on moving in and getting married

[pdtb050606]

My husband and I dated for 1.5 years when he proposed, we got our own place shortly thereafter. We married 1 day short of exactly one year after getting engaged...Everyone is different and you have to do what is best for you and your relationship.

 

[malaviKat]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hilly I met my husband In April 2005, he got a job in July 05 (we lived in CHicago and it was for a job in Houston). I told him I would go with him. Moved officially to TX to live with him in Oct. 2005. So I knew him 5 months total when I moved in LOL. My mom wasn't too happy, but I needed to spread myu wings and try it out. He proposed the day after our 2 year anniversary so April 2007. We married in Aug 2008. Married life isn't the easiest thing and things do change once you're married even if you live together beforehand but its great.

If you don't mind me asking... (and if it isn't too personal), what do you feel changed since you've been married?

I'm asking because in my bf's group of friends (in particular) we are the only couple that isn't engaged/married. We have been together longer than most of the married couples and as such we keep getting told things like: "Well, you're practically married anyway...it's the same thing... why not get married?" However, every so often I hear contradictory things like "Everything changes once you're married"... but nobody has told me what changes (or why that's a good thing!)

 

[TISH1124]

I am not sure really what changes but things do....I think both people stop working on the relationship as hard....I learned that from my 1st marriage so this one i approach totally different and we treat each other like newly dating couples versus married couples that are stuck in a routine. Marriage takes a lot of work....No taking each other for granted...My dh and I are very spontaneous...we will fly to London or take a cruise on a moments notice and we do fun stuff together...I mail him cards (even though we live in the same house) Just little things.......Romance has to be worked on and kept alive it ... it is not automatic....Just like a candle...if you don't keep it lit the flame will eventually burn low then go out....

 

[Hilly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by malaviKat If you don't mind me asking... (and if it isn't too personal), what do you feel changed since you've been married? I'm asking because in my bf's group of friends (in particular) we are the only couple that isn't engaged/married. We have been together longer than most of the married couples and as such we keep getting told things like: "Well, you're practically married anyway...it's the same thing... why not get married?" However, every so often I hear contradictory things like "Everything changes once you're married"... but nobody has told me what changes (or why that's a good thing!)

Well when you make choices, remembering that your actions impact the other person.

 

[revoltofagirl]

my FH and I dated casually for a few weeks before he moved to another state for school... we did the long distance thing for two months but it didn't work out. we stayed friends though and whenever we could we would visit each other. a year later I moved to his state (I had graduated and was moving to my parents house which happened to be an hour away from his school) we started dating again and after a year he proposed and we moved in together. we've been engaged for almost 3.5 years and getting married this september

 

[cyan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimmy how long did you and your significant other wait to move in together? and to get engaged/married?

We moved in together officially around the beginning of last year ... he started living with me on and off in the student apartments, lol. It just kind of happened cos driving an hour was a pretty long ride.
About that time we were into our fourth year together, and it only took us about two to three years to actually get engaged.

I wanted to move in sooner but he lived too far away for school.

 

[MsCera]

My ex and I waited two years before we moved in together, and lasted two more after that. We never got engaged, at the time I thought it was pointless. Eventually I broke up with him because it was hard to live with him. He wasn't a very clean person (and I'm a clean freak) and his friends didn't really know when to leave and were always around!

My ex-husband moved from out of state straight in with me. It went great. We got married two months after he moved out here. Then things started to go downhill...

My current boyfriend and I were together for three months before we moved in together. Once we started dating we were inseparable, and his ex-roommate didn't like it too much. We figured it would be easier to live together since we spent all of our time together, and it worked out wonderful! I think you just can feel when the time is right. Plus, I'm one of the people who hates to regret NOT doing something. So I like to take all the chances I can get.

 

[Strawberrymold]

My BF and I have been together for 5 years and we don’t live together. We have kind of a strange situation though. I have lived with my best friend ( who is my soul mate in friendship) for 12 years and he has lived with his best friend for 9 years. Either of us moving out would be a huge emotional adjustment, both for us, and our best friends. I guess we’ve kind of put it off because neither of us really wants to go there yet. We both know that we will be together forever any ways, so there’s no big hurry. I love him, he loves me and I spend a ton of time with him any ways. Neither of us wants kids or to get legally married so us not living together doesn’t hurt our relationship in anyway + we only live 5 mins away from each other so it’s not like I can’t see him whenever I want any ways.

I always get the questions, “How come you don’t live together?” or “When are you guys gonna get married?” because we are both so crazy for each other... even after being together for so long. It’s kinda unconventional but it works for us. I’m not going to give into social pressure just to appear normal. We will live together eventually, I’m in no hurry.

 

[abbyquack]

I dated my husband for about 1 1/2 years before we got married (knew him for 2 yrs). We did not live together at all beforehand. My now husband asked me if I wanted to live with him, but I had done it previously with another guy and I felt that it ruined the relationship (thankfully) so I just said I'd rather we have our own places til we get married. He was cool and understanding about it, and we didn't wait much longer to get married anyways, so it all worked out

I guess in my opinion having your own space can be healthy for relationships, especially if one of the individuals is taking it a little slower than the other, or is erring on the side of caution. I am sure you are anxious to get a move on, but it will come in due time

Good luck!

 

[mafalda]

We moved in after three days, it was clear we were going to get married, and the official (public

) proposal came two months later.
I had lived on my own for a long time before, and it was quite hard to actually have to share not only _my_

space, but also decisions, ideas for the future etc. - but it has worked ever since.