looks like it's going to be a crappy christmas!

[DirtyPlum]

There are clearly some strong opinions being voiced here!

To the OP - I really hope you dont have a crappy xmas and I think you should still go ahead and give him the presents you have already bought. Because you care for him.

I'm hoping he will be giving you a present if not on xmas day, sometime really soon when he is financially able to.

If he doesnt... lets cross that bridge when we come to it.

 

[florabundance]

I think it is beyond ridiculous for him to expect you to buy his family gifts.
All the rest of the stuff is kind of open ended because we don't know if he actually bought you a gift yet.

However, there is no point imo in buying someone you love a gift only to regret it later. What if he had got you a gift, put loads of effort into what to get, but it sucked anyway. Would you still want to take your items back?

You should have just discussed it prior to going shopping. I think you're both at fault.

 

[Kayteuk]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vocaltest I think its because sometimes when you post something you sometimes know to yourself that someone somewhere isn't going to like what you said so its like a defence barrier by saying 'don't slate me' beforehand. People take things very seriously on the internet, I learnt the hard way haha. Seriously, when I got a bashing (not on here) you would have thought I'd shat on everyones doorsteps by the way everyone was reacting!! (i have poop on the mind after reading the 'was i too harsh thread? )

Yeah you have got it right, I am having a really awful week with work and I dont need anyone bashing me so hence I put that, otherwise there would be tears and anger.

I have been bashed multiple times on here for my opinion so I just left it at that. And lets say no more about it! LOL!

I really dont have thick skin and I am entitled to voice my opinion, so I can post on here and I realise people can post critique back.
I just dont want the rude critique today that I have had in the past.

 

[abbyquack]

I think there are larger issues at play here than just a physical gift. It's his selfishness that will inevitably play a part in your relationship for as long as you are together. And he will always think there's a "good excuse" for why he put himself over you. It reminds me of a book called, He's just not that into you. I just don't see how if he truly cares about you, he could feel good about blowing his $$ on himself and then letting you shower him with gifts on Christmas, while you walk away empty-handed. It's entirely appropriate to question the situation.

Unfortunately, I am speaking from experience, as I learned the same in a long-term relationship with a real winner- the best advice I'd say is to move on altogether and find a boyfriend who cares because this is not one of them. Obviously that's a lot easier said than done, but I just think you deserve so much better.

 

[Shimmer]

It's a bad idea, IMO, to buy gifts with the expectation of receiving gifts.

 

[kaliraksha]

I totally can understand how you might have bought those gifts because you wanted him to be happy, have his eyes light up and you enjoy the joy of giving. But, then feel like after the Warehouse revelation that you bought them for someone you assumed was considerate and was into the spirit of Holiday gift giving as well. Maybe the gift giving aspect of this Holiday isn't as important to him. I could totally understand how you might have the urge, in anger and shock, to want to return them.

First off, I don't think it's your duty to buy presents that he won't be contributing to for HIS family. If I were in your shoes and you bought presents for his family/cared for his family... I would give the gifts to them but be sure he doesn't get to write his name on the card.

Second, I would give him what I was comfortable in my own heart giving to him without regret or expectations. The rest I would keep for things like Valentine's Day gifts, Birthday, Anniversary.

Lastly, for the future I would have a convo before usual gift-giving celebrations and talk about your expectations with each other. You might have avoided this with, "Sweetie, I really want suits from this warehouse this season maybe you can get me a gift card as my Xmas gift?". Communication can solve lots of things and I would definitely talk to him about your expectations, disappointments and how his decision made you feel about him, yourself and the relationship.

Of course, I know that no one owes me a present. But, I would be really shocked if someone I expected to get me a gift didn't. Such as my parents. Let's face it, most of us have someone in our life that we are expecting a gift from. I didn't buy my parent's presents to get a gift from them, but because I genuinely want them to enjoy it. I totally understand circumstances due to money issues. I have a best friend that is going through a tough financial situation and as our Holiday gift to each other we decided to reduce the stress and not get each other anything.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lafemmenoir I don't recall saying or accusing anyone of being selfish. I AM someone and again, people will take a post and interpret it how they will. You indicate it's not selfish if she expects something, but you will be content if you receive nothing; however, you and your SO have ESTABLISHED you are going to exchange gifts. In addition, to say Christmas is crappy because she anticipate nothing for Christmas speaks volumes. I will throw myself out there and say I am not getting a thing for Christmas unless I buy it myself, but I am still going to be happy because I have my health, a job and a dog. I don't have what a lot of the posters here have, but I don't count my Christmas as crap.

Was this post in reference to me? Because I wasnt responding to any of ur posts or even referring to you at all

 

[COBI]

I think for me the problem/issue here isn't "should I give gifts when he isn't getting me any", but more of "should I even be in this relationship when he doesn't think I am more important than his clothes."

OP, I would be more concerned with why am I spending so much money on someone who clearly doesn't place me in the same priority in his life.

It reminds me of two things: the whole "he's just not that into me" phrase (and I think most of us have had to address this at some point and we often don't realize it until after the fact) and a signature that someone here on specktra had (paraphrasing): Don't make someone a priority when they make you an option.

But that's just because my first thought about the situation is that "gift vs. no gift" may really be indicative of the need to evaluate if you are both at the same point in your relationship. And if you are, then I would ask myself why I would want to continue on a relationship with someone who puts their clothing purchase over buying even a small gift at Christmas (not as an expectation but as a gesture); his actions, regardless of his words, tell you his priorities.

Happy upcoming holiday to everyone.

 

[SkylarV217]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 No..I think when you are younger you do expect it..I did...You don't really learn the meaning of Christmas until you are older and wiser...So I completely understand how she feels....I was always excited thinking about what my bf would get me...and couldn't wait to show my friends and family..It's normal to feel that way ..you are correct...We have all been young and in love and you enjoy getting gifts of appreciation. No it's not what the holiday represents...but who thinks of that when they are young, single and having fun.

I think you really really begin to understand it when you have kids... Not that you can't without them. But thats when you're like .... OKAY i understand it ALL now.

I would be very upset as well in fact i'm in my own pissy way right now b/c I found out what one of my gifts is and it was NOT what I had wanted but thats a whole other story .... if i were you I would be graceful about it. You love the boy ( Faults and all) so be the bigger person and generously give him the gifts you spent so much time and effort on. Don't try to make him feel like crap... I think if you don't try it will happen naturally... if you try you will probably lead to a fight and that would make the holiday even worse...

 

[Beauty Mark]

Given what you've written with the amount that you spent on him, I think there is honestly some degree of giving and expecting a gift. Gift giving should happen because you want to give someone something; I usually give people things randomly, like if I see something that they'd like. Very few of my friends are gift givers, even though I occasionally send a gift to them. The only ones that annoy me are the ones who say that they saw something they were going to buy for me but forgot. I find that rather off-putting.

However, I really do agree that there other issues going on. This is all in assuming that he really didn't get anything for you or his family. It sounds like he is very selfish if he expects you to buy gifts for his family. Why did you? Also, it sounds like he does think it is important to give gifts at Christmas but does not think you are important enough to give a gift to.

My best advice is figure out what kind of person you're dating and if you think he's truly worthwhile, next year I'd discuss how you're working out the gift giving. I really hate Christmas giving, because I find it stressful. I feel bad if I can't give a gift back, and I know many people feel the same if I give a gift to them and they have nothing for me. Talking about it is kind of stupid, but it does remove the potential for people feeling bad or things like this happening. I'd also cap how much you're spending on people.

 

[*Stargazer*]

I wouldn't put up with this crap. Seriously.

And it's not because I expect a person to shower me with gifts, it's because I expect a person to have common sense. If you know a major gift giving event is coming and you WANT to give gifts to the people you love, don't blow your money. And if you DON'T want to give them gifts, don't lie and pretend the reason you aren't is because you blew your money on clothes.

I give gifts ALL the time with no expectation of getting one in return simply because I like to make people happy.

 

[TamiChoi]

If it's one thing I learned from my parents it's never to expect anything back in return even if you have given a gift to someone. It's the thought that counts.

I'm sure that if you decide to give him the gifts you bought for him, he'll see how thoughtful and caring you are. Maybe he just might learn something from you.

Also, it won't be a "crappy christmas" as long as you have family and loved ones to spend it with. Some people don't have that or even gifts to receive from anyone. That's just my opinion.

Although, I will say he is selfish for expecting you to buy gifts for his family. Sounds like a freeloader. He just wants to sit there and get credit for what you've done. You should do that under your preferences. No one should ever expect you to do anything that you don't want to do.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Im wondering what happened!!!

 

[Ms.Shanti]

 

[Ms.Shanti]

I know alllll about THE HUNDREDS and hypebeasting Nikeheads..My hubby is one of them.But he mos def would not spend all of his money on himself (but if he could he def would)I know how guys can be like us over makeup over that company and Crooks and Castles and all the other underground clothing companies.Anywho,I can't believe he told u to buy his parents gifts and write his name on them.Oh noooo.He sounds like he just used you and doesn't even care enough to save a lil money to even buy you a box of chocolates or something!!Hell even a card would be nice.If he couldn't even manage to save $3.99 to buy u a damn X-mas card to SAY merry xmas then he is def not worth your time.You seem like a nice girl.I'm sure there's someone out there that would appreciate you ten times better than your current man!If my man told me he couldn't buy me anything because he needed to buy some $45 t-shirt(bcuz that's how much The Hundreds t-shirts cost!) then I would either take his stuff back that i bought him,sell it on ebay,or sell it on craigslist!!lol..but that's just the Bitch in me.lol

 

[krt]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LP_x Since we're giving honest opinions... I'm really miffed as to why you want to send his gifts back now that you know he isn't buying you anything. Did you only buy him XYZ under the assumption that he'd be buying you ABC in return? That's pretty rubbish IMHO. I buy my fiance gifts because I know he'll love them, and I love seeing him happy. He shows me he loves me in plenty of other ways throughout the year. I'd much rather something from the heart - whether it be breakfast in bed or something - than something that he feels he HAS to buy because of the time of year. Maybe I'm a simple girl. He may be planning a surprise, or maybe he's been saving for your Christmas presents. You have absolutely no idea, and how can you call him selfish if you don't know? You won't know until Christmas morning. I'm seriously bemused.

Perhaps (as it would be with me) she is embarrassed, either for him for how selfish he will appear when he opens his gifts with nothing to give in return or for herself by seeming more considerate or maybe like she is "making a bigger deal" of something that isn't that important to him.
Of course not giving a gift but receiving one isn't necessarily ALWAYS a sign of selfishness but you have to admit...it would be kinda awkward in most situations...

 

[Blushbaby]

So did he surprise you with a secret Christmas pressie in the end - or have you guys broken up?!

 

[abbey_08]

yeeeeeeeeeeeah i wanna know too!!!!!!!!!!

 

[M.A.C. head.]

While I don't agree with giving and expecting something back, I can understand your frustration with your BFs choices. It'd be one thing if he just plain old didn't have much money, or he had other things that really needed to be payed for [bills and such] and he just couldn't afford to get you things; but it's something completely different IMO for him to have spent all of his money on himself, knowing that Christmas was just around the corner, AND THEN to expect you to fork out the money for gifts for his family.

I vote for either returning the gifts, or giving them to those in need. And, if you're close with his family, I would still buy them a gift, but put YOUR name where it says "FROM:" You could still even give your BF ONE gift, just to show that you're not spiteful, just disgruntled over his choice making LOL