My fiances lil sister.. age 16.. #of suicide attempts:6 bipolar&depressed need advice

[makeup_wh0re]

I don't think alot of people understand this bc they don't know where the girl is coming from. I have mental illness and have attempted suicide several times. I am 23 now and I have a 2 year old. I get told all the time how fantastic of a parent I am. I had people help me. I had horrible parents who did and still do abuse drugs and beat me. WHen that is all you see it is hard to act normal. I am doing great now.

 

[euphrosyne_rose]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxManBeaterxx I give up on that woman as a mother and as a person, my fiance slit his throat when he was a teen, he hated his life because of his parents they are they type of people you say to yourself, why even have children? I know both of his parents were abused severly as children living in a 3rd world country, it affected their lives as kids and now as adults. That woman cannot make whats best for her daughter decisions, i have a feeling his sister is going to end up in a homeless shelter or crazy clinic. This is driving me crazy.. I will talk to my mommy to be, i doubt she will listen, but maybe i need to give her a reality check, but she herself needs to grow up. But my hopes of her stepping up is slim to none. I will only take her in after she stays in a clinic for a while, and i will ask my parents and speak with a few shrinks for advice on parenting and what sort of rules should be inforced, if she breaks the rules shes going back home. I would probably ask my mom to live with me for a while to watch my daughter, she is retired and always bored. I will welcome her with open arms, but if she disrespects my family, if she brushes off my offer and acts out again, i will give this brat some serious reality check and kick her out. I think she just needs attention, friends, someone who doesnt treat her like shes diseased and sick, maybe ill just get her a puppy so she has some sort of responsibility... a diary.. and a damn good therapist... ill just treat her like a normal teenager.. gossip with her, go shopping, but i mostly wanna know why she acts like this, whats the root(s) of all of these problems. Since we were 19/20 me and my bf went through couples therapy because we heard it was most effective when there are no major/deep marriage issues to fix, and i think we can handle this with some boundaries, inorder to keep our family safe and our relationship healthy.

I think right there is your best plan of action. It is well thought out and it sounds like you've got a grip on what you want to do. It's great that you want to give her a chance so hopefully if you do all these things, something will work out and it will end up working for you all. Good luck!!!!

 

[YvetteJeannine]

I have many opinions on this situation, but there is one thing I do want to say..I think that while your desire to help her is a great thing (I wanted to do the same thing myself with my nieghbor's daughter years ago..It didn't end up happening because she moved down to N. Carolina w/ her father when she was 12..Now she's 17 w/ three kids..but she was FAR less troubled than it sounds like your Fiancee's sis is), I don't think you should do it..For many reasons, but there is one HUGE reason...Your daughter.

At two+ years, children are HIGHLY 'moldable'. Like any good parent, I'm sure you want your child to have good people around her, and good influences. I do not think this girl will be one of those 'good' influences.

Even though she's young, your daughter is in a 'sponge' stage...She WILL absorb everything in her environment...Every little rage fit, temper tantrum, behavioral outburst, wrongdoing, and bad happening from this girl will be locked into your little one's brain. People, even good parents, sometimes don't realized just HOW MUCH kids at that stage of development pick up...But that's the key word..Development...Your daughter is just now learning how to act..How to behave in the home, in public, and what's expected of her in both those places. If you put a person that does not know how to 'act' into that equation (especially someone YOU are responsible for...and your daughter will SEE that you are responsible for this other girl), it is going to interfere with your daughters social and emotional development.

This girl is GOING TO have issues. It's that simple. No matter HOW much time, love, and attention you give her, she's going to go to the same path she knows (at least for a while...long enough to be detrimental to your daughter). At this point, all this girl knows is the way she's acting NOW. One thing you need to understand is she doesn't KNOW how to act like a responsible, stable person...It would take time (a lot of time), getting her depression, etc. under control (not an easy task in a 17yr old), and many other things before she re-learned how to live right. And it may never happen at all....But you cannot afford to take that time for your little girl's sake.

Yes...it's sad, and you said your fiancee would be devestated if you don't take his sister in...but I am most sure he would not want to take her in at the expense of your young, impressionable daughter's stability. You'll need to make that point clear to him.

Even if you DIDN'T have a young child, this would be an almost impossible undertaking; but with your child...too risky. If I were you, I would never gamble on that.

Think of your daughter first.

 

[xxManBeaterxx]

--yvettejeannine, thank you for making me realize all of that, im in the medical field and even i sometimes forget that even though i may think she wont remember anything from this(my daugther), this could affect her personality and behavior in the future.

I'll probably take some active role in her "road to recovery" hopefully, maybe ill visit her and call her on the phone more often. A lot of people have problems but ive never known them personally until i met his siter, its kind of sad knowing that she may never be a stable/happy person, and very unfortunate nothing was done wayy sooner when she was a child.

Thanks everyone for advice my fiance didnt grow up with his sister, they are half siblings they have different dads, he will be sad but i think everyone will agree we are not to blame, its his parents fault..

 

[User93]

I agree with everything listed above, i' m just wondering, what makes people act like this? Is it just a difficult teenage time she is going through? I mean, some people get completely wasted in theitr lifes. You are an awesome person, Manbeater, as you are willing to help this girl get out of trouble, but i gonna agree with the majority in worring about your lil daughter, that girl seems to have no adequacy, what if she hurts her? And despite this, she gonna make a lot of noise, scream, cry, etc - thats not a background a 2 1/2 kid gotta grow in... Also, i'm afraid her presense in your house can make you argue with your fiance. Good luck anyways! Keep us updated!

 

[xxManBeaterxx]

Alibi -- I dont know why people act like this, but shes been like this since she was about 9 years old and it gets worse as she ages. I know her biological dad abused her, they wacked her with belt, pinched her ears until they bleed, she wasnt allowed outside the house or wasnt allowed to go out with her friends at all, it was ..come home straight away after school or else your grounded from tv, computer, vidoe games, etc... they gave her no freedom or air to breathe. Then when she was around 11/12? her parents started to argue a lot and they got a divorce, and i remeber her telling my bf "Glen?? Is it my fault they are divorcing? its my fault isnt it?" and from then they had money problems and thats when her behavior started to get out of control... then my bf glen moved out and she was all alone and has no friends. She has severe cystic acne that she self concious about, shes 4'11" another thing that bugs her... There was never a happy moment in her life that she felt proud of, not even as a kid, so maybe thats why?

My bf was telling me all the horrible things her parents had to go through as children, its a 100 times worse than what they are doing to his sister, its sad really...

Im just keep thinking, what will happen when shes 20,25,30?? Is she going to end up in a crackhouse, as far as i know she doesnt do those hardcore drugs.. yet..... Is she going to finally succeed and commit suicide? How is she gonna support herself?... only time will tell..

 

[User93]

I'm sad to hear what your bf's parents went through... I believe her childhood affected her that much, thats obvious. What does your fiance think about her living with you? And really, just like girls above said already - are you sure she gonna respect you guys, as you are not much older than her? How about her relationship with your fiance? I'm so sorry for this girl myself. especially by your phrase "There was never a happy moment in her life that she felt proud of, not even as a kid, so maybe thats why?" :/

 

[Beauty Mark]

Quote:

I'll probably take some active role in her "road to recovery" hopefully, maybe ill visit her and call her on the phone more often. A lot of people have problems but ive never known them personally until i met his siter, its kind of sad knowing that she may never be a stable/happy person, and very unfortunate nothing was done wayy sooner when she was a child.

I think that's the best solution. Some people have issues that are far too great for non-professionals to handle. However (and I speak about this as someone who has had family and friends have a myriad of mental illnesses), she still needs to know she has people who love her and wish her well.

 

[M.A.C. head.]

She needs to go to the hospital and then into a recovery program, not to your house.

His mom should feel ashamed. She's trying to pawn her child off on you. It's harsh I know, but it's the truth; and I think that you should hear it because it may help you to make a better decision.

You're only 22. You have a child of your own. And you need to stay focused on turning that engagement into a marriage. I don't think that you will be able to do that if you take her into your home.

I really do believe that you'll be overwhelmed, because your sister in law isn't going to just magically turn into a well behaved, clean, angel any time soon.

It's not your job sweety. I'm not telling you to just ignore her and abandon her, but the best way for EVERYONE to be helped is to get her into a program and help her walk through it.

Good luck. Sincerely. I know you're torn. It shows how kind hearted you are that you're so torn over it, but you have to use your head this time.

Please keep us updated

<3

 

[ratmist]

Quote:

Originally Posted by makeup_wh0re I don't think alot of people understand this bc they don't know where the girl is coming from. I have mental illness and have attempted suicide several times. I am 23 now and I have a 2 year old. I get told all the time how fantastic of a parent I am. I had people help me. I had horrible parents who did and still do abuse drugs and beat me. WHen that is all you see it is hard to act normal. I am doing great now.

I wonder how much of this is the result of your incredibly hard work and a drive to get better as well as finding people helping you. In my experience, it's not a lack of people wanting to help that's the problem - it's the lack of that person wanting to get better.

I have family members who are mentally ill with bipolar disorders and they have not yet decided they really want to get better. Even taking their medications on a daily basis is a struggle for them, and often times they simply quit their therapies when they think they've had a great day due to the manic side of the bipolar. It is incredibly frustrating trying to help people who can't or won't help themselves. It is only when those people truly want the help that it has a chance of working out.

 

[nunu]

She needs serious professional help asap. You and your fiance can't fix that. My heart reaches out for you and the little girl.

 

[xxManBeaterxx]

I was never going to try to fix her problems myself, before she was going to stay she has to live in a clinic for a good while, then she could live with me if shes better.

But since i've recieved a lot of no's dont do it, i think ill listen to everyones advice, and hopefully thats the right choice....