him its her i dont trust.

 

[tiffanykei]

Hmm.. I feel like you've been just a bit insecure on your part. Of course you have the right to tell this girl off but to scream at him.. Hmm..

I don't mind that my fiance keeps in touch with his ex-s as long as they know their boundaries. I trust my fiance completely but like you said, it's THEM I don't trust (One of his ex-s is a smoking hot girl with a spunky attitude-I do feel she's up to my level.. har har-). But in the end, it is him that I trust so I'll let him know how I feel about it.

He doesn't let me talk to my ex-s because he feels insecure.

He's a shorty about an inch taller than me so he's a pretty insecure dude. I accept that fact but it's not like I'm going to keep him from talking to his ex-s y'know? That's just how he is and this is how I am.

Plus, someone told me this.. A Man takes pride in "owning" his Woman as a body. They feel that ALL MEN OUT THERE ARE PERVS because I guess they're pervs themselves. ;p As a Woman, we want to be the only one that our Man THINKS about.. as in emotionally. So.. a man is more physical whereas a woman is more emotional. If you really think deep into this, I think it's true too. That's why as a woman, we see no problem in our guys hugging their female friend as long as that female knows who I AM to my man. For a guy.. :T a bit different?

I'm blabbing again.. sorrry...

P.S. Your honey must be a hottie for this girl to not get the freaking hint.

He's engaged to you sweets!

It's you he comes home to.. not her. But you do have all the right to be angry. I like how you said you weren't going to hit her.. I would've smashed her face so she could finally get the message in her thick skull.

 

[NicksWifey]

I don't know...it just really offended me, ya know? If I was a girl in her shoes (with a boyfriend, just like she currently has) I wouldn't be surrounding myself with a bunch of guys that have girlfriends and visiting them at work to "chill" with them. If she is a tomboy, so be it, but I don't see the need for her to be all up in my man's grill, know what I mean? And another thing that I didn't mention before, I guess she was a virgin up until 2007 when Nick and I first started going out. He told me not long after we got together that Leslie had lost her virginity in the past month and had already slept with 2 other guys. I thought that was slutty and he said she had told him and another male co-worker of his explicit details about her "first time." That's why I don't like her..the fact that she tells her whole sex business to a bunch of guys with girlfriends and continues to hang out with a bunch of guys with girlfriends, when she has a man of her own.

Anyway, Nick and I got over it and we're doing much better now. He told me that when she comes to visit, he's just going to be friendly and not give her any reason to think he's into her. He said if she wants to come by and play hoops or toss a basketball, she's not doing it with him. He said I have no reason to be upset and that she would never try anything with him, but I feel in my heart she's a skeet-skeet, so that's all that matters to me lol.

 

[Amber*Christine]

I think that in a way you definately have a right to be pissed off. ALWAYS trust your female intuiton when it comes to another woman. I remember feeling that way about a certain friend of my (now) exs and she pursued him till they ended up having an affair. It wasn't right of your man to not anwser his phone when he knows how you've been insecure about this situation. Good luck with this I hope the two of you can work this out and that he'll become more sensitive to how you feel about all this, after all, you are his girl, she's just a friend, so you should always come first.

 

[user46]

I'm jealous also. I don't think I can give my biased advice, lol. Seeing as my relationship isn't be best.