Should I be mad at the Bride?

[MACForME]

Ok girls..
You've been a bridesmaid and maybe you've been a bride.. I've been both.. and right now, I'm a Matron of Honor in my friends October wedding.. But I am having second thoughts because of some issues-

1- Most of the bridesmaids do not know each other. We've been emailing about a time/place to get together. Thats been a major issue as one girl JUST got married.. so we had to deal with HER schedule. I'm really busy and have been trying to keep up with all the emails, someone just sent a nasty gram about "enough with the back and forths, this is the DAY, this is the PLACE' for the MeetUp. Um?!!

2- The bride picked out dresses for us. This is a renaissance themed wedding. The dress was great cuz it would fit EVERYONE and be in everyone's budget.. Fine. I did alot of legwork to find out if we could get a discount by getting them all at once, all kinds of questions and information. I sent everyone an email with all the questions/answers, prices, you name it. I heard NOTHING.. zero.

3- Yesterday, the bride sent us all an email with pics attached. Apparently she went dress shopping with ONE girl, and picked out a NEW dress from a BRIDAL shop. I had NO IDEA there was an issue with dresses, no one told me, and no one even gave us the opportunity to participate in dress shopping. Go to find out, this dress is much more money (surprise, its from a bridal shop!) and its a sleeveless style.. When the bride asked us about any issues we had with styles way-back-when, I told her, please, no sleeveless, reason for ME, is i had a massive surgery on my shoulder and the scars are big and ugly.. AND noticeable..

4- There are 7 girls in the bridal party-- the reason for the dress change, is ONE of them is pregnant! ONE! And it just happens to be the one that just got married.. HUH? We ALL have to change for ONE?

I don't want to say anything to the Bride as she is a good friend and I might be over reacting.. I'm asking you. Am i wrong to be upset?

 

[Babyloo]

People get like this at weddings - maybe just ride it out and possibly put it down to the fact that the bride is really stressed out.
As for the bit about all changing their dresses for one - if you look at it the other way round that is what the other girls would be doing for you on the sleeve issue possibly...
It does sound more like the other bridesmaids have maybe got more of a problem than the bride - they should have kept everyone informed - it's not exactly that difficult or time consuming to reply to an email!!!
Maybe you should talk to the bride and have a heart to heart about what you thought would happen and what didn't happen

 

[MACForME]

My bad, I should have been more clear and didn't realize it until i read your reply..
The wedding is in late October, Nobody wanted sleeveless, there are some girls are a bit on the larger side and have issues with their upper arms.. I should have said that..

Dress "A" was a long sleeve maroon dress that everyone loved, was in everyones budget and would fit everyones body shape and size. Which is what the bride wanted to begin with! This new dress is a 2 piece sleeveless deep V in front AND back.. Yea, its that much of a difference. not to mention the PRICE difference! 100$ price difference should be mentioned.

I guess as the Matron of Honor and a bridesmaid, i expected to not only be informed of changes but when you have 6 or 7 girls, its nice to be a little considerate..
a simple email would have been good..

 

[marinasmith]

I'd talk to the bride to get a 3rd option that would fit the pregnant girl and everybody else that has issues with their arms.

I don't understand why the maroon dress won't fit the pregnant girl tho'...

 

[eye_pr0mise]

wow !! so sorry you have to go through this /= . but
anyway. i think you should be more mad @ the brides
maids rather than the bride. bc they were the ones that
didnt reply to you messages and all that bc you did give
them information and all that so its not really the brides
fault.

and for the dress switch. if they were able to switch dress
styles for one brides maid they should have been able to
add the sleeves for you. at least a compromise between
the two of you.

 

[Ithica]

I would be mad to end up with a dress i didn't feel happy/comfy with (I know its just for one day...) BUT if your paying $100 for something you may never wear again thats just not good! - Maybe if its a really big worry about your scars you should mention it if you have not already.

And I agree with what Eye_pr0mise said. I don't think its fair to switch something around for one, and then for no one esle.

You could maybe ask the bride to set the dates and times, at least that way it should just be on proper thing rather all the confusion.

 

[hr44]

I agree that it is not fair to change everything for one person without the consideration of informing the other girls.

I feel your pain though. (I have a friend (who WAS a sister/best friend before this summer-bridezilla took over and I'm only being good because of family wishes and my love for her mother) who is getting married in a couple weeks. I'm counting the days till it has come and gone. It is so hard to maintain composure but it is KEY!

See if you can add sleeves, or wear a shawl cover up, or they also do those smaller crop jackets. It sucks that it is already more expensive than the original but if you can't get the bride-to-be to go back to the original idea that majority of the girls agreed on, what can you do?

Honestly, in Oct- long sleeve and maroon... good choice. I don't know how I'm feeling about the second option you explained for a fall wedding.

If one girl was able to change her mind... maybe a few girls (together) could
explain to her why her original option is the better choice.

 

[MACForME]

You guys so understand.. No one, from what I understand, aside from the one girl, went shopping. The change of dress was sprung upon us.. From a 100$ dress to a 200$ dress which we ALL know is goign to need altering.(chaaa-CHING!) Now i need to buy a freakin wrap too.. And, the thing is, the color is LILAC!!! Maroon to LILAC!!!

I didn't want to say anything until I got other opinions.. I'm am upset, you know, when you ask someone to be in your wedding, it gets VERY expensive, dresses, hair, gifts, showers etc.. A little consideration would have gone a long way.. sending out an email with "hey girls, there might be a dress change coming" or whatever. We were all VERY informed in the beginning and then suddently, nothing and now,this..

I am going to think about it and see what happens.. The wedding is 4 months away, I don't know how much time i actually have.

but thanks girls, i appreciate you all so much.

 

[erine1881]

i understand why you'd be having second thoughts, and i don't blame you.

1. for one girl to go shopping for everyone else, when a dress was already picked out (and at a reasonable price!), makes no sense. why the first dress won't fit the preggers is weird.

2. for it to jump from $100 to $200 with no input from anyone else is bullshit! and for it to go from maroon, very october-appropriate, to lilac? if the bride pays for it that's one thing, but it is custom for the maids to pay for their dress. i wouldn't pay $200 for a dress that doesn't hide a main concern that EVERYONE raised arms about (pun intended), and then have to go spend more money on a shawl, all because of one girl.

with the lack of communication, all the quick changes, and no group conversation, i'd back out if it were me. i understand things get hairy when preparing for weddings, but it seems like all the changes aren't being well thought out, and the initial concerns/plans for the dresses are being tossed aside for one person and with only one person's input.

good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[hr44]

Yea brides don't think.
This bride decided to have her bachelorette as a cruise. Uh, we're all college students. It cost them $1000 bucks. Notice how I said them? I didnt' go and I got away with it because my brother's graduation was that weekend and I didn't have to say... are you insane!? And why are you making your own bach thing when your friends are supposed to and we're ALREADY coughing up the dough on the outfits. (Plural because indian weddings have multiple events AND the friends are not all indian so that's more money in the hole for them to get a traditional outfit if they wish). That should have you thinking in the first place. Only a small handful went and it didn't even go smoothly bc oh I don't know... they didn't know each other that well and had to spend 3 nights together!

I so understand your frustration.

And lilac from Maroon... oh no. I'm sorry. I really REALLY hope things work out for you.

 

[COBI]

I would talk to the bride about how you're feeling. It surprises me that you were the one close enough that she chose to have you as her matron of honor, but not close enough to tell you that she was re-considering the dress. She certainly doesn't need your approval (most people don't end up liking their bridesmaids dresses), but it just seems odd that it wouldn't have been mentioned previously.

 

[TDoll]

I've been a bridesmaid, maid of honor, and recently got to run the show as the bride in my own wedding! I feel your pain, girl.
This sounds like a pretty heavy situation. First of all, weddings should (and I stress SHOULD, because this rarely happens) be fun and the wedding party SHOULD be there to participate throughout the whole process, NOT just show up to pay for the dress and show up the day of the wedding to make the pictures and the wedding look more showy. The bride should be the one planning the get togethers and making sure you all know each other.
Now understand, all I'm hearing about this situation is what you posted, so I'm gonna be brutally honest. Sounds like the bride isn't doing what she should be doing. With all the emails and plans to meet up between you all, that tells me that she isn't doing much to bring you guys together or make the situation fun for you all as well. It shouldn't be your responsibility to meet each other when the BRIDE CLEARLY KNOWS that you guys barely know each other. I could understand if you were planning something secret for her or something, but still. She should have made sure you guys were comfortable with each other and just arranged some kind of get together, no matter what it was.
Also, understand...there will always be a few people that are trouble. Someone who hijacks the entire situation and makes it about her and her schedule. Bottom line, if you agree to be in a wedding, then make time to meet once or twice with the group and understand that THEY agreed to this situation.
I understand that it is often impossible to go together to pick out dresses together when there is a large group and when people are scattered around and have jobs, lives, families of their own. The first situation you mentioned with the dress sounded good, but when she changed it up on you not taking your consideration into account is kind of shady. NOW understand, if she had picked out dresses, THEN you were like, "you know, I can't wear sleeves..." that would be another thing. But since you mentioned that you had clearly told her you were uncomfortable with sleeves PRIOR to her shopping for dresses, then her choosing another dress WITHOUT INPUT OF ANYONE EXCEPT THE ONE PREGGGGO, is totally not cool. lol, no thats mean.
But seriously....there are TONS of dress options for pregnant women. First of all, since you are the Matron of Honor, your dress can and should be a little different. You could wear a shawl or sleeves in a similar or exact color of the other dresses. And that would be fine because the pregnant girl could have one of her own too.

And sorry but, what the hell kind of dress is going to complement YOU and THE OTHER GIRLS that COMPLEMENTS A PREGNANT WOMAN???

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. It's a shame that some people let their weddings become stressful situations and a negative experience for the so called most important friends they are sharing the day with. Bottom line, you need to talk to the bride and let her know how you're feeling. It sounds like she's losing sight of what it is about...like I said, it's not about picking out a dress and showing up. She needs to be involving you all and planning the get togethers. She knew she was getting into this when she chose 7 bridesmaids.

 

[MACForME]

Quote:

Originally Posted by COBI I would talk to the bride about how you're feeling. It surprises me that you were the one close enough that she chose to have you as her matron of honor, but not close enough to tell you that she was re-considering the dress. She certainly doesn't need your approval (most people don't end up liking their bridesmaids dresses), but it just seems odd that it wouldn't have been mentioned previously.

You are 100% correct. She does not need my approval, but it would be nice if i was told that someone else is making my decisions for me as well as spending my money too!

I really needed to get this out. I'm glad I chose this thread to do it. Thanks for being open. i know there are 2 sides to every story.. but jeez, maroon to lilac? Since when does preggo overule 5 or 6 other girls~

I need to talk to her.. seriously!

 

[MACForME]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TDoll I've been a bridesmaid, maid of honor, and recently got to run the show as the bride in my own wedding! I feel your pain, girl. This sounds like a pretty heavy situation. First of all, weddings should (and I stress SHOULD, because this rarely happens) be fun and the wedding party SHOULD be there to participate throughout the whole process, NOT just show up to pay for the dress and show up the day of the wedding to make the pictures and the wedding look more showy. The bride should be the one planning the get togethers and making sure you all know each other. Now understand, all I'm hearing about this situation is what you posted, so I'm gonna be brutally honest. Sounds like the bride isn't doing what she should be doing. With all the emails and plans to meet up between you all, that tells me that she isn't doing much to bring you guys together or make the situation fun for you all as well. It shouldn't be your responsibility to meet each other when the BRIDE CLEARLY KNOWS that you guys barely know each other. I could understand if you were planning something secret for her or something, but still. She should have made sure you guys were comfortable with each other and just arranged some kind of get together, no matter what it was. Also, understand...there will always be a few people that are trouble. Someone who hijacks the entire situation and makes it about her and her schedule. Bottom line, if you agree to be in a wedding, then make time to meet once or twice with the group and understand that THEY agreed to this situation. I understand that it is often impossible to go together to pick out dresses together when there is a large group and when people are scattered around and have jobs, lives, families of their own. The first situation you mentioned with the dress sounded good, but when she changed it up on you not taking your consideration into account is kind of shady. NOW understand, if she had picked out dresses, THEN you were like, "you know, I can't wear sleeves..." that would be another thing. But since you mentioned that you had clearly told her you were uncomfortable with sleeves PRIOR to her shopping for dresses, then her choosing another dress WITHOUT INPUT OF ANYONE EXCEPT THE ONE PREGGGGO, is totally not cool. lol, no thats mean. But seriously....there are TONS of dress options for pregnant women. First of all, since you are the Matron of Honor, your dress can and should be a little different. You could wear a shawl or sleeves in a similar or exact color of the other dresses. And that would be fine because the pregnant girl could have one of her own too. And sorry but, what the hell kind of dress is going to complement YOU and THE OTHER GIRLS that COMPLEMENTS A PREGNANT WOMAN??? I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. It's a shame that some people let their weddings become stressful situations and a negative experience for the so called most important friends they are sharing the day with. Bottom line, you need to talk to the bride and let her know how you're feeling. It sounds like she's losing sight of what it is about...like I said, it's not about picking out a dress and showing up. She needs to be involving you all and planning the get togethers. She knew she was getting into this when she chose 7 bridesmaids.

YOu're awesome.. and just for the H*LL of it.. here, is the OFFICIAL email i got in regards to said dress:
************************************************** ********
Subject Fwd:
From [email protected]
Date Wednesday, June 4, 2008 12:49 pm

ok guys. i know i wanted to do the reniasance dresses for the wedding , but due to some new news with a girl of ours, i think it will be better if we can get the dresses and fittings and stuff, not just a one time order. i LOVED the initial reniasance dress lauryn, please don't be mad at me, but with the new developments,and the fact that we have a little more than 4 months to get this all going. I went with ali for her fitting,love the dress. she modeled for all of you. this is the same place i got my dress at. it's called rita rosas, and it's on diamond spring road, in denville. . I will also send you guys what the back looks like. i love you all.
************************************************** ******

 

[Shimmer]

Personally, I would back out and simply tell her that I appreciate the consideration for the honor, but I don't feel that I can do it justice.

 

[TDoll]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACForME YOu're awesome.. and just for the H*LL of it.. here, is the OFFICIAL email i got in regards to said dress: ************************************************** ******** Subject Fwd: From [email protected] Date Wednesday, June 4, 2008 12:49 pm ok guys. i know i wanted to do the reniasance dresses for the wedding , but due to some new news with a girl of ours, i think it will be better if we can get the dresses and fittings and stuff, not just a one time order. i LOVED the initial reniasance dress lauryn, please don't be mad at me, but with the new developments,and the fact that we have a little more than 4 months to get this all going. I went with ali for her fitting,love the dress. she modeled for all of you. this is the same place i got my dress at. it's called rita rosas, and it's on diamond spring road, in denville. . I will also send you guys what the back looks like. i love you all. ************************************************** ******

Ok, the wedding is in 4 MONTHS....The pregnant girl will definitely be showing since shes probably a little bit along anyway. So how is a dress that works for her going to work for anyone else?? I think she should get fitted for a maternity bridesmaid dress (which 90% of designers do) and you all should come together and get a dress that works for everyone. I know it can be difficult for 6 women to decide on a dress, so I say you all pick a designer, a color, and select your own dress.
I realize it's not up to you so you can't really do anything about it, but still, that would make the most sense to me.
The email sounds like shes skirting around the issue. Yeah, it's nice and all...but it makes no sense. I just don't get it. When a girl is PREGNANT, you DON'T change the dresses of everyone else because....EVERYONE ELSE IS NOT PREGNANT!! hahaha....
I understand her wanting y'all to get fitted...thats a good idea for tons of reasons. But, why change the dresses?? Even if a store doesn't carry a particular dress you want, if they carry that brand, they'll measure you and order it for you.
Maybe I should talk to her for you... lol. kidding.

 

[rbella]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer Personally, I would back out and simply tell her that I appreciate the consideration for the honor, but I don't feel that I can do it justice.

I agree. Sounds like a pain in the ass. You're more stressed than the bride. I don't remember my bridesmaids doing this much for me. I think all they did was throw me a shower and show up at the wedding.

 

[SuSana]

Maybe just ask her if your dress can be different? When I was the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding, she told me I could get any dress I want, just in the same shade (not exact color) and the bridesmaids. It wasn't a big deal really. They paid around $160 and I got mine for $90! I didn't tell them that though

 

[M.A.C. head.]

I don't think that any of it is fair to the other brides maids. Yes, it's her wedding but she's not the only one in it, so if she wants other people happily involved then she needs to consider everyone. No, everyone shouldn't have to wear a different dress than what was decided on and pay $100 more for the new one. If I were in your position, I would tell her just that. And I would also add that I'd be more than willing to wear the second dress if SHE wouldn't mind paying the difference.

 

[COBI]

What it sounds like is that the pregnant bridesmaid was the "squeakiest wheel".