is this a normal sex life???

[pumpkincat210]

Quote:

Originally Posted by trollydolly thanks for all of ur posts ladies. i think i was perhaps looking too much into the washing thing! ive lost quite a lot of self confidence through everything thats gone on with my boyfriend. our sex life hasnt always been like this, just since he was doing all of the stuff on the internet. this is my first proper relationship and i think thats always the hardest one if things dont work out.

You might find the book "the smart girls guide to porn" an interesting read . Amazon.com: The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn: Violet Blue: Books Personally I haven't read it but it seems really interesting. I didn't know that 87% of women watched it. If he is intent on watching it and doesn't have an addiction to it, he may be very receptive to you watching it with him. It could actually be quite fun if you find the right one. If you are worried he has an addiction to it you can find sights all over the net about porn addiction. Read them and if he is an addict you have a whole new barrel of monkeys to deal with. Is it worth sticking with him through it if he decides he needs help?

 

[Girl about town]

Hey love the frequency of the sex sounds fairly normal, actually me and my fiance are lucky if we do it once a week!! lolwith work and our son, The difference is we are both happy with this. You should be able to talk to him about it!! Sex is always shit when you lose your confidence , and i think this is what has happened because of him sneaking about behind your back. You need to work on building your own confidence and if things still don't feel right i would just assume you aren't right for each other. Things were exactly the same with my ex , we used to argue about our lack of sex life and his lack of affection etc thats why he is now my ex xx

 

[Karen_B]

What do you want from your sex life? Ask yourself what you want to try, what your fantasies are, how you would like to experiment. I'd start there, and then try to talk to him about it while making it clear you are not trying to pressure him into anything. (Having sexual fantasies, wants and needs does not make you a slut or anything.)
If you then realize you aren't compatible, then you have to face that and decide if you want to continue your relationship. Best of luck to you.

 

[Lalai]

Maybe he says sorry because he feels like he should be doing more or feels that it's not just being as great as it could be and has no clue what to do about it. You might try small stuff that's not directly related to sex like saying that you think it's really nice when he does something like strokes your hair and ask him to do it. Doing small things like that are good when you to get to know each other more closely. It always takes a while before you get thinsg working right, though! Just some touching without sex is good for getting to know what feels nice for the other person. Maybe you could also ask if you can take the shower together afterwards? Or even before.

I think he's just a bit clueless about what he should be doing and porn isn't the greatest way to get to know your own girlfriend. You could always ask, or maybe you already have, why he watches it a lot in the first place. Maybe there's something in there that turns him on a lot that you could transfer into real life. It's always worth trying out new things but never do stuff that you don't want to do - you know best what's good for your body

 

[iluffyew769769]

Quote:

Originally Posted by trollydolly thanks for all of ur posts ladies. i think i was perhaps looking too much into the washing thing! ive lost quite a lot of self confidence through everything thats gone on with my boyfriend. our sex life hasnt always been like this, just since he was doing all of the stuff on the internet. this is my first proper relationship and i think thats always the hardest one if things dont work out.

Unplug the router!

 

[Kalico]

Some people are really just different... I'm not a cuddler after sex, I wanna go get cleaned up. My guy is a cuddler and gets kind of upset if I get up too soon. It's nothing personal, I love him to bits, but I just don't feel like cuddling after...

Him making you feel like a slut for talking about a want of more sex? That's just not right. At all. You should be able to talk about it openly. Sounds like he's got some mental issues about it, which could be the reason why you're having other problems as well...

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Wow, this has an eerie similarity to my sex life right now. Sex once a week I'd say is pretty normal. Some of us dont even manage to make it a weekl thing sadly lol! The amount of time that a guys lasts for varies for each individual and alot of factors can play into that like how often you guys have sex and if he came already before sex during foreplay, etc. But considering you only have sex about once a week 10-15 minutes sounds about right. I actually think that the average couple only has sex for like 20 minutes. As for him wanting to clean up afterwards is also personal preference. Some people just don't like the idea of having bodily fluids on them after sex. I know I don't. It actually sounds like he's trying to be courteous when he asks if you want to go to the bathroom first or not. Cuddling and being all affectionate afterwards is also another personal preference thing especially with alot of guys. Now that doesn't mean he doesnt love you or want to show you that he cares. He just might not be into cuddling. 99% of guys that I know of are emotionally slow. You also have to take in consideration that when guy cums, and even for us girls the body sometimes goes into this "relaxation" mode where you feel real tired and want to sleep. It's just the part where you say that you've spoken to him about this before and he's never done anything about it that troubles me a bit.

But as for the part where he makes you feel like a slut for wanting more sex, he has no right to make you feel that way. Theres nothing wrong with wanting more sex after round 1. Me and my partner have often had fights over that actually and he has also said the same exact phrase, "sorry im not a sex machine 24/7" to me! And I think thats where the apology after sex comes in. He might feel guilty and insecure himself because he thinks that he's not satisfying you and thats probably really frustrating for him. So hes expressing that through anger.

As for the oral sex, many guys have this mentality that it's okay for them to receive it. But when it comes to giving it to us they aren't into it cause for some reason I"m not sure of see our lady parts as "dirty" not that there really dirty or anything. It's just how some of them see it as. It's definitely not fair but have you tried asking for him to return the favor?

It is completely normal for guys and girls to look at porn. We all have different sexual fantasies. Maybe try if your comfortable, watching it with him? Or you could do what many of the girls here have suggested, maybe dressing up or even roleplaying.

 

[anshu7]

Re: is this a normal sex life??? and feeling alone in a room

pm'ed u

 

[Devoted2MAC]

Hi Laura,

I'm sorry you're going through this. IMO, sex is an extremely important part of a relationship. If you've tried talking to him, and he dismisses you or doesn't follow through on what he says he's going to do, then maybe it's time to think about moving on. You're so young and you have so many years ahead of you. There are plenty of other guys out there who will want to fulfill your needs.

Also, there is an age difference there. So you were 17 and he was 23 when you met? To me, that just doesn't seem right, and is illegal in most states. Plus why would you want to be with a guy who talks to girls on the internet? That just seems so disrespectful to me.

It seems like there is the distance between the two of you, and to me, that's not how it should be.

Hope this was helpful.

Take care,

Lauren

 

[MissChriss]

I think the porn maybe the problem. He probably masturbates a lot which is why you guys only do it once a week.

 

[trollydolly]

thanks for all of your advice girls. i think perhaps ive been worrying about it too much rather than just letting it happen. i know hes a good guy deep down and he loves me, we've just got a few things we need to work on...

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

I am going to be extremely honest here and I'm just going to say what I see ok? This is also going ot be based on your last post and this one.

I think this is more than just about the sex and I also think you have self confidence issues. You are better than this and you need to work on your issues and be happy and confident and comfortable with yourself instead of finding the first person who'll take you on and then put up with his BS because you think you aren't good enough or you can't make it on your own.

You say he loves you deep down? I think you're just trying to kid yourself quite honestly because if he loved you and cared for you, he would be showing it.

It is entirely possible that he's watched so much porn or whatever that it's the only thing he can get off too and finds it hard to enjoy anything that's not on a computer screen. I have a cousin who is exactly the same way. I don't think you're getting all you want and need from this relationship and I think you really need to think about that seriously and do some real soul searching.

When will enough be enough? Imagine a friend of yours and then imagine that everything you've been through was what she was going through. What would you think? What would you say to them? What would you say if you were on the outside looking in?

I'm not having a go at you or attacking you. Like I said at the start, I'm just saying what I see. if you ever want someone to talk to about it, you can give me a PM anytime.

 

[NutMeg]

^Pretty much everything I've been wanting to say. Except I'm going to add in a hug.

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

And lots of hugs from me as well.