My boyfriend's going to stay in the shed...tell me if this is going to work

[Jacq-i]

Wouldn't he want to meet his new baby sibling?

Anyway, I understand the whole secret boyfriend thing, but I don't think it's a good idea. In Texas a homeowner can LEGALLY shoot anyone on their property. I don't know how it is in your state, but that's a scary thought...

I hope you get to see him for the holidays and summer too.

 

[NutMeg]

No offense, but do you honestly think your parents are that stupid? You plan on having a guy sleep in your shed for two weeks, bring him food, and hang out with him away from your home all day every day? And you think that they won't notice. Give your parents some credit, they're older and probably smarter than you. You will get caught.

Point two, I don't really know where you live but where I'm from if someone sleeps outside/without heating in December, depending on the night they could potentially get frostbite or maybe die if the weather is really severe. Depending on the weather he's going to be very unhappy. Short of a space heater you won't be able to do much about that, and you have to be very careful about make-shift heaters. I know a few girls who died from sleeping in a horse trailer with a faulty heater that leaked carbon monoxide.

Point three, why don't your friends know about him? That sounds pretty shady to me. Your mom doesn't like him, you haven't told your friends about him, and you want to hide him in the shed behind your house for two weeks? You've got to ask yourself why you are putting yourself in this situation. I really get the feeling that there is some reason why you aren't willing to tell your friends about him, and why your mom doesn't like him that you aren't telling us.

I don't want you to feel like I'm attacking you, but this sounds really sketchy to me. I can see it ending badly in so many ways. One of your family members gets something from the shed and sees him, your family notices you going out to the shed with food, that you're never home and not out with your friends (and if you tell that that you're out with so-and-so and that person calls you're screwed), someone sees a stranger going in and out of the shed, if it snows someone will notice all of the tracks by the shed... I could go on. Please think long and hard about the logistics of this and why you're doing it. I get the feeling that you have no idea what this is going to involve.

 

[girlstar]

If your Mom hates him and finds out you have been hiding.. oh my god there will be hell to pay. Why does she hate him? It sounds to me like the relationship itself isn't even a good idea. I went through a relationship where my Mom hated the guy, but I was blinded by "love" and couldn't see what she saw. It temporarily ruined our relationship, and I am lucky that my Mom is so forgiving. I now see why she hated him. Love makes you blind. You shouldn't be dating someone who would be okay with hiding out in your backyard shed for a week, that is FREAKY.

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

I won't go into listing all the reasons I think this is a completely illfated, brainless idea (no offense) because mine are the same reasons as everyone else's, but I am going to repeat some questions that you're neglecting to answer:
Does Long Distance equal=online long distance? or met once and really liked each other long distance?

Why don't your friends know about him if you love him so much?

Why doesn't your mother like him?

I think you've failed to answer these questions to us because you're ashamed of the answers, because then it realizes the fact that your mom and the people, including mothers, who've responded to your thread are right and you shouldn't even pretend to try and go through with this. You're putting yourself, your bf, and family ties at risk. There are other ways. Depending on how long the distance is, having him come to you for a day, nobody's sleeping around anybody, and nobody's lying or sneaking around.

 

[banjobama]

What a bad idea!! Your mom isn't as dumb as you think. You aren't the first person to try to sneak something by your parents.

I suspect he's way older than you and that's why your mom hates him and you don't want to tell your friends about him.

 

[STolEn_KisS]

Well, my mom hates him because he gets reallly nervous when she picks up the phone. I can totally understand that, though. My mom doesn't like boys in general and she lets him know that. She doesn't want me dating until I'm at least 20. She thinks his nervousness means that he's hiding something. She doesn't even know him. She only talked to him for less than a minute on few occasions. I've known him for almost 3 years and he's a reallly great guy.

I didn't tell my friends because I don't want them to talk about me and shit or think that I'm stupid for being with him. I met him during summer when we were both 14 at the beach. After summer was over, he went back home but we kept in contact and here we are now. lol. We haven't seen each other for years now and if my friends knew, they would probably tell me that it's stupid or that he's probably cheating on me right now. I don't want that. My friends wonder why I turn down every guy that asks me out but it's really because I don't want anyone else. =( It would be nice to have a bf that I can see everyday but there'll be no point of me doing that because there's only one person I really want and love.

And thanks everyone for replying. I guess it is a pretty crappy idea. Maybe we'll have to wait another year or two before trying this again.

 

[Jennifer Mcfly]

ok, i'm gonna play devil's advocate here and i'm gonna say go ahead and do it!

only b/c i know you're probably going to anyway b/c you think you have everything covered and it will go as planned...

you have to make your own mistakes and hopefully learn from them. as much as i want you to take all of our advice i know how much you'd regret not finding out for yourself if you could've pulled it off...

but speaking from experience...plans, even the best thought out plans rarely ever go 100% as expected. there are so many things that can go wrong...things you can't even imagine...

just be careful. use you best judgement. trust your gut and instincts. think about the alternatives. think with your mind, not emotions. make a pros and cons list of him coming, and him not coming and how it would affect your family.

do all that before you go on emotion and say you can't take not seeing him and making an irrational, emotional, immature decision.

if you still want to do it after all that, so be it. I wish the best for everyone involved!

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

^^None of that adds up to me, but okay. I doubt your mom dislikes him because he's nervous. I doubt your friends dislike him because you're attempting a long distance relationship.

What kind of relationship can you expect to have with someone that you keep hidden? literally, hidden in a shed and hidden from the people in your life. That's not healthy at all.

 

[mello]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MAC_Pixie04 ^^None of that adds up to me, but okay. I doubt your mom dislikes him because he's nervous. I doubt your friends dislike him because you're attempting a long distance relationship.

Being the same age as the OP, I can completely understand where she's coming from. I was in a similar situation! My mom is the same way; she HATED the idea of me dating and basically hated any guy I mentioned or brought around. She didn't want me near boys until I was 18. After talking with her about it though, I think I've kind of eased her mind and she's opening up to the idea a bit more. She hasn't fully accepted it, but she's getting used to it. As for the friends thing, I know what you mean! I was seeing a guy for two years from a different city. ALL my friends told me I was stupid, and he was probably seeing other girls behind my back. EXACTLY what you said. People are ALWAYS going to put down your ideas, you just need to ignore it. If you listen to it, it will ruin your relationship. That's why mine went downhill. It's good to be cautious about it, but don't let it constantly be on your mind. Trust him regardless of what your friends say, they don't even know him.
So, I totally understand and relate to what you're saying 100%.
But, I don't think you should go through with your idea. It WILL backfire, trust me. Try finding alternatives - talk to your mom, especially. Explain to her that you really like this guy, and why he acts nervous on the phone. It's really hard when you're into someone's daughter and their mother is completely set in their ways. Even if she doesn't like the idea of him coming to see you now, keep working on her. Maybe you won't be able to see him now, but if you keep trying to convince her to see the situation through your eyes, maybe she'll lighten up a bit.
If things don't work out though, don't get yourself super worked up about it. I know how that stuff feels, I've been in the same situation, but trust me when plans do follow-through, it'll be great.
HTH and good luck!

 

[gigglegirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by STolEn_KisS I didn't tell my friends because I don't want them to talk about me and shit or think that I'm stupid for being with him. I met him during summer when we were both 14 at the beach...if my friends knew, they would probably tell me that it's stupid or that he's probably cheating on me right now.

Wow, I hope people don't keep friends like that! Friends are there to support you and be honest. I wouldn't keep friends who told me it was stupid, b/c many people have first love stories and to call it stupid is lame. As some previous posters have said, maybe sometimes there are things we don't see b/c we are too "lovestruck" so sometimes they may be trying to call your attention to something they've found out and are looking out for your best interests (mind you, how many of us have listened to begin with)? I cannot imagine not telling my friends for a couple of years about a steady boyfriend, to me that sounds like a shitty friend dynamic....

 

[Jennifer Mcfly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gigglegirl Wow, I hope people don't keep friends like that! Friends are there to support you and be honest. I wouldn't keep friends who told me it was stupid, b/c many people have first love stories and to call it stupid is lame. As some previous posters have said, maybe sometimes there are things we don't see b/c we are too "lovestruck" so sometimes they may be trying to call your attention to something they've found out and are looking out for your best interests (mind you, how many of us have listened to begin with)? I cannot imagine not telling my friends for a couple of years about a steady boyfriend, to me that sounds like a shitty friend dynamic....

i don't know how old you are...but being almost 30 i have that mindset now. but when i was a teenager (as is the posters age) i can totally relate to where she is coming from...teenagers are cruel...

 

[COBI]

By sneaking around, if (or more likely, when) you are caught, you will have simply proven to your mother that you are not trustworthy, and she will likely make your life miserable with restrictions based on this act of defiance and deceit.

 

[gigglegirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer Mcfly i don't know how old you are...but being almost 30 i have that mindset now. but when i was a teenager (as is the posters age) i can totally relate to where she is coming from...teenagers are cruel...

I'm 23, and perhaps it was the different atmosphere I grew up with but I told my friends everything, and if they were crappy friends they weren't worth my time. Hard lessons, I agree teenagers are cruel but they wouldn't be who I would consider my friends.

 

[lipstickandhate]

If your mom catches you with a boy in a shed right after she's had a baby, she's going to go berzerk. Literally. I'm not a mother but I would ground my child for the rest of their legal life with me.

This is a stupid idea. And to be honest, if you haven't seen someone since you were 14, you really don't know the person well enough to know if he's "the one" for you. Don't risk your relationship w/your family for someone you've obsessed over enough to believe you love him. Please.

Good luck and don't do it!

 

[STolEn_KisS]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mello Being the same age as the OP, I can completely understand where she's coming from. I was in a similar situation! My mom is the same way; she HATED the idea of me dating and basically hated any guy I mentioned or brought around. She didn't want me near boys until I was 18. After talking with her about it though, I think I've kind of eased her mind and she's opening up to the idea a bit more. She hasn't fully accepted it, but she's getting used to it. As for the friends thing, I know what you mean! I was seeing a guy for two years from a different city. ALL my friends told me I was stupid, and he was probably seeing other girls behind my back. EXACTLY what you said. People are ALWAYS going to put down your ideas, you just need to ignore it. If you listen to it, it will ruin your relationship. That's why mine went downhill. It's good to be cautious about it, but don't let it constantly be on your mind. Trust him regardless of what your friends say, they don't even know him. So, I totally understand and relate to what you're saying 100%. But, I don't think you should go through with your idea. It WILL backfire, trust me. Try finding alternatives - talk to your mom, especially. Explain to her that you really like this guy, and why he acts nervous on the phone. It's really hard when you're into someone's daughter and their mother is completely set in their ways. Even if she doesn't like the idea of him coming to see you now, keep working on her. Maybe you won't be able to see him now, but if you keep trying to convince her to see the situation through your eyes, maybe she'll lighten up a bit. If things don't work out though, don't get yourself super worked up about it. I know how that stuff feels, I've been in the same situation, but trust me when plans do follow-through, it'll be great. HTH and good luck!

Thank you so much. It's really nice to hear from someone who understand how it feels. And I didn't tell my friends for those very reasons. I know that if they knew about it, they'll be talking about my relationship and trying to tell me that he's with other girls, which will make it really hard for both of us. So, I'd rather keep it secret, at least for now.

 

[COBI]

Regarding "cruelty": unfortunately, sometimes the truth is cruel and hard and not what we want to hear. And if our friends can't give us the cold, hard truth sometimes, who will? Sometimes what we need to hear is not what we want to hear and sometimes it even seems cruel.

Although, I want to be surrounded by supportive people. I don't want them to "yes" me and "support" me to my own detriment versus saying something that I may not want to or be ready to hear.

 

[VeXedPiNk]

I'm not trying to question your feelings, but how can you be so sure about this guy?

Three years is a long time and people change. Especially during your teenage years.

And I can understand not wanting to hear bad things from your friends, but they'd probably just be looking out for what's best for you. Plus, I'd be pretty hurt to find out that my friend has been hiding a boyfriend for three years and cared about him as much as you say you care about this guy. Doesn't sound like you trust your friends to be supportive of you.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck. If this guy is 'the one', then it'll all work out in the end. But please don't try this shed idea for all the reasons mentioned so far.

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

No offense, but one of my friends tried to make a long-distance relationship work from 8th grade church camp and finally found out he'd gotten another girlfriend in his own town not long after their initial "relationship" began. She found out in 12th grade and I had to really fight hard not to say "I Told You So." I don't think a 14 year old is capable of handling a long distance relationship; I know some 30 year olds who can't. By hiding him from your mother, your friends and literally trying to put him in a shed for two weeks in the dead of winter, you're displaying a bit of immaturity.
Being in a healthy relationship means taking all those involved into consideration, which includes both your parents, because you guys are minors and still live with your parents. Until you're an adult, living on your own out of her house, she has a right to be involved in all aspects of your life, and by lying to her about your "relationship" you're showing that you're not ready to be an adult and make mature decisions. You want to hide a boy in your shed and you think she won't catch you. When she catches you do you think she's gonna change her mind about trusting you to date? Do you think it's going to make her like him more and be accepting to the fact that you're with him? I think not.
You need to sit her down and have the conversation with her in a mature way, and she may not agree with you at first, and may not agree at first. But at least she'll be in the know about it and more willing to bend eventually and you won't be hiding some boy in your shed behind her back. Or perhaps she's as headstrong as you say she is, but at 17 I thought my mom was the same way, as it turns out, she was just being a parent.

You obviously don't think the idea is so bright either, because if you did, you wouldn't have asked whether or not it would work.

 

[wolfsong]

Not to mention that she is about to have a baby - the stress, effort, demand on time/body and crazy hormones that come with having a child (and lack of sleep etc) is a lot to deal with. It is very unfair of you to add to the load when seeing your boyfriend isnt a necessity (harsh as it sounds). She doesnt need more stress and drama at the moment, and you should be considering what you are wanting to put her through.

Also think how your mother would feel if/when she finds out a strange guy is living on her property - that alone wouldnt be a good feeling, but combined with the fact she has a vulnerable newborn and dodgy hormones (or will have then) it would be so much worse.

Besides mothers know best - she will know more about guys then you do, she has probably been through something similar and known the type of guy/situation you are with/in. Also im assuming she thinks (knows?) you are still a virgin (i dont know if you are or not), but you are at the age that a lot of people have sex or sexual activity. It must be hard for a mother to know that their daughter is growing up, and the fact that she is having a baby only serves to show her how much - she may know/think you are too young for that kind of relationship.

I think you should listen to the other posters, they have come up with some very valid points and alternatives to your situation.

 

[Honey B. Fly]

if u two are really honestly serious about each other then maybe u should just wait out the 1 more year until u are both 18. work and save up money and get an apartment together or something if u are still together by then. ur mother probaly does hate him just because hes a boy and ur teenagers.

u need to show ur mature enough to handle a relationship and if he really is a good guy, shell be happy 4 u two

how is he getting to ur house anyways?