Is cybering cheating or just glorified masturbation?
- Thread starter Unlucky79
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Shimmer
Well-known member
I've said it and I'll say it again:
You can't define someone else's relationship for them. I can't define someone else's relationship by my own relationship's standards. That said:
Anything that has to be hidden is cheating. Anything that I wouldn't do right in front of my husband is cheating. If I feel a need to hide it, I shouldn't be doing it.
You can't define someone else's relationship for them. I can't define someone else's relationship by my own relationship's standards. That said:
Anything that has to be hidden is cheating. Anything that I wouldn't do right in front of my husband is cheating. If I feel a need to hide it, I shouldn't be doing it.
*Luna*
Well-known member
I consider it cheating because there is somewhat of an emotional (maybe emotional isn't the right word here but I can't think of another that fits properly) attachment with another human being. It's not like your looking at internet porn or something, you are talking, interacting, and not to mention getting off with a live person. I would be disgusted with my husband and I am sure he would feel the same way about me if it were to ever come up. Same thing with phone sex and all that... it's not self gratification any more when you are interacting with a person other than your SO.
Raerae
Well-known member
Quote:
Yah, I agree with Shim, in that if it's outside the boundaries of your relationship and something you would be hiding from you signifigant other, then YES it's cheating.
Especially since "cybering" or phone sex or whatever might be the only form of contact a couple in a long distance relationship has, I think it can be nearly as intimate as physical sex. Especially if things like webcam's or whatever are involved.
Originally Posted by Unlucky79
Thoughts? Disclaimer:This is just a general question that Devin & I talk about. It's not necessarily a personal issue. Just curious... |
Yah, I agree with Shim, in that if it's outside the boundaries of your relationship and something you would be hiding from you signifigant other, then YES it's cheating.
Especially since "cybering" or phone sex or whatever might be the only form of contact a couple in a long distance relationship has, I think it can be nearly as intimate as physical sex. Especially if things like webcam's or whatever are involved.
Unlucky79
New member
I believe it is cheating. Boundaries or no boundaries...it's lame (not counting L/D relationships). I just don't see the point if it's with a stranger. If your significant other is away & the only form of communication (with each other) is the internet - then who cares? It's cheating because, like everyone else said, you're interacting with another human being.
Now I know the last post was a big deal about girls wanting to be with other girls & male SO's not being there. I do understand whatever works for that person's relationship. But people need to remember not to be hypocrites. I, myself, included. Just because I maybe agree with one thing, doesn't mean I advocate another thing. Dev & I were just morbidly curious about this. Plus it's fun to talk about controversial topics. Now, I'm off to go cyber with TruckerXXX69 (we have a thing...). He gets me.
Now I know the last post was a big deal about girls wanting to be with other girls & male SO's not being there. I do understand whatever works for that person's relationship. But people need to remember not to be hypocrites. I, myself, included. Just because I maybe agree with one thing, doesn't mean I advocate another thing. Dev & I were just morbidly curious about this. Plus it's fun to talk about controversial topics. Now, I'm off to go cyber with TruckerXXX69 (we have a thing...). He gets me.
*Stargazer*
Well-known member
It's only cheating if the SO considers it to be cheating.
Unlucky79
New member
I know, I know...I'm asking this with the express assumption that people define their own boundaries, levels of comfort...I'm just curious is all. Like for instance you may not being into shit-eating...like Devin & I are. That may not be comfortable for you & Mr. Shimmer. For Devin & I it is comfortable to attend shit eating conventions. We have boundaries. Shit eating's not for everybody. It's just something that we're into.
Disclaimer: I'm a lying sack of shit. We're not into shit eating. I'm just funny, random, & hot. I can't help it. But we are into beastiality...
Disclaimer: Once again, I've lied to you all.
Disclaimer: Shimmer, I don't think this is working out. It's not you, it's me. It's what I'm going through right now. There, I've said it.
Disclaimer: I'm a lying sack of shit. We're not into shit eating. I'm just funny, random, & hot. I can't help it. But we are into beastiality...
Disclaimer: Once again, I've lied to you all.
Disclaimer: Shimmer, I don't think this is working out. It's not you, it's me. It's what I'm going through right now. There, I've said it.
Shimmer
Well-known member
Dammit. There's the end of another short lived e relationship. I'm such an e slut. *sigh* E-sleeping around gets so...tiresome after awhile. All that backspacing...I can't type when I'm excited and stuff. *sigh*
No seriously, cybering in and of itself isn't cheating...developing an emotional attachment to the person you're cybering with? I can see hwo that would be cheating.
But if you're just in a chat room talking to some fat broad (you hope...on her best day) 7 states away while drinking a beer / eating a twinkie and writing dialogue that would make the editors of Penthouse puke...eh. That's not cheating. That's just funny.
No seriously, cybering in and of itself isn't cheating...developing an emotional attachment to the person you're cybering with? I can see hwo that would be cheating.
But if you're just in a chat room talking to some fat broad (you hope...on her best day) 7 states away while drinking a beer / eating a twinkie and writing dialogue that would make the editors of Penthouse puke...eh. That's not cheating. That's just funny.
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
For me, it depends... If you're doing it as a joke or if it's some RPG thing (many actors and actresses have pretend sex with others and still have SO or at least non-cheating breakups), I don't have a problem.
When I'm talking about RPGing, I'm talking about those people who pretend they're various characters, either already developed ones (ie. Star Wars) or some other fantasyland (ie. wizards, witches, superheroes).
But I want in on it or at least the option to read it if you're doing it. And the online sex better damn well be with strangers and no relationship outside the RPG (in that situation) better develop outside the cybering.
But that's just me.
When I'm talking about RPGing, I'm talking about those people who pretend they're various characters, either already developed ones (ie. Star Wars) or some other fantasyland (ie. wizards, witches, superheroes).
But I want in on it or at least the option to read it if you're doing it. And the online sex better damn well be with strangers and no relationship outside the RPG (in that situation) better develop outside the cybering.
But that's just me.
eighmii
Well-known member
I wouldn't consider it cheating.....
But I consider it pretty freakin lame, and if I'm just not doing it for my boyfriend to the point where he feels the need to cyber with someone, then it doesnt really matter if its cheating or not. Cause the relationship is pretty much over.
But I consider it pretty freakin lame, and if I'm just not doing it for my boyfriend to the point where he feels the need to cyber with someone, then it doesnt really matter if its cheating or not. Cause the relationship is pretty much over.
Shawna
Well-known member
Quote:
I totally agree with this, and couldn't have said it any better. It isn't the porn/masturbation whatever that bothers me, it is the lying about it and hiding it that makes me mad.
| Originally Posted by Shimmer
I've said it and I'll say it again: You can't define someone else's relationship for them. I can't define someone else's relationship by my own relationship's standards. That said: Anything that has to be hidden is cheating. Anything that I wouldn't do right in front of my husband is cheating. If I feel a need to hide it, I shouldn't be doing it. |
I totally agree with this, and couldn't have said it any better. It isn't the porn/masturbation whatever that bothers me, it is the lying about it and hiding it that makes me mad.
kaliraksha
Well-known member
Quote:
Yup, that's my policy as well. I know what he would not approve of and I know it because if I feel like I need to hide it from him then I know I shouldn't be doing it.
In our relationship - I would say I wouldn't be upset about a random cyber because I would think it's dumb. I would innately know that it was for shits and giggles. However, if my SO was speaking with someone one a normal basis and their form of "sexual" interaction was cybering well then that's obviously a no-no for me.
| Originally Posted by Shimmer
I've said it and I'll say it again: You can't define someone else's relationship for them. I can't define someone else's relationship by my own relationship's standards. That said: Anything that has to be hidden is cheating. Anything that I wouldn't do right in front of my husband is cheating. If I feel a need to hide it, I shouldn't be doing it. |
Yup, that's my policy as well. I know what he would not approve of and I know it because if I feel like I need to hide it from him then I know I shouldn't be doing it.
In our relationship - I would say I wouldn't be upset about a random cyber because I would think it's dumb. I would innately know that it was for shits and giggles. However, if my SO was speaking with someone one a normal basis and their form of "sexual" interaction was cybering well then that's obviously a no-no for me.
Dizzy
Well-known member
Meh, I'd just shrug. If he wants to cyber with some random person (don't want to specify gender here- you never know who someone is on the internet), I say go for it. As long as it doesn't change my relationship with him, I don't care what he does online.
Though I do think if he did it with someone we knew in our lives, it'd be weird. I think that's where I'd draw the boundary, I wouldn't care as long as it wasn't someone we knew, and he didn't get attached to them.
Though I do think if he did it with someone we knew in our lives, it'd be weird. I think that's where I'd draw the boundary, I wouldn't care as long as it wasn't someone we knew, and he didn't get attached to them.
Raerae
Well-known member
Quote:
Porn doesn't respond to you though... you just kinda look at it ;p
Not to mention you'd be ok with another woman getting off to your husband? Since she could prolly see him naked too...
I guess part of me would just be like... What am I not providing if you have to use these outher sourses to get off..
| Originally Posted by Dizzy
That's not much different from porn in my opinion, hence, I really don't care. I think it'd just be the actual physical touching or emotional attachment that would bother me. But I think I might be a bit more 'open' in my relationships than other people. |
Porn doesn't respond to you though... you just kinda look at it ;p
Not to mention you'd be ok with another woman getting off to your husband? Since she could prolly see him naked too...
I guess part of me would just be like... What am I not providing if you have to use these outher sourses to get off..
asnbrb
Well-known member
Sleeping with one night stands often doesn't require an "emotional attachment" and yet a lot of girls would still consider that cheating. I would consider cybering cheating just by that definition and hell, if my partner wants his rocks off, why the hell aren't I there? I can type 60 wpm!
Dizzy
Well-known member
Quote:
Ah, see that's the difference- he's just my 'kinda sorta on and off again' boyfriend. It's a casual, pretty open relationship. In my situation: I'd tell him to go for it.
If anything about my situation were different (ie a serious relationship instead), then I think maybe I'd feel differently.
| Originally Posted by Raerae
Porn doesn't respond to you though... you just kinda look at it ;p Not to mention you'd be ok with another woman getting off to your husband? Since she could prolly see him naked too... I guess part of me would just be like... What am I not providing if you have to use these outher sourses to get off.. |
Ah, see that's the difference- he's just my 'kinda sorta on and off again' boyfriend. It's a casual, pretty open relationship. In my situation: I'd tell him to go for it.
If anything about my situation were different (ie a serious relationship instead), then I think maybe I'd feel differently.
