need advice on relationship (explicit, so may not be suitable for younger ones)

[Nzsallyb]

hi everyone, i have come down this neck of the woods in desperate need of advice. this has been carrying on for a few miserable weeks.
background:
my bf is into his modified car, and a few weekends ago, a young chick rear ended him, and didnt pull over, so he chased her until she pulled over and he got details. he decided he wasnt going to claim insurance on the scratch, and jst texted her telling it was all good.
but now she has been texting him all the time, and being very sexually suggestive. i have told him that this type of girl only fucks guys because of their car, and that she is a nasty skank, as she knows about me. he has been honest the whole time.

Now:
i am on placement in a hospital 5 hours away from him at the moment, so we do not have sex as much as we do wen i am living with him. we havent seen eachother for coming up to 3wks, and naturally he is wanting some!
he has been asking me if he can have sex with this girl, which got a huge NO from me. he says his "urge" is more than what dirty talk etc can do.
so then he suggested a compromise, a blow job from her. uh - no way!
now he is banging on about how i had the time to "play around" with guys, when he didnt between relationships (he has about 6 months between his last gf and me), and now he wants to experiment.
we have been togethere for 2.5 years, and planned to get married.
he is just in this mood, and it is really getting me down and upset.
how should i handle this? he is not a cheater, he is always very honest with me with what he wants (he also wants a threesome). i know where i stand, but i just really want to know what you ladies (and men!) would do in a situation like mine.

thanks for reading all of this!

 

[LaVixxen]

WHOA! Talk about that Bi*** has no respect for herself. I hate to break it to you but he is honest and all but I really dont ever see yourself being happy in a relationship like this. He has no respect for you and never will. I see him actually cheating on you because he has these crazy urges. Sorry for being harsh but it is what it is. You can do way better!

 

[sharkbytes]

I agree to an extent, though I do give him a lot of credit for being upfront and telling you about it. Unfortunately, it's one of those situations where he shouldn't *have* to ask if it would be okay. He ought to know that in a 2-year relationship with possible plans for a lifetime commitment that getting anything on the side is a major no. Since he is, I get the feeling that he isn't thinking long-term with your relationship any longer

I'm so sorry you're down and upset about this.

 

[Nzsallyb]

thanks for the replies so far ladies.

 

[Amber*Christine]

I've been in a very similar situation huni, so I totally know where your coming from. It's very hurtful to feel like all of a sudden you're not enough for him anymore. Unfortunately, men are pigs and if he has all these intense urges to get w/ other girls he may be selfish enough to act on it, esp. if some girl he knows is completely offering herself up w/ no need for him to even make an effort. I thought the man I was w/ was no cheater either, he seemed to adore me and he seen how cheating destroyed his parents' and sister's marriages, he always told me he'd never do a thing like that to me, well he did and now that I think back on it I should of seen it coming. You obviously know you can't trust that nasty girl, hell she probably gets off on the challenge of getting him to cheat and knowing you know. He needs to cut ties w/ her if he has any respect for you, cause it's obvious she tempting him right now. I think the way he's been behaving and talking, well it's only a matter of time before he acts on it. Sometimes men don't think logically when their dicks hard. Unfortunetly I don't see him losing interest in screwin around anytime soon. I think sometimes when a guys been tied down for a little while, they start to get itchy feet. I sincerely hope he cherishes what you two have before he does something to screw it up or make you give in to something you don't wanna do. Best of luck.

 

[blindpassion]

To be completely honest with you - if your man is talking about cheating, thinking about cheating, planning ti cheat - hes not only on the vurge of being a cheater, but hes an all around asshole.

And if he loved you and was commited, he wouldn't look at, talk to, think of, another girl that way. PERIOD. And I feel really bad for you that you're now two and a half years into this and hes pulling this type of bullshit on you.

Like my good friend Fiona says - once you start thinking about cheating - you should take a second to think about the fact that your relationship is probably over and its probably now time for you to break up with that person.

Thats my two cents.

 

[girlie_girl]

i have nothing more to add except that i agree 100% with what everyone else has said. the fact that he's even THOUGHT about fooling around with another girl means he has already cheated on u - physically no, but emotionally, yes.

i'm so sorry you're in such a horrible situation

but i think it's a clear sign that you should be rid of this nasty boy!

 

[ncsugrl09]

Oh goodness, I have to agree with everyone. He is not worth any minute of your time girly, get rid of him! I can't believe he would even ask, that is not acceptable. Like someone said earlier, you can do much better! No guy who's worth anything would ever ask you that, you should be enough and only you.

 

[TISH1124]

100% not worth it...yep she may be wrong for texting him in this manner...But she owes you no respect he does and he is dead wrong for allowing her to think it is okay to continue texting him this way...More than likely he has to be texting her back for her to continue this behavior.....Makes me wonder why he chased her in the first place....My car was dang near totalled after I was rear ended but I was not about to chase the man down that is what cops and the insurance company is for. I think he likes the attention and I would let him have it and her...Find you someone who is worthy of you...He does not appear to be that person.

Ugggh...being all Dukes of Hazzard and shit...please

 

[Blushbaby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blindpassion To be completely honest with you - if your man is talking about cheating, thinking about cheating, planning ti cheat - hes not only on the vurge of being a cheater, but hes an all around asshole. And if he loved you and was commited, he wouldn't look at, talk to, think of, another girl that way. PERIOD. And I feel really bad for you that you're now two and a half years into this and hes pulling this type of bullshit on you. Like my good friend Fiona says - once you start thinking about cheating - you should take a second to think about the fact that your relationship is probably over and its probably not time for you to break up with that person. Thats my two cents.

She said it all!!

How f*****g DARE he! He's got a nerve and this slut is a law unto herself! I'm speechless at his cheek - fuck being "honest". I just can't believe theutter cheek of him! Wow!

 

[kaliraksha]

I wouldn't make excuses for him. Regardless of him being honest or not, it is not something he should have urges to do, especially if you are guys are planning to get married. He may be right and he may still need to experiment (which I don't believe is a bad thing), but that is his own issue and he should be an adult and figure it out himself, break up with you if needed- not keep you on the back burner while he fools around. BS! What happens when he decides he likes the excitement of a new girl and leaves you when you thought you were just giving him a one time pass? I would feel even worse if that happened.

If he has those thoughts now, I'm sure they will return further down the line. Finding out now at least, you don't have kids, a mortgage, a marriage to worry about his need to "experiment."

 

[Nzsallyb]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 100% not worth it...yep she may be wrong for texting him in this manner...But she owes you no respect he does and he is dead wrong for allowing her to think it is okay to continue texting him this way...More than likely he has to be texting her back for her to continue this behavior.....Makes me wonder why he chased her in the first place....My car was dang near totalled after I was rear ended but I was not about to chase the man down that is what cops and the insurance company is for. I think he likes the attention and I would let him have it and her...Find you someone who is worthy of you...He does not appear to be that person. Ugggh...being all Dukes of Hazzard and shit...please

in regards to the car thing - we all drive japanese imports (skylines, silvias etc), and they are the pride and joy of most. in christchurch where we live, if anyone does anything to your car, you get them for it - unspoken rule (i suppose its like how gangs hit on eachother), hence the reason for chasing her. i would have done it if shed rear ended my car too.
the "car scene" in NZ is alot like the fast and furious movies (lol), and i prefer this scene to going out to a bar etc


i had a huge suprise this morning. he drove 5hours last night just to see me and apologise as to how he has been acting. this is the first time he has EVER apologised to me. he even cried and said he was sorry.
i have forgiven him, and have told him that it was way uncool what he did, and he completely understands me, and have promised to never acted that way again.
we have a funny relationship sexually, he likes to fantasise about having sex with other chicks, and me having sex with other guys, and i think that boundary just got blurred for him. but we are back on track, and i move home on friday

thanks for all your advice guys, you are all so awesome.

p.s: that bitch better look out for me on friday night when i take my car out

 

[moopoint]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nzsallyb in regards to the car thing - we all drive japanese imports (skylines, silvias etc), and they are the pride and joy of most. in christchurch where we live, if anyone does anything to your car, you get them for it - unspoken rule (i suppose its like how gangs hit on eachother), hence the reason for chasing her. i would have done it if shed rear ended my car too. the "car scene" in NZ is alot like the fast and furious movies (lol), and i prefer this scene to going out to a bar etc i had a huge suprise this morning. he drove 5hours last night just to see me and apologise as to how he has been acting. this is the first time he has EVER apologised to me. he even cried and said he was sorry. i have forgiven him, and have told him that it was way uncool what he did, and he completely understands me, and have promised to never acted that way again. we have a funny relationship sexually, he likes to fantasise about having sex with other chicks, and me having sex with other guys, and i think that boundary just got blurred for him. but we are back on track, and i move home on friday thanks for all your advice guys, you are all so awesome. p.s: that bitch better look out for me on friday night when i take my car out

Glad to hear things seem better. But be alert. Just because you forgave... doesn't mean you forgot.

You are much different than I. I dunno if I could've got past the idea in general. Good luck.

 

[Fataliya]

I'm sorry, you lost me at
"he has been asking me if he can have sex with this girl"

WTH are you still dating this boy? He's obviously not a man.

Do you not think you deserve better than someone who feels it's ok to ask you if he can have sex with someone else? Better than someone who thinks it's OK to have sex with someone else?

Bust him upside his big ass head and dismiss him!

 

[blindpassion]

From this point on -

Two words.

Be careful.

He cant be trusted.

 

[moopoint]

^^ Yes.

Be Careful.

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

lol Girl, I know the whole 'import scene' all to well. My fiance owns a suspension manufacturing company in japan that produces after market products for Skylines, S14's, Silvias and all other cars around the world for that matter. The import groupies are the worse kinda whores for reals. Bitches jock my man like he is Brad Pitt. Its really intimating because import models are groupies too. like how in the fuck am I supposed to compete with a size 1 model? Girl,leave him. He can be honest and straight forward all he wants. That doesn't mean he isn't a fucken douche! Dont ever let any guy fucken make you feel like an option. ohhh ur bf pisses me off.

 

[MissResha]

yikes...sticky situation....

but just know, its extremely hard for most men to turn down free vag.

esp when its thrown at them without them even having to try, its like winning a scratch-off lottery ticket.

 

[Mizz.Coppertone]

my bf would call her a hoe and that'd be the end of it. i'd still want to kick his @ss if a girl was talking dirty to him though lol i get jealous

. he loves me 100% and i've seen him prove it as far as other chicks go. every good girl deserves a man like that. ur man doesn't sound respectful towards u and i agree he probaly will end up cheating on u. what man asks his gf if he can get a blowjob from another girl, seriously? u need to dump him b4 he breaks ur heart over a whore. i'd want to die if my bf asked me that.

 

[Nzsallyb]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissResha yikes...sticky situation.... but just know, its extremely hard for most men to turn down free vag. esp when its thrown at them without them even having to try, its like winning a scratch-off lottery ticket.

i agree there too.

thanks for all your replies everyone. me and my BF are very open with eachother, hence the sex talk. he tells me anything and everything. he pushed the boundaries way too far this time, and he knew it.
i love him, and i do trust him, compared to opinions of others. i really appreciate everyones opinions.
this all happened at the end of a very long three lonley months of me being away on placement, emotions were running high.
i know that he says things sometimes to get a reaction from me, and this was one of these instances.
thanks everyone