Sexyness

[Miss Pumpkin]

Well this might sound stupid to some, but... sometimes I feel like my boyfriend doesn't find me very sexy... Don't get me wrong, I know he does and that's one of the reasons he's with me, but I would like to take his breath away, I would like him to say I have the sexiest body for him or something like that, and every time I tell him that he never says it he still doesn't say anything.

I know I don't have the most amazing body in the world, I'm not model like, I have cellulite and lots of flaws... But I wish I was the sexiest woman for him.

I don't really know what type of advice I'm asking for here... I just want to see what other boyfriends say to their girlifriends I guess. I just want to be everything to him...

 

[Lalli]

just relax.. he loves you for who you are.. talk 2 him and just say i would like it if you compliment me more often and stuff. no ones perfect. if he didnt find you attractive as you said yourself he wouldnt be with you..

 

[giz2000]

In order to be sexy to others, you have to be sexy to yourself first...Don't say things like "I know I don't have a perfect body." You're just shooting yourself in the foot. Tell yourself you are perfect just the way you are...dress in a way that compliments YOUR body type (you don't have to be flashing cleavage all over to be sexy..a turtleneck sweater can be sexy worn the right way and with the right attitude). Tell youself when you look in mirror "I AM the shit!!" Walk into a room as if you were the greatest supermodel on earth...people respond to those things!

A few years ago, I knew a girl that radiated sex appeal. Her boyfriends were AMAZING-looking (and she had a few at a time..she didn't want to settle down). She walked into a room and people noticed her...in a good way. Here's the thing: she weighed about 225-230 lbs (maybe more). Gorgeous face, but heavy by any standard. What she did was had her clothes tailormade and always wore things that fit her like a glove; always had her nails done, hair perfect, makeup flawless, smelled great. She had conversation and was very intelligent. When I tell you that men flocked to her like a moth to a flame, I am not lying. She had the most incredible confidence and that translates to serious sex appeal...

So what I am trying to tell you is: love yourself and the rest will fall into place!

Ok..that was my "mom" sermon for the day...

 

[d_flawless]

i completely agree with giz2000, you gotta be sexy to yourself first. it could be as simple as wearing something you really like, or having a glass of wine to relax and loosen up, or even just doing something you really like that makes you feel good about yourself. it is about confidence, like she said, and you gotta believe that you're hot, cuz you are!

 

[mzcelaneous]

giz2000 is absolutely correct. You've gotta have that confidence and feel sexy first. Your BF will feed of that energy you radiate. I've seen photos of you and you are gorgeous! Just work on that self-confidence of yours and everything will fall into place

 

[giz2000]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mzcelaneous giz2000 is absolutely correct. You've gotta have that confidence and feel sexy first. Your BF will feed of that energy you radiate. I've seen photos of you and you are gorgeous! Just work on that self-confidence of yours and everything will fall into place

Yep..like when you wore that dress that I think you said was your grandmother's....WOW!!!

 

[NutMeg]

I agree with giz. There isn't a whole lot that you can do about the way you are physically, but what you can really change is your attitude about yourself. And honestly, this biggest part of being sexy is attitude and confidence.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Confidence is the foundation to being sexy. The rest is a lot easier if you believe in your own beauty.

I think your boyfriend may not have known what to say. Some women will say that and if the guy responds immediately, he'll be shot down with a "You only are saying that because I said I wanted you to." Some guys also just aren't good at verbalizing what they're thinking

 

[Miss Pumpkin]

Maybe you girls are right... If I don't find myself sexy he will never find me sexy either...

I keep asking him randomly, hoping he will say "Yes Sandra you have the sexiest body" but he never does so I've given up on that idea.

But it hurts to think he's just settled with someone he thinks looks good, but not the sexiest.

I'm going to try and take more care of myself, ie. spend one hour to do my hair if it's needed, put on makeup everyday and try to wear nice outfits with the limited nice clothes that I own... It might do fuck all but just so we can't say I didn't try...

 

[Bianca]

It's weird you know, we always think other people are pretty but they feel bad about themselves too. When I first saw your post (in another topic) I was like what is she talking about, she is gorgeous but I feel bad about myself too because of my overweight and my belly is covered in stretchmarks, I didn't even have a child!!!! So yes, I worry too if my boyfriend finds me sexy. So you know, nobody is perfect. But I think you are a very pretty lady, I hope you feel a little better about yourself now!

 

[Miss Pumpkin]

See the thing is he never says the word sexy anymore, like today I got all done up and took pics for him and he tells me I have amazing eyes and I'm beautiful and blah blah, but not sexy... I give up trying.

Thank you Bianca, I'm sure you're a gorgeous woman, probably it's just hard for us to see it ourselves and we need someone to show us...

 

[NutMeg]

Sandra, you can't feel sorry for yourself because that just leads down a road of more depression. You have a guy who loves you and thinks you're amazing, you can't get down on yourself because he happens to not be saying the one word that you're fixated on. You need to stop worrying and picking at yourself and him, because nobody likes being in that situation.

You seem be at the point where you just want to see the negative about yourself. What you were saying about taking an hour to do your hair and that it might not do anything but atleast you tried... With that attitude you wouldn't have tried at all because you're expecting yourself to fail. Everytime you have a negative thought about yourself you're just re-enforcing the way you feel. It's like you're caught up in being unhappy and you almost don't want to let go of it because you're scared of what might happen if you try and fail. So you set yourself up to fail, and when you still feel crappy about yourself then you sit back and go see? I told you so, I really am ugly or whatever you call yourself in your head.

I really think you need to start looking for the beautiful things about yourself instead of the bad. Everytime you have a negative thought you need to think of three things that aren't negative. By now you probably know all of the things that suck about you off by heart... but can you list off all of the good things? If you say to yourself god my tummy is gross! You need to be able to go, well yeah it is kinda bad, but my ass is hot, my eyes are amazing and I've got the best hair ever. Stop focusing on the things that aren't good. Everyone has parts of them that they don't like, absolutely no one is perfect. The difference between the happy ones and the unhappy ones is that some of us concentrate on the good, and some on the bad. Stop tearing yourself down babe, because no one else can be as mean to you as you can. You know what hurts the most, so don't say it. It's not your boyfriend's job to make you feel better about yourself. If you need to hear that you're sexy, keep telling yourself that until you believe it. Tell yourself whatever you've been longing to hear someone else say. STOP THINKING MEAN THINGS!!!!! *hug*

 

[kelizabethk]

Maybe don't ask him "Do I look sexy in this picture?" etc, because then he'll feel really put on the spot. Sort of like the "Does my bum look big in this?" question, you never know how to answer!

Why do you want to be told you're sexy and not beautiful, gorgeous, pretty etc (which by the way, I've seen your FOTD so I can say that you are!)? I think as long as he is treating you right I wouldn't worry about what word he uses to describe you.

And yes, I agree with all the other ladies here, stop putting yourself down! You are worth more than that.

 

[lara]

The more you push for compliments, the less likely you are to receive them.

Sexiness comes from confidence, and constantly needing reassurance that you're sexy isn't confident at all. Relax and be comfortable with yourself, that's the ticket.

 

[macface]

Sometimes I Feel The Same Way.but Dont Worry Hes With You And You Are Hes Girlfriend.

 

[MACreation]

My boyfriend is the same. But I open up to him, and say stuff, then all of a sudden he blows my mind with what he says out of nowhere. You have to love yourself to love him, and he in return has to love himself to love you. You have to have confidence and in return give as well.

 

[GalleyGirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by giz2000 A few years ago, I knew a girl that radiated sex appeal. Her boyfriends were AMAZING-looking (and she had a few at a time..she didn't want to settle down). She walked into a room and people noticed her...in a good way. Here's the thing: she weighed about 225-230 lbs (maybe more). Gorgeous face, but heavy by any standard. What she did was had her clothes tailormade and always wore things that fit her like a glove; always had her nails done, hair perfect, makeup flawless, smelled great. :

I agree with this to a certain extent, but I don't think that having your nails done, hair perfect, and makeup flawless is necessary all the time. One of my roomates in college dated the "hunk" of our campus, and while she was an average girl, she was very confident and very vocal. She also wasn't like the other girls on campus, who had to look perfect all the damn time. He told her that he liked the fact that she was comfortable coming over to his dorm wearing mismatched sweats and a goofy winter hat.
Also, its reported now that Orlando Bloom is with Kirsten Dunst, and one of the things that attracted him to her was that unlike Kate Bosworth, she's not obsessed with looking "done" all the time. Now as far as the two go, I'd say Kate (at least pre-anorexia stage) is far prettier, but between the two, Kirsten seems to be more comfortable in her own skin, and that is what makes her attractive. Just my two cents on the matter.

 

[Shimmer]

Trying to be sexy...isn't sexy. Sexy is about that subtle aura of confidence and that little gleam in the eye.
It's about looking good but feeling great.

 

[Miss Pumpkin]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer It's about looking good but feeling great.

Well that's going to be hard in my case then... He's been more vocal recently though and it is helping. He told me that he felt that I was hiding myself from him (only sending him photos of my face and never full body pics and stuff) and that way he didn't really have the chance of telling me anything about my body, so I did take some pics for him and he made me feel better... In a way he was right, me hiding was just causing the reverse effect.

Still not feeling great about myself, but a little bit better I think.

 

[M]

My DH always wants me to tell him he's sexy, that I want him etc., etc., etc.,-All it does it point out to me that he is insecure and that is something I can't fix no matter what I say. After 7 years it just drives me insane! Then he'll pop off with what he doesn't like about himself (like he's fishing) and after hearing it so many times I start to see what he sees. This probably sounds so unsympathetic

I guess what I'm saying is that if he had more confidence in himself-I would find that sexy. Insecurity is a huge turnoff IMO.

If you aren't secure with how you look then it shows to your BF and I think it's totally ineffective to say something just because someone wants you too. Is this really going to matter to you in 20 years? You only have one life! Live it to it's fullest. You are beautiful. All women are, even if-especially if-they aren't the medias portrayal of perfect. If your body bothers you take charge and do whatever you can to make the changes. Even if you BF didn't find that you had the sexiest body ever-so what!? If he truly loves you then it's not just because of what your body looks like anyway. If he did find the girl with the sexiest body in the world-whose to say that she would be "you"? And that is what he loves.

BTW-I've read your posts about being to afraid to apply to MAC. Which is crazy because it's obvious that you are highly talented. I think sometimes insecurity can flow into all areas of our life-even if it isn't directly related. I think it would be a HUGE boost to your self-esteem if you did apply to MAC. Even if you don't get hired (which I find unlikely) you still took the first step and that can be extremely empowering. Just my two cents.