reallyreally need to vent. :(

[ilovexnerdsx]

right now i have absolutely the worst relationship i can possibly have with this certain guy.
i REALLY don't want to get into details. like really. i don't even know what to write really. i can't say too much but then again i wouldn't be venting if i didn't get it all out....
see he's in this band. this huge band that is exploding right now and they're touring and he's constantly busy.
we used to be best friends and he used to call/text me all the time but he hardly has time for me anymore.
there have been SO many nights where i've been so frustrated and he's been there for me and told me about how he's going to protect me and how much better things are going to be.... told me about his mistakes and i've learned from his mistakes more than i've ever learned ANYTHING from ANYONE. like he has seriously straight up taught me stuff about life i would never know or comprehend.
and now he's hardly there. hardly able to answer my questions. hardly able to start a conversation without having distractions in the way.
to make matters worse, he's so much older than me.
it's so wrong, i know, but i have this... i mean, i'm totally NOT in love with him, but i have love FOR him and i can't seem to get over the fact that we could never possibly be together.
i've created this fantasy world in my mind and now i can't exactly let it go, because for so long he nurtured it, saying that he would hold me when i was crying and that he would never leave me and NEVER walk away from our friendship. saying he would never hurt me.
and now he hurts me so bad but he doesn't mean to... he doesn't mean to at all. in fact one time i told him that he had hurt me... and it tore him apart for so long. he seriously beat himself up about it. i know he doesn't want to hurt me but he's hurt me so bad

ah i'm so worried about what i'm writing right now. so afraid i'm going to get judged. i hope none of you guys will judge me by this

i just want to know... how do you let go of something like this?


i've been through so much. i was sexually abused for three years... and made a full recovery. totally let go of it and even forgave the guy.
been through so much emotionally...i've had major depressive disorder (which is basically the worst depression known) since before i was ten. i've been on so many medictions, been to so many therapists...
just been through so much in general.
and i can sit here and tell myself like "okay you have bad depression." and accept that. but i can't sit here and straight up face the reality that i'm never going to be with him.
it's just so hard.

so ladies....if you can help me at all.....how do you let go? let it all fly away? forget? get your mind off it?

-----------------------------------------------------------------
ah, once again, thankyou to all you ladies for helping me get through a very hard time

i finally have gotten my mind off him and though we still talk some, i'm okay with knowing that nothing will ever bloom out of our friendship.

another thing though....im having an extremely bad depression relapse. right now im on cymbalta and haven't seen anything uplifting from it yet. all summer, i've left the house about..... -sigh- about five times. that's five times in two months. i find it so hard to get out of bed each day i have no motivation for anything.

right now i'm not really looking for answers or help.... just something encouraging. a hug. a compliment. anything. i want to feel worth more than nothing .

 

[ilovexnerdsx]

i actually feel weird for posting this

 

[kimmy]

you know, i had a similar situation. i was really close with one of the guys in a band that signed to Victory Records not too long ago and is HUGE now, playing Warped Tour, videos on TV, songs on the radio, etc. he was always there for me before his success, and i him. i feel close to in love with him, but i kept myself from it because i know how musicians are...the music is ALWAYS first, no matter what. they'll tell you different, but they're lying to you hah. (ironic that my current boyfriend is a musician and i'm actually getting the record deal for them, huh?)

but anyways, i know what you're going through. and it's going to be hard. but you'll get through it. try to find something to take your mind off of him...play video games, or computer games...hell, even board games! anything. just find something that will entertain you for a long time that you have to concentrate on so you won't think about him. eventually the pain will go away.

could take weeks, could take months..could take longer. but you WILL get through this, sweetie. i promise.

 

[ilovexnerdsx]

thankyou so so so much

its really encouraging to read that

<333

 

[Wattage]

Don't feel weird - I mean, I know it's hard to open yourself up like that but it's a step in the right direction.

I have been through very hard times in my life too... and how I learned to deal with it helps me with every tough situation I am in.

Not to sound corny, but in trying to relate, do you remember that song by Lauryn Hill "Everytyhing Is Everything" and it goes on to say, "what is meant to be will be"? Well, that's how I think of it. Good or bad, what is happening is meant to happen. You said this guy taught you many things, but perhaps this is all he has to teach you. The relationship has run its course. By hanging on to it, you are trying to preserve the past. Instead, accept the beauty for what it brought to your life at that time and let it go. Know that while you are procrastinating about ending this relationship, other opportunities to meet new people who will help you grow are passing you by.

Be kind to yourself. It's OK to let go and move on. For some reason, I think we are "pedigreed" in our society that letting go is unromantic, or unfaithful. When something is finished, it's finished. Not to say it isn't meant to start up again, but for now there are other things you need to concentrate on - and the same goes for him.

Try to preserve what friendship you can. Don't drag it on longer than you should. Trust me on this one.

Hang in there and let us know how things go.

 

[DropDeadDarling]

*huggles* I'm sorry. Maybe once things calm down, you guys can be together. Try to hold on to your friendship.

 

[Jaim]

Quote:

Originally Posted by wattage Be kind to yourself. It's OK to let go and move on. For some reason, I think we are "pedigreed" in our society that letting go is unromantic, or unfaithful. When something is finished, it's finished. Not to say it isn't meant to start up again, but for now there are other things you need to concentrate on - and the same goes for him. Try to preserve what friendship you can. Don't drag it on longer than you should. Trust me on this one. Hang in there and let us know how things go.

Amen!

There's no use putting yourself through that torture when you could be concentrating on finding a new friend or partner that would care for you!

 

[ilovexnerdsx]

honestly, i can't thank you all enough for simply posting in here. its so encouraging to read things from people who care

truly and honestly i love you guys. <33

 

[user79]

I think the best experiences and teaching in life are always achieved on your own. I mean, other people can tell you things, but you don't really develop and learn things until you discover it on your own.

From your post, it really sounds like you're maybe scared of being on your own, and not having someone there to "protect" you. But I am sure you can find within yourself that you now do have the strength to protect yourself and to go your own path. I think you will grow so much as a person that way.

Best of luck!

 

[ilovexnerdsx]

erghhhh

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilovexnerdsx erghhhh

 

[ilovexnerdsx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae

?????

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilovexnerdsx ?????

tell us what the errrgh is about! =P

 

[ilovexnerdsx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae tell us what the errrgh is about! =P

ooh, because i updated the original post (seperated by the dashes). and wasn't sure if it would bump the post up if i edited it, so i added to it with a reply so it would get bumped up.

 

[MissMarley]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilovexnerdsx another thing though....im having an extremely bad depression relapse. right now im on cymbalta and haven't seen anything uplifting from it yet. all summer, i've left the house about..... -sigh- about five times. that's five times in two months. i find it so hard to get out of bed each day i have no motivation for anything. right now i'm not really looking for answers or help.... just something encouraging. a hug. a compliment. anything. i want to feel worth more than nothing .

i think cymbalta is an absolutely evil medication- started hallucinating when i was on it, seeing myself hanging from the ceiling.

I say you need to get to the dr. and get your medication stabilized to something that actually works for you.
i had to go through a lot of medication trials before i found a combo that worked (i also have severe clinical depression) and now that i have, i feel a lot better (zoloft, xanax, and depakote)

hugs and prayers for you- keep us updated

 

[giz2000]

I'm sorry you went through that...it's a part of life and growing up (there I go, being a mom again!). Some of the other posters mentioned that for a musician, the music comes first. That's very true...my friend is part of a music group that has been around since the 80's and he has always told me that while he loves his wife, his first love will always be his music. She's apparently very understanding, I guess.

I'm glad you're doing better...hang in there!

 

[user5]

Hey tough girl, hang in there. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better, but let me tell you this, and although all these posts have good suggestions and encouragement, this is probably the most important advice that I wish someone would have given me when I was in high school so that I could pass it along to my friends and family(sit tight, it's a long story).

My cousin went through a lot growing up, she too was sexually abused for over a year when she was 8! Her stepmother's father finally died, but although she thought she was over it, and had moved on (according to her), it still affected her. When she was 13, she was raped......same thing....she thought she moved on, but her life was still visibly affected, not to mention her stepmom was very physically and verbally abusive. Now, throughout all this, she met a special someone who'd lived across the street from her for years, they just never crossed paths. Until one day that person came over and saw her doing her homework through the porch window, asked if he could help. She didn't know what to think! Over time they became very best friends, despite their gender differences....and she was in love! She was absolutely infatuated! There was nothing that she looked forward to more than spending all day with this person. After a couple of years, they finally became officially boyfriend and girlfriend, it was so exciting! He was there throughout tough times and made her feel better.

I loved to see her so happy! Well, one day after the summer (we went to different schools), she called my crying, and told me her bf broke up with her. That she should've known it was going to happen, he stopped coming over as much, stopped calling, and eventually the relationship stopped. He'd broken up with her because she wasn't allowed to go out, and he needed a gf who he could take out and be with. Well, she was 16 at the time, and I thought she would never get over him. I would stay over at her house (cause she wouldn't leave her house unless it was to school, and that's cause her parents made her), try to take her out, and just try to cheer her up and make her forget her sadness, but she would not get over him, it just hurt her so much. She would say,'The one thing that made me feel pretty, and actually made me feel like someone leaves me because I'm no one.' and she was just in so much pain from disillusion. She literally could not imagine her life without him.....it was to the point where she tried to kill herself.

Well, needless to say, she eventually got over him, and she's now very happily married with 2 kids....and she couldn't ask for more!

So I guess what the whole point of this essay was to let you know that TIME is the only thing that can truly help. It might not heal your wounds completely, but the scars remain for you to remember your mistakes and not repeat them in the future. I know it sounds like a lot to deal with right now, and in your situation you're probably wanting a good quick fix, but the truth is, Sweetie, you'll never be completely over all the tragedies and mishaps in your life, you just have to try your best to deal with them, and in time you'll find something or someone to look forward to, and you'll look back at your scars, and laugh.

 

[ilovexnerdsx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chief_red Hey tough girl, hang in there. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better, but let me tell you this, and although all these posts have good suggestions and encouragement, this is probably the most important advice that I wish someone would have given me when I was in high school so that I could pass it along to my friends and family(sit tight, it's a long story). My cousin went through a lot growing up, she too was sexually abused for over a year when she was 8! Her stepmother's father finally died, but although she thought she was over it, and had moved on (according to her), it still affected her. When she was 13, she was raped......same thing....she thought she moved on, but her life was still visibly affected, not to mention her stepmom was very physically and verbally abusive. Now, throughout all this, she met a special someone who'd lived across the street from her for years, they just never crossed paths. Until one day that person came over and saw her doing her homework through the porch window, asked if he could help. She didn't know what to think! Over time they became very best friends, despite their gender differences....and she was in love! She was absolutely infatuated! There was nothing that she looked forward to more than spending all day with this person. After a couple of years, they finally became officially boyfriend and girlfriend, it was so exciting! He was there throughout tough times and made her feel better. I loved to see her so happy! Well, one day after the summer (we went to different schools), she called my crying, and told me her bf broke up with her. That she should've known it was going to happen, he stopped coming over as much, stopped calling, and eventually the relationship stopped. He'd broken up with her because she wasn't allowed to go out, and he needed a gf who he could take out and be with. Well, she was 16 at the time, and I thought she would never get over him. I would stay over at her house (cause she wouldn't leave her house unless it was to school, and that's cause her parents made her), try to take her out, and just try to cheer her up and make her forget her sadness, but she would not get over him, it just hurt her so much. She would say,'The one thing that made me feel pretty, and actually made me feel like someone leaves me because I'm no one.' and she was just in so much pain from disillusion. She literally could not imagine her life without him.....it was to the point where she tried to kill herself. Well, needless to say, she eventually got over him, and she's now very happily married with 2 kids....and she couldn't ask for more! So I guess what the whole point of this essay was to let you know that TIME is the only thing that can truly help. It might not heal your wounds completely, but the scars remain for you to remember your mistakes and not repeat them in the future. I know it sounds like a lot to deal with right now, and in your situation you're probably wanting a good quick fix, but the truth is, Sweetie, you'll never be completely over all the tragedies and mishaps in your life, you just have to try your best to deal with them, and in time you'll find something or someone to look forward to, and you'll look back at your scars, and laugh.

i think i almost shed a tear

its just SO encouraging knowing that people care.

 

[user5]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilovexnerdsx i think i almost shed a tear its just SO encouraging knowing that people care.

lol

girl, people care, you just have to :duel: push and run away from the ones who don't to find them! Have a goodnight and try to feel the sun shine tomorrow! :hump:

 

[joraye]

im sorry to hear about your situation.

on a related, but unrelated note, as with any anti-depressant, pls be careful about taking it and if and when you quit it, work out a plan with your doc for slowly weaning yourself off of it. I'm not trying to make an obvious point, but my mother was on Cymbalta for one month with no help for her peripherial neuropathy (Cymbalta is used for PN patients as well).

Her doctor told her to just stop taking it.

A day and half later, I was filing an emergency order of detention on my mom, and having her committed to a mental institution. Coming off the drug suddenly made her see things that weren't there, she was extremely paranoid, locking herself in her room with the mattress against the door, she tried to hurt herself, me, my dad, and our dog, and just scared the crap out of our family.

After she "detox'ed" per se from the drug, she was perfectly normal again. I am not trying to add any worries to your current situation, but I know someone very close to me had a BAD reaction to Cymbalta and I had to see some very horrifying things done to her, and there are quite a few studies around showing good (yes, people have done VERy well on this drug) and bad (and theres quite a few people who had reactions like my mom) about the drug.

Gosh, I feel like a bad person now, but I just feel anyone taking this drug should know it can really really mess with you. I know any drug could do this to you, but I cringe when I hear the word Cymbalta.