on moving in and getting married

[kimmy]

how long did you and your significant other wait to move in together? and to get engaged/married?

i've always been rather impatient, especially with relationships because when i know what i want, i hate to wait for it to happen. my boyfriend is almost my polar opposite in that department though, and he prefers to take things slow.

so, i'm just kind of interested to know other people's situations, and if you and your significant other ever disagreed on how long to wait for things to get serious.

 

[kaliraksha]

My boyfriend and I waited 2.5 years to move in together. We knew we were getting married (which we haven't yet) about 3.5 yrs into our relationship, we actually got engaged but then decided we weren't getting married anytime soon and kept having to field questions of when's the wedding. I think it would have been much sooner had we been older when we first met. We met in high school, but I really wanted us to live alone first outside of our parent's house so we knew how to take care of ourselves before we joined households. Our decision to move in came out of necessity and it was really random... but it worked out really well for us. We've lived together now for 4 years and it's one of the best decisions we made.

 

[fadedillusions]

bf and i moved in with each other after a year
just got engaged 2 weeks ago! after dating 3.5 years

 

[purrtykitty]

The husband and I have been together for almost 13 years. We moved in together about 7 years into our relationship (we began dating in high school) and 1 1/2 years before we were married (just after we got engaged). He had been thinking about purchasing a house, and I said I would move in with him, so we seriously began looking for a house. After much contemplation on my part, I decided that I wanted us to be engaged before we were living together, especially since we had been talking about marriage, anyway...I figured we'd eventually get married, but I was afraid of being one of those couples that just got comfortable and ended up cohabitating, but never marrying (no offense to those who choose to live that way, I just knew it wasn't for me).

I'm really glad I pushed for engagement before we moved in together. Everything is about compromise. He proposed earlier than he probably would've (of course only he knows whether that is true or not), and I moved in with him. In the end, it worked out great for us, and we've been married nearly 5 years (living together for 6).

Sorry about rambling on and on!

 

[hhunt2]

We moved in together after 1 year of dating (we got a little house). I was 20 going on 21. Then after another year, he proposed (but at our 2 month mark, he had already gave me a "promise" ring. That was his failed attempt of a proposal, lol). I call him my husband even though were only engaged. We have plans to just stay "engaged" for a long time. I know he only proposed b/c it's a type of "branding". We'll get married when we have time and money. lol

I know many couples who have kids but don't move in together (they will live at there parents), OR couples who havent lived together but are planning to marry within a few months and already have purchased a home, OR couples who got married but still live with one of the parents!...
I never would want to be in that position (well, I understand with certain situations). So no offense to ya'll.

Anyways, I think it's very important to live together before couples get married. Yea know... Responsibility v.s. Houseplay. Also personalities can change when living together, dealing with stressful situations or secrets come out. Yikes! I remember my mom telling me that we shouldn't move in together b/c we aren't married yet. I laughed at my mom saying, "Oh! And that's why you and dad hate each other so much. That's why he doesn't want to sleep in the same bed. And that's why he talks shiet to you all the time." I never want to become my parents.

Sorry, I'm talking like a Preacher ... I get a bad twitch when couples talk about their future but they don't think things out. lol

 

[TISH1124]

My husband and I were friends about 5 months before we started dating then after about 6 months of seriously dating we got engaged and moved in together ...we got married about a year after living together.

 

[purrtykitty]

Quote:

Originally Posted by hhunt2 Anyways, I think it's very important to live together before couples get married. Someones personality can change when living together, dealing with stressful situations or secrets come out.

I totally agree...so much better to find those things out before you take the big plunge, than after. Compatability between people goes wayyy beyond the bedroom...

 

[kdemers1221]

My boyfriend will be moving in with me in September. We just celebrated our 2 year anniversary in April. We met in college and he lived down the hall from me. Moving in together just felt like the next natural step for us... we're to young to get married but we do have a plan; we both want to end up in the same place. We've talked about marriage... we both just want to be financially stable and have jobs before we get married.

I also totally agree that couples should live together before getting married... there are a ton of things you don't notice/realize about a person till you live with them. You'll be able to learn their habits and decide if you can deal with them.

 

[Skin*Deep]

my husband and I moved in together a month after meeting, got married about 5 months after that. We've been married 9 years now, and have a 6 year old and a 3 year old!! sometimes - when you know, you just know.

 

[anita22]

My husband and I got engaged after 2 weeks. People usually ask at this point whether we knew each other well before we started seeing each other... the answer is no! Neither of us is particularly impulsive, in fact we're both quite boring and conservative in virtually any other respect, yet somehow it's all worked out

. We moved in together a couple of weeks after we got engaged, and have now been together for 3 1/2 years, and married for one and a half years.

 

[moopoint]

My bf and I moved in very quickly, like 4 months in. After 9 months or so we realized it was too soon and we moved away from one another. A year later we moved back in together and it's 10x better.
We've been together for 3 years and are happily unmarried.

 

[kimmy]

Quote:

when you know, you just know.

amen!

 

[NutMeg]

Four years together and living apart. I'm ready, he's not. I don't really mind though, I would love to be living with him right now but I know that if we did something he wasn't ready for it would cause a lot of damage to our relationship. We're still pretty young, and I know he needs to get his life figured out before we start moving ahead of where we are now.

So I'm just enjoying life and being with him right now.

 

[FiestyFemme]

My husband and I were together for about 4 months before we got engaged, then engaged for 3 months, and married for 3 weeks now! We did not live together before being married, mostly because I didn't want to, as it just wasn't for me. I can honestly say being married is no different from not being married for us except for the fact that I sleep and shower here now. It's felt right from day 1.

 

[malaviKat]

I'm of the opinion that what works for some people just won't work for others. I think everybody ought to do what makes them most comfortable as a couple and that can vary widely.

My bf and I started dating about 9 years ago - I was 18, he was 24. At that point our life experiences were very different; I was just starting university while he had finished school and had been working for several years. I had never lived outside my parents' home but he had lived on his own and/or with roommates for over five years.

Due to these differences, as well as my ongoing focus on school (and a desire not to derail my education with a bad breakup should it have occurred), we gave very little thought to moving in together for many years. I was also insistent (and he agreed) that a little life experience (living with roommates etc.) would be to my benefit so I spent a while doing that while he continued to live with friends. I think that experience (as limited as it was) was good for me and has probably helped our relationship quite a bit. It has also reassured me that I can live by myself if our relationship ever goes south.

(And frankly, after seeing the state of certain friends who feel they can't exist without their exes...I'm REALLY glad for the life lesson.)

We have now lived together for just under 2 years having waited for about 7 to move in with each other. In spite of the fact that we had been dating for 7 years, the first year of living together was a challenge. (Two completely emotionally independent people, unaccustomed to seeing each other every day, thrown together and forced to live in the same space is SO NOT PRETTY).

I'd like to say we've gotten over it...but on some days, we're still adjusting.

While we have discussed marriage off and on (recently with more seriousness than before), neither of us is in a rush to do that. I'm currently still in school and we don't want kids so marriage isn't a priority. I'm not sure if we're one of the aforementioned couples that gets comfortable cohabiting and never gets married. Maybe? LOL (In all seriousness, we'll probably get married. But I don't think either of us cares about the ceremony part. Just the party part. Maybe we'll just throw a party.)

In the meantime... I think we're good.

 

[Shadowy Lady]

My husband and I dated for 3 years before we got engaged and moved in together. We got married 1.5 years after that. I would have moved in with him earlier but I got a job outside of the city when I graduated so we had to date long distance for a year (we met in college). I quit my job and moved back to my hometown with him after the proposal though

Good luck in anything you guys decide to do though Kimmy

ppl and situations vary from one person to another

 

[LMD84]

me and my hubby were going out for 6 months when we moved in together, then were together a year when he proposed. but then we had been together for 5 years until we got married!

 

[RedRibbon]

I've known Mr RR since I ws 16 (I am 25 now so nearly 10 years..eep!) and he was 17. He asked me out on a date in 2005, we were together for about six months (I never ever thought it would work because I always thought I didn't deserve someone as nice as him but that's by the by). We were still living at home then as we'd both just finished uni (well, he was back at home and I was just about to move back). Anyway, we both started to look for places individually because getting a place together was too couply for me then (been hurt badly in the past), then his boss wanted to rent out his flat in Mayfair so he moved in there..within 2 weeks he'd moved me in and we stayed quite happily. Then we moved to South London and bought our own place and he popped the question this winter just gone whilst we were watching The Shining. We haven't even started planning our wedding yet because it's too much of a headache, I just want to run away with him and get married on our own

 

[atwingirl]

My husband and I waited about 2 years, living in different cities but spending large chunks of time together when we did see each other. He decided to propose after about 2 years of living together. I had a friend get engaged ,while were vacationing together, which kind of made me wonder when he was going to ask to me. I mean we had talked about it, but no pressure or anything. This is key. I can't advise applying any kind of pressure on a guy who is more deliberate in his decision making process than you may be. I, too, am one of those "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of people. My DH is not. He takes forever to make a decision, has to weigh all the options, look at every angle, come at it from different points of view. Good golly gravy, I could go on...
But this works in our favor because of balance. It sounds like you may have found that balance too. Try not to get caught up in a timeline and enjoy the stage that you two are in! Working towards a common goal together is what's most important. Being on two different pages is not always a bad thing as long as you are moving in forward direction.

 

[Hilly]

I met my husband In April 2005, he got a job in July 05 (we lived in CHicago and it was for a job in Houston). I told him I would go with him. Moved officially to TX to live with him in Oct. 2005. So I knew him 5 months total when I moved in LOL. My mom wasn't too happy, but I needed to spread myu wings and try it out.
He proposed the day after our 2 year anniversary so April 2007. We married in Aug 2008.
Married life isn't the easiest thing and things do change once you're married even if you live together beforehand but its great.