My sex issues

[NicksWifey]

Ok I really do feel like a complete moron talking about my sex life on the internets, but I need some serious advice and since I know there are plenty of smart women on this forum, maybe some of y'all will know what I'm going thru over here.
I'm starting to feel like my sex drive is extremely, extremely low. My fiance and I used to do it constantly when we were living with our parents, we couldn't get enough of each other. We'd have great sober sex and great drunk sex. Now that we live together, we might do it once a week IF THAT. It has nothing to do with him, because he loves sex but I just never feel in the mood. I feel like it takes a lot to get me in the mood. It could be Seasonique, the birth control I take, but I've been on that since October '07. I guess that having four periods a year aren't all that cracked up, especially if your hormones are as fucked up as mine are.

When we do decide to go to the "boom boom room" as I call it, I usually end up getting off first, and then it's his turn. However, every position but me on top actually hurts. And I've been sexually active for a few years now so I can't imagine why in the hell it hurts so bad all the time. It's like after I bust and it's his turn to have at it, it becomes really painful to the point of me getting pissed off and asking him to stop. Then I feel bad because I feel like I'm letting him down majorly and it's not fair to him. But it hurts and burns so bad. I told my OB/GYN when I saw him last year that sometimes sex is very painful for a few minutes and it goes away. Another problem that could be contributing to the pain is the fact that I dry up quickly (my bad that probably sounds gross!) and it feels like shit.

Any suggestions on how to correct this problem before I drive my man off the deep end? The last two times we went to the boom boom room, I busted and he didn't and tonight he ended up falling asleep because I asked him to stop it, he was hurting me too bad. I feel like such a bitch

 

[Switz1880]

Don't feel so bad, it could be due to your birth control. Many hormone based birth control methods cause vaginal dryness due to the higher than normal estrogen levels. So you either have to spend more time on foreplay, or use a lubricant like KY. I know you're probably thinking that you're wayyy too young to be dry "down there" but it's very common. I would also double check to make sure there isn't anything else that could be causing problems - ie. stress, relationship issues, gyn probs, etc. to be safe.

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

I've heard that when you move in with someone, you're constantly around each other, so you don't have the same surges in hormones when you see them. My boyfriend and I don't live together, so if we only see each other a few times in a week, we'll sleep together as much as possible. It's been proven that the longer a woman is away from her partner before she sees him again, the more aroused she is when they're near each other again. It's possible you could just be in the Comfort Zone. Now that's not always constant for everyone, there are couples who have lived together for years and still have that constant crave to be intimate. It could also be, as the poster above me mentioned, a change in hormones due to your birth control.

As far as the discomfort during sex goes, a good bottle of water-based lube on the nightstand will be your very best friend. Also, it could be painful after you finish because you're sensitive afterward. Happens to me, it's extremely annoying. Take a small break before you start up again, the discomfort should subside.

Good luck, things will get better. It's normal to have dry spells sometimes where you just don't want to have sex, or don't find it physically pleasing for awhile. It'll go away.

 

[Simply Elegant]

Maybe since the pain has happened before you tense up a bit knowing what's going to happen or get stressed that you'll let him down and then it happens or maybe after you're finished you might be too sensitive as someone else mentioned. About not being in the mood, sometimes it just doesn't happen when you want it to, so if he wants to be intimate just start slowly and after a little bit of foreplay you'll probably want it just as much as him.

 

[Beauty Mark]

What did your OB/GYN say? Have you talked to him again? If he isn't being helpful, try another one.

I would say you're not having sex as much because it's not as novel anymore. You've been with this guy awhile, it's just not the same. If everyone were doing it as much as when they first start, nothing would get done! However, the pain thing is definitely something you should be a bit concerned about.

 

[NicksWifey]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark What did your OB/GYN say? Have you talked to him again? If he isn't being helpful, try another one.

When I told him this last year during my annual pap exam, he examined my uterus and said it's of normal size and he doesn't understand where the discomfort is coming from. He said he usually hears that from women who have a very small uterus. He also said to try different positions and use lube.
He was very helpful and answered my questions and I always thought I just needed to "loosen up" LOL for lack of a better term.

Thanks everyone for your advice. It looks like I'm off to find some good lube! Does anyone have any suggestions? I used to have a bottle of Astroglide but that stuff brings back bad memories and I don't want to use that anymore.

 

[megamnmx]

Wow... that's exactly what's going on with me right now... My fiancee and I used to have sex constantly, sometimes many times in one day. However lately, it's almost been feeling like a chore.. Not always, sometimes I AM in the mood, but I don't know whats going on with me.. I've always loved sex. Maybe even more than him lol. So I don't know.

And that'd be weird for your birth control pills to start doing this to you now, after you'd been on them so long. I started Yaz about 5 months ago and I'm beginning to wonder if that may be my problem.

 

[Hilly]

GIRL!! I feel you! I am on Seasonique too!!! I knew it had to be that damn pill!!!!!

Same here too- when I go first, then it hurts in other positions for him to stop. I make him go on top to finish because the other ways hurt too.

I don't have any advices, just thought I would let you know I am SO in the same boat.

 

[Moxy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NicksWifey Thanks everyone for your advice. It looks like I'm off to find some good lube! Does anyone have any suggestions?

We've using Durex's Play ( http://www.ferrit.co.nz/WebRoot/ExtI.../2225611_l.jpg just a pic of the product) and it's pretty good, I love it. I can't compare it to any other lubricants because it's the only one I've ever used, but if for some reason i don't get wet, this thing works wonders

 

[revoltofagirl]

it hurts for me too, if I come first... and I'm not on hormonal birth control. I just chalk it up to being really sensitive... and yeah, I feel guilty too when I ask him to stop.

no advice really, just commiseration :/

 

[TDoll]

I had the SAME EXACT issues with LoEstrin. When I mentioned all these symptoms to my doctor a while back, she kind of ignored them and told me the pain was due to the "anticipation"....um no. I would have pain when I actually would get aroused too....instead of it feeling good before sex, it would ache and feel weird... which NEVER has happened before. So she was no help. Well, when I recently switched OBGYNs, my new one asked me all about my history in that department (this has NEVER been an issue before with me) and she was like, "its definitely the pill youre on". She said the pain is a common side effect she hears about and could come from....GET READY...the thickening of the cervical mucus...ew....that most pills cause. And was causing the lack of arousal and lack of wetness.
I'm not sure of what Seasonique has in it or the amount of estrogen it contains, but she told me that since LoEstrin had such a low amount of estrogen, it contains some male hormones which is what caused the problems.
When she heard that (and my skin issues I've been having) she put me on YAZ and said that she was really confident it would fix the problem. I take my first one this Sunday night, so we'll see....lol. I know it'll take a while, but I'm just excited to hopefully not have to deal with that mess anymore!
I'd talk to your doctor again.

 

[iluffyew769769]

I was on seasonique and I had the same issues. Now I'm on Yaz and it is much much better.

 

[NicksWifey]

Damn I may have to switch to Yaz! I've never heard any bad things about it, I will hate having to have a period each month but I'd rather have that every month than feel like this all the time.

 

[TDoll]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iluffyew769769 I was on seasonique and I had the same issues. Now I'm on Yaz and it is much much better.

Thank GOD. How long did it take for you to notice a difference?

 

[Mabelle]

I have the same issues with the non existant sex drive... I can't remember when it started though. I feel awful, i used to jump my bf as soon as he walked through the door... now i find that it's something i'm looking to get out of. It's awful, i just don't get turned on. It's not that im not attracted to my boyfriend. He's perfect in everyway (almost)... i duno what it is but it REALLY sucks!

i have sensitivity at random times... and it just feels like my insides have been punched or something. It's tender like the way you're muscles hurt aftyer a good workout. is taht how you would describe you're pain? If so maybe i shoudl switch. I'm on marvalon.

 

[NicksWifey]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mabelle i have sensitivity at random times... and it just feels like my insides have been punched or something. It's tender like the way you're muscles hurt aftyer a good workout. is taht how you would describe you're pain? If so maybe i shoudl switch. I'm on marvalon.

Yes, that's how I feel! It feels like it hurts really bad in my stomach, like someone punched me! But then at times it feels like it's completely vaginal, it's just really sensitive and it burns.

 

[kaliraksha]

Yeah, I had the same issues when I started my birth control. Maybe a month or two later, but it's been the only change. It seems that even with foreplay I couldn't stay "comfortable" enough to let him finish. We've had to try lubricant.. I <3 astroglide.. less artificial than others I've tried. However, I'm on Yaz and I wonder if you just have to keep trying BC's until you find the right one for you or the one that affects you the least.

 

[Mabelle]

hmm. i'm going to think about switching now. Is Yaz a graduated hormone pill? Cause i can't take those... Or i might try the nuva ring. Has anyone tried that? It seems kinda weird, but i'm always worried i'm going to forget my pill.

I'm happy to know i'm not the only one expiriencing this. I had no idea what it was... yayyyyyyy

 

[MACATTAK]

^^ I'm on the Nuva Ring & I really like it!

 

[falsefiction]

i think decrease interest in sex is normal. when you live alone together it's kind of a new ball game with new stresses. my bf and i definitely slowed down when we moved in together because there was just so much....LIFE going on!

it might be hurting because you aren't doing it a lot...you are just not used to it and it's kinda like the first time all over again. but there is NO shame is using lubes!! just get some good waterbased lube and it might make the pain go away and it might make it more enjoyable for both of you.