just a little rant (warning: harsh language)

[kimmy]

what the fuck is wrong with my generation?

seriously.

i just got a text from a girl who's always claimed to be my best friend saying that it was my fault we never talk anymore, though she's the one who won't answer my calls or text. her reason for it being my fault, and i quote: "if u cared u wouldnt have been consumed with ur job. thats all u care about anymore" when i replied to her with "sorry i grew up, then. life isn't all fun and games. i've got bills to pay" she says "balance. thats what u need"

hold the motherfucking phone.

i'm nineteen years old and have a car insurance bill, a gas bill, a phone bill, utilities, food to pay for, clothes to buy, car parts to buy to keep my car running, a dog to take care of, two cats to take care of, health insurance to pay for, dental and vision insurance to pay for and anything else i might need. the only thing i don't pay for is rent because i live with my parents and even that's being taken away within a matter of months. i don't mind, i'm an adult i should have bills. i work full time and take all the overtime i can get because the more money i have, the easier it is to make the bills and the less stress i have making my ass sick. i don't have a job, i have a career and anytime i can advance that, i do...i don't see anything wrong with that.

she's nineteen as well, working less than twenty hours a week and driving a brand new car she doesn't pay for. she doesn't pay for any of her bills, just for concert tickets when she goes to them. the biggest problem she's ever faced in her entire fucking life is whether she should wear blue or green to impress some piss ant dipshit in a band she considers god. oh wait, she takes one class at community college every now and again...i forgot, i guess maybe that's her big stressful issue.

are people just not growing up anymore or what?
is it just the new thing to leech off mommy and daddy?

 

[lazytolove]

your friend should read this thread =]. It's sad she doesn't understand you have a busy life.

 

[xIxSkyDancerxIx]

Umm.. I'm 20 and I live with my mom and she pays for my schooling, insurance, etc. She bought me a brand new car when I got out of high school and everything. I pay for my credit card bill but since I don't have a job I rarely use it. So maybe I am "leeching" off my mom, but honestly, she doesn't want me going out and living by myself and paying for things. So maybe I'm just super lucky to have a parent like her, but isn't it a little harsh to say that your friend is leeching?

Have you ever tried to sit down and talk to your friend about all this? Calmly? I said things like that to one of my friends once, and when she told me what she was going through (which is much like you) I felt terrible because I didn't know it was that hard and everything.

I can understand where you're coming from, some people have it really easy and don't even realize it (I'm one of them). But because I'm such a spoiled child my opinion has always been to enjoy your youth while you have it because I'm going to be working for my whole life more or less when I'm older, so why not just not really do it when you're young? I don't know, you "grew up" and she didn't.. that's life I suppose

 

[blazeno.8]

Yeah, I had a friend who blamed me for being the distance between us when she was really the one who never returned calls, went after my ex-boyfriend (this was fairly close to the time we broke up), but wouldn't leave the house to meet me if she couldn't find her makeup bag. <--? My fault hu?
So... I got pissed off and gave her a reason to believe it!

It does disgust me how few responsibilities people actually take. While I might be financially dependent on my parents, I'm really not for anything else. I don't know if your friend knows how to do laundry, cook, or clean but I live with a lot of people who couldn't even do that before going away for college (a lot of them can only do the first of those things now). For those of my friends who aren't financially dependent on their parents, I actually try to understand where they're coming from, and will work around their schedules instead of blaming them for not having time to spend with me.

 

[SparklingWaves]

I know people who are in their freaking 50s and 60s and never moved out from their parents house. It isn't due to they don't have a good paying jobs or handicapped. Their parents are their 80s and 90s and still cooking, washing their clothes, going to the grocery, cleaning the house, & even cutting the grass! Their children will not move out or even date. They aren't saving a dollar of their money, because they are blowing it on entertainment and fancy cars. So, it's not just your generation.

Your friend just can't relate to your responsibilities.

 

[COBI]

Step back for a second. You can't change her attitude. You can only reflect on yours.

Yes, you have bills and responsibilities as do I and most average people. It is not your friend's fault that she is still provided for at 19yo (which is NOT old on a "growing up timeline IMHO, although I was living out of my parents house at that point with every bill possible.) I know someone who is about 35yo and she went from her parents providing for her to her fiance. Even at 28yo (and living with her fiance), if her cell phone got shut off, her parents would pay for it. This was not a "slacker", she has a law degree and owned a consulting firm. She was just never expected to take care of herself financially, so she has never worried about it. Not her fault, really, because to her it IS normal.

Anyway, back on topic, how do YOU feel about the balance in your life? Your friend does have a point in a way: balance IS important. My life has become much more enjoyable in the last 8 years as I continue to tweak the balance in my life between work, friends & family, and volunteering/charity. Interestingly enough, the more I have balanced these things, the FURTHER my career has progressed. Balance in all areas of life tend to make us happier and more "productive" in all areas of life.

I am not saying her approach is appropriate or that you can change anything right now. For all I know, you may very well take a lot of time for yourself (not working) and are simply choosing to not spend it with her. It may be you simply no longer want to spend your free time in the same manner as you used to. I know that the last that I want to do after work is go out "clubbing", but I might be more inclined to meet a friend for a drink at a bar after work, and then I'll want to go home and get some sleep.

It is also not uncommon as we grow up to grow away from some friends because our lives take such different paths that our values no longer mesh.

Good luck, but don't let it eat at you.

 

[kimmy]

she is a slacker though. she isn't working towards any degree, and she isn't anywhere near a full load in school. my dad still pays for all of my sister's stuff, including rent, and she's twenty two...but then again, she's taking a full load in school and about to graduate with double majors. i can respect the responsibilities of school, if you're really serious about your schooling and are actually doing well in them, you know?

i've tried to explain this whole thing to her calmly before, and she just doesn't get it which is what's so irritating about it, i suppose. she acts as if i took all this responsibility because i wanted to have a way out of being her friend, which isn't the case. i love having the responsibilities i have, i won't lie...but i didn't take them on because i wanted them. when they were given to me, i didn't want them at all.

i feel like i have a good balance. my relationship with my parents have never been better, and i'm making my own luck the way my parents taught me. i have good friends at work that understand where i'm at and where i'm going...and why. it's just upsetting because i would think she'd be happy for me in all this.

 

[MACATTAK]

It sucks that she is acting so childish, but you need to do what you have to do to take care of your responsibilities. You also need to do this feeling "guilt free." It's nice that she has a free ride right now, but the majority of people in this world have to pay their way through life. Since you have already talked to her about this before, it may be time to reevaluate your friendship and if you feel you need this type of person in your life right now. Sometimes people have friends for a lifetime, and sometimes people move on..and that's okay.

 

[MadchenRogue]

Honestly, you don't need people like that in your life. I would think she had more common sense to understand the responsibilities you have. In doing so, she would set a date a week or so in advance that can match with the days you have off. We would want to have friends that considerate, but from what I hear that girl is all about "ME". I would say you are better than that you need people that are able to understand you. And truth be told, it may take you an extra year or so to finish your degree but that experience you have gained by working your ass off WILL pay off. As for your "friend" SHE will get a rude awakening when she keeps fooling around and winds up preggers by some dude she thought was like SOO KEWL... *hehe* ( sorry I am being sarcastic). I say let her be and move on. You are obviously making great strides to be a responsible young adult, while that chic still thinks she is 15 in highschool. And guess what?? I have seen people like her end up working at a store, while her peers are educators, police officers and graduate students. You go girl, you keep it up and do your thing. Maybe SHE wont get ya, BUT THOSE THAT WORKED their asses off or are in the process of graduating from college will and do respect you. I already respect ya, cause I have been there too.

 

[kimmy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MadchenRogue I have seen people like her end up working at a store, while her peers are educators, police officers and graduate students.

funny you say that, i'm working right now towards becoming a police officer.

i just wish she understood.

 

[mindlessgapgirl]

how frustrating for you, especially if you haven't done anything wrong. you are trying to make something of your life, and its not fair for her to judge that. i have a friend who is very similar, she is 27 and still lives with her parents, no car, a part time job that she doesn't take seriously at all, and she just talks about how when she gets married her husband will have a good job. its soooo annoying to me, because i was working two jobs, paying for a car, basically being really responsible, and then she whines to me how difficult it is for her to get time off on a saturday to go visit her boyfriend constantly. NO sense of responsibility there at all...hahah sorry that turned into my own rant

i think the best thing to do is to just ignore it. she will probably never change from being a spoiled brat and you dont need someone like that around...especially when they cant understand why you are doing what you have to do, as long as you aren't overwhelmed with your life. good luck!!!

 

[glam8babe]

i know you might be pissed off but u know... im 18 and i live with my mother and i will for as long as i want, i never pay for anything, my aunt bought me a car and pays for it, i go to college twice a week and i love my life. Everybody lives their lives different and im sure when im older living with my partner n stuff i will be paying bills n all that but im young, i dont care about any of that i should be having fun not worrying about bills and i think your friend might be abit upset that apprently you dont talk to her much, my old best friend was the same but i dont see her anymore because im too young to be worrying and gettin stressed about drama n shit. My bf is the same age as u and he doesnt pay bills.. i dont see why its such a bad thing? I do respect the way you live though like living your life properly and paying for everything which is great but not everybody does that

 

[Dizzy]

It sucks, but some people just grow up faster than others, whether it's by choice or circumstance. She sounds like someone who'll stay with her parents until they kick her out or until something in her life forces her to change and decide to act like an adult.

I'm friends with very few people around my age anymore (I'm only 20)- why? I had to grow up fast, they didn't. I work just shy of full time (39 hrs/week), have an internship, and am a double major, I graduate in Dec. My old friends are slackers- no work experience, mommy & daddy pay for all their bills (including tuition- I'm jealous, tbh), and majority of them couldn't give a rat's ass about their grades. They're not bad people, as I'm sure your friend isn't, they're just at a different point in their life that won't always mesh with yours- but that to me was just a cue to move on and find like-minded people to be friends with instead.

Anyway, don't let her get you down. Good for you of wanting to make something of your life and be independent from your parents (because that's so rare to find in people around our age!) and good luck becoming a police officer.

 

[*Stargazer*]

Honestly? Be proud that you, an adult, aren't sponging off of someone else. I respect what you are doing way more than the alternative.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

I find that most people my age aren't like me. The people I graduated with, well i don't talk to them (they are most likely being provided for while going to college). I don't have many friends. One of my friends lives at home and goes to college and shes so smart and responsible and is very independant. Another friend is very troubled, almost 21, with a baby, on unemployment, and going to school now. She could be more responsible, but she definetly isn't some spoiled brat.

I will be 19 in a month. On my birthday, I won't have health insurance anymore. I'll have to pay $200 (at least) every month for health insurance. I need a surgery done. That will be $750 altogether (hopin I only stay in the hospital one day for it because thats all I can afford). I really was looking forward to getting LASIK, thats at least $2000 (but it would be financed). I give my mom $100 for rent every month, which I feel upset about at times, because they are struggling and it has nothing to do with me. I am struggling too. I would have moved out a long time ago if I could've. Its not like I want to stay in this house. I work two jobs, hardly any damn hours at either one. I can barely get a ride to work everyday and when i do get a ride, I'm late 95% of the time.

I don't have a license. I need to go out of state to pick up my car. I have to get my license. Then I'll need to pay for insurance and gas, etc. I have to find a place to live, and be moved in a month and a half from now. I have no credit--no one will give me credit because I have none. I'm not sure if I can get an apartment because of my credit situation. I pay my phone bill on time every month. And I'm still 18 years old. LoL. Me and my boyfriend are worrying about if we will have to live in his car for a short while, if things don't go well with the apartment search.

But thats life, and its growing up. I am upset that I have to go through this, but it is also very beneficial. I am learning about the hard times in life early. I won't be a spoiled brat who has everything. I work for what I need and want. And when I have kids I am just going to do things so much differently. I complain at times, because this isn't easy. But theres only so much you can do. Everything will fall into place. Sorry i couldn't give any advice. I figured I'd just share my story. You're not alone girly.

Like others said, I'm happy that I can say I worked hard for what I have than to say "My mommy bought me this, and my boyfriend got me that" If thats how you were raised and brought up, than thats good for you. But not everyone is so lucky.

 

[kimmy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by glam8babe i know you might be pissed off but u know... im 18 and i live with my mother and i will for as long as i want, i never pay for anything, my aunt bought me a car and pays for it, i go to college twice a week and i love my life. Everybody lives their lives different and im sure when im older living with my partner n stuff i will be paying bills n all that but im young, i dont care about any of that i should be having fun not worrying about bills and i think your friend might be abit upset that apprently you dont talk to her much, my old best friend was the same but i dont see her anymore because im too young to be worrying and gettin stressed about drama n shit. My bf is the same age as u and he doesnt pay bills.. i dont see why its such a bad thing? I do respect the way you live though like living your life properly and paying for everything which is great but not everybody does that

i'm not saying it's a bad thing, but i do think it's bad that she's so upset i'm not afforded the same luxury as her though.

i appreciate everyone's input on this. it's interesting to see different perspectives on this.

 

[COBI]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimmy ... she's so upset i'm not afforded the same luxury as her though.

That's why it will/would be very difficult to try to get her to understand where you're coming from. It is not something she can relate to at all. It takes a very developed emotional level to begin to understand something that you've never personally experienced (such as paying your own way when you've always been taken care of.) Or in the same way, it would be for you to understand her situation as it is from her perspective.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Let me put it this way: you're 19, as is your friend. It's hard for a person that old sometimes to grasp the harsh realities of the world.

It sounds like she got lucky with parents, too. Quite a few of my friends still live at home and don't realize how lucky they have it. They get everything handed to them. They have a hard time understanding my worries. If I have no money, guess what? I'm not getting it from anyone in my family.

What I would do is calmly talk to her about your friendship if you believe it's worth preserving. You do come off as a bit condescending towards her lifestyle (not that I blame you; I've been there before with people who try to give me advice when they have no clue), so I would make sure you tell her that your job is very important to you right now. Tell her that you'd like to be friends still but that things are crazy for you.

Or perhaps you'll just let the friendship fade if it's not working for you.

 

[jillianjiggs]

my friend was like this too. although i still lived at home and didn't have to pay any bills, it was my year off before i went to college and i was working a part-time job that took up a lot of my time.

i worked close to 40 hours a week as a cashier at a grocery store - the busiest one in the province! so my line was always a mile long, we had strict 15-minutes-NOTHINGPASTIT breaks, usually only one a shift, customers who demanded a lot because it was an upscale part of town, customers who were rude... anyone who has worked retail knows what it's like.

when i had a day off, i didn't want to do anything. my legs hurt, my back hurt, i was exhausted, and i just wanted time to myself.

a friend of mine kept asking me to hang out, but i would always tell her i had to work. she would want to hang out on my day off, but like i said, i didn't want to do anything. she confronted me about it and i explained that i don't have a lot of free time.

she said that i should learn to "make time."

i wouldn't have been so bothered by it if she had ever had a job in her life. ever. she couldn't possibly relate to how i felt and how time and energy consuming having a job is.

it's just a different lifestyle, and it's annoying when people are unable to put themselves in your shoes and see that it's not easy to balance things when there is so much going on. your priorities right now are your bills so you can pay them and have the things you like (while keeping your credit score good) - not socializing everyday with friends. she will learn in time that life is not so simple and easy to "balance"

 

[chocolategoddes]

Its people like that who end up with miserable lives. You should teach her that she's not helping herself become a better person in this world.