Lack of privacy....AT HOME.

[MAC_Pixie04]

K, i'm 19 and still live with my parents, so I can't necessarily expect them to allow me the same rights to privacy as I could have living on my own. But everyday when I come home, my mail is opened, and not by me. The only two people here are my parents, and obviously, I'm gonna go ahead and say that it's them opening it. My bills, my paystubs, credit card applications (which I ALWAYS toss out), mail from buyers from my eBay and Specktra sales (And I hope theyr'e not taking money from me). I don't open their mail, I don't look at their bank statements, paystubs, whatever else they have that is THERES. Even when I get my Nordstrom.com orders in the mail, which are usually shoes, I've come home and the box is opened, the shoes are out of the box, and once I came home and my mom was TRYING ON my shoes, and had the nerve to ask me if she could borrow them sometime.
They didn't open my mail when I was young, I used to buy and sell on eBay when i was 14/15 years old, and they never opened any of that stuff, so why the sudden interest in my business now that I'm an adult? I feel betrayed that they open my bills and my paystubs; I'm an adult, I make my own money and I pay my own bills. I don't have any bills in their names, everything that comes in has my name on it. And I don't think it's right that they feel they have the right to open my mail just because it comes to their house.
I was so pissed to come home last night and find two envelopes of cash from buyers sprawled out on the table, I didn't know what money was from what person and what's worse, the envelopes were just strewn away on the counter, they could have gotten thrown out and then I'd have no idea who paid me and what and where to send it to. Then when that buyer doesn't get their merchandise from me, how does that make me look? Like an internet conartist. And I asked my parents who opened it. My mom said "I opened it." I said "Why?" and she just fuckin' shrugged at me and rolled her eyes like "Because I can, that's why." I didn't even know i'd recieved a paystub last week until I found it on their dresser. My mail is my mail, my privacy should be respected. Am i asking too much?

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

Opening Mail that is not addressed to you is a fedral offense.. So technically she CAN'T do it perhaps you should get your mail forwarded to a P.o Box

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

I don't trust the PO boxes at our Post Office. it's in a bad neighborhood and it gets broken into a lot, I'm afraid someone would steal my mail or something, plus I don't wanna have to pay for one.

 

[Shimmer]

It's illegal to open mail in another person's name.
I'd cut it off at the source and open a PO box, then have all my mail switched to it.

 

[Shimmer]

There's the option of using a mailboxes etc. or something similar. And, you can get a PO box in another neighborhood, btw.

If your mom is not going to respect that you don't want your mail opened, a POB is your best option. :/

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

I thought about it, because she'd done it a few times before, but always claimed it was on accident. Because she gets a lot of checks through the mail through her home business, and usually from out of the area/out of state. So she claimed that because it was from out of state, and she didnt' think I knew anyone from hawaii or colorado, she didn't read it and assumed it was hers and opened it, then realized. But I think that's bullshit. They used to open my phone bill and go through it with a fine toothed comb, what numbers I was dialing, how many minutes I was spending talking to certain numbers, looking at the times I was using my phone and why I was on it so late at night. And I just think it's bullshit, it makes me feel like they don't trust me.
And then if I do get the PO box, I'd have to explain to her why I did it when she asks why I don't get mail for her to open anymore, and it's going to bring up another argument about them opening my mail, and it's always 2 against 1, and I lose.

I think I might just have all my bills forwarded to my boyfriend's house. I know he won't open them and I wouldn't have to worry about it.

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

having it forwarded to your boyfriends house is also a good idea (and free!)

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

and when you give addresses to people to send you money thru ebay.. specktra etc.. give them his address .

 

[brandiisamonkey]

wow. Id definately have my mail sent somewhere else either a po box or like you mentioned your bf's house. and if and when she says something about it Id just tell her that I didnt appreciate her opening my mail, that things could get lost, invasion of privacy, fed offense even if it is your kid lol but thats just me.

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

Yeah I converted all of my credit card bills to Paperless Billing online last night, so that takes care of that. And I can't have my Bank Statements forwarded, because my bank is through them (it's a State Employees Credit Union) and changing my address would imply that I don't live there anymore, so I'd have to get a new bank. And my paystubs I think will have to come here, otherwise I'd have to do a change of address blah blah blah. But at least I can keep the majority of my mail out of their hands.

 

[Hawkeye]

The problem with having it forward t your boyfriends house is what happens if you break up?

Unfortunately because you still live with your parents this is very awkward. Has anything happened in the past that you may have done (not intentionally) to ever cause them to distrust you like this?

I mean thats just over the top. I can't believe they would do this unless something is going on to cause distrust.

Definately your privacy should be respected!

 

[*Stargazer*]

Once you establish membership in a credit union, you should be a member for life, regardless of whether or not you live with the person who helped you join.

I would agree with all the people who tell you to have your mail sent elsewhere. Good luck!

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

Quote:

Originally Posted by youbeabitch The problem with having it forward t your boyfriends house is what happens if you break up? Unfortunately because you still live with your parents this is very awkward. Has anything happened in the past that you may have done (not intentionally) to ever cause them to distrust you like this? I mean thats just over the top. I can't believe they would do this unless something is going on to cause distrust. Definately your privacy should be respected!

no, i've never gotten into any kind of trouble, i've never done shady business by mail, email, phone, EVER. Period. I've never lied about money. I'm not in ridiculous amounts of debt. I only have 3 credit cards, all of which I pay for. I dunno why all of a sudden they have a peaked interest in my money. That's mostly what my mail is: bills, bank statements, pay stubs. So all of my mail deals with financials, which personally are NOT their business. They're having money problems, and none of them concern me. I stay out of their business, they should stay out of mine.

 

[DaizyDeath]

i think getting a po box would be the best idea beacause you really dont want people getting into your mail and you can have the po box in any neighbor hood youd like also they have some pay stubs that can be automatically deposited into your bank account so you should check that out.

def never have your mail forwarded to another persons house like your boyfriend theirs soo many things that could go wrong with that.

good luck hun!

 

[Beauty Mark]

I have the same problem, and the thing is that they are RIDICULOUSLY PROUD of their behaviors. I drink socially, don't do drugs, don't smoke, am not in bad debt, etc. I don't hang with shady folks, either.

I'm not in a position to talk to to my father and his girlfriend (they don't like me, and I don't like them.) Are you in a position to talk to your parents?

It would be a total lie, but argue that the POB is about safety. Having your real address out in the world isn't the safest thing. Say you have all your mail go to the POB because of ease.

 

[YvetteJeannine]

What about talking to them? Tell them how you feel. If you've always been a good kid, then this behavior is ridiculous!! I could see if they were worried you were into drugs, debt, etc..but since you say none of those things factor in, they must be just plain nosey!!!!!

Do they invade any other privacy rights of yours? Such as looking at your online accounts, snooping in your room, etc.?? IMO, their behavior is disturbing, to say the least...Still, I think you should try to talk to them...don't be accusing, or angry when/if you do it..go to them when they are together (prefferably when they're both in good moods, and it's a quiet time)...Explain to them that you know it's their home, but you are an adult now (and a responsible adult, at that), and that you would appreciate if they didn't get into your personal stuff. Tell them that if there's anything they would like to know about your life, you'd be happy to discuss it with them. It's important, however (like I said above) that you don't get accusatory, argumentative, or insulent...otherwise they will only get defensive, and won't take you seriously (although I think you've EVERY RIGHT to be mad about this!).

If you can't get anywhere with them (or, if you feel you just can't speak with them for whatever reason), then it's in your best interest to get a PO Box. I know USPS boxes are less than $10 a month...and if you don't feel comfortable getting one at your local PO, then do what another poster suggested; get one at a Mailboxes Etc.

Whatever you decide to do, fix it so this doesn't happen any more! Gosh, that "I can do whatever I want because it's MY home, and you're MY kid" additude is making me angry....I can't imagine how YOU feel!!!!! However you decide to do it, you have to let them know that their actions/behavior is WRONG and that it is NOT PERMISSIBLE.....their home, or not...their daughter, or not!

Good luck! Please keep us updated on the situation!

((((HUG))))

 

[Raerae]

<shrug>

It's typical Mom/Dad behavior. It's part of the, "you live in my house, you obey my rules, i dont care how old you are" syndrome that all parents have when dealing with their children who still live with them but are 18+

My Mom opened my mail. Still does if I get stray letters that end up at her hours. Doesn't really bother me. I dont exactly have anything nit picky that I would care about her seeing. I actually am glad in a way, since if something important ends up at her house instead of mine, she can call and tell me about it. Since I only visit ever few weeks, and something time sensative might get missed.

If your really upset about your parents reading your mail. Do the P.O Box thing. Doesn't have to be with a post office like Shimmer mentioned. They are also not very expensive if yuo get a really small one. you dont need to get a large one eigther, because they will leave a parcel key in your P.O Box if you get a package etc. You only want a larger P.O. box if your expecting large volumes of mail being delivered at once. But if it's just regular residential mail (couple envalopes for bills once a month, etc) you can get by fine with a small mailbox. Get one near your job, or on the way to and from work, so it's not out of the way when your going to check it.

Dont send mail to your boyfriends. If you do breakup, some mail always end up being inadvertently being sent to his address. I still get mail from like the previous 5 resident at my apartment. Even stuff like IRS and tax returns. Crazy huh?

As far as your parents questioning you about your mail, if they do ask, just tell them your no longer recieveing delivery at this address. No need for any greater explanation.

 

[Uchina]

Report them to the authorities. I would.

 

[Ms. Z]

I definitely agree; mail should not be forwarded to someone else's residence, not even the boyfriend. They could love you today and turn on you tomorrow. How about a mailbox at the post office?

It is wrong of your parents to open your mail. I have never done that to my child, not even when he was young (he's an adult now). I'm not going to say I have never been tempted, but I respect his privacy and he respects mine. The only way I might do it while he is living under my roof, is if I ever felt that he was doing something illegal and was not getting answers from him (and I hope that the intelligent wonderful son I have raised never turns stupid like that).

 

[Hawkeye]

mac pixie this sucks

I have to say get a POB because theres really no other way they will respect your privacy. That would make me very uncomfortable too though people going through stuff