Need your judgements. How to tell if someone is in your "personal space"?

[PBunnieP]

Hi everyone,

I encountered a very "confusing" situation today. I take the bus everyday to go to university and I'm generally pretty comfortable, since that bus is mostly the university kids anyways.

But today on my way back [I had one exam early in the morning] and the bus was quite empty. A man in his mid forties listening to earphones got on and sat next to me. We were sitting in a double seat, i sat on the inside, so there should be adequate space for two people but it felt as if he was taking up much alot of my space. It got to the point where he was sitting with his arms crossed [in a big jacket] and his elbow/arm had extended to HALF of my side!

In fact, his arm was pressing against my arm and partially pressing onto my chest!

While all this happened, he seemed rather unaware. After a while one of his hands "accidentally" moved even CLOSER to my side and JUST [about] touched my CHEST!

I felt so uncomfortable and I shifted in my seat. Almost immediately he seemed to retreat to his side. And then he just got off at the next stop... all with out ever looking at me or acknowleding that anything had happened!

Had this ever happened to you? What should I have done?

 

[prettysecrets]

If you are ever in an uncomfortable situation trust your instincts!! I feel as a female out alone you can never be to careful, esp. around men.

The bus was almost empty, he didnt have to sit right next to you. It could have been that he didnt realize he was in your personal space or maybe he was just a creep!! If you are ever in this situation again I say you should move away from that person.

when im walking alone and I see someone and I get a bad vibe, I go in a different direction . I just trust myself whenever I get those feelings. better safe than sorry.

 

[SoSoAmazin]

Anytime you feel uncomfortable like that, your personal space has been invaded. If that were me, I would have looked at him and done an "ahem" type cough first, and if that didn't work I would say "excuse me, can you please move your arm?" hth

 

[Dahlia_Rayn]

I take the bus all the time, and sometimes it's just a weird environment. If the bus is empty I move if someone sits right by me, I have a very large space bubble. It kinda sounds like he was being a little bit "friendly" in a creepy way. He wanted to cop a feel! I guess I just shrug it off, hey you'll have a fun story for sometime in the future, reminds me of the toothless drunk guy who insisted I should kiss him about every 30 seconds for my entire bus ride home one night.

 

[Simply Elegant]

Yeah I agree with the other posters. Any time you feel uncomfortable your space has been crossed. Personally, if the bus was empty I would have got up to a different seat. I guess it might be a bit rude, but so is taking up that much space and making someone uncomfortable and sitting right beside someone when you have almost any choice of seat.

There are some really creepy people on the bus sometimes. You just never know. I had a guy get off on my knee while I was sleeping. Just go somewhere where you feel most comfortable.

 

[frocher]

......

 

[MACATTAK]

Ugghh...I hate that. I need a lot of personal space. It never seems to fail though..whether it's in an empty movie theater or an empty store people tend to flock wherever you are & make it a point to sit right by you/be near you. A LOT of people have no consideration for space, and I hate it!

 

[Pnk85]

Ok a lot of people call my a b!tch about personal space so maybe I shouldn't be giving you my .02 but here it goes ne way. If that was me I would've have ripped one of those earphones out of his ear & given him a piece of my mind!! If there were plenty of empty seats on the bus then there was no excuse for him sitting so close to you.


**Not to scare you or anything but I was almost kidnapped a few times when I was a pre-teen and there have been countless times when dirty men have tried to follow me home. You can never be too careful these days..... I have had so many scares that I've resorted to carrying pepper spray & a butterfly knife, soon to be adding a concealed handgun too. Every woman should at least carry pepper spray though.

 

[SparklingWaves]

I had an encounter with deaf teen male who kept wanting to touch my name badge. Of course, it was right next to my chest. I told him to not touch me in Sign Language.

Later, I was connecting some equipment up and he stuck his foot up my skirt. I confronted him in Sign Language.

Some folks want you to think they are just doing things by accident. Actually, it's no accident. The old stories --- "Sorry, I fell into your breasts or accidentally grabbed your buns." ---will not fly.

In this case, this young guy was trying to get a feel and thought I was going to let him off the hook. NO WAY.

His mom said he had a crush on me and thought it was cute.

There was nothing cute about his behavior.



Back to you, if someone is touching my body or in my face at a point where they do not have to be, they are in my space.

 

[Kuuipo]

Sometimes it happens innocently, like the person who falls asleep on you in the bus, other times it is deliberate "I will see what I can get away with " stuff-and that can run into the lines of sexual harrassement.
I used to work in a rehab locked brain injury unit -and some of those folks lose their boundries and you have to tell them. "Look, your behaviour is innappropriate," Sometimes you have to tell people who are not proven to have brain injuries that their behaviour is innappropriate.
I wouldn't rip headphones off aperson and yell, I'd do it politely, and take the position of a calm, cool, collected person in charge. Lose your cool and you have lost it. They win because they got some kind of reaction out of you. They also win if you let the behaviour persist.
You can ask them to please keep their hands to theirself, and if they find this task impossible, could they please occupy a different seat.

 

[spectrolite]

I think generally if you feel like someone is in your personal space than more than likely they are and the best thing to do would have been to move to another seat making sure to give him a look that said "Wtf are you doing in my space when there are other seats you weirdo?" I'm not one to back down from a fight or exchange of words or anything and honestly you shouldn't have to be the one to move but sometimes you can just save yourself from a potentially troublesome situation by just taking action. If I'm on an empty-ish train etc.. I always put my bag on the seat next to me to deter people from sitting there. I'm not anti-social at all, but I would prefer to sit on my own. Only as the train gets more full will I move it to allow other people to sit.

I have to get the train and then a tram to work every morning and both are always packed full of people. It's actually disgusting. At least a few times a week I have to tell someone to move either because they are being inconsiderate and taking up too much space when people are trying to get on board or because they are so far into my space that we are practically in a relationship. On Tuesday I was going to work and this man was seriously so close to me that I felt his breath on the back of my neck and he was pressed almost right against the back of me. It was so gross and I felt like he was doing it on purpose. He could have stood at a different angle or with his back to my back. Every hair stood up on the back of my neck and I shifted immediately to get out of his vacancy and he shifted right after me...I shifted again and again this pig followed me! I turned around so that I was facing him and could make eye contact and gave him my pattented "Look of Death" and you better believe he backed off. I think that there are wayyy too many freaks and perverts on public transport... =/

 

[Girl about town]

The same thing happened to me one night on the way home from work before i got my driving licence. A guy got on the practically empty bus and sat beside me and pressed his leg against mine, i said to him "If you want this seat i will just move" and got up and went to another, i was so afraid after i said it though incase he turned nasty !!! x

 

[silentkite]

Once when I was on a train and it was quite full, a large man sat next to me and fell asleep. He had his arm on the armrest, but gradually his elbow moved further and further in front of me until I felt like I was on a rollercoaster with a restraint across me. I didn't feel too uncomfortable since it seemed innocent enough, it was just a bit annoying. In your situation, I would probably squirm to show I was uncomfortable, and if he didn't move over I'd move to another seat.

 

[ginger9]

I think this guy was being a creep and I don't think he was "unaware" of what he was doing.

If you are not sure or uncomfortable confronting him then next time this happens get up and move and sit closest to the bus driver as you can. It's your right to move, don't even feel like you need to address him or explain a thing. Just ask him to let you though (calmly but firmly) and go sit elsewhere.

 

[amoona]

When I used to ride the bus I would always ride up infront by the bus driver. Now if someone came and sat too close to me I'd just get up and move.

 

[amoona]

When I used to ride the bus I would always ride up infront by the bus driver. Now if someone came and sat too close to me I'd just get up and move.