Is it even worth it anymore?

[user79]

I'm sorry you feel upset and hurt.

Your bf really doesn't sound like he's that into the relationship. My bf and I have been together for 8 years, and he always always asks me to come along to anything he's doing with friends, even if I am busy or don't feel like coming. But the invitation is always there. I think it's important to have time as a couple together, as well. Sounds like your bf isn't that keen on spending time with you. I dunno, it just doesn't sound like he's very enthusiastic about anything!

How long have you been together? Do you think there is another factor that is causing his sudden lack of interest in you?

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

We've been dating almost a year and a half.

he doesn't want me around his friends because they're typically always doing drugs at parties. he says he doesn't want me around that, and frankly now that he's told me that, I'm kinda glad he doesn't want me around them because it would make me uncomfortable. but some of his other friends, like the one who invited me to her house and to her wedding, they're not like that, and they tell him they like when he brings me around. so to that, he says that his friends are his friends and since he doesn't get to see him that often, he'd rather just hang out with his friends alone. it's lame, i bring him around my friends all the time because just like he is, my friends are a big part of my life. whatever, if he's uncomfortable with me making friends with his friends, then thats his problem. and i guess his ex-fling or whatever was gonna be at the wedding, and she made some sort of indirect threat of trying to make me feel as uncomfortable as possible, as she's openly expressed her not being a fan of me because I'm Black.

also, we're in an interracial relationship, which i'm almost always able to see past. and i know people in groups he knew have made comments, which have started arguments and leading to him not speaking to a few of his friends because of it, which is just plain ignorant and its gotten him really upset before. all of his friends are white, so if he takes me out in mixed company, or rather unmixed company, I end up being the only person of color there, which can make me stick out like a sore thumb. it used to make me uncomfortable when we were first dating but i've gotten over it.


on the plus side, we've spent some time apart, and i'm playing hard-to-get a little bit. I usually take fridays off and hang out with him, but I actually asked if i could work because there's a training i don't wanna miss out on. it's making him put up more of an effort, which is really all I wanted, was to know if he still cared the way he used to. he came to work to visit me for lunch yesterday, which was nice.

 

[gitts]

Hi there,

I have been reading the responses, as I suspected there are a number of underlying issues that you, yourself are aware of and others that I am sure are also on his mind that you may not know about.

Here are some of the ones you have touched on:

1. Being an interacial couple is very difficult and although you may have adapted, he may not have fully come to terms as to the impact it is really going to have on his life and the fact that it will enable him to seperate his true friends from the rest as well as to educate and increase th awareness of his family with regards to discrimination.

2. His job is obviously a very big problem for him. Part of being a strong man however is examining your circumstance, recognizing how to improve it and doing just that. Gentle support is often the way to go with men. They like the idea that any good plan they thought up.

3. His friends. Some suck and some dont. My issue is the fact that he does not want you around the drug-taking ones especially, but they are his friends. Is their behaviour something that he can identify with? If that is the case, does he not want you arouond him either. It may be time for him to do a bit of house keeping in relation to his friends. He needs to keep friends that will lift him up and move him forward and not pull him down. Again gentle, very gentle encouragement as they are his friend and solid support ofcourse.

4. Your responses indicate how much you care for this man. Although his responses seem a bit hot and cold it may be a factor of his current situation. You are a strong black woman who has stepped out of the box and explored other possibilities. Realize this, it is powerful! Your decision is therefore do you stand by your man and give him the support he needs while carefully expressing to him the issues that you have or do you move on? You have put a lot into this relationship and I would give it a bit more time especially as you two find time to talk over everything.

5. Last but not least there are more than one way to say the same thing. Each way results in a different response. Always remember that he too maybe responding to how you say or do things. So always think twice before you do or say things, maybe there is another way that may promote a better reaction. The way I call the gentle presuasion where the idea appears to dawn on them but ofcourse you have quietly placed it there.

I hope that was not too convulted.

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gitts Hi there, I have been reading the responses, as I suspected there are a number of underlying issues that you, yourself are aware of and others that I am sure are also on his mind that you may not know about. Here are some of the ones you have touched on: 1. Being an interacial couple is very difficult and although you may have adapted, he may not have fully come to terms as to the impact it is really going to have on his life and the fact that it will enable him to seperate his true friends from the rest as well as to educate and increase th awareness of his family with regards to discrimination. 2. His job is obviously a very big problem for him. Part of being a strong man however is examining your circumstance, recognizing how to improve it and doing just that. Gentle support is often the way to go with men. They like the idea that any good plan they thought up. 3. His friends. Some suck and some dont. My issue is the fact that he does not want you around the drug-taking ones especially, but they are his friends. Is their behaviour something that he can identify with? If that is the case, does he not want you arouond him either. It may be time for him to do a bit of house keeping in relation to his friends. He needs to keep friends that will lift him up and move him forward and not pull him down. Again gentle, very gentle encouragement as they are his friend and solid support ofcourse. 4. Your responses indicate how much you care for this man. Although his responses seem a bit hot and cold it may be a factor of his current situation. You are a strong black woman who has stepped out of the box and explored other possibilities. Realize this, it is powerful! Your decision is therefore do you stand by your man and give him the support he needs while carefully expressing to him the issues that you have or do you move on? You have put a lot into this relationship and I would give it a bit more time especially as you two find time to talk over everything. 5. Last but not least there are more than one way to say the same thing. Each way results in a different response. Always remember that he too maybe responding to how you say or do things. So always think twice before you do or say things, maybe there is another way that may promote a better reaction. The way I call the gentle presuasion where the idea appears to dawn on them but ofcourse you have quietly placed it there. I hope that was not too convulted.

I completely agree, especially with 1,2, and 5. I like to be right and I'm very strong, and I don't think he's been with a woman like me lol. He's never been in an interracial relationship, and even though his parents were from two different races, and you would think such bigotry would have ended by now, it's not something he or his circle of friends are used to and perhaps don't know how to embrace fully. At first I had a hard time with it also, all the funny looks and tasteless remarks drove me insane.