BeccalovesMAC
Well-known member
Momma, I feel your pain. This has happened to me. You are FREAKEN BEAUTIFUL! Don't let him treat you like a piece of trash. Keep your head up beautiful!
Just so scared right now.
- Thread starter X4biddenxLustX
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shadowaddict
Well-known member
Quote:
Sweetie, this statement sounds like he's trying to control you or at least your sex life. He wants to your only one but not willing to give the same.
I agree with the ladies who have commented above. YOU DESERVE BETTER, YOU ARE WORTH IT.
And please don't be embarrassed. Most of us have been there and some of us more than once and that is a voice of experience. I was in abusive relationships before I got married and my first marriage was physically and emotionally abusive. I too felt alone as all my friends had moved on. But I did get through it all and have now been happily married for over 22 years. But I know that I felt ashamed and stupid. I was always the strong girl and never going to let a guy use me, tell me what to do or push me around. They just did it so I didn’t realize what was happening.
These guys are good at what they do. Please be honest with yourself. I kept my blinders on far too long. One guy in particular was just like that, always asking if I was with other guys and such. And the thing was I knew he was with other girls. Hell, I had seen him out with them. But since he had never made a commitment to me I let it slide.
After I had been divorced for about 4 years I was dating a guy and he said to me “I don’t want to be tied down to just one woman” I thought Ok Dude. He called me up one Sunday all upset cause he saw me out the night before with another guy. I told him well this is what you told me…… He was so upset and said he was in love with me and wanted to get all serious and I was “sorry, you set the rules” Well the guy he saw me with is now my hubby. He’s been a great husband and a great father to my son (26) from my first marriage and our daughter together (20).
Things will get better. Just stay strong and true to yourself, even if you have to say those things in front of a mirror to yourself every day. Good luck. You are in my thoughts Honey.
Originally Posted by X4biddenxLustX
He would tell me that he better bet he only guy I'm with, not sure if he was joking. [ |
Sweetie, this statement sounds like he's trying to control you or at least your sex life. He wants to your only one but not willing to give the same.
I agree with the ladies who have commented above. YOU DESERVE BETTER, YOU ARE WORTH IT.
And please don't be embarrassed. Most of us have been there and some of us more than once and that is a voice of experience. I was in abusive relationships before I got married and my first marriage was physically and emotionally abusive. I too felt alone as all my friends had moved on. But I did get through it all and have now been happily married for over 22 years. But I know that I felt ashamed and stupid. I was always the strong girl and never going to let a guy use me, tell me what to do or push me around. They just did it so I didn’t realize what was happening.
These guys are good at what they do. Please be honest with yourself. I kept my blinders on far too long. One guy in particular was just like that, always asking if I was with other guys and such. And the thing was I knew he was with other girls. Hell, I had seen him out with them. But since he had never made a commitment to me I let it slide.
After I had been divorced for about 4 years I was dating a guy and he said to me “I don’t want to be tied down to just one woman” I thought Ok Dude. He called me up one Sunday all upset cause he saw me out the night before with another guy. I told him well this is what you told me…… He was so upset and said he was in love with me and wanted to get all serious and I was “sorry, you set the rules” Well the guy he saw me with is now my hubby. He’s been a great husband and a great father to my son (26) from my first marriage and our daughter together (20).
Things will get better. Just stay strong and true to yourself, even if you have to say those things in front of a mirror to yourself every day. Good luck. You are in my thoughts Honey.
DILLIGAF
Well-known member
I'm going to keep this short and sweet since most the responders to this post have clearly hit all the key points. My mother has aways said "People will treat you the way that you ALLOW them to treat you." If you feel you deserve better treatment demand it. Also in this case I'm going to advise you to distance yourself from this person. I know it's hard and maybe in the future you can be friends again, but right now this isn't healthy for you. I hope you make a decision that will make you happy AND healthy.
X4biddenxLustX
Well-known member
Again, thank you so much girls!
Today I felt a tad bit better while I was at work. I still thought about this whole mess the whole time but I have to learn how to get over it, let it go and just move on. Cause really what else am I going to do? I have a big feeling inside of me that he won't be talking to me anymore cause of what happened last night. He doesn't want to deal with this drama. Don't blame him but then again I guess it shows how much he truly "cares" about me. He told me that he hates hurting me and that he really does love me but not in the way that I want him to. I feel like he does sort of in a way mean well for me. But what he said about sleeping with someone else, I just thought it was sooo disrespectful to me. He might as well of spit in my face. He can very well go and be sleeping with other girls but why do I need to be told this? He knows for a fact that it would bother me. He knows how emotional invested I am with him. To me it was a very asshole- like move.
I'm not sure what the deal with me being with other guys completely is. But Truthfully I can't say for a 100% he's been screwing other girls. I just get the feeling sometimes though that something isn't right. And even if he was, I really don't want to know. I'll keep my assumption that he is. As for me with other guys, I feel like it's kind of looked upon by him. At this point I don't really want to have sex with other guys. I don't want sex period right now. I have too much on my plate besides this situation with him to deal with. I feel like maybe this will allow me time finally to deal with those other issues.
I do have a history of being with men who are controlling, possessive and verbally and mentally abusive. Which was the reason I stopped dating and ended up just having either flings or sex with guys. Sounds horrible but it kept things so simple and pain-free for me. I won't lie, I enjoyed it. I actually had fun with my life during those times. It all changed after we got "closer". I changed so many things about me and how I lived my life to try to have something with him. Now I'm just unhappy. I miss the old me, my old life. I want it back.
And no this whole thing isn't his fault completely. Yes I did drag myself into this and stayed when I should of gotten out. A part of me still obviously cares for him. I'm hoping that part will die and end soon. But I'm starting to really hate him though, feeling disgusted by him. I'm starting to see how he is pretty much the same as every other guy I've been with. I truly hate all of my ex's. There is no way that I will be able to walk away from this amicably with him. We can't be friends or anything after this. In a way I feel like this bad feelings I now have towards him will help me get over this. It's helped with all the other nasty breakups I've had in the past.
I'm already starting to work on things that will make ME feel better about MYSELF. I'm on a new diet and work out plan so I can finally get back into shape and healthy again. I'm going to start wearing makeup more often again. Sounds cocky but when I looked good I felt great about myself. I actually had confidence. I did what I wanted to do and what made me feel happy. I really need that back.
Today I felt a tad bit better while I was at work. I still thought about this whole mess the whole time but I have to learn how to get over it, let it go and just move on. Cause really what else am I going to do? I have a big feeling inside of me that he won't be talking to me anymore cause of what happened last night. He doesn't want to deal with this drama. Don't blame him but then again I guess it shows how much he truly "cares" about me. He told me that he hates hurting me and that he really does love me but not in the way that I want him to. I feel like he does sort of in a way mean well for me. But what he said about sleeping with someone else, I just thought it was sooo disrespectful to me. He might as well of spit in my face. He can very well go and be sleeping with other girls but why do I need to be told this? He knows for a fact that it would bother me. He knows how emotional invested I am with him. To me it was a very asshole- like move.
I'm not sure what the deal with me being with other guys completely is. But Truthfully I can't say for a 100% he's been screwing other girls. I just get the feeling sometimes though that something isn't right. And even if he was, I really don't want to know. I'll keep my assumption that he is. As for me with other guys, I feel like it's kind of looked upon by him. At this point I don't really want to have sex with other guys. I don't want sex period right now. I have too much on my plate besides this situation with him to deal with. I feel like maybe this will allow me time finally to deal with those other issues.
I do have a history of being with men who are controlling, possessive and verbally and mentally abusive. Which was the reason I stopped dating and ended up just having either flings or sex with guys. Sounds horrible but it kept things so simple and pain-free for me. I won't lie, I enjoyed it. I actually had fun with my life during those times. It all changed after we got "closer". I changed so many things about me and how I lived my life to try to have something with him. Now I'm just unhappy. I miss the old me, my old life. I want it back.
And no this whole thing isn't his fault completely. Yes I did drag myself into this and stayed when I should of gotten out. A part of me still obviously cares for him. I'm hoping that part will die and end soon. But I'm starting to really hate him though, feeling disgusted by him. I'm starting to see how he is pretty much the same as every other guy I've been with. I truly hate all of my ex's. There is no way that I will be able to walk away from this amicably with him. We can't be friends or anything after this. In a way I feel like this bad feelings I now have towards him will help me get over this. It's helped with all the other nasty breakups I've had in the past.
I'm already starting to work on things that will make ME feel better about MYSELF. I'm on a new diet and work out plan so I can finally get back into shape and healthy again. I'm going to start wearing makeup more often again. Sounds cocky but when I looked good I felt great about myself. I actually had confidence. I did what I wanted to do and what made me feel happy. I really need that back.
cazgh
Well-known member
Go girl - start small - remember you are very pretty, bright, clever - your in no need of a man to make you a better person - use those feelings and remember every day from here on in is a new journey - and for sure it is towards something much better that will make you stronger, happier and put a smile on your lips every day
X4biddenxLustX
Well-known member
I have a little update here. So I went to see him today. We talked about this and I cried and got really emotional. He also told me that no he didn't sleep with another girl and that he was joking but it doesn't mean he won't be with other girls in the future. Pretty much he told me that we're NEVER going to be together. He said that it's not me but the fact that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone period. Yes, I did try bargaining and trying to get my way but I realized that this is what he wants and I can't change it.
It hurt a lot. In fact it hurt like hell hearing that. I'm heartbroken and a bit bitter but what can I do though? He doesn't want to be with me and I can't make him want me. I can only move on. Yes, I'm going to be sad for a while and probably cry my eyes out for a bit. But I will have to ACCEPT this and get the hell over it. I've spent 3 years trying to get something unattainable and it's time to just stop.
A part of me will always love and care for him though. He was the first guy I loved and truly wanted to be with. All the guys before him I wasn't serious about and didn't mean a damn thing to me.
I know I said that I wouldn't think that we would be able to be friends after this. But I'm not totally ready to let him go completely. I do want to be friends and hang out and talk still. I enjoyed that, and having someone to be able to talk to you about stuff is well...nice. I just have to make sure to not put myself in this position again with him cause I'll really lose him completely.
I can't keep looking back and wondering what if I did this or that would he be with me now? That was the past and I only have the present and the future. I'm hoping to start school soon so that's going to take up lots of time and be a huge priority and I'm trying to find some new hobbies.
I'm not ready to be having sex with other guys yet, definitely not for a while. I feel like I need time to heal before I can start having that kind of fun again. And when I am ready, and this will sound promiscuous but I just want sex with guys. No romantic feelings, friendships, or hanging out on a regular basis. Just sex (safe sex of course!). It worked fine for me before cause it allowed me to keep from getting too close and falling for the guy. Plus things were 10x times less complicated that way.
It hurt a lot. In fact it hurt like hell hearing that. I'm heartbroken and a bit bitter but what can I do though? He doesn't want to be with me and I can't make him want me. I can only move on. Yes, I'm going to be sad for a while and probably cry my eyes out for a bit. But I will have to ACCEPT this and get the hell over it. I've spent 3 years trying to get something unattainable and it's time to just stop.
A part of me will always love and care for him though. He was the first guy I loved and truly wanted to be with. All the guys before him I wasn't serious about and didn't mean a damn thing to me.
I know I said that I wouldn't think that we would be able to be friends after this. But I'm not totally ready to let him go completely. I do want to be friends and hang out and talk still. I enjoyed that, and having someone to be able to talk to you about stuff is well...nice. I just have to make sure to not put myself in this position again with him cause I'll really lose him completely.
I can't keep looking back and wondering what if I did this or that would he be with me now? That was the past and I only have the present and the future. I'm hoping to start school soon so that's going to take up lots of time and be a huge priority and I'm trying to find some new hobbies.
I'm not ready to be having sex with other guys yet, definitely not for a while. I feel like I need time to heal before I can start having that kind of fun again. And when I am ready, and this will sound promiscuous but I just want sex with guys. No romantic feelings, friendships, or hanging out on a regular basis. Just sex (safe sex of course!). It worked fine for me before cause it allowed me to keep from getting too close and falling for the guy. Plus things were 10x times less complicated that way.
malaviKat
Well-known member
Quote:
While I don't want to discourage you from being friends with him, you need to be really careful about which parts of yourself you invest in a friendship. If you need time to heal from all of this (and it sounds like you do), then take some time away from your relationship (friendships are relationships!) to do so. As a true friend, you will need to prepare yourself for the possibility that he will talk to you about the women in his life. You don't want that discussion to shatter you so it's important that you're brutally honest with yourself about what you can and can't deal with.
| Originally Posted by X4biddenxLustX
... I know I said that I wouldn't think that we would be able to be friends after this. But I'm not totally ready to let him go completely. I do want to be friends and hang out and talk still. I enjoyed that, and having someone to be able to talk to you about stuff is well...nice. I just have to make sure to not put myself in this position again with him cause I'll really lose him completely. ... |
While I don't want to discourage you from being friends with him, you need to be really careful about which parts of yourself you invest in a friendship. If you need time to heal from all of this (and it sounds like you do), then take some time away from your relationship (friendships are relationships!) to do so. As a true friend, you will need to prepare yourself for the possibility that he will talk to you about the women in his life. You don't want that discussion to shatter you so it's important that you're brutally honest with yourself about what you can and can't deal with.
Shimmer
Well-known member
Quote:
I don't think you're cut out for the whole booty call thing...it honestly sounds like you need a guy to not just like boofing you but also like YOU...and that's not what booty c alls are for.
Just my .02, but I'd advise you to skip the unattached sex until you like yourself enough to be doing it because you want some cock, not because you're validating your self esteem.
| Originally Posted by X4biddenxLustX
I'm not ready to be having sex with other guys yet, definitely not for a while. I feel like I need time to heal before I can start having that kind of fun again. And when I am ready, and this will sound promiscuous but I just want sex with guys. No romantic feelings, friendships, or hanging out on a regular basis. Just sex (safe sex of course!). It worked fine for me before cause it allowed me to keep from getting too close and falling for the guy. Plus things were 10x times less complicated that way. |
I don't think you're cut out for the whole booty call thing...it honestly sounds like you need a guy to not just like boofing you but also like YOU...and that's not what booty c alls are for.
Just my .02, but I'd advise you to skip the unattached sex until you like yourself enough to be doing it because you want some cock, not because you're validating your self esteem.
User38
Well-known member
I am sorry you are going thru this situation. As an old lady who has been widowed, in love and lust and lost, and then happily re-married, I will tell you this:
1. If a man really cares about and loves you, he will do anything in his power NOT to hurt you.
2. This man is either not a real man yet (immature) and is into himself and not you, or he is just not really in love with you.
Yes, I am speaking of love, affection, feelings.. things which have a lot to do with good sex. Good sex is not love or affection. I have had great sex with a man who lied to me about his age and turned out to be 24 years older than I was. Lying is easy for men when they want sex.
If you want to be his girlfriend, tell him so. Tell him your conditions, or else.
Walk away for awhile and as much pain as you will feel, you will be happier later. Men can be toxic for us and if this man just brings out your insecurities, i.e. is he sleeping with someone else, i.e. you cannot see anyone else -- he is putting you into emotional jail.
As hard as this sounds, walk away now with your sanity and start again.. it will be painful. This guy sounds like a lost cause.
Best of luck
1. If a man really cares about and loves you, he will do anything in his power NOT to hurt you.
2. This man is either not a real man yet (immature) and is into himself and not you, or he is just not really in love with you.
Yes, I am speaking of love, affection, feelings.. things which have a lot to do with good sex. Good sex is not love or affection. I have had great sex with a man who lied to me about his age and turned out to be 24 years older than I was. Lying is easy for men when they want sex.
If you want to be his girlfriend, tell him so. Tell him your conditions, or else.
Walk away for awhile and as much pain as you will feel, you will be happier later. Men can be toxic for us and if this man just brings out your insecurities, i.e. is he sleeping with someone else, i.e. you cannot see anyone else -- he is putting you into emotional jail.
As hard as this sounds, walk away now with your sanity and start again.. it will be painful. This guy sounds like a lost cause.
Best of luck
reesesilverstar
Well-known member
Quote:
That's what I wanna hear! Just don't leave this one and fall into another, cuz yr pretty bruised... Just have fun. Buy a Rabbit if need be... I've seen it too many times...
| Originally Posted by X4biddenxLustX
I'm already starting to work on things that will make ME feel better about MYSELF. I'm on a new diet and work out plan so I can finally get back into shape and healthy again. I'm going to start wearing makeup more often again. Sounds cocky but when I looked good I felt great about myself. I actually had confidence. I did what I wanted to do and what made me feel happy. I really need that back. |
That's what I wanna hear! Just don't leave this one and fall into another, cuz yr pretty bruised... Just have fun. Buy a Rabbit if need be... I've seen it too many times...
L1LMAMAJ
Well-known member
i think u guys should talk it out and DTR (whether there should be one or not). if you guys are on different pages and you guys are only together for sex, then it's not worth it. you can easily find another guy who is willing to have sex with you and is also caring and loving towards you. to be honest, if he straight up said he doesn't wanna be tied down and told you to not say you love him and whatnot, then he's not worth it. obviously you want the relationship and to be his girlfriend but he's not at that level yet. you may want to meet someone more mature and at ur level. good luck! sorry if what i said sounds harsh but i've known so many girls that were in ur situation and i would hate for you to get really hurt at the end like they did! keep us posted!
MaskedBeauty
Well-known member
Ok hun here it goes..
I know exactly what you're going through and I know its hard but you really don't need this guy in your life at all. Its obvious that he doesn't feel the same way about you and that he's just using you. You need to just stop taking his calls, change your number or whatever you have to do, block him online, but you need to stop talking to him. Thinking that you can stay "just friends" is not going to work. You need time to yourself and to go out and meet a guy that actually cares about you like you care about him. I'm not saying its going to be easy, because it will be hard.. very hard. but once you do it and move on you'll feel so accomplished like you can do anything. keeping busy always helps keep your mind off of the subject as well. If you need anything you can message me through here. You are strong enough to get rid of this guy, you can do it!
I know exactly what you're going through and I know its hard but you really don't need this guy in your life at all. Its obvious that he doesn't feel the same way about you and that he's just using you. You need to just stop taking his calls, change your number or whatever you have to do, block him online, but you need to stop talking to him. Thinking that you can stay "just friends" is not going to work. You need time to yourself and to go out and meet a guy that actually cares about you like you care about him. I'm not saying its going to be easy, because it will be hard.. very hard. but once you do it and move on you'll feel so accomplished like you can do anything. keeping busy always helps keep your mind off of the subject as well. If you need anything you can message me through here. You are strong enough to get rid of this guy, you can do it!
Almost black.
Well-known member
Quote:
Agree with this.
Quote:
And with this too. This is so well said!
That friendship thing just won't work. What are you actually going to talk about? How he met some other girls? I don't think so. And trust me, the sooner you stop every contact with this guy the better for you.
| Originally Posted by Shimmer
Just my .02, but I'd advise you to skip the unattached sex until you like yourself enough to be doing it because you want some cock, not because you're validating your self esteem. |
Agree with this.
Quote:
| Originally Posted by MaskedBeauty
Ok hun here it goes.. I know exactly what you're going through and I know its hard but you really don't need this guy in your life at all. Its obvious that he doesn't feel the same way about you and that he's just using you. You need to just stop taking his calls, change your number or whatever you have to do, block him online, but you need to stop talking to him. Thinking that you can stay "just friends" is not going to work. You need time to yourself and to go out and meet a guy that actually cares about you like you care about him. I'm not saying its going to be easy, because it will be hard.. very hard. but once you do it and move on you'll feel so accomplished like you can do anything. keeping busy always helps keep your mind off of the subject as well. If you need anything you can message me through here. You are strong enough to get rid of this guy, you can do it! |
And with this too. This is so well said!
That friendship thing just won't work. What are you actually going to talk about? How he met some other girls? I don't think so. And trust me, the sooner you stop every contact with this guy the better for you.
X4biddenxLustX
Well-known member
Please don't hate me girls. But I have done something HORRIBLY stupid.
Well I haven't talked to that guy for days now. I still feel a little hurt inside but after listening to all you ladies I know I NEED to move on and live my life.
But wanting to have fun I went out on a date with another guy. Some really crazy stuff happened and I just felt really scared and I had sex with him. It was very awkward sex. Partly cause I was very tense, feeling guilty, and not really turned on. Ugh. I feel like crap cause I just feel so guilty about it. The thing is I'm not sure why I did it. I don't really like like the guy cause I don't know him very well still. I made it REALLY awkward for him so I doubt he'll be speaking to me again lol. Which is fine by me cause I felt like he was really really moving way too fast. He talked about how we're "dating" now to see if we're compatible for each other. I don't want a relationship now, I don't know what I want at all. I just feel so bad about last night.
Well I haven't talked to that guy for days now. I still feel a little hurt inside but after listening to all you ladies I know I NEED to move on and live my life.
But wanting to have fun I went out on a date with another guy. Some really crazy stuff happened and I just felt really scared and I had sex with him. It was very awkward sex. Partly cause I was very tense, feeling guilty, and not really turned on. Ugh. I feel like crap cause I just feel so guilty about it. The thing is I'm not sure why I did it. I don't really like like the guy cause I don't know him very well still. I made it REALLY awkward for him so I doubt he'll be speaking to me again lol. Which is fine by me cause I felt like he was really really moving way too fast. He talked about how we're "dating" now to see if we're compatible for each other. I don't want a relationship now, I don't know what I want at all. I just feel so bad about last night.
TISH1124
Well-known member
You need to have more love and respect for yourself and your body....This hopping in and out of bed with guys that probably could careless about you is a dead end street....You say you didn't even like the guy...well honestly you couldn't like yourself to much either...I hope you dont end up getting something from these guys that you can't give back...It's a dangerous world out there
X4biddenxLustX
Well-known member
^^ Your right, I was really hating myself at that moment and right now too. I don't really think he enjoyed it cause I made the situation really weird for him. It got to the point where I had to really just stop. It was painful physically and I really wasn't too into it. I apologized to him but it was just bad.
We used a condom though, thank goodness. That was probably the only responsible thing I did last night.
We used a condom though, thank goodness. That was probably the only responsible thing I did last night.
