Please help or I'll be the biggest freak at work.

[Lyssah]

It's difficult for me to talk about this, but after a number of searchs on google found nothing, I really need help.

I am now 23, I started self harming when I was 11 and suffered with depression. I stopped about a year and a half ago and my life has been so much better since, I'm just like any other 'normal' person now.

It's coming up to summer where I am, and the office at work gets pretty hot. I've been there for 2 and 1/2 years, and I am so sick of always being hot from wearing log sleeves in summer.
There isn't much I can do to change things now, so I figured why suffer now as well. The scars are there and there isn't much I can do.

I left my old job because one day I had my long sleeve shirt pulled up and one of the girls saw the scars on my arms and shreked in horror "OH MY GOD!!!! ARE YOU OK".... I quickly pulled down my shirt, blushed, said yes and walked off. She thought I was the biggest freak ever. She never spoke to me ever again.

I'm afraid of repeating this at my current job, there are people who I consider to be good friends who don't know this about me, and I'm affaid it will change many people's opinion of me (ie, "she's a loose cannon").

The scars on my left arm on the inside, very deep (all my scars are the silver/white color) and based on the linear positions obviously not an accident. I also have scars on the top of my arms, 3 linear on top left, two linear on my top right. On my right arm I only have deep heavy scars near my wrist. I wear a large bracelet to try cover these but they're still noticeable as there many of them.

I thought about tanning, but have very senstive skin, and the ones I could use only made it more noticeable. I thought about make up, but figured it would rub off on my clothes, beside, I have very fair Olive Skin so it's a tough colour to match (and don't forget the sensitive skin!).

My Fiance said not to worry about, who cares what everyone thinks and if anyone asks just to say "I'd rather not talk about it", but don't freak out how I did last time.

I know this sounds dumb, but I feel like I am missing out so much by not being able to wear T-shirts, or If I do, always with a cardigan. I know caused this for myself, but I can't hide it forever....

Please give me your advice....

 

[xsavagex]

Hrmm, what a tough situation.

Well first off, i'm glad you've stopped and that your happy about life

well done.

Well i suppose one option is to do what your FH said and to just try and brush the people off who ask you questions.
Coz i guess if you want to wear singlets or shirts then you're going to have to uncover your arms.
Or you could just wear a nice summer blouse with longish sleeves. Or elbow length sleeves with lots of bangles.

Sorry i'm not much help but thats all i can think of. Hopefully some others can give you better ideas! Goodluck

 

[SparklingWaves]

Talk to a pharmacist about over the counter products to help reduce the appearance of the scars. If you are serious about getting rid of them, I would talk to a dermatologist.

As far as the scars, I have had friends that use to be cutters. I had no problem with seeing it. You have make friends with those that are supportive of you and accept you just the way you are. You don't want to hide yourself. We all have scars. For some, the scars are internal.

 

[SparklingWaves]

I forgot to mention that I have a friend with elaborate tattoos on her arms. It's not the same as scars, but she has to hide them. They don't want her to show them at her job, so she had some custom designed bracelets made. They look really beautiful. She had a lot of input into the designs. They are one of kind. She always gets compliments on them.

 

[talste]

You can try coverblend by Exuviance they do a range of concealers to cover facial & body scars or maybe try the 12 colour BEN NYE concealer palette, that way you can custom blend to match your skin tone then set it with Fixative spray.

 

[xxManBeaterxx]

A good over the counter product for scars is called mederma, its supposed to soften the appearance of scars, its not a miracle but you should notice a difference. Its just a pain because it smells a little funny and you have to apply it 3 times a day.

Your other option is to have cosmetic "surgery". I'm not sure if dermatologists can work on the arms, but if they can do so, a light chemical peel would help it as well, skinderma, laser resurfacing. Visit a cosmetic dermatologist and they will probably give you a list of options. The only problem is that it could get costly

Another option is to wear makeup!! Professional body makeup that wont smear or rub off on the table or near by papers.

Its really difficult in your situation because even though you have already embraced your scars, you still don't want anyone to see it at work. Even if those people who say "eww" aren't worth your time, its not a great feeling to go to work everyday having your co-workers feeling a little awkward.

I hope you find a solution soon <3

 

[*KT*]

Depending on how comfortable you are with it, I think it'd be cool if you could find some way of saying, "I went through a lot as a kid." No need to expand, just something short and simple. I think most people will respect a "I don't like to talk about it" sort of response. The reason I say this is that there are even more girls now doing what you did back then. You may encounter a mother or a sister to a cutter who may want help understanding by talking with you... or someone who's not stopped cutting. Whether that's something you'd be comfortable doing is really your call, but you may be able to use that dark time of your life to ultimately help someone else see that life can get better.

If you'd rather close the book on it forever, then I'd consult with a dermatologist. They often have access to products and treatments that are not widely commercialized or widely available.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck.

 

[kimmy]

tanning will make it more obvious because scar tissue doesn't have any pigment in it to tan.

i have visible scars from the same thing, but i have a tattoo that covers the bad ones. you can still tell though, when you look at it closely. people don't really ask about it, i think it usually goes unspoken that it's a touchy subject and not really something most people are willing to talk about.

a couple people have asked me about it, and i have always just said "it's over, and i'd rather not talk about it," and that works. i personally don't feel the need to hide them, though part of the reason for my tattoo was to make them less obvious. but that was a couple years ago when i was ashamed of what i had done, i've learned since then that they're nothing to be ashamed of...at that point in my life, that felt like all i had and there's no point in denying the past, because you can never get away from it..

 

[yummy411]

i think your boyfriend is right. this could be a turning point for you. if you have come to terms with your past, you don't have to force others to, but by telling them it's not something you wish to discuss with them or not trying to hide it (being comfortable in your skin), you do convince others that it's not worth talking about. at work you are an employee doing your work and for those really nice people that are your friends they'll still like you for you and not be judgmental about your past.

best luck to you and congrats for getting past the self harming!

 

[yummy411]

ok kimmy said what i was trying to convey in my message

but i love that she could give you a personal account!

 

[rbella]

I'm really sorry you went through that time in your life, but I am so happy for you now. I think your fiance is right and I think Kimmy had great advice.

People might be a little weirded out at first site, but just think of all the things they have that are "hidden" that are their secrets from the past that you just can't "see". Yours just happen to be on the outside. Everyone has scars whether emotional or physical and if someone can't get past yours, then they are not worth knowing.

 

[Lyssah]

Thank you everyone for your helpful advice. I really appreciate it. It has helped a lot, and given me the confidence that some people won't react as badly as I thought, and those that do, aren't really friends. And most people have something they're hiding.

I think I'll pass on the Tattoos - I think I end up regretting that as well - lol

I brought a gorgeous little black dress today, it was sleeveless, and the first time in my life I have ever brought something without the intention of wearing it with a cardigan. I was so excited!!

Thank you again!

 

[Repunzel]

google dermablend it covers scars and tattoos.so it will last all day

 

[SkylarV217]

Can I first say that that women at your last office was out of line and I want to call her a bad word. But then she may have been ashamed of the way she acted and wasn't sure how to approach you again.

I agree with the posters above. If asked about it simply say I went through a lot as a kid/teen. If you are comfortable with it, chances are everyone else will be more comfortable with it as well.I think if you are still visibly uncomfortable;e about it / try to hide it or "be weird" about people may get the feeling that its an ongoing occurrence and have no idea how to approach you about It's part of your past, part of what made you who you are today.

I know its something you don't want people to make a fuss over and I don't blame you, but I think people will be more comfortable with it if you are.
There are a lot of really understanding people , I mean we all have past demons and things we've had to deal with people just deal with those things in different ways. Your scars are just more viable than others. That doesn't make you any different than anyone else. You are a beautiful women that over came all of that.

I hope things work out, just be proud of who you are, and that you overcame. Thats a big deal! There are a lot of women that never get past what you have overcome ! Props to you !

PS - I know you will look lovely in your new dress! Good Luck !

 

[ratmist]

To be honest, I'd avoid tattoos unless you plan to always work in a job where tattoos on the arms aren't seen as unprofessional. I know people who have to cover up their tattoos for that very reason or risk losing their jobs. Others wouldn't get offered certain jobs unless they kept their tattoos covered.

The best plan is to just stand up for yourself and politely say, "I'm fine, thank you for asking" or something similar if someone is crass enough to ask about your personal, private business. If you prefer to avoid an awkward situation completely, I think your best choice is to cover up with a loose long-sleeved shirt that you can tolerate in the heat - maybe linen?

What about 3/4 length sleeves? You could gradually get more confident if you started out showing only a little bit of skin and see how people react and how you react to their reactions.

Lastly, *hugs*, and congrats for turning your life around. It's quite inspiring.

 

[LMD84]

good for you for stopping. i knwo how hard it is, i have a few scars on my lower arms which are alot paler than my skin tone. at first i always wore long sleeves at work but slowly got the courage to bare them. 3/4 lengh sleeves are what i used at first and then i went to short sleeves. some people at work never mentioned the scars (maybe because they didn't know what to say or maybe they just didn't notice) but the very few who did ask me how i got them (kinda obvious it was done on purpose) i just said that i had a few bad years of my life but now realise that life goes on and generally feel so much better about everything. once people have asked they'll never ask again so for the sake of being asked only once by a person wear your lovely new dress with pride! you've got through the worst of it - be proud!

 

[Beauty Mark]

Anyone who judges you for your scars is an asshole, like that one woman. Who is she to judge you? A lot of things could have happened that caused them.

I think just telling people you'd rather not talk about it is fine. Most people have enough sense not to bring it up. Once in a math class, a student asked another student about some scars, and the scarred student thanked her for the concern but that she doesn't want to talk about it and it's in the past. Beyond about 10 seconds of silence, everything else was fine between them

 

[Mabelle]

i would look into laser treatments. I go for laser removal treatments for a botched tattoo i got this summer... it' not crazy expensive. Ive seen pictures of people that have had treatment for scars, it seems to work very well. Even if it is expensive, think of it as an investment.
Like i said, i have a tattoo on the back of my neck i dont want anyone to see/know about. Its obv. not the same as your situation, but its something i feel ashamed/embarrassed about (like i said, it was very poorly done), so i wear my hair down alllll the time. I've slowly started to tell the people i trust the most about it. I find that telling one person at a time is easy. That way when i wear my hair up everyone doesnt freak out over it. If you have a good relationship with your boss, i would tell them first, that way if someone sees the scars and runs off to tell everyone and be a jerk, you're boss will already know the situation. They won't have to confront you. It will be less awkward.

If someone asks i would just kind of smile and say "they're from when i was a kid. It's a long and complicated story that i don't really want to get into right now, maybe some other time. Thanks for you're concern, but they're nothing to worry about!"

 

[MsChrys79]

I'm so happy that you are now at a place in life where you realize that harming yourself isn't the solution to your problems... if you truly care about those you consider your friends you could always pull them to the side and explain the situation to them before hand that way when you do decide to dress a certain way they're not in the dark about your past.

if they're truly your friends they will: 1. appreciate the fact that you were open and honest and try to make sure you don't go down that road again or
2. not shun you or change because of it...if they don't understand and decide to disassociate themselves from you then you have to realize they were never your friends to begin with.

I can only give you my opinion as someone who hasn't had to deal with this type of thing but I know as a person if I considered you to be a real friend this wouldn't change my opinion of who you are, we have all done things in the past! some we regret and some we get over.... but I know how you feel being uncomfortable about the situation...that's how I felt when I was 15 and had to reveal that I had 2 kids!! LOL. but I figured what the hell it's something I can't/wouldn't change and they either deal with it or kick rocks..... HTH

 

[Lyssah]

Thank you again for all your help and advice.
The support is really comforting! Thank you all!!
I feel so much better knowing that there are people who are understanding and who won't judge me based on it..

Reading some of the ideas in this thread has given me confidence that I think will help me next time it's too hot to be wearing a jumper or cardigan (or when I want to wear my new dress).
It's funny, because initally all I wanted to do was conceal the scars (because I was so horribly embarrassed), but now I feel like I'm not so terrified if people see them (of course I'd rather avoid it!).