Men trouble (isn't it always)

[stockham]

Well i know i'm new around here but i need some advice from someone, anyone really and i know what a nice bunch of people there are on here. Just to give you some backround info, i'm a 19 year old girl from England who's at university.

About 4 weeks ago (and 2 weeks before the end of term) i met this guy who a lot of my friends already knew but hadn't introduced me to him. We ended up exchanging numbers at the end of the night and over the few weeks left at uni we chatted a lot. It transpired that during this time, our mutual friends had told him to stay away from me because i wasn't interested. I didn't actually get to see him again till the last day, upon which, being st patrick's day, we headed to the student union and had a good night out. Then we ended up back at my flat and sat in the kitchen all night chatting and kissing and just getting to know each other a lot more. We went our separate ways in the morning after i had told him that i did want to see him and that i had no idea why my friends had said such things to him previously.

While at home we kept talking and i eventually was persuaded to go and visit him for a few days in addition to a few other friends from uni that live near him. It's safe to say that we got rather a lot closer than we had previously been. Returning home, some 300 miles away, he said that he missed me and that next term, things would be different at uni. That was on wednesday.

This weekend he went back to uni to pick some stuff up and to say hi to a girl that he will be living with next year in addition to another guy. I saw nothing wrong with it as we aren't really in a relationship but we are "seeing" each other. However today he text me to tell me that they both got very drunk last night and he had to drag her back to his house, and ended the message with "but shhh!" Now am i being paranoid or does that suggest that something happened between them? If it does then it makes me feel cheap and used. I don't quite know how to approach him now and ask him because i don't want to seem like an obsessive psycho. Am i just being paranoid?

I don't know what kind of help i'm asking for, maybe i just wanted a place to vent where i know that no one who actually knows us will read it? Any views or advice will be greatly appreciated....

Thanks in advance.

ETA: Things have kind of gone a bit strange, and he admitted to kissing his ex girlfriend today. I ignored him all day but then text him saying how i felt and asking if things were actually going anywhere with us and if not then he better let me know now. He's text me back, but i'm too scared to read it....Have i made a terrible mistake by getting involved?

 

[Janice]

Hmmm.. It sounds like there is something implied, but why would he text that you? He sounds cute, but it's waaay to early in a relationship to have this kind of drama.

 

[JLEEMARKOWITZ]

i would ask him what he meant by that,plain and simple,the last thing you should want is to have that question in the back of your mind..
it doesnt make you seem crazy to ask him,how can he leave a message like that and not expect you to ask? im confused

,let us know what happens,and good luck!

 

[circusflavouredgum]

Hiya,

Ok I have a question about the situation. Why did he have to drag her back to HIS flat? Couldn't he take her to her own?

I agree with the above poster, you should just ask him straight out what he meant. It's hard because text messages are normally so short and you are limited in how much you can say or explain. You should just ring him and ask.

One the one hand he could have meant 'shhh' as in don't let her know you knew she was so pissed she couldn't walk, or 'shhh' as in he was feeling rough the next day....It could be anything so it's better to jst ask.

You won't seem like a psycho if you ask him casually. Don't start off with an attitude, just ask what he meant by it and let him go from there. PArt of it is down to instinct, you'll know if you feel like he is lying by his reaction and explanation.

I know you said you aren't in a relationship but are seeing each other...did you ever agree that you both wouldn't see anyone else? If you haven't discussed it, then he might not know (even though by rights he should know, but sometimes men are thick and you have to point things out) so if you've never spoken about it, then he might have just thought you were casually seeing each other and there was nothing wrong with what he's done, IF anything.

This is a hard situation and I feel for you.

 

[kimmy]

i'd ask him straight out.

and tell him that if he's going to pine after you but take some other girl home and "have some fun" that's not okay. you know, just tell him how you really feel about it. i think it's trashy of him to pine after you and get close to you but be doing things with other gilrs on the side. to me, that equates to being led on and you don't deserve that.

it's better, in my opinion, to get everything out in the open. that way if you DO get into a relationship, he won't think he can still have other girls on the side because you didn't say anything about it the first time, ya know?

 

[stockham]

Thanks for the advice girls, i spoke to him earlier and he apologised for any misunderstanding. He was at her house when they both got drunk and he felt that she needed to go to bed, however she was too drunk to remember where she had put the keys to her room. So he took her back to his house and she slept in his bed while he continued partying with her other friends and slept on her sofa. Nothing happened and he put the "shhh" bit in because he didn't want me telling people about her sleeping at his because they would jump to conclusions, just as i did.

He also said he didn't want to hurt me and he realised that we were in an exclusive thing. Now we just need to have the proper "are we a couple talk" when we get back to uni because it's a bit pointless having it now when we're so far apart. I hope the next 3 weeks go quickly....