Marriage- yay or nay?
- Thread starter kaliraksha
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Mabelle
Well-known member
what the heck?! i wrote a big long msg last night and it didn't post!
Anyway, i basically said that i believe marriage can work, but like maintain a job, you need to work at it. The both of you. You need to learn little tricks (not the bad kind) to make things easier. My boyfriend know tahts when im being a bitch, not to confront me right away. He leaves me alone, and then a couple hours after he'll say something. That way we don't get caught up in the heat of the moment and fight over stupid shit. I always apologize, because in hindsight, i know he's right.
Being able to admit you're wrong is a huge thing. And Compromise, god is that important.
My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years and have only ever really had 2 arguements. One was solved 20 mins later, the other, the following day. We know that all the little stuff that people usually argue over, isn't worth it. It really isnt.
Knowing how to let little stuff slide in a huge factor in making any relationship work.
My boyfriend and i arent getting married till im done school (2 yearss... ugh i can't wait!). Buti foudn my wedding dress the otehr day. I've refrained from buying it, but my god it's BEAUTIFUL! i wannntt.
Anyway, i basically said that i believe marriage can work, but like maintain a job, you need to work at it. The both of you. You need to learn little tricks (not the bad kind) to make things easier. My boyfriend know tahts when im being a bitch, not to confront me right away. He leaves me alone, and then a couple hours after he'll say something. That way we don't get caught up in the heat of the moment and fight over stupid shit. I always apologize, because in hindsight, i know he's right.
Being able to admit you're wrong is a huge thing. And Compromise, god is that important.
My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years and have only ever really had 2 arguements. One was solved 20 mins later, the other, the following day. We know that all the little stuff that people usually argue over, isn't worth it. It really isnt.
Knowing how to let little stuff slide in a huge factor in making any relationship work.
My boyfriend and i arent getting married till im done school (2 yearss... ugh i can't wait!). Buti foudn my wedding dress the otehr day. I've refrained from buying it, but my god it's BEAUTIFUL! i wannntt.
seonmi
Well-known member
Quote:
Haha, I kinda felt someone would ask but I think it was off topic. First off, I don't "hate' children enough to decide not to have them (sorry, I know it's not the most appropriate word to use). Second, in most Asian families, a couple usually live with the husband or wife's parents. I'll definitely have my mom stay with me when I am financially independent. So I expect my children to take care of me, esp. if my husband is not with me anymore. Almost no one goes to nursing home or lives alone when they are old where I'm from. Third, my mom always tells me and my sister that she wouldn't know how to live without us because of the nasty divorce she was through. I may not feel the love for babies/children now but it can change when I get married, according to my mom
So it's just some personal reasons.
Originally Posted by Moxy
I was going to ask the same thing 
|
Haha, I kinda felt someone would ask but I think it was off topic. First off, I don't "hate' children enough to decide not to have them (sorry, I know it's not the most appropriate word to use). Second, in most Asian families, a couple usually live with the husband or wife's parents. I'll definitely have my mom stay with me when I am financially independent. So I expect my children to take care of me, esp. if my husband is not with me anymore. Almost no one goes to nursing home or lives alone when they are old where I'm from. Third, my mom always tells me and my sister that she wouldn't know how to live without us because of the nasty divorce she was through. I may not feel the love for babies/children now but it can change when I get married, according to my mom
So it's just some personal reasons.
glam8babe
Well-known member
i actually can't wait to get married, i think it can work if you are with the RIGHT person. I think its lovely when someone spends the rest of their life with someone they love... obviously couples argue but it's normal. I just think it seems boring when someone gets a new partner every few month, it's just not the same as being with someone you love.
I also think it's important for when you have kids too... i've never met my father and i'm really not bothered by it but i want my children to have a father around because i just want a 'proper' family.
When i mentioned that it's normal for couples to argue... well my boyfriend has a friend and him and his girlfriend NEVER argue apparently they have never had a row in their entire relationship... i find that quite weird and a few month ago she let him go to Ibiza with his friends and my boyfriend found out they all cheated on their girlfriends.. i would never let my boyfriend get away with that. I don't understand how someone could be with someone who would do that. So that's why i think it's normal that me and my boyfriend argue (it's never anything serious, just little pointless things) and we always laugh about it after.
I can't wait to get engaged
I have already picked the ring lol but that won't be for a few year ofcourse
I also think it's important for when you have kids too... i've never met my father and i'm really not bothered by it but i want my children to have a father around because i just want a 'proper' family.
When i mentioned that it's normal for couples to argue... well my boyfriend has a friend and him and his girlfriend NEVER argue apparently they have never had a row in their entire relationship... i find that quite weird and a few month ago she let him go to Ibiza with his friends and my boyfriend found out they all cheated on their girlfriends.. i would never let my boyfriend get away with that. I don't understand how someone could be with someone who would do that. So that's why i think it's normal that me and my boyfriend argue (it's never anything serious, just little pointless things) and we always laugh about it after.
I can't wait to get engaged
I have already picked the ring lol but that won't be for a few year ofcourse
xsnowwhite
Well-known member
I don't really plan on getting married. I don't know, I just don't see a point in it . I may end up getting married at a time wayyyyy away from now but I would be surprised if I did.
concertina
Well-known member
I'm pro-marriage; for *myself*. It absolutely isn't for everyone and I completely respect and understand and applaude people for making the best decision for themselves. And you know what, I can't *count* the number of common-law married couples I know that are going on 20+ years together.
Marriage isn't the only way to show commitment. And in fact, the divorce rate of the US shows that to many people, marriage doesn't equal commitment in the slightest.
Marriage isn't the only way to show commitment. And in fact, the divorce rate of the US shows that to many people, marriage doesn't equal commitment in the slightest.
Shadowy Lady
Well-known member
I've been married for almost a year so definitely marriage gets a yey from me
My husband and I have been together for 6 year and got married when we were both 25.
I think as everyone else before me said here, it's important to have someone who shares your believes and passions, lets you be the person you want to be and love you despite your flaws. I found that person and I am very grateful. We both have parents that have been happily married for over 27 years, so we also had great examples to follow.
I don't think it's necessary to marry the person you love though, being in a committed relationship is no different. We are just more traditional and felt more "complete" being married
I think as everyone else before me said here, it's important to have someone who shares your believes and passions, lets you be the person you want to be and love you despite your flaws. I found that person and I am very grateful. We both have parents that have been happily married for over 27 years, so we also had great examples to follow.
I don't think it's necessary to marry the person you love though, being in a committed relationship is no different. We are just more traditional and felt more "complete" being married
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Quote:
Perhaps be on the fence then until you know you definitely want a child? Just because it's traditional in Asian families doesn't mean you can't buck the trend. Depending on what you plan on doing with your life, it is possible to save up money and live with your friends, ala Golden Girls, if your husband would die before you.
I know you should think of a marriage as a lifelong commitment, but children are even more of one. It would be awful for both you and the child if your heart wasn't in it.
| Originally Posted by seonmi
Haha, I kinda felt someone would ask but I think it was off topic. First off, I don't "hate' children enough to decide not to have them (sorry, I know it's not the most appropriate word to use). Second, in most Asian families, a couple usually live with the husband or wife's parents. I'll definitely have my mom stay with me when I am financially independent. So I expect my children to take care of me, esp. if my husband is not with me anymore. Almost no one goes to nursing home or lives alone when they are old where I'm from. Third, my mom always tells me and my sister that she wouldn't know how to live without us because of the nasty divorce she was through. I may not feel the love for babies/children now but it can change when I get married, according to my mom
So it's just some personal reasons. |
Perhaps be on the fence then until you know you definitely want a child? Just because it's traditional in Asian families doesn't mean you can't buck the trend. Depending on what you plan on doing with your life, it is possible to save up money and live with your friends, ala Golden Girls, if your husband would die before you.
I know you should think of a marriage as a lifelong commitment, but children are even more of one. It would be awful for both you and the child if your heart wasn't in it.
Moxy
Well-known member
Quote:
Well put
Heehee and about the ring...I've picked mine as well
...my poor guy probably has no idea that I've got a whole folder of ring pics on my laptop
| Originally Posted by glam8babe
i actually can't wait to get married, i think it can work if you are with the RIGHT person. I think its lovely when someone spends the rest of their life with someone they love... obviously couples argue but it's normal. I just think it seems boring when someone gets a new partner every few month, it's just not the same as being with someone you love. I also think it's important for when you have kids too... i've never met my father and i'm really not bothered by it but i want my children to have a father around because i just want a 'proper' family. When i mentioned that it's normal for couples to argue... well my boyfriend has a friend and him and his girlfriend NEVER argue apparently they have never had a row in their entire relationship... i find that quite weird and a few month ago she let him go to Ibiza with his friends and my boyfriend found out they all cheated on their girlfriends.. i would never let my boyfriend get away with that. I don't understand how someone could be with someone who would do that. So that's why i think it's normal that me and my boyfriend argue (it's never anything serious, just little pointless things) and we always laugh about it after. I can't wait to get engaged I have already picked the ring lol but that won't be for a few year ofcourse |
Well put
Heehee and about the ring...I've picked mine as well
xxManBeaterxx
Well-known member
Marriage is just something you sign on a piece of paper enabling you to have marital benefits and have a sense emotional/spiritual bonding with your partner.
When your ready i'm all for people having long term relationships, in "good" relationships its always nice to know that there is someone to share years of good memories with, to have someone to lean on during the good and bad times. Someone who you trust completely and share everything with because after a while dating becomes a chore. Its nice when you can to look forward coming home to your bf/SO/husband to talk to when you had a bad day at work. You dont have to be married to be happy and vice versa. Friends come and go.... but i know my husband will always be there, i would risk my life for him and i'm not sure how many people you could say that to.
When your ready i'm all for people having long term relationships, in "good" relationships its always nice to know that there is someone to share years of good memories with, to have someone to lean on during the good and bad times. Someone who you trust completely and share everything with because after a while dating becomes a chore. Its nice when you can to look forward coming home to your bf/SO/husband to talk to when you had a bad day at work. You dont have to be married to be happy and vice versa. Friends come and go.... but i know my husband will always be there, i would risk my life for him and i'm not sure how many people you could say that to.
SparklingWaves
Well-known member
I am married and very happy. I think that as the years go by we are getting closer.
However, I am pro-choice with marriage. I have seen some people happier single. When they were married to the wrong person, they were almost homicidal or suicidal.
However, I am pro-choice with marriage. I have seen some people happier single. When they were married to the wrong person, they were almost homicidal or suicidal.
xsnowwhite
Well-known member
Quote:
haahah this made me laugh !
| Originally Posted by Moxy
my poor guy probably has no idea that I've got a whole folder of ring pics on my laptop
|
haahah this made me laugh !
Arisone
Well-known member
Nay for me. I don't see myself getting ever getting married. I don't see myself sharing my life with one person until the end of my days. I don't think I could put up with someone or they could put up with me that long! LOL
Some of my feelings on marriage comes from what I see from other marriages. I guess most of my opinion on it is pretty negative.
Some of my feelings on marriage comes from what I see from other marriages. I guess most of my opinion on it is pretty negative.
Nox
Well-known member
Well here's is my take on it:
Marriage is a legal contract. There are legal obligations, and there are legal benefits. Because of the legal protective umbrellas that come with marriage I am 100% for everybody being allowed to get married to a person of their choice for as long as their love lasts. I believe in a supposedly "secular" country like USA, marriage is a legal contract first and foremost (religious institutional overtones are optional). If you agree with all the things that fulfill an obligation such as a marriage, and you determine the benefits would enrich your quality of life, then yes, you might want to consider marriage.
Some folks don't necessarily find that marriage would improve their quality of life, as it might hamper their social and professional lives without having a satisfactory compensation. Financial mergers, added family members, and shared living obligations, are not necessarily satisfactory compensations for a person who is already enjoying their standard of life without being married. There are plenty of those people around, and they may not find personal fulfillment from a traditional marriage and that is fine too.
I think most societies around the world do push for adults (especially women) to be paired with a mate. Many times the most acceptable way to do this is through marriage.
I am 24 and married myself. Have been for over three years, and I find it works just fine for me, but I'm sure there are many 24 y.o. women who would not find it suitable to be married. But I think just because a person isn't married right now, doesn't mean they're anti-marriage. A lot of people confuse "not meeting suitable mates" with being "anti-marriage" also.
Marriage is a legal contract. There are legal obligations, and there are legal benefits. Because of the legal protective umbrellas that come with marriage I am 100% for everybody being allowed to get married to a person of their choice for as long as their love lasts. I believe in a supposedly "secular" country like USA, marriage is a legal contract first and foremost (religious institutional overtones are optional). If you agree with all the things that fulfill an obligation such as a marriage, and you determine the benefits would enrich your quality of life, then yes, you might want to consider marriage.
Some folks don't necessarily find that marriage would improve their quality of life, as it might hamper their social and professional lives without having a satisfactory compensation. Financial mergers, added family members, and shared living obligations, are not necessarily satisfactory compensations for a person who is already enjoying their standard of life without being married. There are plenty of those people around, and they may not find personal fulfillment from a traditional marriage and that is fine too.
I think most societies around the world do push for adults (especially women) to be paired with a mate. Many times the most acceptable way to do this is through marriage.
I am 24 and married myself. Have been for over three years, and I find it works just fine for me, but I'm sure there are many 24 y.o. women who would not find it suitable to be married. But I think just because a person isn't married right now, doesn't mean they're anti-marriage. A lot of people confuse "not meeting suitable mates" with being "anti-marriage" also.
