Money matters

[Willa]

Me and my man just bought a condo
We're moving in next month.

My concern is about money.
I have no concerns about the fact that we will pay equaly the bills, but this morning on the phone he came up with a ''deal'' for my appliances.

Heres the story :
The condo comes with 4 appliances.
I already have mine. He don't (lives with his father).

We're selling the stove and the refrigerator from the condo, that will be splitted 50/50, right?

Then, I am selling my washer and dryer to a guy
The whole comes to me, right?

He says no, his reasons are : its the same that if we sold those from the condo, so I technically have to give him 50% from the w&d sell. I told him I don't agree.

Talk about it with my mother, and she told me I was right.
He said that instead of giving him the 50% from the w/d, that I don't need to give him the money BUT he wont pay 50/50 with me the cost of the phone line and television cable moving fees.

I just don't want to get angry at him and told him we would discuss it later. And what he doesnt know yet is that my mother will be there, because she ''invited us'' for diner at the restaurant.

When you moved in with your man, or girl, did you have monetary problems? How did you deal with it?

For now, it's not a problem, but I don't want it to become one... Also I wanna come up with a written contract about what is mine and what is his, what each other will pay each month and such...

Oh, and by the way, we're not married and not planning on to.

 

[purrtykitty]

Money is a pain in the arse! If those are you appliances you are selling, you should get the whole amount. Put it this way, if you sold some of your clothes and furniture, you'd get all the money from the sale...I see no difference. The appliances you are selling from the condo are both yours, so again, I agree that you split the sale 50/50.

As for bills, you should definitely stand your ground with him...to set a pattern. I would suggest keeping your money and his money separate. You might have a third account for bills that you each deposit a set amount into. Whatever you spend personally comes out of your own account.

Good luck...money can be a deal-breaker, so it's good that you want to get it out in the open early!

 

[makeba]

oh boy. it may be small money issues now but if not nipped in the bud now can cause a serious fallout later. to be honest i agree with you on the whole issue. i hope this gets resolved quickly. why not come up with a contract on who pays what, how much etc so that way you and he can be protected later on.

 

[Willa]

Thanks you girls

The fact is, it's my first move-in with a man and I hope it will be the only one for the rest of my life, I may sound hopefull and ultra-positive but I like to think that I am a one man girl

So, for that, we need to set the facts right now.
Tonight, my mother will be there to help up, but coming from an ''out of nowhere'' conversation. I don't want him to believe that it was staged with her, even if it is. I just want her to be there, because I am not a very logical person (shame on me) and she will help me ''negociate''.

 

[*Stargazer*]

You are totally right. The money from selling YOUR appliances should be yours. The money from selling the CONDO's appliances should be split.

It might be best, as some have suggested, to get this kind of stuff in black and white, just in case.

Best of luck!

 

[purrtykitty]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willa Thanks you girls The fact is, it's my first move-in with a man and I hope it will be the only one for the rest of my life, I may sound hopefull and ultra-positive but I like to think that I am a one man girl So, for that, we need to set the facts right now. Tonight, my mother will be there to help up, but coming from an ''out of nowhere'' conversation. I don't want him to believe that it was staged with her, even if it is. I just want her to be there, because I am not a very logical person (shame on me) and she will help me ''negociate''.

Yes, the first time I moved in with a man is when DH (then fiancee) and I bought our house...and that was the first time either of us had left home, too!! (don't worry we were 23 and just out of college) There have been some growing pains, but fact-of-the-matter is love makes you want to work it all out. Don't be afraid to compromise and I'd be careful about dragging parents into your relationship...mothers can be great sounding boards, but you also don't want him to feel like you can't talk to him. It sounds to me, though, like you've got a good plan together.

 

[Girl about town]

Technically the money is yours from the appliances, the only worry i have is that the money situation bacomes petty between you, like buying separate food etc. My partner and i have separate accounts and split everything down the middle, but i'll help him out when he needs it and vice versa.

 

[gigglegirl]

Willa I think you are correct. The washer dryer were (I assume) bought and operated by you--any third party would have no claim on that money. But yes, as you both are jointly purchasing the condo, the sale on any items should be split 50-50. And if he refuses to pay utilities that you have agreed to split 50-50 thats not cool either.

eek girl it sucks but money issues are huge. I hope you guys figure this out and all the "ground rules" and whatnot are all sorted.

 

[Janice]

My DH and I share all our money with each other it's all deposited into one account. We are friends with a couple who split everything 50/50. They have separate bank accounts they deposit their checks into, they write TWO checks for their utlilities, etc. They're happily married, it's just the way they found works best for them to handle their finances.

The sale of your appliances is YOUR money. I don't agree with bringing mom in, but it's your life.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I wouldn't bring your mother along. Firstly, she has a good chance of not being an impartial party. She's your mother

Secondly, no offense, but you look kind of childlike if you can't stand up for yourself. Thirdly, how would you feel if he brought his father along to negotiate things? You both are adults and are doing something very adult: sharing living space. You need to be able to handle your problems without your parents.

In terms of utilities and splitting, if he is never going to watch TV or use the internet, then fine, he doesn't need to pay. However, I have a strong suspicion that he will use both.

 

[Willa]

Thank you everyone for the advices

As I said before, I am not a logical person, how to explain...
I have this ADD that doesnt help me much with numbers, maths, and logical stuff. I guess at 27 I shouldn rely on my mother for stuff like that but It's a bad habbit I've gotten throught (sp) the years.

Anyway
We went to the restaurant but when he was away I told my mother that I changed my mind and that I would talk about it with him latter at home. So she didnt say much about the whole story, we talked about the fact that we have to move in earlier to save on the rent here at my appartment.

Soooo
We talked back at home and we fixed it.
His whole point wasn't very clear when he talked about it earlier (when I started this thread) but after he explained it to me like a gazillion times, I finally got the point.

But we decided to keep it the way I wanted it. The money from my appliances will stay mine, and the one from the condo's appliances sell will be split 50/50.

We cleared everything up, I'm glad we did

He is a very sweet man, that kind of thing wouldnt have lasted long. We usually clear things up quickly. Yesterday I didnt understand his point and I kinda panicked and that's why I came up with this thread

 

[ClareBear86]

me n my bf always work as what either of us have is ours..

along with wages, we both spend eachothers

 

[iluffyew769769]

The contract is a good idea. I have gotten screwed out of stuff before by not having a contract...

 

[rbella]

I totally disagree with his take on this situation. You don't split income, you only split bills. I consider the sale of all 4 items as income. You're supplying the new refrigerator and oven/stove as replacements for the existing ones. I guess he could claim 50% of the proceeds from the refrigerator and oven profits since part of his payments for the condo will be for the existing fridge and oven that you will be selling. Therefore, since you're selling those 2 items that in essence, he paid half of, he should get half the proceeds from the sale. However, if you were to split up (I don't think you will, just covering all bases) then then he would need to re-imburse you for half the cost of your fridge and oven (if you leave them there) since you provided an upgrade to the condo.

No way in hell should he get any of the income from selling the washer/dryer. That is yours and the half he paid for is sitting in the damn condo!!!!!

I'm glad you cleared things up! I couldn't handle splitting everything 50/50. I'm too big of a bitch about money. You are probably better off doing it this way if you aren't planning to marry b/c of legal issues and taxes, etc. However, I agree with whoever said this needs to be nipped in the bud. The first year of my marriage was a year-long fight about money!! It sucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (But I do love my sweetie)

 

[Willa]

We finaly moved in together last weekend.

I love the new place, but it takes a lot of time to decorate/paint and such. We agreed on the money matters and everything seems to be fine.

I think we're able to communicate about stuff like that, I just got overwhelmed with all this, but I think I was worrying for no reason.

Thank you all for your advices/stories

 

[duckduck]

Moving is always stressful - glad to hear you got it worked out though!

 

[triccc]

I agree with you! It was YOUR stuff in the first place.

 

[rbella]

Good! I'm glad it all worked out for you. Congrats on your new home!! I hope you love it!

 

[Willa]

Yes it's doing well

I'm going to post before/after pictures when it will be all done

 

[fafinette21]

Money is definitely a hard subject between couples! Glad everything worked out the way you hoped it would.
The ideal situation for me would be (and I'm just speaking from experience, have not lived with anyone yet but my bf and i both agree this is how we would like to do it should the time come) each person has their own separate account. However you also have a joint account in which you deposit money for bills, savings, household expenses, going out together etc. That way you are both responsible for things related to both your lives, but you still have your own money that you can spend however you like. Also I think bills should be split with regard to income. Ex. If one person makes 70 grand a year and the other makes 50 grand. The person who makes 50 will pay a smaller percent of the bills. Not just an arbitrary number, but actually percentages worked out and such. So that in relation to your income, you are both essentially spending the same amount of money. I realize this may not work for some people but ideally this is how I would like to do it in the future.